Relationships and life.

[AndyFromMonday]

Broaden my closet? Little confused on the meaning of that.

What I was trying to say through that is too buy fancy clothes and go dressed each day to school differently.

 

[Brimtastic]

I find no point in "being nice" to these girls, for I will be the same thing to them no matter how I act.

I seriously feel your pain. I'm sure there are few that don't, we all know what it's like to be alone. And I wish I could offer you some good advice, but... the same things just don't work for every person. However, this particular sentiment in your post really bothered me. What do you mean when you say "these girls"? And why wouldn't you be nice?

Sorry, I'll try to clarify. I just find no point going out of my way to be nice to a girl that I find attractive because even if I treat her well and act nicely towards her. Her opinion of me won't change, the second she sees me she already knows that the most I could ever be is a "friend".

 

[cieply]

I guess to be honest, I am a little scared to keep trying and failing. Failing that one time tore me apart and my personality changed quite a bit from it. I don't know what I would be like if I just kept failing.

My weight never really bothered me (around 250-260 pounds). It's just my friends tend to bring that up as to why I can't/won't get a girlfriend. Then I start feeling like shit.

I guess I just feel confused and lost. I just can't handle the thought of getting the same response.

believe me, there is nothin WORSE than having hopes for a girl and get along with her, then not asking her out and finding later that she is banging someone else. Especially when she tells you that as you are her "friend". It's a thousand times better to ask her out and fail. Remember, a coward dies a thousand times and reliving everything in the "what if" land is the most devastating thing that can happen to you. I speak of experience so trust me on this one. It's much better to face your fears, even if you will fail in the end at least you know you tried.

 

[dont_blink]

"yeah he's nice, but i wouldnt go out with him"
is what girls say about boys with no self confidence.

ugly isn't a word that exists in my vocabulary; i've never understood the word.
if you're conscious of your weight, small lifestyle changes fix that. at the end of the day, the kind of girl you want to be with is the kind that like who you are, not what size shirt you wear anyway.


there's nothing more frustrating for a girl than to like a guy that thinks of himself as "fat and ugly". trust me -_-'




EDIT- after reading later posts:
it's better to regret trying and failing, than regret not trying at all. at least that way you know for sure. it's much easier to get over someone saying "no" than wondering for the rest of your life if something would have happened.

 

[Brimtastic]

I guess to be honest, I am a little scared to keep trying and failing. Failing that one time tore me apart and my personality changed quite a bit from it. I don't know what I would be like if I just kept failing.

My weight never really bothered me (around 250-260 pounds). It's just my friends tend to bring that up as to why I can't/won't get a girlfriend. Then I start feeling like shit.

I guess I just feel confused and lost. I just can't handle the thought of getting the same response.

Dump those friends. Seriously, if someone keeps pointing out your fat they can't be a very good friend. It's complete lies too. Are these friends of yours the type that claim to be very good with women and have sex with them all the time?

They don't claim they are the "best", well, one does but that's a different story. When they tell me this stuff they do it in the most sensitive way possible.

 

[AizenTheAzure]

Looks aren't everything man, if they won't appreciate you for who you are there is no point in changing yourself if you don't desire to. If you are overweight then losing some of it would be a healthy choice, but don't fucking do it to please other people. Do it for you. As for your relationship matter, or lack there of. You'll find someone, it could take time, but don't despair, I firmly believe that every person has someone that is a perfect match for them.

As for your "fat funny guy" thing. Look how many people profit greatly off being the fat funny guy, Chris Farley, Jonah Hill, John Goodman, John Candy, Ricky Jervais, etc. If you have a talent, apply it to something, it could lead to a career.

Edit: Sounds like you've been "friend zoned", shit sucks man. Girls that do that are cunts that should be thrown into a volcano as a sacrifice to Mundus. If you even think it's happening, get out, it's their loss.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

I find no point in "being nice" to these girls, for I will be the same thing to them no matter how I act.

I seriously feel your pain. I'm sure there are few that don't, we all know what it's like to be alone. And I wish I could offer you some good advice, but... the same things just don't work for every person. However, this particular sentiment in your post really bothered me. What do you mean when you say "these girls"? And why wouldn't you be nice?

Sorry, I'll try to clarify. I just find no point going out of my way to be nice to a girl that I find attractive because even if I treat her well and act nicely towards her. Her opinion of me won't change, the second she sees me she already knows that the most I could ever be is a "friend".

Okay you need to stop that mentallity right now. You've posted here so you obviously want to do something about this. You need to stop thinking of yourself as fat, because all you're doing is putting that thought forward to the girls. What is the worst that can happen if you try to talk to them? You need to learn to accept that you're going to go through a lot of rejections. Good looking people may get girls more easily, but they very rarely hold onto them. Once the physical portion dies down they find they aren't really compatible with their partners. Looks will only get you so far.

