Self-injury and some things I'd like to talk about :)

[Easton Dark]

Does anyone here have any advice to make someone stop? I've never committed self-harm (I see it as counter-productive) but someone I care very much about does occasionally... and I'm not positive on how I can convince them they shouldn't.

What can I say?

 

[Palademon]

The closest to something like that I've been is when people annoyed me a lot when I was younger so I would mimic some of their words to myself whilst making a stupid face and softly punch myself.

I doubt I'd ever cut myself since I'm a coward. And I'm not a very stressed person anymore.

I have known somebody who did self harm. They had a lot of reasons to. I wish I could've gotten them to stop, to make them feel like things can be ok. I didn't have anything against them for specifically doing that apart from not wanting them hurt, and I'm rather suprised to hear that anyone would have a physical fight over someone hurting themselves.

 

[viranimus]

Yeah wont go into the psychological ends of it.

I do not cut, or self harm. Two reasons.

One is I am a diabetic and I heal slower than hell and infection affects me more than most people.
Two is, there are SOOOOO many other people more deserving of getting hurt/cut, I would much rather cut them.

 

[Eamar]

I burned myself a few times when I was going through a very unstable period a few years ago. I won't go into all the details of what was wrong with me at the time and what made me that way, but I never really wanted to do it. In fact, it scared me massively when I realised what I'd done each time. It usually happened when I was angry or despairing and I guess I was trying to punish myself. I was consumed with guilt and unimaginable anxiety that someone would notice- spent a whole load of money on stage makeup to cover the injuries (thankfully now more or less faded to the point of being unnoticeable) and was VERY careful about what I wore for many months. Most of all I felt unbelievably stupid and disappointed in myself for "giving in."

Thankfully, I didn't do it too much and didn't damage myself to a large or permanent degree. I also discovered my love of piercings and sometimes get a new one when I'm going through a rough patch, partly for a small, controlled dose of pain and partly as a pick-me-up, much like how some other girls might buy a new pair of shoes when they're feeling down. I like the way they look and I can take them out if I change my mind- the opposite result from self-harm.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, other than to try to point out to anyone who might think that self-harmers are attention seeking or something (happily not something that seems to be coming up in this thread, but an attitude that is sadly incredibly prevalent) that often the exact opposite is true.

 

[Powereaver]

I wasnt much of a cutter but i was one to hit myself around the head area and also bash it against walls.. im lucky to not have brain damage ... i also used to try choking/suffocating myself a couple of times lets just say i had a VERY rough teenagerhood/adulthood now i know why i was considered a severe suicide risk.

 

[thelonewolf266]

I would never cut myself but I do sometimes punch walls when I have problems controlling my anger and frustration because I bottle up my feelings a lot.Its not like I randomly lose control of myself so I would never hurt any one else I just use it as a release because I've not found a better way of doing that.However I haven't really done it in a while probably because nothing has upset me that much or maybe I just learned to let it out in other less harmful ways.

Does anyone here have any advice to make someone stop? I've never committed self-harm (I see it as counter-productive) but someone I care very much about does occasionally... and I'm not positive on how I can convince them they shouldn't.

What can I say?

To have any hope of helping someone stop doing that sort of thing you have to find out why they are doing it and address that problem cutting yourself is generally a symptom of a deeper problem.At least that's my opinion based on what I've seen and heard about this sort of thing.However you try to help its not going to be easy or quick you have to be in a pretty desperate place to do that.

 

[Liham]

I don't self harm but i have often been... accused? is that the word? of burning my arms. This is because I have a large allergic reaction to the mosquito bites which I get a lot (damn australia!) I scratch them raw, and then scratch the scabs and so on.
Because of this, my arms are covered in scars, small dots and spots all over.

 

[renegade7]

Well I have a really unusual story about this...I was really depressed in sophomore and junior year in high school. I didn't actually do anything on purpose to harm myself. I just went through my day not caring about being hurt. It's not that I wanted to die or be hurt...I guess the best describer is that I just didn't have the energy to care about staying safe and unharmed. You'd be surprised how much you do subconsciously to avoid hurting yourself...avoiding corners to not stub your toe, quickly moving your hand out of the way of a closing car door, or turning a page in a book and keeping your hand away from the edge so as not to get a paper cut. When I used a soldering iron in my tech class, I didn't care that putting my hands so close to it would burn...I just went through the process of soldering up circuits with no concern whatsoever for my own safety (though I did get the projects done much more quickly).

