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It was reported on the dirtsheets that The Rock was in town for the Royal Rumble PPV -- mostly because he posted an Instagram picture and said he was -- but I feel like it's not something that WWE should mention. Lots of people don't follow social media or dirtsheets, so if The Rock does wind up making an appearance later on in the show (no spoilers up here), it would have come as a significantly bigger surprise. But not even five minutes into the Royal Rumble kickoff show, WWE teases that he's going to be here tonight.
The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E, with Xavier Woods) vs. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (with Adam Rose and Natalya)
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The advertised match didn't happen because Xavier Woods still has an ankle injury. As a result, it becomes Big E and Kofi Kingston against the relatively new tag team of Cesaro and Tyson Kidd. What comes of it is a perfectly fine tag team match. Probably the best thing we've seen from either team. Will it get new subscribers to the WWE Network? Probably not. We've more or less seen it all before, and it's not like either team is particularly hot right now, either. There are a couple of fun spots, and a near-fall or two, both of which help elevate it above your typical TV match. An Adam Rose distraction allows Cesaro to hit a cheap uppercut on Kofi, followed by Tyson Kidd's finisher, allowing the heels to actually get a win.
Match Rating: ***
The rest of the kickoff show just hypes the matches to come later on tonight, reminding us that ther are only two that are actually exciting prospects to watch. Oh well. The non-Rumble part of the Royal Rumble cards usually aren't the greatest, anyway.
The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg and Billy Gunn) vs. The Ascension (Konnor and Viktor)
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So, The Ascension finally get a real match, and ... it's not good. This is a slow, uninvolving match, one that really doesn't showcase anyone involved. The Ascension winds up winning with The Fall of Man, but their first PPV match was not in the least bit impressive. One semi-botch had both Konnor and Road Dogg lying on the mat, wondering who should be selling, and there's nothing that's even remotely interesting about the match itself outside of that.
Match Rating: **
A flashback to Raw follows, because Sting's appearance was kind of a big deal, I guess. And somehow a Raw flashback is more enjoyable than that last match.
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon then do a backstage promo about Sting's appearance last week. Well, it's not really a promo; they just talk to one another. Paul Heyman then interrupts, teasing a Brock Lesnar/Sting match. Yeah, because we need Lesnar to concuss Sting, too.
WWE World Tag Team Championship Match: The Miz and Damien Sandow vs. The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso)
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This match really should have opened the show, since the actual opening match was just so crowd-killing. But, then again, we've seen this match so many times over te last few weeks -- months? -- that it isn't likely to excite a lot of people, either.
Sandow mimics The Miz, which somehow is still something that the Usos haven't gotten over, as it distracts both them and us from the match. We spend lots of time with Miz teasing a Sandow tag-in, but pulling back at the last second. It once again just feels like a singles match, since the Usos are basically identical and Miz refuses to tag in Sandow -- and even if he did, their movesets are so similar at this point anyway.
Sandow does less stunt-doubling and more generic interfering later in the match, but it's not enough, as The Usos pick up the win with a powerbomb followed by a splash.
Match Rating: **1/2
Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble do a bit of advertising for WWE Immortals before being interrupted by Seth Rollins. He will win later tonight, he says.
The Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki Bella) vs. Natalya and Paige
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Hey! Actual Divas wrestling! Imagine that! Given the complete lack of actual build for this match, as well as no stakes beyond moderate bragging rights -- which nothing will come of -- it's difficult to care about this match, but from an in-ring perspective it's perfectly fine, and it's nice to see the Divas actually get enough time to work a good match. A lot of the middle portion is spent building to a Paige hot tag, but Brie does the heel thing and pulls Paige off the apron to prevent that. A stiff elbow from Nikki has the Bellas pick up the win.
Match Rating: **1/2
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins (with J&J Security) vs. Brock Lesnar (With Paul Heyman)
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Lesnar spams suplexes, Rollins plays the cowardly heel to perfection, and Cena is there to bridge the gap. This is a triple threat match that is wonderfully crafted and performed. It's exciting from start to finish, has an incredibly fast pace, a ton of near-falls, a good number of finishers and signatures, and a couple of spots that are worth seeing the match for alone.
