Sex Appeal and You!

[Thaluikhain]

But, what really grinds my gears is the expectation that I'm supposed to be attractive and/or trying to attract people and that I'm failing as an adult by not bothering. And people who say totally useful things like "you'll find someone" and I'm not allowed to swear at them.

Well, what is the alternative? Hedonistically enjoying life until you die is not exactly a great success either.

Eh, I think it's related to how putting naked people in your movie makes it more "adult" and thus automatically better. Or something.

OTOH, maybe I'll get chased down a corridor by a fiery explosion and win points there.

 

[Gethsemani_v1legacy]

-When it comes to yourself, are you assured of your sexual appeal to others? How much of your Sexual Appeal do you feel factors in on how people treat you?

Some times? To be honest I don't consider my sex appeal that much. I'm in a committed relationship for over a decade, I've got no interest in infidelity or looking for another partner, so as long as my wife tells me I'm attractive, that's good enough for me.

That being said, I'm sure that some of the positive reactions I get on a daily basis has to do with the fact that I'm probably somewhere above average attractiveness.

-Does it factor in a little, a moderate amount, or to a high degree in your day to day life in terms of how you comport yourself during the day? i.e. Do you spend a good day getting ready to put your best self forward? Or do you think it's a useless waste of time and you merely go for hygiene above appearance? Do you ever use Sex Appeal to your advantage or are you a flirty person?

Very little. My job isn't well-suited for overt displays of sex appeal and I'm too lazy to bother with make-up daily, so I make sure I look presentable (sort of a must when working with people) but consciously tone down anything that might make my patients (or my co-workers) think of me in a sexual way. I can talk really dirty, but it is hardly in a flirty kind of way, more in the way that healthcare workers tend to do to vent stress.

-Do you operate on a certain Sexual Level other than Heterosexual, Homosexual, or Bisexual?

Nope.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Biromantic is new to me, but I find the idea assassinating. Is it that you can flirt and feel romantic attachment to a man as well as a woman, but you'd only want physical with a woman?

"Assassinating"?! LOL, auto-correct on a typo or something? Guess you mean 'fascinating', so I'll run with that. But yes, it is pretty much as you say.

These days, it's more flirt, I guess, though I tend not to, unless the person I'm flirting with is aware of what I'm doing and what my predilections are, which is rare, since gay guys may expect something more and be understandably disappointed since I'm not actually bisexual. So it'll generally be with gay friends who already have boyfriends. None of them are in my part of the world though. I can love a person romantically very easily, male or female, but I am, simply put, not sexually attracted to other men (either that or I just haven't found another man who gets a rise out of me).

The main reason I proclaim biromanticism is owing to a somewhat long non-sexual relationship I had with another guy when I was in my twenties (something his girlfriend and my then girlfriend knew about, and genuinely didn't mind) and haven't been in another like relationship since. Our level of intimacy was unique, shall we say... not quite him/Alexander me/Hephaestion (wouldn't be surprised if he said it was the other way around, but eh... was a while ago now), but something approaching that.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Not looking 'typically' black, or even being considered Mixed has helped me tremendously in a few ways. Insultingly in others. Not looking like a stereotypical gangbanger has lessened some of the impact of being a black male. Since I moved up here, I get asked if my mom or dad was white and that they did a good job in raising me to avoid all the pit falls.

Both of my parents are black. I'm just light skinned.

I don't know how many people know this, but there is a decent amount of animosity between some stereotypical ghetto black people and light skinned and clean cut looking black people. We're considered to sell out from the jump off. It's not all the time, and it's much akin to how an Urbane white person might look down at a redneck, but it's there.

Off topic, I?m sorry, but I just wanted to say that I completely relate to this.

Being born to a black mother of a very light complexion and a Hispanic father of brown complexion, I?ve spent a fair amount of my life explaining myself to people who only know my mother?s side of the family or who don?t know my father is from Panama. (Doesn?t help when my first name suggests Italian, my last name IS Hispanic and an apparent black guy walks in the door?)

