Sci-Fi Story *Chapter One Full Out*

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Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
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So, I began to write a sci-fi story in microsoft word and so far is coming around. I don't have a set story, most of it so far has been me improvising. I don't even have a title yet. The part that I wrote isn't done yet and I need to write in some more descriptions.

So here it is: tell me how it is. I will keep improving with grammer (In my English class we do these thing called Sentances of the day which should help.)

[HEADING=3]Warning: Don't go in expecting this to be on the same level as people who write novels for a living.[/HEADING]

May not be the most original story but I like it so far...

Looking out he saw only the darkness of space as he drifted. His throat dry, eyes glazed over, and blood running down the side of his face. A com channel open and looking at the signal on his helmet is was none. Body aching, bones broken and gunshot wounds is all what he could feel. In a successful attempt his turned his head to see the burning Earth flag-ship, Millennium, falling into the atmosphere of Maruk. His eyes began to fill with tears and as he looked out into the darkness of space once more, he closed his eyes.

One year ago.

A squad of soldiers began to move down a large corridor of a large abandoned weapon manufacturer facility. The soldier in the front stopped and put his hand up in a fist and the soldiers stopped. Then the soldier began to move up to the corner of the hall and then leaned out a bit to see into the next corridor. His helmet scanned for any sort of traps, the results came up negative and so he ordered the rest of the soldiers to begin moving again. They rushed down the corridor and so entered a large room. It was the main manufacturing rooms were the weapons were built all the soldiers pointed their Mr22 Assault Rifles at the balcony above and all around the ground. The captain stopped "Seems to be clear but stay frost-" his statement was cut off with a gunshot noise and the captain falling down to the ground. Suddenly soldiers removed their cloaking devices which made it impossible to shoot shot at the soldiers and before they could react they all fell down dead.

The soldier who shot the captain came out from the shadows and kicked the dead captain's body. He then pressed a com button on his helmet "Delta Squad here, Earth Forces Squad have been eliminated, possible incoming reinforcements, orders?" A girls voice then came from out of com channel "Affirmative Delta Squad, gear up for possible reinforcements and hold your ground. You mustn't let the Earth Forces take this facility. They know it's not abandoned anymore and so you will be in a hot zone for awhile." He looked around then responded "Alright we shall hold this point. Delta Squad out" as he spoke he released the button. "Alright kiddies, we are to hold this point, we can't let a single Earth Force's soldier live."

"Roger!" all the soldiers said in unison. They all put their cloaks back on and resumed their previous positions. The soldier got back into his hiding spot with his Z42A Sub-Machine Gun which they stole from the Earth Forces Armory, all the rest of the soldiers had assault rifles but he preferred sub-machineguns. Once they all were hid the room was still, it was early in the morning and light was coming through the large windows above. The soldier looked around without moving, they could come from any direction he thought to himself. He put his hand on his com button and whispered to his team "Keep an eye out, they probably won't come the same way their other squad came through." Then all the soldiers began to look in all directions. Suddenly the soldier heard a ding noise and then noticed something hit the ground. Before he could finish saying "EM -" it exploded and they were all visible.

The windows glass shattered and Earth soldiers began to rush in from the windows and entrances. The soldiers began to shoot at the Earth Forces but were not able to react fast enough. All the soldiers but the one hiding were dead, none of them could get their cloaks off in time to fire back. "Found an alive one commander!" said one of the Earth Forces soldiers as he dragged the soldier in hiding out. The commander who was wearing a white soldier?s uniform unlike the normal black and blue uniforms normal. The commander looked at the soldier then nodded to the soldier then said "Pull out his chip."The Earth soldier turned the soldier around and then pressed an eject button on the back of his helmet and a chip came out and then the Earth soldier handed it to the commander.

In the commanders hand was a portable computer in which he could insert the chip and see all of the data. He plugged in the chip and then the POC loaded it "Citizen #24582F, Dowel Smith. Born January fourth, 297 SD, age: 24. Ethnicity: Caucasian. Homeland: Earth. History: Born into the Smith family, a wealthy family that has huge influence in the world of politics. Three years ago, deemed traitor by Earth Forces Military. His treason was that he murdered his parents and many political powers. Current Condition: Not Available. Hm, I think it would be appropriate now to change that." He swiped his hand over it and the Current Condition changed to in custody by Earth Forces. Dowel began to glare fiercely at the commander.

