Should the partner be present during childbirth?

[robot slipper]

When I had my baby, my partner was there. To be honest at the time, I wouldn't have cared if he was there or not (or even if there was a giant radioactive squid in the room), I just wanted the baby out of me. The only thing that my partner was good for was handing me my bottle of water between contractions. However, once the baby was out it was an amazing sight to see our baby for the first time. Later, my partner said he hadn't even realised what the gender of the baby was (despite me and the midwife having a discreet peek and proclaiming "it's a boy"!) because he was so overcome by seeing the baby lying there that he was stunned and everything going on around him was blocked out.

In summary, I think it would be something that the man would hugely be missing out on if he wasn't there. I mean, how many times in your life do you get to see a life that you helped create take it's first breath? And like many previous posters have mentioned, no one's going to force you to look if you're squeamish.

 

[Trivun]

Woman's choice. It's as simple as that. However, there may be some circumstances where it's fine for the dad to be away even if the mother wants them there. In my own case, my Dad was working down in London when my mother's waters broke and she started giving birth to me, so although he immediately left work to come back to the Midlands to be there he still missed my actual birth - not his fault, just circumstance. But in general, the mother should be the one to choose who is present for the actual birth, especially given most hospital delivery rooms only allow one person with the mother aside from the midwives/doctors/etc...

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

lastest one as of yesterday

Congratulations!! :O)

OT: Oh, he's going to be there, even if I have to handcuff the pair of us together(!!!!) But I'm determined that "there" is not going to be a hospital, unless things start going pear-shaped.

 

[Easton Dark]

Besides, it'd be pretty boring otherwise, it can take a looong time. Don't really wanna go through that on my own.

You could get the Tetris high score with how long it can take.

"there" is not going to be a hospital, unless things start going pear-shaped.

The... place that's best equipped to handle emergencies if they pop up? Why not?

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

"there" is not going to be a hospital, unless things start going pear-shaped.

The... place that's best equipped to handle emergencies if they pop up? Why not?

Because I hate hospitals, and i would far rather go through childbirth in an environment that I feel comfortable in. Plus, at home, I'd have a midwife that was focused on me, and me alone, (two being present for the birth itself), instead of having to share a hospital-based midwife between up to eight women.

I'm not saying I wouldn't go into hospital if I needed to, but studies have shown that homebirths lead to less complications and interventions than hospital births. Also that transfers into hospitals have little effect on the time taken to arrange such interventions (assisted deliveries and caesarians)

They're my reasons, and I appreciate that some won't agree, and some, like my own mother(!) will think I'm completely bonkers, but it's something I've thought about a lot.

 

[Easton Dark]

studies have shown that homebirths lead to less complications and interventions than hospital births. Also that transfers into hospitals have little effect on the time taken to arrange such interventions (assisted deliveries and caesarians)

They're my reasons, and I appreciate that some won't agree, and some, like my own mother(!) will think I'm completely bonkers, but it's something I've thought about a lot.

As long as your partner is fine with all the laundry he'll have to be doing

I'd be a constant worrier of if it would take to long to get to the hospital if something came up. But if the risk is worth it, sure. No real problem with it.

 

[Zen Toombs]

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Golfing is SERIOUS BUSINESS.

[small]PS, hi, how're you Caramel? And what's your fancy new avatar from/doing?[/small]

Even a guy who's career is to golf, I think he'd want to see his wife give labor. Only certain if not specific situations would excuse you from golfing but yet again that's just my guess.

Working a bit to earn money but happy overall, thus it's great to hear from you Zen :} my Avatar (which I have managed to keep for months now, new record!) and I are trying to do good here on the website. What bout you?

Nods. The only reason I can think of that would excuse a guy missing his wife's labor for golf would be if his wife went into premature labor and he didn't hear about it. Or if he's playing golf to... determine the fate of the world, I guess.

[small]been super busy. got a kitty, sending in manuscript to an undergraduate journal and waiting approval to send a poster to a national conference. super super busy.[/small]

 

[Muspelheim]

It depends. Orders are orders, but knowing me, I'd probably be posted to nervously pace back and forth in the waiting room with half a pack of cigarettes in my mouth.

But of course, if I'm wanted, I'll suck it up and be there. It's just what you do, when you're not the one squeezing out a water melon, you're not really in a position to protest, are you?

 

[RicoGrey]

My wife and I have had two kids, I was there for both, and I plan to be there when the current one is born. I really couldn't imagine NOT being there.

First one was rather easy going, well it was stressful cause it was the first one we experienced, but everything went smoothly.