From 50 feet away, I?m very much assumed to be ?just black,? and am all too familiar with being aware of myself so as to intercept any tacit negative ?black guy? stereotypes I fear I?m facing with many people; I speak proper English, am sometimes overly courteous, etc. Conversely, within the black community at large, I was often teased (not so much anymore in my mid-30s) for not being black enough and for being ?pretty.? I have my mother?s soft jaw, big eyes, long eyelashes, prominent cheekbones and my father?s straight hair and narrow nose, so I don?t stand up to a lot of black scrutiny. That dichotomy led to a lot of my current introversion and social anxieties; feeling alien both within groups of people who look like me and those who do not has made me very standoffish and reticent to open up to people readily.

Spoiler: I like hats

On topic and from one boring straight guy to another, you?re a good looking dude, my friend; you?ve got more to be proud of and flaunt than you?re giving yourself credit for!

 

[Silvanus]

-When it comes to yourself, are you assured of your sexual appeal to others?

I do not believe I am sexually appealing to others, no. My self-esteem is very low, and I tend to avoid reflective surfaces for that reason-- if I start thinking about my own physicality, it'll tank my mood in no time. For that reason, I cannot really imagine somebody being interested in me that way.

How much of your Sexual Appeal do you feel factors in on how people treat you?

I don't believe it's a factor at all.

-Does it factor in a little, a moderate amount, or to a high degree in your day to day life in terms of how you comport yourself during the day? i.e. Do you spend a good day getting ready to put your best self forward? Or do you think it's a useless waste of time and you merely go for hygiene above appearance? Do you ever use Sex Appeal to your advantage or are you a flirty person?

I don't believe it factors into my manner during my day-to-day life. I try not to think of myself that way, but if I do start thinking of my appearance/ physicality, it makes me withdrawn. I shrink into myself and want to avoid people.

If it's not on my mind, I can be perfectly amiable and personable.

-Do you operate on a certain Sexual Level other than Heterosexual, Homosexual, or Bisexual? I'm talking Pansexuality [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality], Demisexual [https://www.dictionary.com/e/gender-sexuality/demisexual/], Sapiosexual [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sapiosexual], Asexuality [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality].

I'm bisexual.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

So, in that note, I have a couple of questions in hopes to start a dialog.

-When it comes to yourself, are you assured of your sexual appeal to others? How much of your Sexual Appeal do you feel factors in on how people treat you?

- I'm relatively confident in my sex appeal. I'm not an Adonis but I do work out/powerlift and have a fairly built physique. I've had enough compliments and success with the opposite sex to know I'm at least moderately desirable.

-Does it factor in a little, a moderate amount, or to a high degree in your day to day life in terms of how you comport yourself during the day? i.e. Do you spend a good day getting ready to put your best self forward? Or do you think it's a useless waste of time and you merely go for hygiene above appearance? Do you ever use Sex Appeal to your advantage or are you a flirty person?

- On a day to day basis I would say not very much at all. When it comes to my appearence I only put forth real effort when I want to look good for my girlfriend or a special event. Today I decided I definitely did not need to shower and could get away with another day of dry shampoo.

Since I am in a relationship flirting with others isn't exactly something I engage in regularly. But due to my size (again, 6' 2" lifter) I am conscious semi regularly of how my appearance affects people around me. It can sometimes become the topic of conversation which makes me uncomfortable and I've even had negative experiences where people judge me as "just a meat head" before talking to me. I've gotten some hostile looks at my local game store while shopping for D&D minis or other things. On the other hand I've had women confess their attraction towards me and many of my friends have nice things to say about my appearance. So it kind of cuts both ways.

-Do you operate on a certain Sexual Level other than Heterosexual, Homosexual, or Bisexual? I'm talking Pansexuality [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality], Demisexual [https://www.dictionary.com/e/gender-sexuality/demisexual/], Sapiosexual [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sapiosexual], Asexuality [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality].