The commander sighed and then closed the POC and put it in his pocket "So, Dowel you have been a hard man to find, but now you are in our custody and whether you like it or not, you will be spending the rest of your days behind bars; but before that, I would like to ask you one thing, why did you commit your crimes of treason?" It was easy for him to see that Dowel wished he could kill him but he was tied up now and couldn't move. "Why should I tell you! Earth Forces scum!" The soldier next to him hit him with the butt of his assault rifle. Dowel spat out blood onto the ground in front of him. His face was red now and his eyes were filled with despair and then he slowly began to talk "I did it, because those political bastards... We?re going to lead this world... Into an abyss that no man could get us out of... They didn't care... They didn't care for the lives that would be lost, only cared for the profit in which they would make. "

It was hard for the commander not to agree, Dowel maybe his enemy but anyone easily could have seen what they were going to do to the worlds, but most who saw were afraid to act. Though it was unimaginable that he could have killed his own parents despite what they might have been doing. "You all realized it! I wasn't the only one! This rebelling in which you Earth Forces began to call it was started because of you and you all know it!" This was angering the commander "We may have known but because of you! The government has been in a state of civil unrest! The economy is falling! There was another way you rebels could have gone about things! We are to eliminate you and all of your colleges so that we can stabilize again!"

Dowel looked at him and then looked away "Stabilize huh... Would that really happen?" Commander looked at him "What? Of course!" It looked almost as if Dowel was going to laugh "With all of you in charge, people like them would come back again and again! We need new leaders! President Maruaki is going to lead us down a path of death! With you being our guide!" The commander fast walked over to Dowel and slapped him; the sound was loud and strong. "Shut up! You know of nothing! You and all of your rebels have too far! Take him away, I don't want him in my sight anymore" the commander told him and the soldier began to move Dowel and another soldier came over to assist.

The commander turned to see them dragging Dowel away, then he looked at all of the bodies from rebels and own "Get these bodies out of here, take all of the chips and hand them over to DCOD." Then the soldiers began to take out the chips and take the bodies away. Suddenly the commander began to hear a ringing noise and realized it was coming from his POC, so he took it out and opened it. On the screen it showed a communication link opening, suddenly on the screen appeared an old man with a red military hat, wrinkles over his pale skin, short white hair and beard, and his eyes red as blood. "Commander Abokin, report." Abokin saluted in place "Sir! We have captured rebel Dowel Smith, the other eight rebels are KIA. Vex squad is also KIA. We are still looking for more rebels." The man put his hand over his eyes "More casualties of war, huh..." Abokin looked at him a bit confused "General Nujel sir?"

Nujel sighed "Nothing, it just makes me think ya know? These rebels were once part of us, shared the same world, same food, same enemies. Now look at us, fighting each other to death. Fighting over trivial things. It makes me wonder, are we really right? When I think of why they are fighting us, it makes me hate my own side. What do you think?" The commander looked at him "I think we should just follow orders or at least do what we think is right." "What do you think is right?" asked Nujel, that question was one that would stick with Abokin as he could not answer. "I... I don't know exactly... I believe though that we are in the right and they're in the wrong" Abokin told Nujel.

"I guess so, General Nujel out" and the com channel shut. While he was talking to Nujel the bodies were removed and he was alone. He looked around, seeing bullet holes in the wall and blood stains on the ground. His mind was now at unrest "Right and wrong, huh..." As he spoke he turned and began to walk down the corridor and out of the building.

Chapter One:

Chapter One:

The sun was high in the sky. The day was ho with no clouds to give cover; all trees were dead in a barren desert. An Army Jeep driving through the desert with a mounted gun on the back with a soldier at the ready. In the horizon they could almost make out a fortress like structure. ?Get the gun ready, if that is the rebel?s base, Kurzek, we will be in a firefight soon enough that is if they are even in there.? The soldier behind the mounted gun loaded up the ammo and the soldier sitting in the passenger?s seat loaded his gun and made sure it wouldn?t jam. The passenger soldier began to look at his POC with the mission data on it ?Captain, why were only we three sent on this mission? If this is a rebel base then we will most likely be out numbered.?