It's only January, and we already have a strong contender for match of the year. Lesnar takes so much punishment in this match that, for perhaps one of the only times during his current run, his outrageous paycheck seems worth it. And he comes away looking like the beast he is. A good chunk of the match is Cena/Rollins, as Brock Lesnar took so much abuse that doctors had to come out and check on Lesnar.
Lesnar eventually ignores the doctors, comes back in, and wins the match. Rollins hits a great top-rope move, is hit with a couple of German Suplexes, an F-5, and then takes the loss. What a fun match.
Match Rating: ****1/2
<color=Red>The Royal Rumble
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You know how these work, right? It's every man for himself, with someone coming out every 90 seconds, and you're eliminated if you are thrown over the top rope and both feet hit the floor. The last man standing gets to main event WrestleMania.
The Miz and R-Truth start the Rumble match tonight, but surprise entrants start as early as the third entrant. Bubba Ray Dudley is #3, which is all sorts of awesome. He does get a couple of eliminations, but he doesn't last all that long. Curtis Axel is supposed to come out sixth, but Erick Rowan attacks him and heads to the ring, which allows for a Wyatt Family reunion, which is lots of fun. The Boogeyman gets to square off against Bray Wyatt, and I really hope Boogeyman is back to stay, even though I doubt he is. He's treated like a joke here, which is too bad.
Wyatt is actually one of the most successful entrants this year, as he eliminates a whole bunch of superstars all on his own. Zack Ryder returned at #9, although nobody really noticed that he was gone. Daniel Bryan comes in at #10. #14 is Diamond Dallas Page, which might matter to some people. He hits a bunch of Diamond Cutters. Bryan surprisingly gets taken out by Bray Wyatt relatively early, actually.
Goldust and Stardust go at it for a while, which is approximately the 300th time we've teased that match. Kofi Kingston was out at #17, and he got booed, because Bryan was taken out and this is a smark crowd. Kofi's "spot" this year involves falling onto the Rosebuds, who save him, although, only for a few seconds.
Roman Reigns, the likely favorite at this point, still comes through the crowd, but does so with a security guard beside him, and with a myriad of boos accompanying his entrance music. The fans turned on him, just like Batista last year. At this point, about the only one who could win and get cheered would be The Rock.
Damien Sandow comes out at #21, but Miz tries to take his spot. He's thrown out instantly by Reigns, so Sandow enters the ring instead. He hits a couple of moves but then Rusev eliminates him. He then continues to mimic the Miz. What a wasted opportunity.
Dean Ambrose comes out and is the first one to get cheered since Bryan's elimination. The whole thing felt relatively lazy and not particularly smart when it came to booking. The surprises all came early, Bryan's elimination killed the crowd, and really should've happened later on, and there are no potential surprises in the last five or so. No Orton. No Rock. Kane does get to break Shawn Michael's total eliminations record, which is swell, but that's about the highlight of the match.
Roman Reigns eliminates Big Show and Kane at the same time to "win" the Royal Rumble.
Big Show and Kane then attack Reigns after the match, which brings out The Rock, in a desperate attempt to save the show and make the save for Reigns.
Rusev then comes back into the ring, because he was never officially eliminated. But Reigns spears him and throws him out to actually win this time.
Match Rating: ***
The Rock congratulates Reigns in the ring afterward, since this is about the only way that fans are even kind of okay with Reigns winning. What a cheap way to try to save Reigns' reactions.
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon come out to the stage to look in shock at what happened. Does that make them faces, since we're thinking the same thing?
The Good: Cena/Rollins/Lesnar. New Day/Cesaro & Kidd. The Boogeyman and Bubba Ray returning.
The Bad: Bryan eliminated so early. No surprises late in the Rumble. Using The Rock to try to save Reigns. New Age Outlaws/Ascension.
Match of the Night: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar.
Prediction Score: 2/5.
