Severe Social Anxiety

[Bat Vader]

I am a 25 year old and suffering from severe social anxiety and for the last couple of weeks I have come to the realization that my social anxiety has become a big problem. Before I never tried to let it bother me. I have never been that much of a social person so I always assumed I could just ignore it and live with it. I realize now that I can't.

Whenever I go anywhere I always think people are staring at me and judging me or silently making fun of me. I am overweight and have both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Osteoarthritis in both my feet, knees, and two fingers. Whenever it starts to act up I start to limp from the pain and that is when people start to really stare.

I can't go into a store without a friend or family member going with me and I can only go out
at night. I am to scared to pay money to a cashier so I have to have a friend or family member do it.

I only have two real close friends. one lives in Grand Rapids and the other is a coworker where I work. My friend that I work with knows I have social anxiety and he tries to get me to go out or come over and talk to me at least once a week. When we do go somewhere it is usually the movies so I really don't get any social interaction. He tells me to try and talk to my other coworkers. Only problem is I have minimal to no social skills. Plus, no one at my workplace has the same interests as me.


Even if I wanted to go somewhere I don't have a drivers license so I can't visit my friend unless he comes over. I live with my mom, dad, and sister. I live in the basement by myself. I don't really talk to them all that much. Whenever I try to talk to my dad he tries to encourage me but it usually ends up backfiring and just adds to my low self-esteem. My mom talks to me about it but she really doesn't know what to do about it. My sister doesn't really know what to say since she tends to be fairly social. Luckily I was able to get a doctor to refer me to see a psychologist.

Forgive me if this is a fairly long read and a mess.

It is 6:19 AM here and I have been up for 27 hours. I would appreciate any advice that anyone could give me.

 

[SonicWaffle]

It is 6:19 AM here and I have been up for 27 hours. I would appreciate any advice that anyone could give me.

I'm not sure there is any advice we can give you. Social anxiety, contrary to what some people think, isn't easily overcome by "just talking to people".

You're seeing a doctor, that's probably the best thing you can do.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

snip

As Waffle says, the doctor is the best thing you can do. You should really see this psychologist, they can help you much more than we can.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

...Rheumatoid Arthritis...

Ugh. I'm very sorry. Any other auto-immunes?

It is 6:19 AM here and I have been up for 27 hours. I would appreciate any advice that anyone could give me.

Anxiety is a tough one. My girlfriend has a severe anxiety disorder, inherited from her father, and I get to see it in action almost daily. It's a very difficult thing to manage. Even better, many of the medications prescribed to help deal with anxiety actually cause anxiety as a side effect of prolonged use, so I would not advise going the pharmaceutical route.

So I'm going to give you some advice. Do keep in mind I am not a medical doctor, this is based on 8 years of observation of two people with a similar disorder. Some of this advice might seem annoying, but that's often the case with advice.

1. If you can afford it, try to get some talk therapy. There are self-help exercises you can learn to help calm you down, organize your thoughts, and prevent your anxiety from "stacking" or spiraling. I'm sure you know what I mean when I say that.
2. While "confronting your anxiety" sounds very passe and getting out there and doing things is extremely difficult, I highly, highly recommend NOT indulging your anxiety and hiding out in the house. Her father has done exactly this, and at age 50 he is all but 100% hermetic. He won't even go out to run simple errands, choosing to hide in a room for months at a time. Anxiety is not something that improves on its own if left to fester. Encountering and surviving social situations and having nothing bad happen will give you a base line for positive self-talk about future situations.
3. Stay away from caffeine. Just stay far, far away from caffeine.
4. This is going to seem very "duh" but attend to good sleep, good nutrition, and exercise. Those three things are very important for body chemistry and mood. If you're Joe Ordinary you can get away with being flighty on all three with fairly mild effects, but for someone like yourself...suffering from a mood disorder AND an auto-immune disease, these are extremely important. Not only will it help improve your mood and making coping with your anxiety easier, it'll help keep inflammatory processes under control and (hopefully) delay or prevent the arrival of additional auto-immune conditions.
5. Be wary of "talking to a doctor". Modern medicine tends to be very drug happy when it comes to treating mood disorders, which is like putting a band-aid on cancer. Most particularly they enjoy prescribing benzodiazepines, which are wildly addictive and have a host of extremely unpleasant side effects (including rebound anxiety). Now, it would be very irresponsible of me to tell you NOT to see a doctor, especially since you should be seeing a doctor on an ongoing basis anyway for your auto-immune, but make sure to have a very informed and frank discussion with them about any drugs they try to prescribe for your condition.