The driver kept his sight forward and responded to the young soldier ?Because, they already got too many soldiers fighting rebels on Relv and Iopel to send any out here on Toel.? Though this didn?t calm the young soldier a bit ?But that still doesn?t explain why they only sent three of us, if the rebels are in the base we will die!? For a moment there was silence and then the driver sighed ?Private Ken, did you read the full report..?? Ken began to scroll down it and then realized his mistake, it had said in the report that they already sent scouts to scout the base. In the scouts report they said it was empty and made note also that it had weapons in it. This was the privates first mission so it was natural he would be a little uptight.

Once Kurzek was in sight they noticed that all the mounted-guns at the gate were all empty of any soldiers and the gate was destroyed. Parts of the walls were destroyed which looked to be explosions from C8 from the size of the damage. It was silent and there was no noise besides the jeep and themselves. As they got closer to the base they slowed down and they came to a complete halt. ?Seems to be empty? said the soldier at the mounted gun. The captain got out of the jeep and got closer to the gate, Ken stayed in the jeep-gun ready. Then the captain turned and faced them ?Alright, Private Ken you come with me, Corporal Dun, keep watch out here, shoot any rebel if they appear.? Dun turned the turret to face away from the base ?Roger, Captain Rick.? Ken got out of the jeep and him and Rick began to go near the gate, still with no signs of rebels. ?Shoot only when I say so, if there is one rebel we capture them, understand?? asked Rick to Ken. The Ken looked at his gun and then at the captain ?Understood.?

As they entered the base they realized that most of the inside like the outside was in ruins. Blood stains and bullet holes were in every spot and bodies laid everywhere. So far on the captain?s helmet, no life has been detected by any of the bodies. From what they saw, everyone was dead. Ken had to hold in his stomach, it was awful to see all of the bodies and it was making his stomach feel woozy. ?Turn on night vision? the captain told him and Ken did so. Now it was easier to see, it wasn?t night but it was dark enough to be in the base. As they walked through all of the corridors trying to find some evidence of what happened. There was no sign of any Earth Forces and it wasn?t in this state when they sent the scouts. When they walked into what seemed to be where they trained the soldier it came apparent to what had happened. Where the soldier?s bodies were located and the bullets in the bodies, it seemed they had fought each other.

"Why would they fire at each other?" asked the Private as he looked around the room.

"That is something I too would like to know, quick we need to find any survivors and question them" Rick told him as he himself looked around.

Ken headed up stairs to a second floor of the base to look while Rick stayed on the first floor. Rick then radioed in Dun "Dun you reading me soldier?"

"Affirmative" Dun responded.

"Any sight of incoming enemy forces?" asked Rick as he continued down a destroyed corridor.
Dun looked around again as he was slightly dozing off, he stood up and looked around "No sir, seems we are still alone out here."

Rick looked through multiple doors and still no survivors that his helmet detected "Roger that, stay alert still."

"Alright Captain" and Dun cut the com channel and resumed to stay guard.
Ken was jumpy, anytime he saw a corpse out of the corner of his eye he thought it was a rebel about to shoot. His training had been cut short due to the war and so he didn?t have a lot of real experience of live field work, Rick knew this before he brought him along but he chose him so then he could use this as a way of getting experience. More light was coming in and so Ken turned off his night vision as it was easy to see now. Eventually after searching the entire second floor, he went up onto the roof. It was empty and the only things on the roof were the mounted-guns at least that are what he thought. Suddenly then he heard a groan noise coming from behind so he turned and looked to see where it was coming from. It was a girl, hurt and laying on the ground. Her eyes were closed, red long hair out around her, Caucasian or mix, in rebel clothes.

He called in Rick ?Hey, Rick I got a survivor! Come up the roof!?

?Affirmative private, good job.?

Soon Rick arrived on the roof and ran over to Ken and the girl. She had bullet holes in her arms, legs, and chest. Rick checked her pulse level on his helmet ?She is going to die soon if we don?t get her to a medical station soon. But she can?t be moved.?