 

[Nomad]

If they actually did want to date me, doesn't that just add to this "joke"? That all we really care about is, if we admit it or not is looks. I can't say that I'm excluded..

Looks are an important part of the equation, if you want a physical relationship. It's really not that strange. For physical activities, the physical aspects matter. And the physical intimacy is really the only difference between a relationship and a friendship. So if you want the physical intimacy, then yes, looks are going to matter. If you think they shouldn't, then you're better off looking for friendship.

Trying to satisfy physical requirements with mental attributes is like trying to satiate your hunger by talking a walk in the park. It's completely unrelated.

That said, while looks are important for everyone - their requirements are different. There is no such thing as a universal good look, or a bad look for that matter. Even if you looked like Jabba the hutt, someone would find you attractive. The only issue is finding someone that you click with on both a physical and a mental level.

If you really think it's a problem, I'd suggest the internet. You can sift through so many more people in your search for someone that suits you on the internet with thousands of people a mouse-click away, than you can in the physical world where you can communicate efficiently with 10 people at once, tops.

That said, you're not that old yet. Your time will likely come, eventually. In my experience, you have a greater chance of getting a stable partner if you just let it happen naturally than if you're actively looking for one. Because if you do that, then you're likely going to end up with someone you're not completely compatible with, as you'll take the first oppurtunity that comes along. If you wait it out, eventually someone will come along that suits you so well that you'll "fall" into the relationship automatically.

Edit: By the way, I suggest you keep being nice to the girls you mentioned. Not because you want to get in their pants, but because being nice to people is part of being a decent person.

 

[Brimtastic]

"yeah he's nice, but i wouldnt go out with him"
is what girls say about boys with no self confidence.

ugly isn't a word that exists in my vocabulary; i've never understood the word.
if you're conscious of your weight, small lifestyle changes fix that. at the end of the day, the kind of girl you want to be with is the kind that like who you are, not what size shirt you wear anyway.


there's nothing more frustrating for a girl than to like a guy that thinks of himself as "fat and ugly". trust me -_-'

I understand. And when I'm talking to a girl, I'm not some dopey and depressing mess as this post may look like to you. Believe it or not, I am very outgoing. I just feel like when I'm talking to a girl that I'm not "getting anywhere".

I just tend to get all of these pitiful thoughts when I'm alone. I really hope how I feel when I dwell on these kind of things doesn't show when I talk to a girl...

 

[dont_blink]

Okay you need to stop that mentallity right now. You've posted here so you obviously want to do something about this. You need to stop thinking of yourself as fat, because all you're doing is putting that thought forward to the girls. What is the worst that can happen if you try to talk to them? You need to learn to accept that you're going to go through a lot of rejections. Good looking people may get girls more easily, but they very rarely hold onto them. Once the physical portion dies down they find they aren't really compatible with their partners. Looks will only get you so far.

i completely support this point.
more attractive people get girls, yeah, but they fly through them at an unreasonable rate, as they're usually self-obsessed and vain.
from the sounds of things, you have a great personality; if everyone considers you funny and a friend. most girl's'll tell you, if you ask, is that the perfect boyfriend is someone they can talk to, and someone who can make them laugh.

do your best with your appearance. flattering clothes, haircuts, et c. can make a world of difference. but at the end of the day, it's never what really matters.

also- how old are you?

 

[Brimtastic]

Okay you need to stop that mentallity right now. You've posted here so you obviously want to do something about this. You need to stop thinking of yourself as fat, because all you're doing is putting that thought forward to the girls. What is the worst that can happen if you try to talk to them? You need to learn to accept that you're going to go through a lot of rejections. Good looking people may get girls more easily, but they very rarely hold onto them. Once the physical portion dies down they find they aren't really compatible with their partners. Looks will only get you so far.

i completely support this point.
more attractive people get girls, yeah, but they fly through them at an unreasonable rate, as they're usually self-obsessed and vain.
from the sounds of things, you have a great personality; if everyone considers you funny and a friend. most girl's'll tell you, if you ask, is that the perfect boyfriend is someone they can talk to, and someone who can make them laugh.

do your best with your appearance. flattering clothes, haircuts, et c. can make a world of difference. but at the end of the day, it's never what really matters.

also- how old are you?

I'm 17. I do tend to wear pretty plain clothes also. I guess I just never really cared how I looked until people pointed it out for me.

