sadness, and self-discovery

[Mcupobob]

The Vineyard
I came home the skies slightly clear then before, I walked inside trying to commune to my grandparents about people. Trying to see if I talk enough I will learn something about myself about them. I did not, I'm no closer to solving myself then I was from the day I was thrust on to life. I walked outside grabbing three things I needed to comfort me, my lighter its orange the color of a warm fire but all it produces is a tiny flame a one that is just good enough to light, a single cigarette it gives me the comfort of time and a book, a book that knows me more than I know myself. After reading a comforting chapter something I needed to hear I had a self realization, that I?m unhappy. After that I set it down to go out and walk my backyard. It was cold, a different type of cold one that embraces you and feels you, it seems to know how I feel as if the weather reflect my thought.
I went into my vineyard, its winter so everything is dead right now, before I was about to enter a heard a noise there was people behind me who were moving a couch, a thought went through my brain for a second, "should I help them" I decided not too, but to instead continue my journey into the cold but some how inviting vineyard. I walked around the vineyard. The cold went through my jacket the only thing keeping me warm was the slowly burning cigarette that come closer and closer to my right hand.
The grape vines are dead when I enter the vineyard, I wanted to embrace the gravity of this death to feel it, but this death is special it only temporary it?s only seasonal. Are people like this I thought? "No", I had decided they were not. After finding nothing I walked back to my house, I thought of nature of how its so complex are people anyway as complex as it is, as this entity? I'm not sure before entering my house I turned to look back at the vineyard, the grape vines are dead.
There is tree in my backyard who does not obey winter it still had it somber look upon it, it had its silly bean shaped leaves. It still desired to continue spreading it seed. Are people like these?? Maybe? I thought, my cigarette dies the ember falls to the ground and I return to my house, only to return to the cold and the now cloudy skies to grab something, something I did not want to be harmed by the cruel elements, it knows me better then me and deserves that.

Explanation- This really happen to me, which not to say is that it impossiable to imagine. It would be boring for me to say I went out side, I had a smoke and came back in. Thats what happen, I did not think of any of this in till coming back inside, thats were I relized how many Metaphors were drenched in that one insignificant moment.
The grap vines are dead, does not mean death but sadness. How that their death is only seasonal means that sadness is too. I say "no" it is not in my story because just in my end paragraph I say that the grap vines are dead, that I am stating that I see it just as it is, not how it is going to be.
The vineyard is entering my own mind my own thought and only see death, some day when the skies are clear and the grapes bloom I shall walk that vineyard again. The tree is self-preservation, even during
winter it still is happy and full. That some times during are winters that we can feel that way to. That it will even be more special when are spring comes.

 

[ShadeOfRed]

Cool story bro, where's the conversational value in that?
If you're unhappy maybe you should've helped those people. I find that when other people are happy I feel better about myself, but that's just me.

 

[-Drifter-]

Note- you do not have to read it,

Sounds good, since it's an impenetrable wall of text.

EDIT: Nevermind, you fixed it.

Your English isn't too good, my friend. Still, I think I get the gist of it, and the gist is that you like to whine. Maybe you have a good reason, maybe you don't. I'm not the depressive type, though, so this story doesn't much appeal to me either way.

 

[delet]

Uhm... I'm not exactly sure what I read, though there's grammatical errors abound. Wondering about the complexity of life is a horrible thing, though. Never leads anywhere good and simply leaves you more depressed than you were before. I'd suggest trying to keep them thoughts out of your mind until it inevitably comes back and consumes you for a day or two. If you can survive those few days of overwhelming worthlessness, then you get the opportunity to find something worth living I guess.

I'm going to stop there before I thrust myself into one of those days of thought.

 

[Mcupobob]

You can help us readers by breaking up into sections.

Did I clear it up enough for you?

 

[Mcupobob]

Uhm... I'm not exactly sure what I read, though there's grammatical errors abound. Wondering about the complexity of life is a horrible thing, though. Never leads anywhere good and simply leaves you more depressed than you were before. I'd suggest trying to keep them thoughts out of your mind until it inevitably comes back and consumes you for a day or two. If you can survive those few days of overwhelming worthlessness, then you get the opportunity to find something worth living I guess.

