Signals. How to tell them?

Flamezdudes

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It's even more difficult to tell whether this person likes me or not as we aren't in any of the same classes together and so only really talk together online and very occasionally pass eachother in the school, the rest of the time she's with her friends which would be extremely embarrasing to just walk up to...

So how exactly can you tell whether a girl likes you or not?
 

Jadarendir

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Unfortunately, you can't. It's the second law of sexual dynamics: If you think a girl is attracted to you, you are wrong. [http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=64]

Seriously though, there are signs, but it's different for every girl. Sometimes it's very subtle, sometimes it's outright flirtatious. Two pieces of advice I can give you: if you like a girl, and you think she MIGHT like you, then just give it a shot. Worst case, she's not interested and then you just keep being friends. Second piece of advice: if you try approach the girl, DON'T do it with her friends around. It'll just make it really awkward for both of you.
 

Zantos

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I have this problem often. I'm assuming that, though you haven't explicitly said so, the reason you're asking is because you like this girl.

Most methods are flat wrong, especially blurting out that you love her (OWTTE) on an online chat (as i've said, had this problem often).

At the end of the day you just need to man up and start talking to her in real life. That way you can look out for the signals (though what "the signals" are is a completely different matter) and make a judgement. If you're worried about having her friends around then casually suggest while talking online the idea of just the two of you meeting up to have lunch/coffee/whatever. Nothing too pushy, just see how you two get along in real life.

A few examples of signals to look out for:
-When you pass at school, she gives you a warm smile
-If she avoids prolonged eye contact
-If she won't break eye contact (usually to try and not make it look like she's doing the first one)
-If she touches her hair a lot while she talks to you (apparently)
-If she wants to meet up again (could be she really likes you as a friend, but nonetheless a good sign)
-If she wants you to meet up with her friends (a good sign, but needs to be handled delicately)

I hope this helps. I also hope this even makes sense
 

zombiesinc

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Ask her to hang out sometime. Only until you actually spend some quality time with someone in person will you have any idea of how they feel towards you (okay, not all the time, but still). These sorts of things come naturally, or so they should. If you like her, let her know.

Don't sit there and wonder whether or not she likes you. All too often people get caught up on wondering that, and never bother asking. Generally... that results in the person finding out this girl (or guy) doesn't like 'em 'cause they're with someone else. It just doesn't make sense to sit there and wonder when you could simply ask or let them know how you feel.
 

Flamezdudes

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Aylaine said:
Flamezdudes said:
It's even more difficult to tell whether this person likes me or not as we aren't in any of the same classes together and so only really talk together online and very occasionally pass eachother in the school, the rest of the time she's with her friends which would be extremely embarrasing to just walk up to...

So how exactly can you tell whether a girl likes you or not?
You can't. The only way you can know is if you ask her. Signals and all that are more useful once you know someone well, when you have personal growth and experience with them because otherwise it's a huge game of chance. The best idea in my opinion is to just ask her out/tell her you like her and ask her how she feels. No signal or body language will give you a more definitive answer. :)
Well, I'm not sure whether I know her "well" but we know some of eachothers interests and talk to eachother a lot about anything really, a lot more now than recently too.
 

Flamezdudes

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Aylaine said:
Flamezdudes said:
Aylaine said:
Flamezdudes said:
It's even more difficult to tell whether this person likes me or not as we aren't in any of the same classes together and so only really talk together online and very occasionally pass eachother in the school, the rest of the time she's with her friends which would be extremely embarrasing to just walk up to...

So how exactly can you tell whether a girl likes you or not?
You can't. The only way you can know is if you ask her. Signals and all that are more useful once you know someone well, when you have personal growth and experience with them because otherwise it's a huge game of chance. The best idea in my opinion is to just ask her out/tell her you like her and ask her how she feels. No signal or body language will give you a more definitive answer. :)
Well, I'm not sure whether I know her "well" but we know some of eachothers interests and talk to eachother a lot about anything really, a lot more now than recently too.
To me, signals are a form of empathy that allows you to make a above average guess or assumption on how someones feeling, and in order to do that you need to be connected with them or share that connection with them in my opinion in order for it to work. That's what I meant. :)

