Relationships and mind games

[Akai Shizuku]

I hate to make one of those god-awful relationship threads, but like many other basement-dwelling, socially inept basket cases here I don't know where else to turn. I'll try to keep this short.

For three years I've been on-and-off with a girl. It's always her who exits the relationship, and has different reasons each time for doing so, but this is the only time where she admits that it's me and not her. I asked her what it would take to fix things and have her return to me, and she basically said that there's something my best friend has that I don't, that I need to learn from him until I meet her standards first.

Before you ask, no, I know for a fact nothing's going on between them. What this is about is that she'll accept be back, but she's making me jump through hoops for it to happen. She gave me a year to do this, to figure out what it is my friend has that I don't, and to learn from him...until I meet her standards. I would like to point out that I have strong commitment to her and will do anything and everything in order to get this done.

This isn't just an advice thread (though any you have is immensely appreciated). I'd also like to know what you think of this whole situation, and if anything like this has ever happened to you.

 

[Chaos Bringer]

The first time my teacher spoke to my class about mind games I said: "Mind games; Marriage." So you just proved my point. I know it's hard but you're just going to have to let her go if she's going for your best friend. (And you should possibly punch your friend in the gut.

 

[Amnestic]

Sorry, any girl who expected me to jump through such a bullshit hoop isn't worth my time and she's probably not worth yours. Seriously? "Learn from your best friend?" What the hell does that even mean? I'd turn right around and say "No, you learn from your best friend."

And then walk the fuck out.

 

[ae86gamer]

Sounds like the girl is using you. Ditch her and go find someone who'll actually appreciate you.

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

So she has dumped you many times before, this time saying she won't return unless you find out what she wants.

Why do you like her man?

 

[Akai Shizuku]

The first time my teacher spoke to my class about mind games I said: "Mind games; Marriage." So you just proved my point. I know it's hard but you're just going to have to let her go if she's going for your best friend. (And you should possibly punch your friend in the gut.

She's not going after him. Actually, he tries to talk her into coming back to me.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

So she has dumped you many times before, this time saying she won't return unless you find out what she wants.

Why do you like her man?

I ask myself that sometimes, too.

I wish I knew, I really, really wish I knew.

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

I ask myself that sometimes, too.

I wish I knew, I really, really wish I knew.

If I were you I would find out why, then see if the reason is worth jumping through hoops.

 

[Robert632]

she might be tricking you. it might be that there is nothing your friend has that she finds better, it's just she wants to see if you can think. that or she's being a bit of an asshole.

EDIT:

I hate to make one of those god-awful relationship threads, but like many other basement-dwelling, socially inept basket cases here I don't know where else to turn. I'll try to keep this short.

is your friend a basement-dwelling socially inept person, because if he isn't, i jsut solved the riddle for you. and if not i wasted your time.

 

[Dragu_]

I know it's hard to break ties and it's REALLY hard to move on from a girl you've liked for that long, but honestly, you need to get out. It's just not meant to be. You could do a lot better than someone that wants to change you. And if she changes you, will you truly be happy? Living a different life, one that you've never lived before and one that's definitely not who you are? Why do all this for a girl you might not be with forever? I think it's time to let go...

 

[Amnestic]

So she has dumped you many times before, this time saying she won't return unless you find out what she wants.

Why do you like her man?

I ask myself that sometimes, too.

I wish I knew, I really, really wish I knew.

So not only is she making you jump through hoops, but you're questioning why you even like this girl?

Uh, get out while you're still clutching the remnants of your sanity.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

So she has dumped you many times before, this time saying she won't return unless you find out what she wants.

Why do you like her man?

I ask myself that sometimes, too.

I wish I knew, I really, really wish I knew.

So not only is she making you jump through hoops, but you're questioning why you even like this girl?

Uh, get out while you're still clutching the remnants of your sanity.

I never had sanity to begin with.

 

[dalek sec]

I'd say ditch her, if she's making you jump through hoops then it's not worth it and leave her.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

she might be tricking you. it might be that there is nothing your friend has that she finds better, it's just she wants to see if you can think. that or she's being a bit of an asshole.

In all honesty, I think the second one is what's going on, and I hope it is, 'cause I'm thinking pretty damn hard.

Also a little bit of the last one.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

she might be tricking you. it might be that there is nothing your friend has that she finds better, it's just she wants to see if you can think. that or she's being a bit of an asshole.

EDIT:

I hate to make one of those god-awful relationship threads, but like many other basement-dwelling, socially inept basket cases here I don't know where else to turn. I'll try to keep this short.

is your friend a basement-dwelling socially inept person, because if he isn't, i jsut solved the riddle for you. and if not i wasted your time.

Actually, he is. Hah. But less than me. Maybe I should get out more.

 

[quiet_samurai]

.I asked her what it would take to fix things and have her return to me, and she basically said that there's something my best friend has that I don't, that I need to learn from him until I meet her standards first.

That's where you went wrong. Not to be a dick but that is a pretty needy thing to say, and the fact she says you need to be more like your friend is a big indicator that you no longer excite her anymore.

If I was in your shoes I would tell her a break between the two of you was a good thing and then start seeing another girl. And when she finally calls you or runs into you while you are out and about act like it's not that big of a deal but still be friendly about it. She will probably try and get back with you if you put her on the back burner, because right now it sounds like she wears the pants and calls the shots. What you are basically saying to her is that you will change to become what she wants and not be yourself, that is so wussy man, and girls don't like wussies. Take a stand, be a man, let her know what you want and who you are, and if she doesn't accept it... then she needs to fuck off.

 

[G-Dragon]

honestly, i would be done with her after the second time. I just started that with this girl, she left me once for no reason because she was going through stuff, and now she just did it again, and honestly, im just not gonna take her back if she tries to come back, im done with her because she's trying to make me her *****. i know it's hard to hear, its hard for me to accept as well, but shes trying to control you and you cant let her do that.

 

[Snowalker]

Any girl that tells me she's gone, I let her keep walking. My friends and most girls think I'm crazy for not chasing the girls I like. Hell, why should I chase them them if they told me they don't want me with them, that, and I haven't found a girl worth chasing yet.

 

[ynk3]

Bro listen.. If she dumped you once.. Twice.. Third time.. and she's asking you to change something you don't know what .. I'ma be blunt.. Ask her what it is.. if she doesn't tell you.. she's really not worth it.. If she wanted to be with you and wanted to love you.. she'd help you become better.. Honestly i don't like it when my girl doesn't tell me what's wrong with me and what to fix.. but when she does.. it really tells me that she wants to be with me and she really loves me. Like honestly Bro Just Tell her you're tired of this.. it's hurting you more than it's helping. That's just my opinion bro..

 

[BonsaiK]

I hate to make one of those god-awful relationship threads, but like many other basement-dwelling, socially inept basket cases here I don't know where else to turn.

The Relationship Problem Thread is where to turn, the link is here ---> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161?page=11#3545047

Your question has been answered at the linked thread. Next time any of you are worried that you might feel compelled to "make one of those god-awful relationship threads", remember that I started the linked thread so you didn't have to do just that, but so you could still get intelligent, useful advice on your problems, because I can see a lot of you struggle with stuff like this.