Rick then stood up and called in command ?Captain Rick here, Command, we got a rebel survivor down here that is going to die. We need evac pronto.?

?Roger that captain but answers this first, why is we sending an evac to rescue a rebel? What is going down there?? asked a man at command.

?I?ll make this quick, the base Kurzek is full of bodies and it seems the rebels have fought each other. We need this rebel to live so then we can ask questions.?

?Alright, evac in three minutes.?

?Thanks command, Captain Rick out? and Rick closed the com channel and walked back over to Ken and the girl.

He quickly called Dun and caught him up. Once evac arrived and picked up the girl, they would get back on the jeep and head to their pick-up. A medical evac doesn?t have enough strength to pick up a military jeep. They wouldn't need the base occupied, who ever won the battle, took any valuables. Rick looked above and could see the medical ship coming in fast, and as it got closer to the ground it slowed down and then landed on the roof. The doors on the side opened up to rushing medics with a levitating stretcher following them. They all knelt down and slowly picked her up and onto the stretcher, and two of the three medics following the stretcher and one stayed.

"Thanks for calling us in, Captain Rick, you were right, we checked her pulse levels they are critically low and she needed medical attention ASAP. Medic Squad out" and the medic rushed to follow the other medics and they entered into the ship. Doors closed and the engine started up again, a load roaring noise filled the air but luckily the helmets they wore could block out this noise and soon the ship was out of the worlds atmosphere. Rick then called in Dun.

"Dun, get the jeep ready, pronto we are coming back."

"Sir! Hostiles spotted! Get down here fast!" screamed Dun through the com channel.

Rick didn't even bother to respond or turn of the com channel, it was time to kill. "Ken I will get on a mounted-gun you go down there and back-up Dun!"

"Roger that captain" responded Ken in a nervous voice. His first real fight, would he survive he thought to himself as he ran to the side of the roof. When he reached the side of the room were the mount-gun's were on and below was Dun, he jumped down and the normal damage or hitting the ground was mostly taken in by the armor. Ken ran over into cover dodging bullets as they came at him. Quickly he checked if his assault rifle was ready, Dun was shooting like a berserk but at the same time hitting many rebels. Ken leaned out and began to pick off rebels as they got closer, he kept thinking to himself, if you don't kill them they will kill you, this was the fuel that let him keep shooting.

Dun was shooting soldiers in vehicles and they exploded killing the soldiers getting out and around. For a rebel mounted-gun it was quite accurate, it wasn't Earth Forces made, this lead him to believe that they had more gun factories, then the one that they had taken back days earlier where they captured Dowel Smith. Then in the heat of battle Ken looked out and noticed a soldier with an RPG, he tried to shoot at the soldier but failed to do so.

"RPG! Dun watch out!" Ken screamed.

Dun then noticed the rebel but was too late to shoot it so he pushed himself away from the jeep, hit the ground, rolled and then got into the same cover as Ken. The RPG hit the jeep and it exploded in the first hit. As he crouched behind the cover he took out his ML67, an assault rifle like the Mr22 but with better accuracy but less fire-rate. Minutes passed since the start of the fire-fight, another RPG shot but this time at Rick which he jumped off the building like Ken had just as the RPG hit where he had been. He began to strife into cover shooting rebels as he saw them.

"Captain Rick we are way outnumbered! There are too many of them!" exclaimed Ken still shooting.

"I agree Captain we need to call in an Air-Strike!"

Rick turned and shut down the com channel he had with them quickly and opened up one with command "Command! We need an Air-Strike ASAP! We are greatly outnumbered, our jeep is down!"
At command they zoomed in on the on-going firefight, it showed them where their squad were and were the rebels were. It analyzed it and then without a second of delay sent two Viper S7 Strikers down the surface unmanned and deadly. They raced down the surface, ten times faster than the Medical ship had, the rebels had no time to react. The squad got more into their cover, faced in the direction of the base, and prepared for the shock-wave. Then suddenly a huge explosion came from behind the squad were the rebels had been, the shock wave sent Ken a bit forward and landed face-first onto the ground but wasn't hurt much. Silence was all that preceded, no more gun fire, all the rebels were dead.