Asking is just easier though, and it doesn't leave any room for what ifs, at least not on your end. :)
Asking is extremely difficult for me however, its just so awkward. I'm literally going nuts at the moment about my feelings as I can't even talk to her a lot of the time, I hate not knowing. Due to my social incapability, I don't even know how to ask for a number! >_>
 

Imp Poster

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You would be assuming that she is giving you signals to ask her on a date especially based on online chat. Not all women you meet are going to be giving you signals for that kind of thing. Some don't even know how. You need to assert yourself to her. Give stimuli like express that you do like her, to be comfortable with you by being yourself so she can be as well, you are confident about all this, let her talk, be a good listener to incite other stimuli that evolves around her and etc. You can hope she will have some sort of feelings for you from friendship to something more than that. Worst case scenario, she has no feelings for you after what you done, but that's the chance you are going to have to take.
 

rutger5000

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Ask?
If you don't like her enough to get over your fear of rejection. Then you shouldn't bother. Just ask her out.
You might be social incapability, but guess what you'll always stay like that unless you get out of your little protective cocoon and take the risk to get hurt a little. What's more if she actually agrees to go on a date, then you could actually tell her about being social incapability. I mean to idea of first dates is to get to know each other better right? Maybe she can help you a little?
And about your question. There are no signs, none! I think there might be signs that a girl wants to have sex with you, but there are no signs wetter or not a girls likes you or not. Maybe she's just being kind.
No offence to Aylaine, but don't be so cowardly about it. Don't go the friends/take your time way. Aylaine is undoubtedly a much more intelligent and experienced person then I am, but she's also a woman. And no offence to the fairer sex, when you give guys advice you're always being way too soft.
99% of all problems man have can be solved by manning up a little / or a lot. Now I'm not saying you should be more macho, that's not what I mean with manning up. I'm saying you should decided to be more courages.
 

shreedder

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zombiesinc said:
Ask her to hang out sometime. Only until you actually spend some quality time with someone in person will you have any idea of how they feel towards you (okay, not all the time, but still). These sorts of things come naturally, or so they should. If you like her, let her know.

Don't sit there and wonder whether or not she likes you. All too often people get caught up on wondering that, and never bother asking. Generally... that results in the person finding out this girl (or guy) doesn't like 'em 'cause they're with someone else. It just doesn't make sense to sit there and wonder when you could simply ask or let them know how you feel.
I was about to type that. Thank you for saving me time

*edit to improve quality* I should also add that if the feeling/signs feel forced they are. Don't fall into the tinfoil hat trap of thinking every smal thing this person does in a 100 yard radious around you is secret code to you.
I did that once. ended very poorly.
 

zombiesinc

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shreedder said:
I was about to type that. Thank you for saving me time
You're welcome, but please refrain from quoting someone without contributing to the discussion. This could be considered a low content post.
 

TheStatutoryApe

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Not to undermine the primary thrust of Aylaine's advice (just ask her out) but there are apparently several nonverbal signals that women send when they are interested in men and the phenomenon has been scientifically studied.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/38735145/Monica-Moore-Nonverbal-Courtship-Patterns-in-Women

As a guy who has been shot down by very nearly every single woman I have ever asked out, and never asked out women who apparently were interested, I can appreciate the desire to understand such signals and perhaps better gauge the likelihood that a woman is interested.
 

rutger5000

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Aylaine said:
rutger5000 said:
Ask?
If you don't like her enough to get over your fear of rejection. Then you shouldn't bother. Just ask her out.
You might be social incapability, but guess what you'll always stay like that unless you get out of your little protective cocoon and take the risk to get hurt a little. What's more if she actually agrees to go on a date, then you could actually tell her about being social incapability. I mean to idea of first dates is to get to know each other better right? Maybe she can help you a little?
And about your question. There are no signs, none! I think there might be signs that a girl wants to have sex with you, but there are no signs wetter or not a girls likes you or not. Maybe she's just being kind.
No offence to Aylaine, but don't be so cowardly about it. Don't go the friends/take your time way. Aylaine is undoubtedly a much more intelligent and experienced person then I am, but she's also a woman. And no offence to the fairer sex, when you give guys advice you're always being way too soft.
99% of all problems man have can be solved by manning up a little / or a lot. Now I'm not saying you should be more macho, that's not what I mean with manning up. I'm saying you should decided to be more courages.
I disagree, simply because 99% of people aren't the way you described in my opinion. Women being too soft is a bit of a stereotype too, isn't it? As for being too soft, sometimes the brute force approach simply does not work. When giving advice, I have been very logical and practical about it, and sometimes that requires being tough or soft with people, depending on what they should do in my opinion. I'd akin it to working smarter, not harder. ;)

