SAVE&QUIT -- Feedback on a gaming-related script excerpt?

[teknoarcanist]

So I'm starting in on the third (hopefully, final) draft of a script I've been working on for about a year and a half, and I'm looking for some feedback from its target audience--you guys!

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/185/6/3/SAVE_AND_QUIT_Script_Excerpt_by_teknoarcanist.pdf

Based on the above...

Intrigued?
Irritated?
Ready to KILL SOMEONE with your BARE HANDS in order to see this movie?

Please keep all comments civil, as I am a delicate little flower with sensitive emotions.

(And Escapist mods always seem have one hand on the ban-hammer )

edit: Bonus points and cookies for everybody if MovieBob leaves a comment!

 

[teknoarcanist]

Well the idea is to get the script finished, find an agent to rep it, and try to get it sold. So hopefully COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.

(wishful thinking)

 

[teknoarcanist]

Switching name-genders was a creative choice. 'Brook' is short for Brooklyn. Marc is short for 'Marcy'.

...huh. I guess I cut out the dialogue that mentioned that from this draft. Might have to find somewhere to re-insert that.

But I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for your time

 

[Raziel_Likes_Souls]

That was pretty good. I haven't gotten past the tenth page or so, but are you going for a Scott Pilgrim type thing?

 

[teknoarcanist]

Not really all that familiar with Scott Pilgrim...but having seen the trailers and heard a little bit about the comic, I'm inclined to say no. S&Q is a little darker and more serious in tone. It kind of focuses on the gaming culture, industry, etc; Marc's end of the plot goes on to become one of those 'industry insiders has a crisis of conscience' type-deals, like "Wall Street" or "Thank You For Smoking".

(Not that I'm comparing.)

And Rush's end of the story is basically what would happen if Mario or Megaman realized they were living in The Matrix.

 

[chromewarriorXIII]

I finished reading the entire draft, and let me say, that was awesome! I really want to see this made. I hope that you have good luck with finishing it and getting it made! I will definitely go to see this if it ever is made.

 

[teknoarcanist]

Thanks Glad you enjoyed it.

 

[ParadoxBG]

Hey, I've been offline for a while and only just got the link. I'll let you know when I've read the whole thing through. Keep me posted if you would be so kind XD