- Mar 17, 2012
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[Img_Inline width="250" height="280" Caption="You can't f**k anyone gently with this beast"]http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51YH41NRVVL.jpg[/Img_Inline]
Just days after showing the final designs of the Steam Controller, Valve founder Gabe Newell has announced an alternative model that will also be available at the November launch.
"First off, stop asking me about Half-Life 3, you f**kin' console pleb. Second, we at Valve want to give gamers and non-gamers alike as many possible options to play their games. From the softcore porn waifu simulator to the beer-chugging, gun humping military shooters, everyone will have a viable control scheme that suits their needs" said Newell.
Newell also described why he thought that this model would be the preferred controller rather than the more official one.
"People love chainsaws, it's basic sociology. The overwhelming male majority of gamers want to have something that's big, heavy and hard to use... Yes, that dick joke was intended. Female gamers, on the other hand, want something that can be used as an emergency dildo when they see some steamy hot yaoi action in their animes. It's a win-win for both parties involved."
"We attempted to try and integrate it with Vive and Oculus Rift support but that was sadly a failure. Too many people got really into the game and bashed their computers with it. Remember all those Wii remotes smashing into the TVs? It was like that but a lot more serious and with a less stupid sounding controller name. I still remember hearing the screams as the testers saw what they had done..." said Newell.
Look for attempted robberies and murders to take place with this new controller sometime in late November or early December.
<a href=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsKl7ELjRbU>Source
-TACO News: Uses Kinectitc Energy
<color=darkred>Older News: <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.871670-REPORT-New-KIDZ-Bop-Album-Darkest-One-Yet>New KIDZ Bop Album "Darkest" One Yet
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Just days after showing the final designs of the Steam Controller, Valve founder Gabe Newell has announced an alternative model that will also be available at the November launch.
"First off, stop asking me about Half-Life 3, you f**kin' console pleb. Second, we at Valve want to give gamers and non-gamers alike as many possible options to play their games. From the softcore porn waifu simulator to the beer-chugging, gun humping military shooters, everyone will have a viable control scheme that suits their needs" said Newell.
Newell also described why he thought that this model would be the preferred controller rather than the more official one.
"People love chainsaws, it's basic sociology. The overwhelming male majority of gamers want to have something that's big, heavy and hard to use... Yes, that dick joke was intended. Female gamers, on the other hand, want something that can be used as an emergency dildo when they see some steamy hot yaoi action in their animes. It's a win-win for both parties involved."
"We attempted to try and integrate it with Vive and Oculus Rift support but that was sadly a failure. Too many people got really into the game and bashed their computers with it. Remember all those Wii remotes smashing into the TVs? It was like that but a lot more serious and with a less stupid sounding controller name. I still remember hearing the screams as the testers saw what they had done..." said Newell.
Look for attempted robberies and murders to take place with this new controller sometime in late November or early December.
<a href=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsKl7ELjRbU>Source
-TACO News: Uses Kinectitc Energy
<color=darkred>Older News: <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.871670-REPORT-New-KIDZ-Bop-Album-Darkest-One-Yet>New KIDZ Bop Album "Darkest" One Yet
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