Roommate pushing me too far

[renegade7]

Recently my college roommate (Whom I detest to begin with for a host of other reasons) has decided that the best way to enhance his social image is to start drinking. I am not even kidding or making a blind assumption here, he has actually told me that the purpose of his newfound alcoholism is to help him fit in with people and meet women. Somehow further impairing his nonexistent social skills will help. I recommended he stop trying to steer conversations into his favorite anime and maybe lose some weight and shower once in a while, but what do I know?

Now, I'll be quite honest. I grew up with an alcoholic mother. I spent my childhood watching my parents' marriage fall apart because of her drinking, and my teenage years were filled with near-psychotic outbursts on her part that occurred on an almost weekly basis that left me deeply rattled. I have somehow managed to stay sober through all of my 19 years. So, I made it abundantly clear with him that I have a big problem with drinking, and that if he really must he can do it anywhere else, just not in the room.

I also would like to point out that I am at a rather competitive university. Caught drinking underage once, and you're suspended for a month and hit with a $750 fine. Twice, and you're gone. I actually care about my grades. I study for several hours a day. I do not want to be thrown out for drinking, least of all someone else's. Now he is stocking my mini fridge with bourbon. Extra big problem because it's my refrigerator, so if they should find it during a room search I would be the one answering questions.

So I told him all this, that I do not want him storing liquor in my refrigerator and if he does not stop I'm bringing in the RA. So how does he reply?

"If you tell him or even threaten to again I will have you framed for possession. I know who to get really hardcore drugs from, and I'll have it planted in your stuff".

I wish I was kidding. I don't even think he's bluffing. I lived with an alcoholic for 18 years before I moved away, and I know exactly how all consuming addiction can be.

So basically I am in a really tight bind now. Basically, my roommate is holding my academic future over me so that he can continue getting wasted every third night. It would not be easy to tip my RA off about what is going on. Anonymously, at least, since I'm the only one who knows about how much he drink- it would be pretty easy to tell what had happened.

So basically, I just do not know what to do. I live with an unstable alcoholic. I can't move out because I can't afford a single student room. I want to report this and get it all done with, but I know that he is not a stable person and I don't want to set him off.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Use your phone to record a benign discussion about his storing booze and such, keeping it hidden. Or turn on your webcam or something. Remind him you don't like it and have him admit to it and threaten you on-camera. Then you can bring it to your RA.

Not the best way to do it... but that way you'll have evidence of it.

Otherwise... quietly go to your RA and explain the problem... if they're a good RA. I've see so amny horror stories about them not caring, though.

That, or get other people who live on the floor to complain and admit seeing him drinking and such - the more who can honestly attest to it, the better.

That, and, well... you might just have to get rid of your fridge. Or empty it and put a chain/cable lock around it. Make sure to label your belongings, and take photographs of everything and document your items and email it to yourself s you have date-based evidence of what is yours and when.

That's about all I've got.

I'm sorry you're going through this... deal with it smartly, but don't take the crap either.

 

[Rastien]

Well you could go down the route of upping the anti, remove the fuse from the fridge hurts you but hurts him as well probably more. Hide his booze and deny all knowledge imply he got so drunk he misplaced it.

I would also be very surprised that he can get "hard core drugs" if he is socially inept as you say i doubt he would have any contacts/friends with access to "hardcore drugs" i admit it's not a risk you should take but just keep calm about it, i would be highly surprised if he could.

Anyway not sure if it's helpful or not as the guy is pretty much black mailing you, but inform someone right away, fuck him. Seriously, let him destroy himself you are not responsible for him, blow the whistle on him and report everything he has threatened you with.

You will have a good track record dude, anyone on "hard core drugs" will be out partying on them or monging out with other junkies. So report him, don't let him wreck your chances at a good future dude, people arn't stupid about drugs and someone like yourself who has never touched them and shows no sign of it, it's fucking obvious when someones setting you up.

Don't let this dudes piss poor attempt at blackmail get to you, the fact he has decided to try and resort to such actions indicates to me, he is fucking shitting himself that you will report him.

So yeah report this dude, he hasn't got shit on you my friend good luck.

 

[White Lightning]

Sounds to me like he's talking a whole lot of shit, like the ramblings of a 14 year old on Xbox who's going to "hack your account". Report him, and laugh at him when he gets kicked out, laugh for me too.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I'd probably report him to the higher ups, or hopefully he'll get caught eventually. Do you have a lock on your door? If so, Keep it locked at all times. He can't plant his 'hardcore' drugs on you if he doesn't have access to your stuff. Maybe even move the fridge to your room and tell him to get his own.
The police could do with knowing, he is blackmailing you, after all. Try get recorded proof of him saying what he's said before.

