- Mar 17, 2012
- 5,950
- 14
- 43
- Country
- United States
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US Surgeon General Boris Lushniak has issued a warning about the sharp rise in cases of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome earlier today.
"Let's get down to brass tacks here; we all know it's because they're all whackin' off in their trailers. It's embarrassing, it's prudish, but it's the truth" said Lushniak.
When asked what could cause such an increase in masturbation, Lushniak angrily replied.
"We all know what it is, it's because of that damn 4chan guy who leaked all the celebrity nudes. There's so many nudes that adolescent males apparently have to spread their seed to each and every one of them. I know I'm a little guilty of the same thing but I have self-control; these kids are coming in with second-degree burns as well as early signs of Carpal Tunnel."
"I'm advising everyone a policy of 'look, but don't touch' policy. If you really have the urge, you can look them up before they're taken down but for God's sake, don't put your hand/hands down your pants. Go read a book or something; lives are at stake" said Lushniak.
-TACO NEWS: Hasn't Seen Any Pics
<color=darkred>Older News: <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.859704-REPORT-Toshiba-to-Bring-Back-HD-DVD#comment_form> Toshiba to Bring Back HD DVD
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US Surgeon General Boris Lushniak has issued a warning about the sharp rise in cases of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome earlier today.
"Let's get down to brass tacks here; we all know it's because they're all whackin' off in their trailers. It's embarrassing, it's prudish, but it's the truth" said Lushniak.
When asked what could cause such an increase in masturbation, Lushniak angrily replied.
"We all know what it is, it's because of that damn 4chan guy who leaked all the celebrity nudes. There's so many nudes that adolescent males apparently have to spread their seed to each and every one of them. I know I'm a little guilty of the same thing but I have self-control; these kids are coming in with second-degree burns as well as early signs of Carpal Tunnel."
"I'm advising everyone a policy of 'look, but don't touch' policy. If you really have the urge, you can look them up before they're taken down but for God's sake, don't put your hand/hands down your pants. Go read a book or something; lives are at stake" said Lushniak.
-TACO NEWS: Hasn't Seen Any Pics
<color=darkred>Older News: <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.859704-REPORT-Toshiba-to-Bring-Back-HD-DVD#comment_form> Toshiba to Bring Back HD DVD
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