"Command that was one helleva strike! Thanks for the request" Rick said in joy.

"Captain Rick, prepare your squad for evac , ETA: Five minutes."

"Affirmative command, Dun, Ken, let's go we got to get back on the roof, we are going to be picked up" he told Dun and Ken as he ran over to them. They entered the base and rushed to the roof, as they got up there, the evac ship landed and the doors opened for them. Together they all got onto the ship and were greeted by Admiral Tail Howe.

"Damn good job squad, you got us a living rebel and we were able to take out a bunch of rebels in the process" Tail congratulated them.

"All in a day's work" Rick said mimicking a cliché line used for over thousands of years.
 

ALuckyChance

New member
Aug 5, 2010
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Well, just by taking a very quick skim, it's not bad. You do need to work a bit on punctuation and proper merging of sentences though, that's for sure.

For grammar problems, you can always use this:

http://www.spellcheck.net/

That, or use Microsoft Word if you have it.
 

Serenegoose

Faerie girl in hiding
Mar 17, 2009
2,014
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Keep at it - regarding having a set story - that's not entirely necessary, but having a few events you're working up to will help keep you on track and provide something to build the characters up for. I'm not talking about a coherent narrative, you construct that as you go, but some vague idea of things that lie ahead that you plan to get around to. Keep at it, and any roughness around the edges can be evened out later. :)

As for a title, well, I'm 1/3 of the way through a full length novel and I have no idea what it's called. Eventually one will seem appropriate.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
10,766
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ALuckyChance said:
Well, just by taking a very quick skim, it's not bad. You do need to work a bit on punctuation and proper merging of sentences though, that's for sure.

For grammar problems, you can always use this:

http://www.spellcheck.net/

That, or use Microsoft Word if you have it.
yeah I am learning a lot of that in English class. :) Seeing as most years its been how to scruture your essay's this year is going to also have a lot of learning the right way to write. :)

Luckily I got the best spell checker ever! A english teacher as my Mom. XD
 

glyphseeker

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Sep 19, 2010
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augh why did it have to stop 0-o

this is a very good story in the works here it gripped me by my ear and dragged me along for the ride

nice very nice
 

ALuckyChance

New member
Aug 5, 2010
550
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Korten12 said:
ALuckyChance said:
Well, just by taking a very quick skim, it's not bad. You do need to work a bit on punctuation and proper merging of sentences though, that's for sure.

For grammar problems, you can always use this:

http://www.spellcheck.net/

That, or use Microsoft Word if you have it.
yeah I am learning a lot of that in English class. :) Seeing as most years its been how to scruture your essay's this year is going to also have a lot of learning the right way to write. :)

Luckily I got the best spell checker ever! A english teacher as my Mom. XD
Hey, at least you always have help available when you need it.

Quick question: Do you go to high school or middle school? Just a curious question, as I'm in middle school myself.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
10,766
0
0
ALuckyChance said:
Korten12 said:
ALuckyChance said:
Well, just by taking a very quick skim, it's not bad. You do need to work a bit on punctuation and proper merging of sentences though, that's for sure.

For grammar problems, you can always use this:

http://www.spellcheck.net/

That, or use Microsoft Word if you have it.
yeah I am learning a lot of that in English class. :) Seeing as most years its been how to scruture your essay's this year is going to also have a lot of learning the right way to write. :)

Luckily I got the best spell checker ever! A english teacher as my Mom. XD
Hey, at least you always have help available when you need it.

Quick question: Do you go to high school or middle school? Just a curious question, as I'm in middle school myself.
High School. 11th Grade specificaly. Got a great english teacher and got a 5/6 on my summer reading project essay we wrote in class last week. I was the only 5/6 in the class I believe everyone else got 3/6 or 4/6. :D

glyphseeker said:
augh why did it have to stop 0-o

this is a very good story in the works here it gripped me by my ear and dragged me along for the ride

nice very nice
Thanks. :D
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
10,766
0
0
Serenegoose said:
Keep at it - regarding having a set story - that's not entirely necessary, but having a few events you're working up to will help keep you on track and provide something to build the characters up for. I'm not talking about a coherent narrative, you construct that as you go, but some vague idea of things that lie ahead that you plan to get around to. Keep at it, and any roughness around the edges can be evened out later. :)

As for a title, well, I'm 1/3 of the way through a full length novel and I have no idea what it's called. Eventually one will seem appropriate.
*sorry for double post* Yeah, as I write I will think of future events and possible foreshadowings but for the most part it will be made up as it goes.
 

