REPORT: Lazy High School Student Genius Solves World's Problems

[PsychicTaco115]

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To him, the Internet is just another battlefield where minds and egos clash in a war to find a mental orgasm of superiority. Enter the world of Ronald MacPherson, self-professed genius at the age of 17. MacPherson claims to have solved all of the world's problems with his superior intellect. I visited Ronald at his home in Eden Prairie, Minnesota.

"The answer has been in front of our eyes the whole time but the sheeple refuse to accept my way of thinking. People just need to stop being so damn concerned about everything and just LIVE. If no one cares, it's no longer a problem. We need to be focused on ourselves and screw anybody else who says otherwise. I know this because I figure it all out on my own" said MacPherson, blowing a mouthful of vape into the air, the smell of it mixing with the stench of his many used cum socks.

When asked about how he acquired his massive IQ, MacPherson chuckled to himself while typing on his PC to look up loli porn.

"I'm one of the top posters on 4chan, I frequently visit various men's rights websites and I engage in many numerous gender politics threads on the Escapist. I find this kind of activity much more intellectually stimulating than the crap they teach me in high school. Seriously, who CARES about English? I won't need it when I get my STEM degree and then I'll be rolling in bitches."

"Ugh, my mom is really busting my ass about getting motivated. Is it really worth all that work in order to become a wage slave to the system? I'd rather die happy with my anime and weed paraphernalia than to die by the hands of Corporate America. I can survive because I'm the only one smart enough to start stockpiling for when things go to shit. I'll finally be the hero of the wasteland, getting bitches and killing dudes for even daring to look at me" says MacPherson.

Be on the lookout for MacPherson's online memoir 'An Indecent Proposal,' where he says that killing ourselves frees us from our 3D selves and allows us to go to the great cloud server in the sky. At this point, he himself isn't sure if it's satire or not but vows that it hasn't stopped him before.


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[Zontar]

Alright that's it, Escapist, for the love of god, hire Taco to write satirical news.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Damn it Matt Damon, stop playing the same damn character!

 

[NPC009]

Did you know his lifestory was adapted into a comic back in the 80s? Enjoy. [http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/stupidcomics49.html]

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Snip

Damn, that's some self-masturbatory fan-fic right there

 

[Barbas]

Is this the guy who wrote Sonichu? It is, isn't it?

EDIT:

Did you know his lifestory was adapted into a comic back in the 80s? Enjoy. [http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/stupidcomics49.html]

Guess what else is on that site:

Spoiler: You will not be prepared.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Is this the guy who wrote Sonichu? It is, isn't it?

Ok, funny story on that... Apparently Chris Chan (person who done made Sonichu) is now a woman, I believe

I shit you not, this is true

Spoiler

 

[NPC009]

Look at all those capitalised nouns in the middle of sentences... Maybe he should start identifying as German.

 

[Fat Hippo]

Look at all those capitalised nouns in the middle of sentences... Maybe he should start identifying as German.

This made me laugh more than it probably should. Oh, grammar jokes!

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

Alright that's it, Escapist, for the love of god, hire Taco to write satirical news.

...the depressing thing is, I can't say for absolute certain that this is satire.

 

[renegade7]

Seriously, who CARES about English? I won't need it when I get my STEM degree and then I'll be rolling in bitches."

Because as we all know, engineering and natural science departments are just filled with just so many girls who aren't in a perpetual state of frustration due to constantly being awkwardly hit on by their classmates.

But seriously I hate people with this attitude. I TA the freshman physics classes and there's always a few of the ones who think they're the next Einstein because they're in an engineering or CS major and know a few Carl Sagan one-liners. They're obnoxious, and despite how badly you want to you're not allowed to show their (usually mediocre) grades to the entire class when they start getting on a high horse, or worse, talking about how engineers know more about science than scientists.

 

[Fallow]

Replace Ronald MacPherson with "every person ever that has been 17 and posted something on the internet" and this could go in the textbooks.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I only believe Taco News and watch ONN for my information. Everything else is propaganda!

 

[Josh123914]

Alright that's it, Escapist, for the love of god, hire Taco to write satirical news.

This is better than the Onion, I mean it.

Also that headline made me think this was the interviewee:

 

[Gorrath]

Alright that's it, Escapist, for the love of god, hire Taco to write satirical news.

This! Taco is the great bringer of satire. I've never failed to be amused!

Look at all those capitalised nouns in the middle of sentences... Maybe he should start identifying as German.

Ba dum tiss! Chuckled into my coffee. Well played.

OP: "rolling in bitches." Surely he'll regale his harem with stories about his infamous DoTA skills. They'll all be so grateful.