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It was reported on the dirtsheets that The Rock was in town for the Royal Rumble PPV -- mostly because he posted an Instagram picture and said he was -- but I feel like it's not something that WWE should mention. Lots of people don't follow social media or dirtsheets, so if The Rock does wind up making an appearance later on in the show (no spoilers up here), it would have come as a significantly bigger surprise. But not even five minutes into the Royal Rumble kickoff show, WWE teases that he's going to be here tonight.
The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E, with Xavier Woods) vs. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (with Adam Rose and Natalya)
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The advertised match didn't happen because Xavier Woods still has an ankle injury. As a result, it becomes Big E and Kofi Kingston against the relatively new tag team of Cesaro and Tyson Kidd. What comes of it is a perfectly fine tag team match. Probably the best thing we've seen from either team. Will it get new subscribers to the WWE Network? Probably not. We've more or less seen it all before, and it's not like either team is particularly hot right now, either. There are a couple of fun spots, and a near-fall or two, both of which help elevate it above your typical TV match. An Adam Rose distraction allows Cesaro to hit a cheap uppercut on Kofi, followed by Tyson Kidd's finisher, allowing the heels to actually get a win.
Match Rating: ***
The rest of the kickoff show just hypes the matches to come later on tonight, reminding us that ther are only two that are actually exciting prospects to watch. Oh well. The non-Rumble part of the Royal Rumble cards usually aren't the greatest, anyway.
The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg and Billy Gunn) vs. The Ascension (Konnor and Viktor)
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So, The Ascension finally get a real match, and ... it's not good. This is a slow, uninvolving match, one that really doesn't showcase anyone involved. The Ascension winds up winning with The Fall of Man, but their first PPV match was not in the least bit impressive. One semi-botch had both Konnor and Road Dogg lying on the mat, wondering who should be selling, and there's nothing that's even remotely interesting about the match itself outside of that.
Match Rating: **
A flashback to Raw follows, because Sting's appearance was kind of a big deal, I guess. And somehow a Raw flashback is more enjoyable than that last match.
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon then do a backstage promo about Sting's appearance last week. Well, it's not really a promo; they just talk to one another. Paul Heyman then interrupts, teasing a Brock Lesnar/Sting match. Yeah, because we need Lesnar to concuss Sting, too.
WWE World Tag Team Championship Match: The Miz and Damien Sandow vs. The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso)
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This match really should have opened the show, since the actual opening match was just so crowd-killing. But, then again, we've seen this match so many times over te last few weeks -- months? -- that it isn't likely to excite a lot of people, either.
Sandow mimics The Miz, which somehow is still something that the Usos haven't gotten over, as it distracts both them and us from the match. We spend lots of time with Miz teasing a Sandow tag-in, but pulling back at the last second. It once again just feels like a singles match, since the Usos are basically identical and Miz refuses to tag in Sandow -- and even if he did, their movesets are so similar at this point anyway.
Sandow does less stunt-doubling and more generic interfering later in the match, but it's not enough, as The Usos pick up the win with a powerbomb followed by a splash.
Match Rating: **1/2
Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble do a bit of advertising for WWE Immortals before being interrupted by Seth Rollins. He will win later tonight, he says.
The Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki Bella) vs. Natalya and Paige
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Hey! Actual Divas wrestling! Imagine that! Given the complete lack of actual build for this match, as well as no stakes beyond moderate bragging rights -- which nothing will come of -- it's difficult to care about this match, but from an in-ring perspective it's perfectly fine, and it's nice to see the Divas actually get enough time to work a good match. A lot of the middle portion is spent building to a Paige hot tag, but Brie does the heel thing and pulls Paige off the apron to prevent that. A stiff elbow from Nikki has the Bellas pick up the win.
Match Rating: **1/2
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins (with J&J Security) vs. Brock Lesnar (With Paul Heyman)
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Lesnar spams suplexes, Rollins plays the cowardly heel to perfection, and Cena is there to bridge the gap. This is a triple threat match that is wonderfully crafted and performed. It's exciting from start to finish, has an incredibly fast pace, a ton of near-falls, a good number of finishers and signatures, and a couple of spots that are worth seeing the match for alone.