The second one, my wife's epidural did not take, so she felt the full pain of everything. EVERYTHING. The delivery. The cutting of the vagina, you know, the one they do so the vagina is wide enough to actually pass the baby's head. Depending on the situation they go ahead and cut it, cause a clean cut heals better than one that is split open. It was all sorts of things I can't even mention.

It was rather easy to feel her pain. You could sense it in her face, you could sense it as she squeezed your hand. It was truly a brutal experience.

I still could not see any other way than to be there for her, and our baby.

But to each their own, if a couple decided the woman should be alone, or at least without the partner, that's their choice.

 

[DarthSka]

I would be there for basically two reasons:
-It's the birth of my child. I don't see how I wouldn't want to be there, video camera and all. Besides, I need to train them to be on my side from the get-go. They need to like the things I like and hate the things I hate. I'll probably start beforehand putting headphones playing Star Wars and Zelda music on the mother's belly. What? It could work.

-If I wasn't there, I imagine my woman would kill me. New life followed by death. It's like a metaphor or something.

 

[Nigh Invulnerable]

Been there, done that.
And I was kind of around the corner from the "lower regions" for the most part of the 14-ish hours, sitting by her side. So, that's that. Eventually a c-section was made, under general anaesthetic, so I didn't witness the very first second of my daughter being out in the world, but I estimate it was maybe the 5th. Awesome stuff

Also been there, done that. My son was not delivered via C-section so I was there for the whole experience. While a bit gross, it's completely amazing and seeing your child come into the world is just mind-boggling. Also, hearing the nurse say, "That was the biggest baby head I have ever helped deliver" and watching my exhausted wife glare at me was totally worth it.

EDIT: To the women who are for some reason worried about your partner seeing your "naughty bits": He has already stuck his own naughty bit inside yours. Likely he has seen you naked numerous times. Additionally, you will have half a dozen strangers poking and prodding around down there for hours, so him seeing things is nothing, really.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I was there for her to scream and yell at during the pregnancy emotionally hormonal rollercoaster, so why not finish it?

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I'd prefer just my Husband to be there with the medical staff, as far as family is concerned. Just for the sake of support, but if he really, truly, didn't want to - I don't think I'd be too hurt by it. Then again, the man lived and worked on a ranch and put his hands up cows and horses to help get the calf/foals out during complications, so if he can't be there to see his own child being brought into this world, there may be something wrong with him. lol

I want to move away before I have children. My family (my Mother especially) has a bad habit of showing up at the hospital and trying to be present in the room, during natural child-birth. The only other person I wouldn't mind being in the room with me, is my eldest sister.

 

[Rascarin]

My partner and I have talked about this already. When I eventually pop my sprogs, my partner is going to be there, and is going to be the one to cut the cord, if its allowed. Cos my partner won't be a parent biologically, its important to us that they are there from the first moment, so nobody can say that they aren't our childs other parent.

As for the uncontrollable pooping... shit happens.

 

[Something Amyss]

Fixed! (I think)

Yay! Inclusion! (I seriously wasn't trying to be a dick)

Personally, I think it'd be mostly up to my partner's wishes. Like, I asked my girlfriend about this, and she doesn't really have an opinion at this point. We're not looking at kids any time soon, so it's not like she has to have an answer in stone or anything. Given the option, I think I'd like to be there, but I would never show up if I was making her uncomfortable or the like.

I love her, but I wouldn't want to risk the wrath of a woman in labour.

If it's the man who you want to be present: Then yes, I think the moral thing to do is to support your partner

If it's the woman who you want to be present: Then you might want to also ask the doctors why you're male and giving birth.

XD

 

[Simon Pettersson]

Of course I would be there for her. I don't have problem with all that icky part I was there when it was concieved (I hope) and I should be there when she pops out.

Captcha: meddling kids

ehm yeah captcha ...

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

Well I'm a guy, so I'd ask her what she thought.

What, a sensible answer not good enough?

Generally I'd say the guy should respect the partner's wishes but if he's an eldritch abomination of some sort he should probably remain outside.

 

[Alexias_Sandar]

I've been there for my spouse three times.

 

[Headdrivehardscrew]

Depends. I've seen several grown and very manly men turn weird after being more or less present in the operating theatre/wiccan bloodbath room/squirting enclosure. Some got quite traumatized, one decided he preferred being gay the moment he watched his daughter being pressed and sucked into this world, while his wife-to-be turned into something from the scarier bits out of, say, The Thing and/or The Exorcist. For some couples, it's important and it strengthens their bond in these fickle times, for others it's best to focus on the mutual love and respect parts but just not force things. I myself would put the focus on having a good, caring, loving, reliable father around instead of wanting to share 'everything' with him, as that's usually a quick recipe for disaster.

 

[The Great JT]

I think that if the birther wants them present they should, otherwise no.