-I identify as exclusively heterosexual. I suppose some people might point to certain fetishes or bed room behaviors I've engaged in and make some judgements but I have only ever been interested in women.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I am hesitant to respond to this, because I feel it makes me sound arrogant or conceited or something but in reality it was just my personal experience...

While I'm glad of how you see yourself, it does bother me that society makes one hesitant to name their gifts. I remember as a kid, hiding the fact that I was smarter than average because I would be made fun of, called 'white' or whatever for just not being dumb. It made me not want to speak so I could just get along.

Even now, I changed to "Smarter than average" when I originally typed "A bit smart". I've always tried to reduce myself instead of embracing whatever I had, because I didn't want to stand out or sound stuck up.

As you know, you're just reporting on your truths. What happened in your life. I'm glad you shared with us. Thank you.

And thank you all for sharing your thoughts. I hope seeing that we're all going through our own journeys helps in anyway possible. It helped me when I was a kid to know that I wasn't alone in struggling with my feelings.

I never considered "appearance" a gift, when I think about gifts, I am more thankful for my intelligence, creativity and problem solving abilities rather than my appearance. I see how I am viewed appearance wise more of a problem with how society values women rather than a "gift" due to different cultures viewing it different ways. The culture I come from views me as " too skinny" and keeps trying to "fatten me up" due to what their cultural norms are for "attractive" while in western society I modeled in High School. In western culture, a woman's value is based on her appearance and I see that as a error in priorities, but that is only one of many error in priorities I see in western culture as they actually value a man's ability to play football more than they do his ability to find cures for disease. I see that as being all sorts of screwed up, but not being resolved any time soon.

As for speaking up about expereinces with appearance, no one likes a braggart, and people see it as bragging to discuss how unfairly society treats people based on these screwed up priorities. It is viewed by those who have not received such treatment as "rubbing it in" and to make them feel bad, when in reality it is that society is screwed up that causes this imbalance based on appearance. It is easier to just hate and blame those who have benefited from this rather than actually try to change society itself. Even though I see it as a bad thing for people to prioritize appearance over things that really matter, I have also benefitted from them doing so. I would however, very much rather have people remember me for my actual achievements rather than being that "pretty girl with the nice rack". Reducing people to be judged and remembered primarily for their appearance is not what I really consider a gift, but instead in the end is rather insulting, as one day when I am old, wrinkled and gray maybe just maybe people will value what I have done more than my cup size.

 

[Baffle]

This isn't something I've really given much thought to for years - I've been married for ~13 years and I tend not to be hugely concerned with what people might think of my appearance. Having thought about it now, I'd probably give myself a resounding 'eh, he'll do'. I'm okay. I am unlikely to give anyone a boner while I'm doing the shopping, but small children and nervous animals do not run away at the sight of me either.

I do not think my sex appeal affects how people treat me. But I smile a lot (only when I'm talking to people, at all other times I have terrible resting ***** face), and people like that and respond well to it. I have British teeth (they're fine, but not weirdly film-star perfect). I do not believe my smiles give people erections.

I put little effort into my appearance on an immediate basis (that is, getting ready to go out). I started to go bald at a fairly young age (~24 I think), so I've been shaving my head since then, hence have no hair-doing requirements. Since I got a dog most of my clothes are somewhat tattered (he's a chewer), but I rarely think about that. I often have a week's worth of stubble around my usual beard shape (the beard comes and goes). As I write this, I am surprised I gave myself an 'okay' above, but I still think it anyway (and, more, if anyone disagrees it doesn't matter, they can just fuck off). On a more long-term basis, I do make an effort, which is to say I go to the gym or go running pretty much every day.

I think if I didn't have a long-term partner I would probably be more concerned about these things, though whenever I imagine what my life would be like if I got divorced, there isn't a significant other - I just have loads of dogs.