Good luck! Let me know how things go for you. Anxiety is no picnic.

 

[Bat Vader]

...Rheumatoid Arthritis...

Ugh. I'm very sorry. Any other auto-immunes?

It is 6:19 AM here and I have been up for 27 hours. I would appreciate any advice that anyone could give me.

Anxiety is a tough one. My girlfriend has a severe anxiety disorder, inherited from her father, and I get to see it in action almost daily. It's a very difficult thing to manage. Even better, many of the medications prescribed to help deal with anxiety actually cause anxiety as a side effect of prolonged use, so I would not advise going the pharmaceutical route.

So I'm going to give you some advice. Do keep in mind I am not a medical doctor, this is based on 8 years of observation of two people with a similar disorder. Some of this advice might seem annoying, but that's often the case with advice.

1. If you can afford it, try to get some talk therapy. There are self-help exercises you can learn to help calm you down, organize your thoughts, and prevent your anxiety from "stacking" or spiraling. I'm sure you know what I mean when I say that.
2. While "confronting your anxiety" sounds very passe and getting out there and doing things is extremely difficult, I highly, highly recommend NOT indulging your anxiety and hiding out in the house. Her father has done exactly this, and at age 50 he is all but 100% hermetic. He won't even go out to run simple errands, choosing to hide in a room for months at a time. Anxiety is not something that improves on its own if left to fester. Encountering and surviving social situations and having nothing bad happen will give you a base line for positive self-talk about future situations.
3. Stay away from caffeine. Just stay far, far away from caffeine.
4. This is going to seem very "duh" but attend to good sleep, good nutrition, and exercise. Those three things are very important for body chemistry and mood. If you're Joe Ordinary you can get away with being flighty on all three with fairly mild effects, but for someone like yourself...suffering from a mood disorder AND an auto-immune disease, these are extremely important. Not only will it help improve your mood and making coping with your anxiety easier, it'll help keep inflammatory processes under control and (hopefully) delay or prevent the arrival of additional auto-immune conditions.
5. Be wary of "talking to a doctor". Modern medicine tends to be very drug happy when it comes to treating mood disorders, which is like putting a band-aid on cancer. Most particularly they enjoy prescribing benzodiazepines, which are wildly addictive and have a host of extremely unpleasant side effects (including rebound anxiety). Now, it would be very irresponsible of me to tell you NOT to see a doctor, especially since you should be seeing a doctor on an ongoing basis anyway for your auto-immune, but make sure to have a very informed and frank discussion with them about any drugs they try to prescribe for your condition.

Good luck! Let me know how things go for you. Anxiety is no picnic.

The only other thing that I have is a lazy left eye. Kinda gets annoying after awhile having to use my right eye for everything. I noticed that I tend to squint with my left eye which sometimes draws looks my way which sets off my social anxiety.

 

[Angie7F]

I have a lazy eye too. Also I was/ am very awkward in society and had a tough time.
Right now, I just came to terms with it. I just keep myself entertained and work out a routine that is least stressful for me.
I shop either online or when i know there is very few people at the stores.

Eating healthy has helped my mood and self esteem tremendously, but excersising becomes too stressful so i dont force myself too much.
Having a dog has made me feel less lonely.

I did go to many doctors but being on medication only numbed me and did not serve as a solution.
I would still suggest you seek professional advise but just dont expect them to be a cure.

I think the bottom line is, you dont have to be super social.
Just because being popular is what modern culture thinks is important, doesn't mean you have to be one.

 

[Bat Vader]

I have a lazy eye too. Also I was/ am very awkward in society and had a tough time.
Right now, I just came to terms with it. I just keep myself entertained and work out a routine that is least stressful for me.
I shop either online or when i know there is very few people at the stores.

