A while back i wrote a short story, it's an interesting read, if nothing else.
It's basically a few ideas i had rolling around in my head and, put them to type!
Tell me what you think eh? posting it here, because i just want some feedback on it.
Compliments, tips, criticisms, ya know?
The Woods.
We're walking along a dusty path, the sun has well and truly set, and the stars are out and shining. Usually we'd have stopped and camped off of the side of the road, but tonight i'm feeling energetic. I could go walk, all night. For all eternity, hell. It's all i've got to do, and all i've ever done. Walk the path. Might as well get further while inspired.
The scenery is quite inspiring. To our left we see almost endless rolling hills, with thigh-high grass being swept by the end, and just on visions hazy edge the sea tumbles and crashes onto a slight beach. Thrilling.
To our right is a thick, dense foreboding forest. It's like a wall of greenery, even though in literality it isn't. There's plenty of space between the trunks, but even during day...the light can't penetrate more than a few metres into the thick underbrush. We've always pondered why that is. It certainly does help give the forest that foreboding, soul-losing sense though. Weaker people fear to turn their backs on the forest for a few moments, the aura it gives off is that thick.
Except for me. I've always been the exception to the rule in that sense. The forests aura provokes curiosity, not fear. Always at that peace, normal worries don't get to me as they do to others. I've had people say, "Are you crazy?" or "I'd have trouble finding someone as tranquil as you..."
Which gets me pondering even more. Am i crazy? or just a pure peace? What side of the scales am i at? The middle surely not. Anything but average. But neither side of the spectrum applies, either. Ah well. Exception to the rule.
We continue walking down the road in silence, this adrenaline that has allowed me to walk for hours on end seems to have awoken thoughts i had hoped laid dormant to rise up again. Perhaps i'm just aging. Perhaps i need some sleep.
"Let's rest, now..actually. Haha. I'm afraid i'll have to break that promise to you, about walking all night. I just..need rest." I sullenly explain, feeling a bit more than slightly foolish.
"Alright, i'll go grab some firewood. Set up the tent." Comes the reply.
To tired to set up the tent, all of a sudden. I place down two sleeping sacks from the travel backpack, and lay down to rest. Waiting for my companion to come back with the firewood.
Then i stop and think, we never had a tent, did we? Ah. Well. My hearing must be failing me. Or maybe i really am going crazy.
Too tired to really give a crap, i quickly fall asleep. Before my companion comes back so i can ask about the tent.
We sleep late into the morning. How thrilling. Skipping breakfast, i pack up the sleeping sacks and we head out. The day goes by fairly quickly, there's much conversation shared.
Before we know it the sun's gone down, and the forest's brooding sense thickens.
Walking along, trading more casual conversation, we notice a path going into the forest. Now this isn't the occasional dark-trip into the metaphorical abyss path that people are merely superstitious of (or perhaps i'm too thick skinned to it's impending danger.), but a lit one. little fireflies, or whatever they are, dance around alien plants and flowers next to each side of the path. It's...pretty magical.
I don't doubt a phenomena like this has yet to be seen. Nigh a soul could have stumbled across this, because it's majestic enough for the whole world to know.
"Why don't we go in, and have a looky-see, hmm? This could be a ticket to fame." My companion, openly muses.
Inspiration strikes like a bolt of lightning, of course.
"Okay, that sounds great! I think we should go a maybe collect a few plant samples, maybe one of the things creating one of those, peculiar lights? It'd unlock so much knowledge, perhaps. A new light source? what medicinal plants could these act out?" I'm getting fairly excited just thinking of these possibilities. Much more excited than my normal self.
"I'unno," comes the reply "Maybe we should go into the further depths, who knows what kind of mystical things could be waiting to be plucked for our desires, i mean. Maybe there's a species further in that does some miracle cure. Money, money, money!"
I suddenly development a minor resentment of my companion. Money. Pfft. I've fulfilled many and most of my desires just by walking, a feeling at inner peace. Almost happy i am..almost. I'll humour 'em for now.