 

[Kwak]

Sex appeal is not a realistic part of my life as a loner loser. My main concern is not looking too crazy or creepy. I usually go for plain, casual but neat appearance when I remember to, but I do wear things that are often too old and worn out without realising that will make me stick out in a negative way. I cut my hair short and only let it grow out a bit so it doesn't really get to the stage of needing maintenance, and shave once a week. I frequently leave the house without looking in the mirror, and have to remind myself this is something I shouldn't be doing, and should at least just be checking there's not shit on my face or patches of obvious unshaven stubble.

I occasionally have periods of delusion where I imagine a woman finding me attractive would be nice and exciting, but then I remind myself how futile that would be as I am nothing like a normal person and could never give them anything resembling happiness - just a gradual decrease in romantic optimism and hope as they realise what a limited dead-end I am - so these yearnings pass to be replaced by my normal seething cynicism and non-specific misanthropy.

As to the sex-appeal of others to me, I notice it but know that I'm not the intended audience, so I try to take a zen attitude to it - not grasping, just appreciating it in the moment and watching it pass.
And then obviously alcohol for the inevitable periods of depression that follow.

I think to be attractive is about attitude and energy, and while I could possibly force myself to do it or possibly have it during a bi-polar manic episode, it's not an energy that is natural to me and couldn't be maintained, so it will be a fake, temporary energy which would be ethically wrong to pretend is who I am.

 

[Catfood220]

Sex appeal? I have none. My plan is to die alone and be eaten by the 72 cats that I intend to own at some point. Hence the username.

So does anyone know where I can get 70 more cats from? Cats Protection League will only let me have 2.

(Yes, I am wallowing in self pity. Seriously, what is the Cats Protection Leagues problem with the amount of cats they will let a person have?)

 

[Baffle]

Seriously, what is the Cats Protection Leagues problem with the amount of cats they will let a person have?

Generally cats don't get on well with other cats in their territory, so there is always a risk when introducing new cats that either the new cat or the existing cat will run away and become a stray. It is at the least temporarily distressing for them (though they will often get over it). In my limited experience this is a far greater problem with female cats; them male cats I've had (and have) could rarely give a shit about anything.

That said, we got two kittens (boy and girl, but were both supposed to be boys) from a shelter about a year ago and our current cat (female, about 12 years old) did not like them at all, but she's settled perfectly well with them now (but much more with boy than girl).

Smaller, independent shelters that don't have the level of funding the CPL have are more likely to home cats with you. They didn't even ask when we got the kittens.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Seriously, what is the Cats Protection Leagues problem with the amount of cats they will let a person have?

Generally cats don't get on well with other cats in their territory, so there is always a risk when introducing new cats that either the new cat or the existing cat will run away and become a stray. It is at the least temporarily distressing for them (though they will often get over it). In my limited experience this is a far greater problem with female cats; them male cats I've had (and have) could rarely give a shit about anything.

That said, we got two kittens (boy and girl, but were both supposed to be boys) from a shelter about a year ago and our current cat (female, about 12 years old) did not like them at all, but she's settled perfectly well with them now (but much more with boy than girl).

Smaller, independent shelters that don't have the level of funding the CPL have are more likely to home cats with you. They didn't even ask when we got the kittens.

On my parents farm there is a cat " colony" of barn cats (20+) that are quite social with one another. The females look after each other's kittens and clean behind each other's ears, not run new cats off. The males are generally protective fending off predators and frequently bring back food to share with other cats. Cats do sometimes fight with other cats, but I think they are more like humans in that aspect. Some cats get along with certain cats and do not get along with others, just as humans do. Cats are not " anti social" as a whole, it is that they have varying levels, just like people do. I have always had multiple house cats and overall, they have gotten along rather well. The 3 I have curently sleep all balled up together even as adults, even though they came from different mothers at different times.

More on social structures of cat colonies:
http://www.metaphoricalplatypus.com/articles/animals/cats/big-cats-and-small-wild-cats/social-structure-of-feral-cat-colonies/

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Not easy to answer. Am gonna try but in spoiler clicky cause if I ever have to glance over the words again, there's more than a likely chance I'd regret and hate and delete them like various other posts before that have tried to go into actual personal rambling stuff, which am thinking is probably considered rude in the ones that were intended quoting of other people, but the thought of the words being left there was marginally worse than the thought of another person thinking me as rude more, though no less guilty about it.