 

[Brimtastic]

First off, I want to apologize for wasting your time if none of this makes sense to you, the reader. I don't post much stuff. I just need to get some opinions and I find it quite difficult to articulate how I feel about this subject to friends or family. Your comments are always greatly appreciated.

Anyway, to tell you a little about myself, I am a pretty fat and ugly senior in high school. I have never had a girlfriend nor does it look that likely that I will in some time. In most other aspects of my life I feel confident in my capability. Just not this one.

I never really attempted to get a girlfriend until a year ago. Where I met a girl and I actually thought it was possible that she liked me and all that jazz (I even wrote her poems, yes it is stupid/creepy now that I look back on it, though she did like them). Only to find out she only thought of me as a "nice, funny guy"...

Now days, I am bitter towards the success of my friends and their relationships with their girlfriends. I feel cynical and cold. I have come to realization that no matter what I do/say I will always be the "fat funny guy". I find no point in "being nice" to these girls, for I will be the same thing to them no matter how I act. Right now I feel like this life I'm living in is just a joke and I'm the only one laughing...I don't want to laugh anymore.

I know exactly how you feel! I'm always the nice, funny guy, but never more. And whenever one of the chicks break down, they cry on my shoulder, make me care about them, and then discard me for the next asshole that comes along to eventually repeat the process. I've let that happen twice or so, but now I feel like you; cynical and cold. My friend often reminds me of this too.

I'm also in the same age as you are, attending last year of senior high, and like you, I've never really had a girlfriend(I don't think one weekend counts, if it even lasted that long before she realized that she'd prefer me as a friend. ***** ).

Anyway...Even though you may find yourself bitter about this right now, don't worry. Girls are not important at this stage of your life anyway really, you should focus on your education and your future, as well as your own physical and mental well-being. The rest will come, I promise on all that is dear to me. Always do your best at whatever task or goal you have before you, and it will pay out eventually.

Start going to the gym, or join some kind of sports team or whatever, not just to make yourself more attractive if you're worried about being fat, but because it's gonna make you feel damn good and, most importantly, confident about yourself. Stay positive in general and don't close up completely, be social. I know that's a problem I can have sometimes; it's much easier to just say "fuck it, I'm better off on my own" and sit by your PC or TV every day, instead of calling some friends and try to do something productive.

Well...I don't know if I'm helping right now, I don't really know you(obviously). But I just felt like writing, helping or not.

No man, it really helped. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one going through this.

 

[Nomad]

I know exactly how you feel! I'm always the nice, funny guy, but never more. And whenever one of the chicks break down, they cry on my shoulder, make me care about them, and then discard me for the next asshole that comes along to eventually repeat the process. I've let that happen twice or so, but now I feel like you; cynical and cold. My friend often reminds me of this too

Argh, this mentality bothers me so much...

Being "nice" just so you can get into their pants isn't being nice! It's being manipulative! And just because you act like a decent human being, like a friend should, that doesn't mean they have an automatic duty to take a romantic interest in you. If you're their friend, then you help them when they're going through a rough patch - without expecting something in return. Because that's what friends do.

And you can't force romantic interest. Either they have feelings for you, or they don't. There is nothing they can do to affect that. And if you think they should get involved with you just because you've "earned it", then you're obviously not looking for a relationship - but rather a prostitute. And you can get those much easier by being frank about it.

 

[cieply]

God, is internet really filled only with miserable sods? I never had a gf but I'm not making a huge fuss of that. C'mon we all know that this is all about the lack of self confidence. Or being an asshole, as it is in my case. Anyway, track down your problems and eliminate them one after another. Remember, doing is better than thinking.
http://w614.wrzuta.pl/audio/3nITWh1e6mk/michael_buble_-_feeling_good - cheer up

And there is really only a few girls worth the trouble anyway.

 

[Ciarnyn]

I find no point in "being nice" to these girls, for I will be the same thing to them no matter how I act.

I seriously feel your pain. I'm sure there are few that don't, we all know what it's like to be alone. And I wish I could offer you some good advice, but... the same things just don't work for every person. However, this particular sentiment in your post really bothered me. What do you mean when you say "these girls"? And why wouldn't you be nice?

Sorry, I'll try to clarify. I just find no point going out of my way to be nice to a girl that I find attractive because even if I treat her well and act nicely towards her. Her opinion of me won't change, the second she sees me she already knows that the most I could ever be is a "friend".

That's what I thought, and I can understand you thinking that way, but that isn't a mentality to have. You shouldn't be nice to people because you think you can get something out of them, you should be nice because they are another human being, and just as you deserve for people to be nice to you, they deserve the same. I'm sure that's not quite what you mean, because you said you won't "go out of your way" to be nice to them, which is fair. I just hate it when people fall into the mentality of "oh girls never like me so they are the enemy and I will stop being nice to them". Like it or not, girls were not put here for the purpose of pleasing us; they're just people too, you know?