While my advice is only what I think he should do, and your advice may be better, I truly believe if he gets to know her better, he can have more confidence in asking her as opposed to manning up towards a situation he still has no idea how to handle. The end result is, if he goes your way, he either gets a yes or no, and doesn't really learn much about the girl he likes. If he goes my way, he does learn a bit about her, and gets a yes or no. To me, knowing how to deal with someone allows you to interact with them much better then not doing so. Just my opinion though. :)
I think our views on the world are too different to agree on something like this. My own life got so much better when I choose to be confident, and start doing things even if I was a little afraid. Because of that I've started to feel that confidence is the key to most problems.
Though I have to admit that your advice could be better if he really wanted to start a relationship with her. Then starting out as friends could be a good idea. It's still not the approach I would take, but that's because of some choices I made long ago.

P.S. Thanks again for the advice you gave me about my problems. It's not the advice I'm going to follow, but you really helped me with deciding what I wanted to do.
And yeah sorry for grouping all woman together, that was kinda asshollish of me.
 

WingedIncubus

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Jadarendir said:
Unfortunately, you can't. It's the second law of sexual dynamics: If you think a girl is attracted to you, you are wrong. [http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=64]
Laughable advice. I always assume attraction until proven otherwise. If your looks are average, caeteris paribus, enter any room with a population of girls for the first time, and at least one will be attracted to you on the spot.

My best points of reference are eye contact, proximity, and willingness to follow my leads. I prefer to keep them simple because these are to me the least likely to lead to confusion.

A) Eye contact: On first eye contact she lowers her eyes, looks at me fleetingly more than once, or keeps a lingering contact; the longer the better. I don't seek them checking me out, because girls are VERY adapt at checking out a guy without being seen. If I see a woman immediately looking elsewhere when I turn to look at her, I know she was checking me out.

Maintaining first eye contact is extremely important. Flinch first and your chances are as good as gone.

B) Proximity: Girls who are attracted to you will not back up if you move inside her personal space. She'll fidget, play with her clothes or hair, when you look at her intently or tease her closer. She won't buckle, move backwards, or make funny faces when you touch her, and she will seek your presence close to her.

That is why touching her from the start is paramount, because it indicates to her that it should be normal for you to touch her, that you aren't shy about it, and she'll be more relaxed when you move closer to her or reach for her. And when reaching out the first time, even when high-fiving or shaking hands, I'd always keep the touch longer than expected, just a few seconds more lingering, before either pushing them slightly or saying "allright, that's enough for ya."

C) Following the lead: To me, the best indicator. If she complies with your instructions when you play with her, when you test her, when you tease her, chances are good that she is attracted to you. I try always to reward her each time she does comply to something, either by hugging her, tugging her, massaging her, and so on, and withhold when she doesn't. These tests are great to allow some plausible deniability to touch her more intently.

If I'm with a girl in a bar or a social gathering and I tell, "I'm hungry, let's go grab a burger" and she follows me without resistance, I'm 99% sure she is attracted to me. No woman would follow a male stranger in isolation somewhere unknown without some level of comfort and trust, it implies that she trusts me to protect her. And guess what, these make excellent impromptu dates.
 

Flamezdudes

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Oh, this has got to be the most complicated thing ever.

It turns out that the girl I have feelings for likes one of my best friends. Now, I suspected this a long time ago and she even told me this. What i've learned today however, is that she told me that they have been working to figure something out for a while now and to do it as secretly as possible.

I've already told my best friend before I learnt this information, that I liked her and whats weird is that he's been encouraging me to do something and to talk to her more etc. And he even told me that he was still in love with his ex. What the hell is this...!?
 

Jadarendir

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WingedIncubus said:
Jadarendir said:
Unfortunately, you can't. It's the second law of sexual dynamics: If you think a girl is attracted to you, you are wrong. [http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=64]
Laughable advice.
Yeah, because it was a joke. Thus my next sentence starting with "Seriously though..."