Spoiler

Oops. Sorry. Need to stop posting while off meds. Not a good habit.

 

[Saint of M]

I am built like a GOD! he just happens to be Dyanisus

 

[Paragon Fury]

-When it comes to yourself, are you assured of your sexual appeal to others? How much of your Sexual Appeal do you feel factors in on how people treat you?

-Does it factor in a little, a moderate amount, or to a high degree in your day to day life in terms of how you comport yourself during the day? i.e. Do you spend a good day getting ready to put your best self forward? Or do you think it's a useless waste of time and you merely go for hygiene above appearance? Do you ever use Sex Appeal to your advantage or are you a flirty person?

-Do you operate on a certain Sexual Level other than Heterosexual, Homosexual, or Bisexual?

1: I know my sex appeal is non-existent. Poor social skills outside professional situations, neither witty or particularly clever (and only slightly above average as far as intelligence is concerned, so not enough to be a draw) and I'm noticeably ugly; basically I permanently look like I just lost a fistfight. So it's a no on both personality and looks.

2: Not really. I just make sure I'm cleaned up and respectably dressed when I go outside and that's about it. Though I ain't shaving on weekends.

3: Nope.

 

[Bernzz]

-When it comes to yourself, are you assured of your sexual appeal to others? How much of your Sexual Appeal do you feel factors in on how people treat you?

-Does it factor in a little, a moderate amount, or to a high degree in your day to day life in terms of how you comport yourself during the day? i.e. Do you spend a good day getting ready to put your best self forward? Or do you think it's a useless waste of time and you merely go for hygiene above appearance? Do you ever use Sex Appeal to your advantage or are you a flirty person?

-Do you operate on a certain Sexual Level other than Heterosexual, Homosexual, or Bisexual? I'm talking Pansexuality [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality], Demisexual [https://www.dictionary.com/e/gender-sexuality/demisexual/], Sapiosexual [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sapiosexual], Asexuality [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality].

1. I think I'm, okay. I know my girlfriend finds me sexy, which is the most important thing, though I'm self conscious enough to worry about how people perceive me. I'm sure I probably get ignored or ghosted online a lot because I look average at best to most people, so my looks don't warrant me much extra attention.

2. I do value hygiene, yeah. If I'm going out I ensure the basics, hair is washed (I have long hair) and face is clean shaven (I can't grow a beard for shit). I don't put too much effort in though. My hair requires a quick comb and I don't wear anything too time intensive, so I'm pretty low effort fashion wise. I'm comfortable enough with that.

3. Nah. I'm mildly bicurious at best, but essentially heterosexual for all intents and purposes. Heterosexual with occasional curiosity.

 

[Chewster]

1. I'm a bit overweight these days since I haven't had a lot of time to gym it up recently it up but I can grow a mighty beard, have a full head of hair, a nice-looking face, can hold a decent conversation and I'm funny in a crass sort of way, especially after I've had a few so I feel like that makes up for everything else. PROTIP: if you're fat, develop a personality. It helps a lot.

I think I've become more confident, especially the older I get. I was in a somewhat toxic relationship for a long time and was only really single for about six months for the first time in a while before meeting my current girlfriend a few months ago. In that time, I went on a few dates with some lovely people so I guess I can't be that ugly. I also have confidence in how I dress because a number of years ago I decided to make fashion more of a priority in my life. You don't really have to spend a lot to be fashionable, just find good bargains, shop at thrift stores and learn how to colour coordinate and stuff like that.

All that said, I did go though a dry spell of about two years a while back and that wasn't very fun but shit happens.

2. Not a lot of the time day to day. I dress well enough for my job but I put a bit more effort in when my girlfriend comes to visit. I'll tidy up my place and maybe use conditioner and wear slightly nicer clothes or whatever. People appreciate the little things.