It's weird, I don't really know why...I think maybe subconsciously I wanted to hurt myself, but I couldn't bring myself to do it on purpose.

 

[renegade7]

Double post, sorry.

 

[BrassButtons]

Does anyone here have any advice to make someone stop? I've never committed self-harm (I see it as counter-productive) but someone I care very much about does occasionally... and I'm not positive on how I can convince them they shouldn't.

What can I say?

The best way to get someone to stop cutting, is to get them to a point where they don't need to cut. And as a friend, I think the best way you can help with that is by being willing to listen to this person talk about their problems and why they need to cut. Encourage them to find other ways of coping, but try not to judge them if they still need to cut. It's not something that's easy to stop, but in my experience having someone to talk to makes a world of difference.

"Everyone looks at you and thinks you're fine. Nothing's fine and no one understands. But, if someone's bleeding, something has to be wrong."

That's a really good way to put it.

But I'm curious though, what is the sensation just before you actually make that first cut?

If by "first cut" you mean first cut ever, then I don't really remember.

If you just mean the first of any particular cutting session, then for me it's normally overwhelming calmness. All the thoughts in my head go quiet, I'm no longer anxious or upset, and everything is just peaceful.

 

[JCD2k4]

Does anyone here have any advice to make someone stop? I've never committed self-harm (I see it as counter-productive) but someone I care very much about does occasionally... and I'm not positive on how I can convince them they shouldn't.

What can I say?

Nothing really, at first. I was able to help a friend to cope with some tough stuff by simply being there for her. We started out meeting somewhere, sometimes just sitting there. That's when I first realized that it was hard for her to put her feeling into words so I did a lot of talking and guessing.

A couple weeks -- and quite a few "night shifts" -- later she opened up a bit and at least tried to to explain how she felt about things to help me understand. I helped her to find a new coping mechanism (yoga in her case). It was really amazing to see her lighten up after that. She talked more and she felt less frustrated at not being able to exactly express her feelings.

It took us the best part of a year to get rid of her habit to cut herself. She's happy now and it surely helps that she now has an understanding boyfriend. We still meet at least twice a month and talk about stuff but now she does most of the talking. She's still having problems to express herself but now she doesn't have to cut herself to deal with it.

My biggest fear was that she would get emotionally/romantically attached because of how I was supporting her, especially when our conversations became more intimate. Later on, there were a few moments when I held her close that I thought she was reaching out to me, wanting me to kiss her, to comfort her, to be more than I ever could be. I was afraid to undo everything by saying or doing the wrong thing.
I chose to gently decline her advances by pretending to not notice them. I tried to broach the subject by inserting a few made-up anecdotes into our conversation on why this would be a bad idea. I felt like walking a very thin line but I guess it worked even though it took a few approaches.

 

[Jamieson 90]

I have never actully cut myself with a blade but I when I was a kid in primary school I used to run my nails down my thumbs/or pick my fingers till they bled quite badly. (I still have scars now) Looking back it was down to nerves and stress.I was later diagnosed with Dyslexia so that probably explained why I hated school. As for why I did it, yes it hurt but it often took my mind off my troubles so I assume it was a coping mechanism.

As for what I'd do if I saw someone with scars or knew they had been cutting/self harming. I'd assume there must be a reason for it, a pretty serious reason. I don't know if I'd go out of my way to help them, I have no training for anything like that and would probably just make things worse. Sometimes people don't want pity or sympathy, at the same time I wouldn't bully/ridicule them for it either. (apologise for spelling nearly 5 in monning here)

 

[Smiles]

I do it cause I have to.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I did for a little while. It was punishment for my failures and as a reminder to do better.

 

[Nopodop]

I cut myself as a way to take all my hate out on myself. It makes me feel much better afterwards.
As for hiding it, I only hide it from my parents. They don't even know that I'm almost suicidal. If they find out, my life will get worse and I will likely not have a way out.
It also helps when people try to cause harm to me. Since I'm used to both dull and sharp pain, it doesn't have as much of an effect, allowing me to counteract (almost breaking bones or severely injuring them). People know not to piss me off now.