I'm going to stop there before I thrust myself into one of those days of thought.

We, do you hide these thought, not think about it, just ignore important things by masking these questions with a mask of false happyness?

 

[DeadlyYellow]

The vines aren't dead. Like trees, they lose their leaves and cease productivity to survive the coming winter. Moisture can be drawn through the leaves and dehydrate the plant in times when suitable water is scarce, thus they shed them.

 

[delet]

Uhm... I'm not exactly sure what I read, though there's grammatical errors abound. Wondering about the complexity of life is a horrible thing, though. Never leads anywhere good and simply leaves you more depressed than you were before. I'd suggest trying to keep them thoughts out of your mind until it inevitably comes back and consumes you for a day or two. If you can survive those few days of overwhelming worthlessness, then you get the opportunity to find something worth living I guess.

I'm going to stop there before I thrust myself into one of those days of thought.

We, do you hide these thought, not think about it, just ignore important things by masking these questions with a mask of false happyness?

Again, grammatical errors >.<

But no, there's never happiness. You can take it out of mind for a while and live what you can through the day, sure. The one thing I got from my last 'day of thought' (guess that's what I'm calling it now) was the single most important reason for me to live my life, which I search for and try to attain, regardless of how shit a job I'm doing at trying to reach that goal.

The problem is simply that thinking upon these thoughts, say pondering death or the universe, has always given me a painful, hollow feeling in my chest. I first had that feeling when I was about 8. That's far too early to consider this kind of thing. Thoughts like these are what lead to suicide as you learn the 'universal truth' that nothing matters ever. Whether that's right or wrong, it usually ends to suicide but after pushing it aside again and again, I've finally found the purpose I feel I need to live the rest of my life. Do what you will, but this isn't a subject you want swarming through your mind 24/7.

 

[Mcupobob]

Uhm... I'm not exactly sure what I read, though there's grammatical errors abound. Wondering about the complexity of life is a horrible thing, though. Never leads anywhere good and simply leaves you more depressed than you were before. I'd suggest trying to keep them thoughts out of your mind until it inevitably comes back and consumes you for a day or two. If you can survive those few days of overwhelming worthlessness, then you get the opportunity to find something worth living I guess.

I'm going to stop there before I thrust myself into one of those days of thought.

We, do you hide these thought, not think about it, just ignore important things by masking these questions with a mask of false happyness?

Again, grammatical errors >.<

But no, there's never happiness. You can take it out of mind for a while and live what you can through the day, sure. The one thing I got from my last 'day of thought' (guess that's what I'm calling it now) was the single most important reason for me to live my life, which I search for and try to attain, regardless of how shit a job I'm doing at trying to reach that goal.

The problem is simply that thinking upon these thoughts, say pondering death or the universe, has always given me a painful, hollow feeling in my chest. I first had that feeling when I was about 8. That's far too early to consider this kind of thing. Thoughts like these are what lead to suicide as you learn the 'universal truth' that nothing matters ever. Whether that's right or wrong, it usually ends to suicide but after pushing it aside again and again, I've finally found the purpose I feel I need to live the rest of my life. Do what you will, but this isn't a subject you want swarming through your mind 24/7.

Sorry for misspelling "happpines" I thought it looked wrong and I ran the word through google to see if it was spelled right, and it gave me no corrections.

OT: yes but sometimes these questions just come crashing down on you. I had to write something down just to remeber the world can be more then what it is now. Suicide is something I don't belive in for we have one life, and if no one else trys to pondering these questions then no one will. I feel this is important, to know who I am to know who everone else is. I will never find my answer but mabey someday, the world will.

 

[firedfns13]

Unhappiness is pretty universal. I'm unhappy, and most of the people I talk to are unhappy to some degree or another. It sucks, but we're screwed from birth for various reasons. Like popularity, and how you need to take on massive debts to go to college.