3. Nah, just a straight cis white dude, nothing especially interesting to see here.

Damn, I feel so normal, reading everyone else's responses. Buck up y'all, it's probably not as bad as you think.

 

[Kae]

1. I've always been confident of being sexually atractive given that both men and women have hit on me on more ocassions that I would like, it is probably relevant to mention that I'm an effeminate looking guy, and particularly when I was younger up until I was 25 I was so feminine in my features that despite not necessarily dressing in a girly way some people would refer to me as miss or se?orita to be exact since I do live in M?xico, but yes I've always been somewhat good looking, not so much anymore because I don't take very good care of myself and my hair is a complete mess, if I get some nice clothes and fix my hair though I'd likely could look good again, helps that despite being 28 most people still think I'm 21 or 22.

2. It doesn't factor much, I'm very antisocial and don't care much for what people think of me, however sometimes I do get a little bit vain and make sure to look good, but since I've been broke for half a decade I don't have any good clothes since I prefer to spend my earnings in books, videogames and movies, I haven't even been to a hairdresser in over 3 years. However when I was younger sures, I would make sure to dress nicely in something that would make me look cute and sexually ambiguous[footnote]Surprisingly easy back then too, since I'd just dress like a Goth Emo girl with an oversized hoodie and that was it since my face and hair were already girly, though sometimes I'd use glossy lipstick and paint my nails black, it helped that I still passed for a High School girl up until I was 25.[/footnote] since I had found out that people go easier on cute girls and back then I was kind off a pickpocket and it was easier to get away with it that way if I pretended to cry, be scared or in the case of some guys to be interested in their butt, and I had a phase in which I would dress like a character from the Matrix, yes that's as absurd as you're thinking.

3. Probably, I don't think about it much but in reality I've only had one meaningful romantic relationship and since that ended I've never felt the need to seek such a thing out again, and it didn't even end poorly it just sort of fizzled out and we both had plans that led us to different places, I've tried fooling around with both men and women since then, but it's not appealing relationships and even casual sex seem like too much work for very little fulfillment, I get much more out of a movie than I get out of an orgasm, in reality it is very likely that I'm demisexual since I don't particularly care for what people are or even what I am[footnote]By which I mean that I wouldn't care if I could literally change gender like Mystique from X-Men or Ranma, I don't consider being male an important part of me, in fact I don't consider being human an important part of me either but that's neither here nor there.[/footnote], I am not opposed to relationships but I'm also not thrilled but if I find someone whom I enjoy their company on that level I'd go for it, but while I'm not there I don't stress over it and my sex drive is so low that I don't even feel the need to masturbate.

 

[Saint of M]

Q-When it comes to yourself, are you assured of your sexual appeal to others? How much of your Sexual Appeal do you feel factors in on how people treat you?

A. I guess I'm decent for a fluffy person (4th level of big, right after Big, Healthy, and Husky, and before Damn and Hell No). Not sure. As for how much it factors in how much its affected how others have trated me, not sure.


Q. Does it factor in a little, a moderate amount, or to a high degree in your day to day life in terms of how you comport yourself during the day? i.e. Do you spend a good day getting ready to put your best self forward? Or do you think it's a useless waste of time and you merely go for hygiene above appearance? Do you ever use Sex Appeal to your advantage or are you a flirty person?


A. Very little. I shave every other day, dress comfortably, and most of the time just try not to look like a slob, but other times just go screw it. Granted if an attractive girl comes through, I do what every other guy does and get their shoulders raised and strait, and their gut sucked in until she passess. As for flirty, I am confident in some areas, but havn't been on the dating scene in a while to have a solid answer.

Q. Do you operate on a certain Sexual Level other than Heterosexual, Homosexual, or Bisexual?

A. George Clooney and George Takai do not count!!!

 

[Drathnoxis]

I don't concern myself with such things. Just a lot of effort for headaches.