No family nearby to move in with? Or another friend. It would be best if you just reported him and moved out.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Ouch.

Depends how you want to play it.

You could keep your head down, your mouth shut, and just live with it. I don't recommend this. He's displaying classic bully bluster. If you give in to him, he'll walk all over you every chance he gets, then laugh about it.

The less risky action, but also the less likely to get results, would be to report him immediately. This is probably your best bet as it almost ensures you'll be seen as the good guy. Authorities are great at writing strict policies, then not caring about stuff like that when it actually happens. He made a serious threat against you. Whether you have it on tape or not, it should still be taken seriously. You could get lucky and see an actual response. Also, if you report him, will he have to take a drug test? If he really has access to hard stuff -- or even just pot -- he may well be using. He'll fail the test, and *snap* problem solved.

You could throw away anything of his you find in your fridge. Tell him his friends keep coming in and taking it. This isn't likely to solve the problem, it will just piss the guy off. It should keep your fridge clear, though.

You could try requesting a change of room, simply escape the problem altogether.

Several other options come to mind but they all involve skirting the bounds of legality -- or stepping right over them. Can't really recommend doing this. I can virtually guarantee you *will* see results if you show him decisively that you don't give a crap about him, or the rules, or civilized human behavior, and that he is not going to threaten you and walk away unscathed, period. This will, however, count as criminal threatening, assault, or some other colorful term that will look bad on your record. If you could keep it all under the radar, no big deal. It's not likely to go that way, though. The assholes who threaten to destroy you if you go to the authorities are the first ones to cry foul when somebody else breaks the rules. Safe to say the college authorities will come into it, and you're going to take a serious hit.

Best to involve the authorities now, while you're as clear of suspicion as can be. He might manage to implicate you but, as he's already threatened to do just that, you assume no additional risk.

Someone above me recommended taking photos of your stuff beforehand. This is a good idea, especially for the more valuable items -- laptops, fancy cell phones, etc.

 

[Tanis]

Spike his booze with a laxative.

Nothing TOO powerful, just enough to make him crap and hurt a little, and play innocent when it starts to ***** about it.

Much like the 'bell test', this might get him off 'the sauce' if he attributes lava butt to booze.

 

[Pandalisk]

Snipedty do da.

I similar thing happened to me, except he threatened to beat me four ways through Sunday if i said anything about the stuff he was doing (Drugs in the College dorm)

I told one of the student helpers (basically people who are doing the same course as us but in the years above us) what was going on and she put me in touch with one of our guidance councilors who got me moved out to another dorm with other people(who aren't complete dickheads).

Honestly, i'd advise you tell your RA whats going on including the threat he made, its your safest option and stress how much this is effecting you negatively. the longer you wait the weaker i think your case will be so do hurry if you go with this option. Just tell them everything you've posted here about what's going and how you're feeling about it all.

I really hope everything works out for the best for you with my advice or not, keep us posted!

Oh and don't give forewarning to your man that your telling or might tell the RA, its past that whole confrontation thing now, you've tried that and he'll just threaten you more, just find your RA and tell him what's happening

 

[ohnoitsabear]

Don't worry about making sure he gets caught or anything, and you definitely shouldn't try to convince him that he shouldn't be drinking. What you should do is try to get the fuck out of there. Go through the necessary steps to change to a different room, and be much happier that you won't have to deal with that asshole.

However, don't be afraid to call the cops on him if you have to.

 

[Batou667]

What a douche.

Talk to one of your advisors, see if you can get a different room (or him moved to a different room). Can you get a lock for your fridge?

My first instinct would be to pour his damn confidence-in-a-bottle down the sink and then crack him over the head with the bottle, but there are probably better ways.

Don't worry too much about his threats. If as you say you're well-known for being a hardworking student and he's getting a reputation as a fat, stinky boozer, I doubt too many people would believe his attempts to frame you. Best mention these threats to your councellor/advisor too - he upped the ante, you're just responding to it.

 

[ratzofftoya]

The simplest and best thing to do is just tell your RA. They'll be on him before you know it. Don't turn this into any more of a problem than it needs to be. You're in college. 75% of the employees are there to make you feel comfortable so the endowment grows. As soon as you tell someone, literally anyone, the problem will be almost immediately solved. Trust.

 

[the darknees abyss]

Can you find a way of contacting this person parents if so tell them about the problem and they sort them out or tell the person who owns they residence you live in.