"Alright, but...for money purposes? If we find something particularly exquisite there's not chance it's to be even touched, alright?"
"But..."
I cross my arms and stare at the ground in front of me, the kind of thing to melt mental walls and shift wills. Immoveable.
After a few moments "Fine. I want a larger sum of money, if this all turns out alright, though."
"Hmph." I set a stern pace onto the path, a walk with a purpose. I don't look back to see if my companions following. They're not stupid enough to argue at a time like this, to miss out on a chance like this. It's that beautiful. Trust me.
With luck there will be something more majestic, a landmark of beauty further in. The reason i'm not going into detail on these plants and lights is that, it's. Just. Indescribable, any explanation would sound terrible. Just an, array of plants, they don't look all too special, just slightly variated common variety plants..but. They just give off this sense of peace, and tranquility. Good times, good health.
Walking further in, the plants did indeed grow brighter and more majestic, and just generally better, in a sense. a pleasurable walk and meander, for us. We knew we could never ruin the perfect ecosystem these plants had by handing them to man, it'd just demolish the place, and fuck it up. Just like most things we go near. No. We'll observe. Nothing more.
We walk for hours. There's no gap in the trees above except for a slimlinein the canopy, right above us. From what i could see, not the northern star, but the colour of the sky, it was still deep night. Excellent. We didn't worry about getting back. We didn't worry about getting lost. It was, simple, enjoyable, bliss.
Eventually we come to a point where the path widens, and there's a massive outline, and without a thougth, we run up to it, and investigate. I feel so excited, what could it be? We look around the gigantic object, feeling as excited as a child anticipating a present on christmas morning.
And suddenly, many of the fireflies (that's what we hope they are, at least. after a bit of discussion, that's what it'd be easiest to call them.) fly over and light up this large mass, and, we tremble excitely (very uncharacteristic for me) waiting to have a look see.
Eventually enough fireflies gather to light up this object..and..it's a giant flower, unbloomed, massive, like i said. white petals, with yellow outlines. I would never dare touch it, it's so fragile, and beautiful. If this were a woman, i'd be in love, just by the beauty. tears frame my eyes. I hear my companion's gasp. They must be as enticed as i am.
Then, the most magical thing happens, It blooms!, blooms, for god's sake! as it blooms, my emotions overflow. A large yellow stalk sits in the middle of the flower, nigh a recorded thing in history could be like this. The tranquility and peace overflow and fill my soul, i lose the childish excitishness, and peace flows through my veins. Simply, perfect.
We're in the woods. We're in heaven. But then, i stop and think...
...Who Are we?
A creepy feeling of dread crawls up my spine. I actually have no idea who my companion is..and..when did we meet up? Who...
I begin trembling again. This is too weird, why did i never notice?!
"Is everything alright?" I hear the voice i'd become accustomed too.
I sweep around, to look at them, and...
Pitch black. What?!
I swoop back around, the flower will give me solace, in the short time i've known it, it became my all.
But the flowers not there. In fact. I can't see anything. Where the fuck am i? i look around, and just pitch black. I look up, and there's a thin skyline in the canopy. I can just make out the night sky. I panic, shit, shit, fuck, crap! what the hells going on? I stumble forward, and my hands come to a rough surface, i sweep around a bit, and recognise the feel, it's wood. Shit. A tree. I must be somewhere deep in the woods, the dense, deep, dark, woods.
I stop, and sit down, resting against the tree. I listen, and try my best to see something, anything. After about 2 minutes, or..hours. Of looking around, all i can make out is the glare of the eyes of the...creatures...of..the night..nice.
I perk up my ears, and listen. I can hear heavy breathing off somewhere to the left. A yowl in the distance. Any weaker man would've gone crazy by now, tried to run, to find a fucking way out. They would have been shredded. No.
I just sit there. And then. I laugh, a small one at first, but it builds up, to a hearty laugh. I laugh til i cry. I fall over, and roll around in hysterics.
