Scariest Machine Ever Created

[cuddly_tomato]

The electric vibrator... Rendering men obsolete since 1880... (yeah seriously that long ago!)

Spoiler: Brief history of the vibrator...

The electrically powered vibrator was invented in the 1880s by Kelsey Stinner to treat what was then called "congestion of the genitalia" and "female hysteria".[citation needed] For centuries, doctors had been treating women for these illnesses by performing what we would now recognize as masturbation. However, not only did they regard the "vulvular stimulation" required as having nothing to do with sex, but reportedly found it time-consuming and hard work.[1]

Then, in 1902, the American company Hamilton Beach patented the first electric vibrator available for retail sale, making the vibrator the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified, after the sewing machine, fan, tea kettle, and toaster, and about a decade before the vacuum cleaner and electric iron.[2]

More recently this has been upgraded to this terrifying model...THE FLUGGENKEIMKREMLE!

Unfortunately I can't find an image but anyone who speaks dutch or has seen Eurotrip will know what I mean...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Kind of reminds me of Star Trek.

Spoiler

Anyway, the scariest machine ever is obviously a dentist chair.

 

[AdamG3691]

that chair was on star wars wasn't it?

 

[lodo_bear]

The PS3.
The creators havent fully used it or found everything it does, for all we know theres mini nukes in there, or there Transformars, Jesus christ...

The PS3 is actually quite good at modelling protein folding [http://folding.stanford.edu/English/FAQ-PS3].

OT: Crocodile Shears

I can't find a picture, and I don't want to

If you're interested (hah!), here's one [http://top-10-list.org/2009/07/27/gruesome-torture-devices-medieval-times/crocodile-shears/]. It's actually not graphic at all.

Now, another scary thing our military has created: the Rods from God [http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2004-06/rods-god], for when you want to impale your foes with heavenly force.

In fact, our military has been up to all kinds of scary things. Check out a few of them here [http://www.popsci.com/military-aviation-space/gallery/2008-05/worlds-spookiest-weapons].

 

[Baldry]

The PS3.
The creators havent fully used it or found everything it does, for all we know theres mini nukes in there, or there Transformars, Jesus christ...

The PS3 is actually quite good at modelling protein folding [http://folding.stanford.edu/English/FAQ-PS3].

I dont knnow what protein folding is but damn it sounds scary.

 

[Raven's Nest]

I knew about the history of the vibrator, though I don't remember where from (I guess Discovery Channel), but about that FluggenKeimkremle...
I'm from the Netherlands, am at least a little more eloquent than most people around me and have absolutely NO idea what that name means, sounds more like german though. Honestly, I think it's just gibberish.

More than likely, I think it's appearence coupled with the dominatrix's tone of voice when she announces her intent to use it, makes it extremely terrifying...

what exactly is a fluggenkeimkremle?
why is it so scary?

It's a huge, rotating triple shafted dildo with a laser sight attached for accuracy.... Think mini-gun but with dildos for barrels... Now imagine being strapped to a table butt naked and being severely and brutally man-raped by it...

Snip

Loving the Shatner picture, you know exactly what he wanted to use it on... Well it could be anyone, considering it's Kirk whose holding it.

Actually I found this part of the history of dildo's hilarious...

However, not only did they regard the "vulvular stimulation" required as having nothing to do with sex, but reportedly found it time-consuming and hard work. - That's right lesbos... You owe everything to our laziness!

Then, in 1902, the American company Hamilton Beach patented the first electric vibrator available for retail sale, making the vibrator the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified, after the sewing machine, fan, tea kettle, and toaster, and about a decade before the vacuum cleaner and electric iron. - Hows that for priorities...

Anyway, the scariest machine ever is obviously a dentist chair.

Definately... I think it's the ominous sense of doom one gets as the chair slowly tilts backwards. I feel very vulnerable when that happens..

 

[AdamG3691]

The PS3.
The creators havent fully used it or found everything it does, for all we know theres mini nukes in there, or there Transformars, Jesus christ...

The PS3 is actually quite good at modelling protein folding [http://folding.stanford.edu/English/FAQ-PS3].

I dont knnow what protein folding is but damn it sounds scary.

it is when protien is being formed in the body, it is made in very specific shapes (eg. enzymes)
when it misfolds, it can cause horrible problems. the ps3 can run a simulation of a protien folding and it reports it to the folding@home guys who put it into their GLaDOS computer and then they destroy humanity find cures for diseases

More than likely, I think it's appearence coupled with the dominatrix's tone of voice when she announces her intent to use it, makes it extremely terrifying...

what exactly is a fluggenkeimkremle?
why is it so scary?

It's a huge, rotating triple shafted dildo with a laser sight attached for accuracy.... Think mini-gun but with dildos for barrels... Now imagine being strapped to a table butt naked and being severely and brutally man-raped by it...
backwards. I feel very vulnerable when that happens..

OH GOD NOOOOO!
*adopts fetal position*

 

[Ph33nix]

Nerve gases, especially the deliberately hard-to-detect Novichok agents [http://www.scribd.com/doc/18990829/Novichok-Advanced-Nerve-Agent]. A drop can slip through your skin and kill slowly and painfully, and sometimes the only available antidotes are themselves poisonous.