/rant off. Flare Phoenix said some good stuff there. Exercise can't hurt, if for nothing else but to make you more confident in yourself. Remember... no one ever said that things would be easy, and you may have to accept that just because you're ready for companionship, does not mean that it's going to happen right now. But it *will* happen, someday, and maybe in the most unlikely of places, or the most unlikely of times. Until then... play to your strengths. Be smart, be nice, be a good guy, go out and have fun, do things that interest you, meet people, like some of them, love others, get rejected, bounce back... basically, live your life, and don't do it with the goal of being with someone, do it with the goal of being able to look yourself in the mirror every day and know that you are a good person. One day, someone else will look at you and see that too... with the added bonus that they will know you for who you are, not who you pretended to be so that they would like you.

 

[Brimtastic]

I know exactly how you feel! I'm always the nice, funny guy, but never more. And whenever one of the chicks break down, they cry on my shoulder, make me care about them, and then discard me for the next asshole that comes along to eventually repeat the process. I've let that happen twice or so, but now I feel like you; cynical and cold. My friend often reminds me of this too

Argh, this mentality bothers me so much...

Being "nice" just so you can get into their pants isn't being nice! It's being manipulative! And just because you act like a decent human being, like a friend should, that doesn't mean they have an automatic duty to take a romantic interest in you. If you're their friend, then you help them when they're going through a rough patch - without expecting something in return. Because that's what friends do.

And you can't force romantic interest. Either they have feelings for you, or they don't. There is nothing they can do to affect that. And if you think they should get involved with you just because you've "earned it", then you're obviously not looking for a relationship - but rather a prostitute. And you can get those much easier by being frank about it.

Please, that's not what I'm trying to do at all. It's not about just getting into their pants. It's knowing that the MOST I can ever be to somebody is a "friend". And I don't care what you say, a friend is not just a relationship without the physical part. I don't know many people who are awake at night thinking about their friends or feel like the world just died when their friends leaves them...

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

First off, I want to apologize for wasting your time if none of this makes sense to you, the reader. I don't post much stuff. I just need to get some opinions and I find it quite difficult to articulate how I feel about this subject to friends or family. Your comments are always greatly appreciated.

Anyway, to tell you a little about myself, I am a pretty fat and ugly senior in high school. I have never had a girlfriend nor does it look that likely that I will in some time. In most other aspects of my life I feel confident in my capability. Just not this one.

I never really attempted to get a girlfriend until a year ago. Where I met a girl and I actually thought it was possible that she liked me and all that jazz (I even wrote her poems, yes it is stupid/creepy now that I look back on it, though she did like them). Only to find out she only thought of me as a "nice, funny guy"...

Now days, I am bitter towards the success of my friends and their relationships with their girlfriends. I feel cynical and cold. I have come to realization that no matter what I do/say I will always be the "fat funny guy". I find no point in "being nice" to these girls, for I will be the same thing to them no matter how I act. Right now I feel like this life I'm living in is just a joke and I'm the only one laughing...I don't want to laugh anymore.

- You're in high school. You're too young to be this worried about having a partner.
- Despite what sitcoms(and the general media) tell you, the pursuit of love isn't the only thing that matters in life.
- You're funny? That's great, being able to make a girl laugh is an enormous advantage.
- Relax, just enjoy spending time with people, don't be quick to put labels on your relationships or you will create tension.

Lower your standards. Remember, there is always someone as desperate as you are ugly. And vice versa.

This is also sound advice. You're nothing if not practical, Aardvark.

 

[Nomad]

Btw, looks are way less important than you think, at least if you're not trying to get it with a complete slut. Proof of this is a guy I used to know. He was so obese that he actually got accepted to one of those "You are what you eat"-shows. But he was an extremely awesome person in general, with a great personality. So because he was confident about himself, even though he knew he should lose some weight for his own sake, he could have a really hot, funny and smart girlfriend with no problem.

Anyway, when it all comes down to it, be yourself, and be the best you that you can be. Don't think or try too much, let it come naturally.

First of all, anecdotal evidence is not evidence. Nor is the tale of one person proof that a generalization is inaccurate. One person does not influence the statistical makeup of millions.

Second, looks are important to everyone, when considering a physical relationship. What differs is what type of appearance you're attracted to, and how much of the total sum of attraction you personally base on looks. It's only a matter of personal preference as to what you want and how bad you want it.

The girl in question obviously found him attractive, or she wouldn't have wanted to be physically intimate with him. Fatness does not equal universal ugliness.

... Also, please define "slut" for me.