I'm sure Red Flag has a somewhat different meaning to everyone. I don't view red flags as deal breakers per se but rather things you pay attention too at all stages of a relationship. In fact a red flag could even be manageable if you DON'T ignore it .Hence why I added mistake in the title, a red flag combined with mistake is a headache for everyone...but mostly you.
What things ping your radar? have you ever ignored said pings for better or for worse? what mistakes have you made? can you ever truly rationally asses the red flags in a potential other person or is it only something you can ever do in retrospect? (honest question. I'm not sure about that one)
here's my personal red flags
1.) Being friends with their Ex
Disclaimer: people can totally be friends with their ex. Every situation is different. That said though if things are clearly "complicated" then they need to sort their stuff out. No point getting involved in that mess.
Pairs well with the mistake of: Letting your desire to be "chill" and not "jealous and clingy" suppress your intuition that what you're feeling might actually be valid and maybe your date is being an ass.
2.) Coming on way too intense at the start
This ones tricky because people express themselves differently (and what is normal even?) but Love Bombing absolutely is real and can totally blind side you if your susceptible.
Pairs well with the mistake of: "haha yeah thats just how x is"
3.) Mental Illness
Ok ok I'm not saying people with mental health issues aren't worthy of love or that I wouldn't date someone with mental health issues, heck most of us have something we got to manage (myself included) but you have to be realistic. Often it will come up at some point and you may or may not be able to deal with it. Especially if someone isn't in a place where they can manage it. I'm not the kind of person who can provide that kind of support they might need.
Pairs well with the mistake of: Not doing your damn research if someone discloses a specific condition to you.
4.) Having a bad attitude in general
So this one is kinda vague and subtle (and not necessarily what you'll see on a first date) but its one of things that you know it when you see it, especially in how they veiw/treat people outside their inner circle or whomst they don't particular like. Its notable because if you find yourself on the other side then you might well be the subject of their ire.
Pairs well with the mistake of: haha your habit of holding a grudge and being spiteful is amusing when its not me and I'm not going to make an effort to discourage this....
Those are I think the only things that would really cause me to hesitate to pursue something with somone I was genuinely into
What things ping your radar? have you ever ignored said pings for better or for worse? what mistakes have you made? can you ever truly rationally asses the red flags in a potential other person or is it only something you can ever do in retrospect? (honest question. I'm not sure about that one)
here's my personal red flags
1.) Being friends with their Ex
Disclaimer: people can totally be friends with their ex. Every situation is different. That said though if things are clearly "complicated" then they need to sort their stuff out. No point getting involved in that mess.
Pairs well with the mistake of: Letting your desire to be "chill" and not "jealous and clingy" suppress your intuition that what you're feeling might actually be valid and maybe your date is being an ass.
2.) Coming on way too intense at the start
This ones tricky because people express themselves differently (and what is normal even?) but Love Bombing absolutely is real and can totally blind side you if your susceptible.
Pairs well with the mistake of: "haha yeah thats just how x is"
3.) Mental Illness
Ok ok I'm not saying people with mental health issues aren't worthy of love or that I wouldn't date someone with mental health issues, heck most of us have something we got to manage (myself included) but you have to be realistic. Often it will come up at some point and you may or may not be able to deal with it. Especially if someone isn't in a place where they can manage it. I'm not the kind of person who can provide that kind of support they might need.
Pairs well with the mistake of: Not doing your damn research if someone discloses a specific condition to you.
4.) Having a bad attitude in general
So this one is kinda vague and subtle (and not necessarily what you'll see on a first date) but its one of things that you know it when you see it, especially in how they veiw/treat people outside their inner circle or whomst they don't particular like. Its notable because if you find yourself on the other side then you might well be the subject of their ire.
Pairs well with the mistake of: haha your habit of holding a grudge and being spiteful is amusing when its not me and I'm not going to make an effort to discourage this....
Those are I think the only things that would really cause me to hesitate to pursue something with somone I was genuinely into