I guess i really am crazy.
End. =]
It's basically a few ideas i had rolling around in my head and, put them to type!
Tell me what you think eh? posting it here, because i just want some feedback on it.
Compliments, tips, criticisms, ya know?
The Woods.
We're walking along a dusty path, the sun has well and truly set, and the stars are out and shining. Usually we'd have stopped and camped off of the side of the road, but tonight i'm feeling energetic. I could go walk, all night. For all eternity, hell. It's all i've got to do, and all i've ever done. Walk the path. Might as well get further while inspired.
The scenery is quite inspiring. To our left we see almost endless rolling hills, with thigh-high grass being swept by the end, and just on visions hazy edge the sea tumbles and crashes onto a slight beach. Thrilling.
To our right is a thick, dense foreboding forest. It's like a wall of greenery, even though in literality it isn't. There's plenty of space between the trunks, but even during day...the light can't penetrate more than a few metres into the thick underbrush. We've always pondered why that is. It certainly does help give the forest that foreboding, soul-losing sense though. Weaker people fear to turn their backs on the forest for a few moments, the aura it gives off is that thick.
Except for me. I've always been the exception to the rule in that sense. The forests aura provokes curiosity, not fear. Always at that peace, normal worries don't get to me as they do to others. I've had people say, "Are you crazy?" or "I'd have trouble finding someone as tranquil as you..."
Which gets me pondering even more. Am i crazy? or just a pure peace? What side of the scales am i at? The middle surely not. Anything but average. But neither side of the spectrum applies, either. Ah well. Exception to the rule.
We continue walking down the road in silence, this adrenaline that has allowed me to walk for hours on end seems to have awoken thoughts i had hoped laid dormant to rise up again. Perhaps i'm just aging. Perhaps i need some sleep.
"Let's rest, now..actually. Haha. I'm afraid i'll have to break that promise to you, about walking all night. I just..need rest." I sullenly explain, feeling a bit more than slightly foolish.
"Alright, i'll go grab some firewood. Set up the tent." Comes the reply.
To tired to set up the tent, all of a sudden. I place down two sleeping sacks from the travel backpack, and lay down to rest. Waiting for my companion to come back with the firewood.
Then i stop and think, we never had a tent, did we? Ah. Well. My hearing must be failing me. Or maybe i really am going crazy.
Too tired to really give a crap, i quickly fall asleep. Before my companion comes back so i can ask about the tent.
We sleep late into the morning. How thrilling. Skipping breakfast, i pack up the sleeping sacks and we head out. The day goes by fairly quickly, there's much conversation shared.
Before we know it the sun's gone down, and the forest's brooding sense thickens.
Walking along, trading more casual conversation, we notice a path going into the forest. Now this isn't the occasional dark-trip into the metaphorical abyss path that people are merely superstitious of (or perhaps i'm too thick skinned to it's impending danger.), but a lit one. little fireflies, or whatever they are, dance around alien plants and flowers next to each side of the path. It's...pretty magical.
I don't doubt a phenomena like this has yet to be seen. Nigh a soul could have stumbled across this, because it's majestic enough for the whole world to know.
"Why don't we go in, and have a looky-see, hmm? This could be a ticket to fame." My companion, openly muses.
Inspiration strikes like a bolt of lightning, of course.
"Okay, that sounds great! I think we should go a maybe collect a few plant samples, maybe one of the things creating one of those, peculiar lights? It'd unlock so much knowledge, perhaps. A new light source? what medicinal plants could these act out?" I'm getting fairly excited just thinking of these possibilities. Much more excited than my normal self.
"I'unno," comes the reply "Maybe we should go into the further depths, who knows what kind of mystical things could be waiting to be plucked for our desires, i mean. Maybe there's a species further in that does some miracle cure. Money, money, money!"
I suddenly development a minor resentment of my companion. Money. Pfft. I've fulfilled many and most of my desires just by walking, a feeling at inner peace. Almost happy i am..almost. I'll humour 'em for now.
