Review: Stalin vs. Martians

[Kiutu]

It is not a complete waste. The cover makes a fun desktop background. (I have it as that currently cause its funny when people see it and are like "...what?")

 

[TitsMcGee1804]

christ almighty, when will the escapist realise that their viewers dont want to hear some 35 year old uber nerd try to be funny or have personality...

stick to writing and stop trying to crack rubbish jokes

express your opinions yeah, but if you cant pull off a joke then dont even bother trying

we let zero punctuation off because his voice suits his personality and its not supposed to be taken very seriously, but when i see a review i want to see a serious, good or bad approach to it..

 

[John Funk]

christ almighty, when will the escapist realise that their viewers dont want to hear some 35 year old uber nerd try to be funny or have personality...

stick to writing and stop trying to crack rubbish jokes

express your opinions yeah, but if you cant pull off a joke then dont even bother trying

we let zero punctuation off because his voice suits his personality and its not supposed to be taken very seriously, but when i see a review i want to see a serious, good or bad approach to it..

It's very hard to make a 3 1/2 minute video review of a game like Stalin vs Martians and be completely serious the entire time Plus, these are video supplements to the reviews, not the actual review. If you want the full, serious review, you need to read the words that go along with the video too.

And sorry, but we like to give the video supplements personality. Because the readers like it

 

[Abedeus]

Here, John, a bit of info:
Bolshevik on a bycicle is a reference for real Soviet history buffs (such as one of my friends). According to him, it's a reference to drunk Bolsheviks during the 1920-1950's. Bolsheviks were known for riding bycicles, which were considered even back then in Russia to be a "working man's vehicle", something intended for the proletariat.

Class dismissed.

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_the_Soviet_Union was called "Bolsheviks" (Bolszewikowie in Polish), and every single one of them was an asshole. Especially their leaders.

School dismessed. Not a typo.

 

[Combined]

What's so special about a Bolshevik on a bicycle, you ask?
...Well, he has a bicycle.

Other than that, this is what I assumed would happen. Also, remember that Russian strategy is to send huge waves of armed men forward in hopes of crushing opposition. With their own machine guns turned on their backs.

 

[Clashero]

Here, John, a bit of info:
Bolshevik on a bycicle is a reference for real Soviet history buffs (such as one of my friends). According to him, it's a reference to drunk Bolsheviks during the 1920-1950's. Bolsheviks were known for riding bycicles, which were considered even back then in Russia to be a "working man's vehicle", something intended for the proletariat.

Class dismissed.

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_the_Soviet_Union was called "Bolsheviks" (Bolszewikowie in Polish), and every single one of them was an asshole. Especially their leaders.

School dismessed. Not a typo.

Yes, Bolsheviks were Lenin's supporters, while the Mensheviks (probably wrong spelling) were the opposition. In an ironically democratic way, the lowest common denominator won the revolution, that denominator being the Bolsheviks, represented by the proletariat, which made up more than half of the population of Russia.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

I knew something with such an absurd name couldn't be good.

Plants vs Zombies?

and that's actually good, and cheaper than Stalin versus Martians.

Actually, currently on steam, plants verus zombies is 10 dollars, and the deal for defense grid is 5 dollars, so if you've got 15 bucks to burn, go for those.

Now, despite that this game looked awful and this review "confirms" it I suppose, there's still this nagging feeling in my mind that I MUST play this.

 

[Alleged_Alec]

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_the_Soviet_Union was called "Bolsheviks" (Bolszewikowie in Polish), and every single one of them was an asshole. Especially their leaders.

School dismessed. Not a typo.

And how exactly do you know they were all assholes? It seems like a rather bold statement to make.


And a nice review, I enjoyed it. I might still buy the game though, since I'm a sucker for pythonesque humour.

 

[ZBrisk]

This game is another abomination that garners a load of undeserved hype and a deserved load of negative reviews. It isn't clever or funny and anyone who falls for the stunt and buys it probably needs to wipe the drool off their keyboard.

Here, John, a bit of info:
Bolshevik on a bycicle is a reference for real Soviet history buffs (such as one of my friends). According to him, it's a reference to drunk Bolsheviks during the 1920-1950's. Bolsheviks were known for riding bycicles, which were considered even back then in Russia to be a "working man's vehicle", something intended for the proletariat.

Class dismissed.

Your friend is making shit up.

Yes, Bolsheviks were Lenin's supporters, while the Mensheviks (probably wrong spelling) were the opposition. In an ironically democratic way, the lowest common denominator won the revolution, that denominator being the Bolsheviks, represented by the proletariat, which made up more than half of the population of Russia.

Please stop posting about something you clearly know very little about.

 

[Abedeus]

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_the_Soviet_Union was called "Bolsheviks" (Bolszewikowie in Polish), and every single one of them was an asshole. Especially their leaders.

School dismessed. Not a typo.

And how exactly do you know they were all assholes? It seems like a rather bold statement to make.


And a nice review, I enjoyed it. I might still buy the game though, since I'm a sucker for pythonesque humour.

They were responsible for Poland's communistic government after the WWII.

And they were the ones that came up with the awesome "Our country doesn't have enough money? Let's print some more!!" strategy. That, of course, gave quite the opposite results.

Besides, that's like asking "why Stalin was bad for your country". I don't think anyone should doubt it.

At least mr. German Nazi Leader was polite enough to be clear about his actions. When he oppressed us, it was a clear oppression. He didn't try to brainwash people with propaganda and pictures of himself with smiling children.

 

[Lord Krunk]

I knew something with such an absurd name couldn't be good.

Katamari Damacy? ('Clump Spirit' in English)

 

[Brett Alex]

At least we didn't see Stalin's grave, I'm sure that's a Communist plot.

Really?! What the hell?! How do you sleep at night.

Reading that poor attempt at Soviet humour just makes me see Red...

 

[Alleged_Alec]

They were responsible for Poland's communistic government after the WWII.

Technically, there's nothing wrong with this, if done well.

And they were the ones that came up with the awesome "Our country doesn't have enough money? Let's print some more!!" strategy. That, of course, gave quite the opposite results.

Besides, that's like asking "why Stalin was bad for your country". I don't think anyone should doubt it.

At least mr. German Nazi Leader was polite enough to be clear about his actions. When he oppressed us, it was a clear oppression. He didn't try to brainwash people with propaganda and pictures of himself with smiling children.

I think you're overgeneralising here. It's like saying everyone in Nazi-Germany knew exactly what their government was doing and agreed with it.

 

[Abedeus]

They were responsible for Poland's communistic government after the WWII.

Technically, there's nothing wrong with this, if done well.

It kept fucking us for nearly 50 years. I think it was worse than wars. At least with war, you know what was going to happen.

 

[John Funk]

Just wondering... Did you have just two different type of units to control? As in just conscripts and soviet tanks?

You get more units as you advance through the game.

 

[Asehujiko]

Speaking about coincidence, this came up on my winamp playlist while reading the review.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTqd9vYQ-9g

 

[Sigenrecht]

All I can say is that from the first news post, I told you all it was going to be bullocks.

 

[TsunamiWombat]

Bottom Line: Dated graphics, lack of customization, clunky and imprecise controls.Stalin is a strategy game that feels like it rewards strategy less and big waves of mass units more. The presentation can be funny, and it's so absurd at times that it you really have to experience it for the sheer audacity of it, but ... the game itself is below average at best.

Sooo...it's just like being a REAL Russian general!

HAHAHA, RUSSIANS!

Seriously, maybe it was a design feature?