ALuckyChance

New member
Aug 5, 2010
550
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0
Korten12 said:
ALuckyChance said:
Korten12 said:
ALuckyChance said:
Well, just by taking a very quick skim, it's not bad. You do need to work a bit on punctuation and proper merging of sentences though, that's for sure.

For grammar problems, you can always use this:

http://www.spellcheck.net/

That, or use Microsoft Word if you have it.
yeah I am learning a lot of that in English class. :) Seeing as most years its been how to scruture your essay's this year is going to also have a lot of learning the right way to write. :)

Luckily I got the best spell checker ever! A english teacher as my Mom. XD
Hey, at least you always have help available when you need it.

Quick question: Do you go to high school or middle school? Just a curious question, as I'm in middle school myself.
High School. 11th Grade specificaly. Got a great english teacher and got a 5/6 on my summer reading project essay we wrote in class last week. I was the only 5/6 in the class I believe everyone else got 3/6 or 4/6. :D
Uh, what does 5/6 mean? I live in Texas, and my school uses the A-B-C-D method of scoring.

Anyway, remember that your first build of your story (the first draft, if you will) will almost always be sloppy. It's up to you to edit and revise - 'revise' meaning to figure out proper placement of sentences and ideas, by the way - your stories to make them more interesting and readable. Of course, you can also get an editor to do all that for you, though some experience at correcting mistakes will be needed regardless. Also note that in the case of long stories or books, you obviously won't make a draft of the entire thing to begin with; at least, I wouldn't. Instead, edit the chapters as you go. Usually, a revised first draft will be the final product of the chapter/story, unless you have more ideas to add to it later on.

Yes, trying to make the story process orderly will probably be as annoying as hell to begin with, but it massively helps the quality.

May I suggest getting an account on http://fictionpress.net and posting your story there? that way, you will get much more constructive criticism and feedback.

EDIT: Edited a little bit.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
10,766
0
0
ALuckyChance said:
Korten12 said:
ALuckyChance said:
Korten12 said:
ALuckyChance said:
Well, just by taking a very quick skim, it's not bad. You do need to work a bit on punctuation and proper merging of sentences though, that's for sure.

For grammar problems, you can always use this:

http://www.spellcheck.net/

That, or use Microsoft Word if you have it.
yeah I am learning a lot of that in English class. :) Seeing as most years its been how to scruture your essay's this year is going to also have a lot of learning the right way to write. :)

Luckily I got the best spell checker ever! A english teacher as my Mom. XD
Hey, at least you always have help available when you need it.

Quick question: Do you go to high school or middle school? Just a curious question, as I'm in middle school myself.
High School. 11th Grade specificaly. Got a great english teacher and got a 5/6 on my summer reading project essay we wrote in class last week. I was the only 5/6 in the class I believe everyone else got 3/6 or 4/6. :D
Uh, what does 5/6 mean? I live in Texas, and my school uses the A-B-C-D method of scoring.

Anyway, remember that your first build of your story (the first draft, if you will) will almost always be sloppy. It's up to you to edit and revise - 'revise' meaning to figure out proper placement of sentences and ideas, by the way - your stories to make them more interesting and readable. Of course, you can also get an editor to do all that for you, though some experience at correcting mistakes will be needed regardless.

May I suggest getting an account on http://fictionpress.net and posting your story there? that way, you will get much more constructive criticism and feedback.
um.. a 5/6 is like around 83%

might go check out that site.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
10,766
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*Double post AGAIN whats wrong with me!?* Well I shall write more tomorrow and might have my mom read it over to help with grammer errors.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
10,766
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*Triple post...* :( Posted part of Chapter 1, not finished but will be finished later today.