Another scary thing from Russia: Perimeter [http://www.wired.com/politics/security/magazine/17-10/mf_deadhand?currentPage=all], a genuine doomsday device. "If we can't win, nobody will win! NOBODY!"

That being said: dude, Bagger 288. DUDE. Do we get to see it get in a fight with the Constructicons?

ETA:

Scariest real machine created? In this humble poster's opinion, it would be the Katzenklavier.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_piano

Yes... it was a real thing. Not so much scary in the "We're all gonna die" way, and more in the "What hath man wrought" way.

I thought things like that only existed in fiction. WHY IS IT REAL? HOW CAN IT BE REAL?

i forgot about projekt perimeter or dead hand w/e you want to call it. THe scariest part is that the russians don't know if it works or not or if it is armed.

 

[Pifflestick]

The toilet. I'm terrified that there will be a spider hiding under the seat, and theres always the panic when it clogs and it starts to come close to the top, plus theres the absolute horror of the *shudder* public toilet. I perfer diapers, much less scary, much more comforting.

 

[AdamG3691]

you could just imagine perimiter going off, and then stopping because there is a bird in the main computer

 

[C4P1T4L]

This -

WOW. Successfully enslaving humanity since 2004.

 

[Baldry]

The PS3.
The creators havent fully used it or found everything it does, for all we know theres mini nukes in there, or there Transformars, Jesus christ...

The PS3 is actually quite good at modelling protein folding [http://folding.stanford.edu/English/FAQ-PS3].

I dont knnow what protein folding is but damn it sounds scary.

it is when protien is being formed in the body, it is made in very specific shapes (eg. enzymes)
when it misfolds, it can cause horrible problems. the ps3 can run a simulation of a protien folding and it reports it to the folding@home guys who put it into their GLaDOS computer and then they destroy humanity find cures for diseases
Ahhhhh now it all makes sense, i think i may go dig a hole and put my PS3 in it

 

[AdamG3691]

The PS3.
The creators havent fully used it or found everything it does, for all we know theres mini nukes in there, or there Transformars, Jesus christ...

The PS3 is actually quite good at modelling protein folding [http://folding.stanford.edu/English/FAQ-PS3].

I dont knnow what protein folding is but damn it sounds scary.

it is when protien is being formed in the body, it is made in very specific shapes (eg. enzymes)
when it misfolds, it can cause horrible problems. the ps3 can run a simulation of a protien folding and it reports it to the folding@home guys who put it into their GLaDOS computer and then they destroy humanity find cures for diseases
Ahhhhh now it all makes sense, i think i may go dig a hole and put my PS3 in it

I DIDNT SAY THAT!!!

 

[TheSeventhLoneWolf]

This is quite a fun thread to read through. I'd say the AA12 loaded with grenades is quite scary. Imagine one of the fallout 3 shotgun traps with one of those.

Just for a laugh though.

 

[Erja_Perttu]

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

How could you say that?! Everybody loves a Tachikoma!

http://scienceblogs.com/startswithabang/upload/2009/10/the_energy_limit_of_the_univer/hadron.jpg

Loop the Loop

Is that the large hadron collider? If so... We're screwed. I can't believe someone seriously decided that this machine was a good idea.

How I imagine the meeting went:

Science guy: I have a cunning plan. We will invent a machine that can measure subatmic particles and the like by slamming them together! Like a demotition derby!

Other science guy: What effect will this have on life for normal people?

Science guy: none!

Other science guy: Side effects?

Science guy: It could create a black hole and destroy the world.

Other science guy: Sold!

 

[Baldry]

The PS3.
The creators havent fully used it or found everything it does, for all we know theres mini nukes in there, or there Transformars, Jesus christ...

The PS3 is actually quite good at modelling protein folding [http://folding.stanford.edu/English/FAQ-PS3].

I dont knnow what protein folding is but damn it sounds scary.

it is when protien is being formed in the body, it is made in very specific shapes (eg. enzymes)
when it misfolds, it can cause horrible problems. the ps3 can run a simulation of a protien folding and it reports it to the folding@home guys who put it into their GLaDOS computer and then they destroy humanity find cures for diseases
Ahhhhh now it all makes sense, i think i may go dig a hole and put my PS3 in it

I DIDNT SAY THAT!!!

Nah to late its been buried, Im gonna have to hang myself now that its been incapiceated

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

and it's autonomous, so it makes decisions on who lives and dies by a computer! And when they first field tested it, it turned it's guns an American soldiers(didn't fire, thank god)!

Does the U.S. army WANT to kill us all?

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

Aww, dude. Sign me up for one of those.
EDIT: Whoops, double-post.

 

[Snork Maiden]

I was gonna go for Bagger, but it seems people have got their for me.

Seriously that thing coming down the street toward me would terrify me.

 

[CloggedDonkey]

and it's autonomous, so it makes decisions on who lives and dies by a computer! And when they first field tested it, it turned it's guns an American soldiers(didn't fire, thank god)!

Does the U.S. army WANT to kill us all?

saying that they're working on METAL GEAR, yes, yes they do.

 

[masher]

Scariest real machine created? In this humble poster's opinion, it would be the Katzenklavier.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_piano

Yes... it was a real thing. Not so much scary in the "We're all gonna die" way, and more in the "What hath man wrought" way.

Wow...just wow. "What hath man wrought" indeed...