Sharks Guard World's First Xbox One

[Micalas]

Sand Tiger Sharks are generally placid and present only a minimal threat to human beings.

However, after being exposed to Call of Duty Multiplayer, delivered via the medium of an installed Xbox One, the sharks demonstrated a rapid and uncontrolled increase in aggression towards all living things. It should be noted that their ire would be directed most virulently against teenage and pre-teen human males. Whilst the test was originally slated to last for three months, on the seventh day the New Zealand Airforce was forced to carpet bomb the site after the sharks staged an apparent coup and began systematically devouring individuals both inside and outside the building, having seemingly mastered the power of flight. The total death toll has yet to be calculated and the remains of at least one of the twenty sharks remains unaccounted for.

A Microsoft representative was unavailable for comment.

I'd pay big money for a shark to call me a fag after he killed me in CoD. A story I could tell my grandkids one day.

 

[Hero in a half shell]

You misunderstand- the sharks aren't there to protect the Xbox One from the public. They're there to protect the public from the Xbox One, like the prison they put Magneto in, except underwater and surrounded by sharks.

Occasionally the Nintendo 64 comes to visit and they play pong.

I'd love to see someone steal it and replace it with a VCR.

 

[Shamanic Rhythm]

Promotional stunt? Or... Microsoft testing a replacement for the 24hr DRM?

"No one will pirate our games while playing underwater and surrounded by sharks!"

 

[soren7550]

That's not a real X-Box One. Microsoft has said again and again that the XB1 requires Kinect. And there's no Kinect in that waterproof box.

Damn, that made me laugh good.

More on topic, I kinda fail to see the point in this marketing.

 

[Rutskarn]

After a daring, Ocean's 11 style raid, a band of eager gamers opens up the box to discover the Xbox One is in fact a mimic octopus.

In lieu of any "thumbs up" system to simply and concisely mark approval of a comment, I'll just leave one of my own saying that I found this amusing.

If I were a console partisan, I'd probably also make a joke about mimic octopus skin having a higher resolution.

 

[SH4DOWSL4Y3R]

You misunderstand- the sharks aren't there to protect the Xbox One from the public. They're there to protect the public from the Xbox One, like the prison they put Magneto in, except underwater and surrounded by sharks.

I will admit, i had a very good laugh at this. I in turn, give you the highest honour i can grant. Praise from an internet stranger!

 

[Strazdas]

They were going to provide specially adapted controllers for the sharks, but they've just annouced that the shark adapated controllers wont be available for launch.

arent sharks supposed to do everything with voice commands anyway?

So what happens if the box leaks?

Sharks get electrocuted because Xbox is ALWAYS ON.

Sand Tiger Sharks are generally placid and present only a minimal threat to human beings.

However, after being exposed to Call of Duty Multiplayer, delivered via the medium of an installed Xbox One, the sharks demonstrated a rapid and uncontrolled increase in aggression towards all living things. It should be noted that their ire would be directed most virulently against teenage and pre-teen human males. Whilst the test was originally slated to last for three months, on the seventh day the New Zealand Airforce was forced to carpet bomb the site after the sharks staged an apparent coup and began systematically devouring individuals both inside and outside the building, having seemingly mastered the power of flight. The total death toll has yet to be calculated and the remains of at least one of the twenty sharks remains unaccounted for.

A Microsoft representative was unavailable for comment.

This was more interesting than the article itself.