Eating healthy has helped my mood and self esteem tremendously, but excersising becomes too stressful so i dont force myself too much.
Having a dog has made me feel less lonely.

I did go to many doctors but being on medication only numbed me and did not serve as a solution.
I would still suggest you seek professional advise but just dont expect them to be a cure.

I think the bottom line is, you dont have to be super social.
Just because being popular is what modern culture thinks is important, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Mainly I just want help just to get over my fear and inability to pay a cashier and perhaps carry on a conversation if someone I don't know starts talking to me. I don't really plan on becoming very social since I am an introvert. I know I will most likely never get over my social anxiety but I at least want to learn to control it.

Plus, I do want to find a girlfriend in the future. I want to concentrate on my writing first and hopefully get a book published in the next 2-3 years.

 

[anxietyphobias]

I have psoriatic arthritis which started in 91 and had spread throughout my body by 2000. I also have rheumatoid arthritis in the knees and have had one panic attack about a year ago. What I found was very helpful for the arthritis is heat. Before I got on top of my arthritis I used to have a sauna just about every day and I found I got a lot of relief from the pain until I got out of bed the next morning.

 

[DisasterSoiree]

Society is an illusion. There are collections of individuals - people, persons, organized and self-selected into groups - but no such overarching concept as "society" actually exists. We humans are not ants in the hill. Mind this and you'll be fine.

 

[Rastien]

Hey dude i would highly advise looking into a low carb high protien diet, it really worked for me and friends i have suggested to do it i have lost 4 stone in about 6 months now if you want any advise drop me a message since the weight has come off i feel alot more relaxed being outside. Trust me i tried alot of diets and with this one as long as you like meat and cheese you will do fine on it.

 

[Angie7F]

Society is an illusion. There are collections of individuals - people, persons, organized and self-selected into groups - but no such overarching concept as "society" actually exists. We humans are not ants in the hill. Mind this and you'll be fine.

I think this is what I am trying to say too
I understand that you are okay with with not being "social" but at the same time, if you can see that how anyone sees you is totally irrelevant to how you experience your life and existence, it makes it a lot easier to relax.

I learnt this from my dog.
Also, being happier makes your body stronger too, so it cuts you out of a vicious circle of feeling mentally and physically bad.

 

[AldUK]

You are almost the exact same age as me. (Checked your profile, I'm 23rd of October 87) It seems like you feel very similar to how I feel from your post. I basically can't leave the house on my own anymore and I will spend weeks at a time in my bedroom, only leaving for bathroom breaks and food. I get the same feeling whenever I leave the house, that every single person around is looking at me, silently judging me for my appearance. (Doesn't help that I am 6"5 and very broad shouldered, so I genuinely do get misunderstood a lot simply from a look.)

I guess I can't really give you advice, because I'm in the same boat. I really don't trust psychiatric care either, I once spent time on a mental ward and it is an experience I hope never to repeat. I think the only way to improve your situation is to have the courage and support to go out and lead an active life.

But that is far, far easier said than done. But you do have your parents, that's something. More than I have.

 

[Bat Vader]

Thank You to everyone that has given me advice so far. I really appreciate it.

 

[JoshGod]

I used to have a lot of anxiety, (not as much as you though). However three months ago I was just fed up with my body, and my social situation. I had spent the previous year at uni with no friends, I hid in my room except for lectures and when I had to go shopping, I would wait until I was alone until I could cook (went hungry some nights) and washed up once a week to avoid others. On the other hand the small amount I would eat took me from about 18 to 16 and a half stone, but in the first two months of summer holidays I gained back a stone. I decided to do something about this due to an overwhelming feeling of self disgust. I remembered that someone else lost weight by walking while listening to audio books. I was keen to do this as there was no way I would run. I was determined and within a week I was walking about 20 miles a day (it hurt a lot). I couldn't keep it up as there was only a month of holidays left, however I got down to 16 stone by this point, and am still losing weight. It made a huge difference to my mood, I was much happier and was confident enough to interact with my new flat mates this year. And luckily they've really helped me come out of my shell.