"Alright, but...for money purposes? If we find something particularly exquisite there's not chance it's to be even touched, alright?"
"But..."
I cross my arms and stare at the ground in front of me, the kind of thing to melt mental walls and shift wills. Immoveable.
After a few moments "Fine. I want a larger sum of money, if this all turns out alright, though."
"Hmph." I set a stern pace onto the path, a walk with a purpose. I don't look back to see if my companions following. They're not stupid enough to argue at a time like this, to miss out on a chance like this. It's that beautiful. Trust me.
With luck there will be something more majestic, a landmark of beauty further in. The reason i'm not going into detail on these plants and lights is that, it's. Just. Indescribable, any explanation would sound terrible. Just an, array of plants, they don't look all too special, just slightly variated common variety plants..but. They just give off this sense of peace, and tranquility. Good times, good health.
Walking further in, the plants did indeed grow brighter and more majestic, and just generally better, in a sense. a pleasurable walk and meander, for us. We knew we could never ruin the perfect ecosystem these plants had by handing them to man, it'd just demolish the place, and fuck it up. Just like most things we go near. No. We'll observe. Nothing more.
We walk for hours. There's no gap in the trees above except for a slimlinein the canopy, right above us. From what i could see, not the northern star, but the colour of the sky, it was still deep night. Excellent. We didn't worry about getting back. We didn't worry about getting lost. It was, simple, enjoyable, bliss.
Eventually we come to a point where the path widens, and there's a massive outline, and without a thougth, we run up to it, and investigate. I feel so excited, what could it be? We look around the gigantic object, feeling as excited as a child anticipating a present on christmas morning.
And suddenly, many of the fireflies (that's what we hope they are, at least. after a bit of discussion, that's what it'd be easiest to call them.) fly over and light up this large mass, and, we tremble excitely (very uncharacteristic for me) waiting to have a look see.
Eventually enough fireflies gather to light up this object..and..it's a giant flower, unbloomed, massive, like i said. white petals, with yellow outlines. I would never dare touch it, it's so fragile, and beautiful. If this were a woman, i'd be in love, just by the beauty. tears frame my eyes. I hear my companion's gasp. They must be as enticed as i am.
Then, the most magical thing happens, It blooms!, blooms, for god's sake! as it blooms, my emotions overflow. A large yellow stalk sits in the middle of the flower, nigh a recorded thing in history could be like this. The tranquility and peace overflow and fill my soul, i lose the childish excitishness, and peace flows through my veins. Simply, perfect.
We're in the woods. We're in heaven. But then, i stop and think...
...Who Are we?
A creepy feeling of dread crawls up my spine. I actually have no idea who my companion is..and..when did we meet up? Who...
I begin trembling again. This is too weird, why did i never notice?!
"Is everything alright?" I hear the voice i'd become accustomed too.
I sweep around, to look at them, and...
Pitch black. What?!
I swoop back around, the flower will give me solace, in the short time i've known it, it became my all.
But the flowers not there. In fact. I can't see anything. Where the fuck am i? i look around, and just pitch black. I look up, and there's a thin skyline in the canopy. I can just make out the night sky. I panic, shit, shit, fuck, crap! what the hells going on? I stumble forward, and my hands come to a rough surface, i sweep around a bit, and recognise the feel, it's wood. Shit. A tree. I must be somewhere deep in the woods, the dense, deep, dark, woods.
I stop, and sit down, resting against the tree. I listen, and try my best to see something, anything. After about 2 minutes, or..hours. Of looking around, all i can make out is the glare of the eyes of the...creatures...of..the night..nice.
I perk up my ears, and listen. I can hear heavy breathing off somewhere to the left. A yowl in the distance. Any weaker man would've gone crazy by now, tried to run, to find a fucking way out. They would have been shredded. No.
I just sit there. And then. I laugh, a small one at first, but it builds up, to a hearty laugh. I laugh til i cry. I fall over, and roll around in hysterics.
I guess i really am crazy.
End. =]