It's only January, and we already have a strong contender for match of the year. Lesnar takes so much punishment in this match that, for perhaps one of the only times during his current run, his outrageous paycheck seems worth it. And he comes away looking like the beast he is. A good chunk of the match is Cena/Rollins, as Brock Lesnar took so much abuse that doctors had to come out and check on Lesnar.
Lesnar eventually ignores the doctors, comes back in, and wins the match. Rollins hits a great top-rope move, is hit with a couple of German Suplexes, an F-5, and then takes the loss. What a fun match.
Match Rating: ****1/2
<color=Red>The Royal Rumble
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You know how these work, right? It's every man for himself, with someone coming out every 90 seconds, and you're eliminated if you are thrown over the top rope and both feet hit the floor. The last man standing gets to main event WrestleMania.
The Miz and R-Truth start the Rumble match tonight, but surprise entrants start as early as the third entrant. Bubba Ray Dudley is #3, which is all sorts of awesome. He does get a couple of eliminations, but he doesn't last all that long. Curtis Axel is supposed to come out sixth, but Erick Rowan attacks him and heads to the ring, which allows for a Wyatt Family reunion, which is lots of fun. The Boogeyman gets to square off against Bray Wyatt, and I really hope Boogeyman is back to stay, even though I doubt he is. He's treated like a joke here, which is too bad.
Wyatt is actually one of the most successful entrants this year, as he eliminates a whole bunch of superstars all on his own. Zack Ryder returned at #9, although nobody really noticed that he was gone. Daniel Bryan comes in at #10. #14 is Diamond Dallas Page, which might matter to some people. He hits a bunch of Diamond Cutters. Bryan surprisingly gets taken out by Bray Wyatt relatively early, actually.
Goldust and Stardust go at it for a while, which is approximately the 300th time we've teased that match. Kofi Kingston was out at #17, and he got booed, because Bryan was taken out and this is a smark crowd. Kofi's "spot" this year involves falling onto the Rosebuds, who save him, although, only for a few seconds.
Roman Reigns, the likely favorite at this point, still comes through the crowd, but does so with a security guard beside him, and with a myriad of boos accompanying his entrance music. The fans turned on him, just like Batista last year. At this point, about the only one who could win and get cheered would be The Rock.
Damien Sandow comes out at #21, but Miz tries to take his spot. He's thrown out instantly by Reigns, so Sandow enters the ring instead. He hits a couple of moves but then Rusev eliminates him. He then continues to mimic the Miz. What a wasted opportunity.
Dean Ambrose comes out and is the first one to get cheered since Bryan's elimination. The whole thing felt relatively lazy and not particularly smart when it came to booking. The surprises all came early, Bryan's elimination killed the crowd, and really should've happened later on, and there are no potential surprises in the last five or so. No Orton. No Rock. Kane does get to break Shawn Michael's total eliminations record, which is swell, but that's about the highlight of the match.
Roman Reigns eliminates Big Show and Kane at the same time to "win" the Royal Rumble.
Big Show and Kane then attack Reigns after the match, which brings out The Rock, in a desperate attempt to save the show and make the save for Reigns.
Rusev then comes back into the ring, because he was never officially eliminated. But Reigns spears him and throws him out to actually win this time.
Match Rating: ***
The Rock congratulates Reigns in the ring afterward, since this is about the only way that fans are even kind of okay with Reigns winning. What a cheap way to try to save Reigns' reactions.
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon come out to the stage to look in shock at what happened. Does that make them faces, since we're thinking the same thing?
The Good: Cena/Rollins/Lesnar. New Day/Cesaro & Kidd. The Boogeyman and Bubba Ray returning.
The Bad: Bryan eliminated so early. No surprises late in the Rumble. Using The Rock to try to save Reigns. New Age Outlaws/Ascension.
Match of the Night: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar.
Prediction Score: 2/5.
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