Since when was Being a Man Unattractive?

[Spineyguy]

I have yet to meet a girl who appreciates men being respectful who isn't either completely insufferable herself, or from some nutty religious family.

Personally; I think we as normal, freindly, respectful men are either outdated by ponsey, annoying, ignorant, or just plain dumb as shit lady-boys who somehow manage to get laid every five seconds, or we are ahead of our time and girls will soon realise that nice men are the way forward.

I know that not all girls go in for that type of guy, but I personally see them everywhere, and the girls who frequent the escapist forums are probably, for the most part, not the dumb blondes who generate the stereotypes. So before you flame me for saying what I am about to, remember that you are not representative of women in general.

So any girls out there who are currently in a relationship with men they picked because they're popular, or because they have a silly haircut, or wear ridiculous jewellery, I say to you...

Nice does not mean Nerdy.

Chaste does not mean childish.

Magnanimous does not mean monotonous

and Courteous does not mean corny.

 

[Lexodus]

Those women are not worth your time if they don't appreciate chivalry, is all.

Perfect answer. As long as I still draw breath, chivalry is not dead.

-motivational line-
Who's with me?

On topic. I believe hyper-masculinity has become a stereotype, somewhat.

I AM!
To tell the truth, I'd rather be the chivalrous friend than the asshole boyfriend.

 

[Lexodus]

There's a saying that I've found to be true. "Life's a b!%@#, and then you die". Maybe that's a cynical viewpoint, but meh, it works for me.

Anyway, same story here. But hey, cheer up. Nice guys may finish last, but we finish better.

Edit: there was absolutely no innuendo intended in that last sentence.

Actually, here's what I think about life: It's a b!%@#, then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy, you lose all your hair. Suddenly, the cancer goes into remission. You look good, you feel good, and then you get a stroke, and you can't move your right side. Then one day, you step off a curb, and get hit by a bus. Then, maybe, you die.

XD

Yeah, I know what you mean about the chivalry part. I swear that most (not all, I have seen exceptions) like an a-hole.

I know it's not your fault and you had no idea, but that really stung to read that, as, in the last three or so months, my dad got cancer, my great aunt died of a stroke, and I got hit by a bus.

 

[Logic 0]

Well I don't care for that thing much,But I think it's because they want to get into there pants as much as the guys do.

 

[Slayer_2]

Technically, isn't being chivalrous to women sexist? Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's necessarily a BAD thing to be chivalrous, some people just take it too far.

For example, all my female friends (and girlfriends) swear just as much, if not more then me. So the whole "don't cuss in front of girls" thing seems a bit silly. Also, the no punching thing has to have exceptions. I once was introduced to "the punching game" by a girl. And damn, she could slug you one. And no, she is not a super-butch lesbian, she is (mostly) your average girl, concerned with makeup, fashion, and of course, sadistic games.

 

[thehorror2]

I, too was once a "nice, perpetually-single guy" like many in this thread. I see my old viewpoint elaborated already in far too many better-written posts already, so I won't go into much detail about them. Suffice to say, I treated almost every girl I met (as well as most guys) nicely, without any real intention behind it, and none of them seemed interested in anything more than friendship. My dry spell finally came to an end (although not before numerous false starts) when I met a girl who was both interested in me (a rare thing) and assertive to take the first step I was too cowardly to attempt. We've now been dating since roughly October of last year. (The actual first date wasn't until later.) My suggestion: either grow a pair and do the asking, or hope you get lucky like me and find a girl who will ask you.

 

[sumanoskae]

I see why you're pissed, you're just trying to be nice, and they should appreciate that, and I'm sure you'll find someone who does

But the problem with chivalry is that, even if it's in a positive way, you're still treating one gender different from the other, just because they are what they are, which IS sexism of a sort, and goes against the ideas of feminism and equality in general

I would suggest just opening doors for everyone, treat everyone the same by default

I'm not saying that it's okay to not appreciate you(a lot of those douchebags are sexist in a ways that are much worse), you odiously have respect for women, but I know I wouldn't want someone to treat me specially because I'm black and they have respect for what African Americans went(and often still go) through, that would still be splitting people into groups, that would be going against what everyone in the rights movement stood for, not for black/gay/female/and so on people to be treated well, but for everybody to be treated equally

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

"A-holes" have confidence which they project out of every orifice of their bodies.

Chivalrous people seem to be less confident, in that they appear to be subservient to women.

Once you get past your teenage years and into adulthood, women star realising more and more that they don't want a selfish bastard on their arm, and come around to other types of men. (I read that somewhere, but can't remember the source for it.)

Basically, the machismo spurting testosterone junkies will eventually be seen as lesser on the social hierachy (they also tend to progress better in the business world, where their wives and girlfriends are trophies anyway.)

 

[archvile93]

Eh, I don't care. I learned years ago that companionship isn't worth the effort and usually is just painful, So I abandoned the idea of female companionship.

 

[uncle-ellis]

Eh. Women are stupid. Guys are dicks. Eventually we'll all be dead, and it wont matter WHO beat whom, who fell in love forever, and who died lonely.

Deep man.

 

[bcponpcp27]

The horrible beatings they will suffer at their mistake will learn em.


(That was a horrible joke by the way.)

 

[lacktheknack]

Ever since there were lesbi-



Oh.

I actually don't know any girls like that. Honestly. Canada wins?

 

[Woodsey]

I don't know: maybe you're ugly, uninteresting, patronising, arrogant, too inexperienced, whiny, all of the above, none of the above, some of the above?

Moaning about it on here won't help.

 

[chronobreak]

Date older women. I'm 25, my wife is 31, and certainly appreciated my efforts to "woo" her more than a girl my age at the time would have.

 

[Virulain]

There are two kinds of nice guys in the world. Or, perhaps more accurately, there is a spectrum of niceguyishness.

At one end, are the guys who are just pure and simple good guys, decent people, humanly flawed perhaps but nonetheless likable *and* lovable, caring and smart, who have a lot to offer. Ironically, these guys often do not realize just how wonderful they are and how much they are valued by the people around them, and sometimes they even suffer crippling shyness/low self-esteem. I am fortunate to know, and have known, and to be related to, an unusually high number of guys towards this end of the spectrum.

At the other end are the guys who identify as "nice guys", often quite loudly and defensively, and who believe themselves to be underappreciated martyrs; usually they don't understand why they never get the girl and have at least once in their lives bitterly uttered the phrase "Nice guys finish last" usually in reference to a female who isn't dating them. It is this latter group I shall be addressing.

Taken from: here [http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html].

Whenever I see or hear someone complain about how "nice guys finish last," I want to ask him how he came to see himself as a nice guy. Holding open doors, saying please and thank you, and not grabbing a girl's ass or staring too long at her chest does not make you chivalrous or kind.

Do women you're interested in often tell you that you're a nice guy, but they're just not into you that way? Well... We, as women, have been socialized such that most of us have internalized that firmly saying "no" is equivalent to being a *****. We try to turn you down gently and affirm that the problem doesn't lie with you, it's with us.

And it's not really the truth. Maybe you're creepy. Maybe it's because you try too hard, or because we can sense that you're manipulative, or that you're disingenuous and basically trying to hide your agenda. You want a girlfriend. You want sex. You want someone to comfort you. But instead of being honest about it, you make a cover of being "nice."

Self-described "nice guys," men (and boys (and man-children)) who are told they're nice before being let down, tend to be desperate, manipulative, and more dangerously, self-deceived. Don't equate chivalry with slavishness or manners with patronization. If you're perpetually single, you are the problem, not women.

The problem isn't that women tend to "like douchebags." The problem is that people who identify as "nice guys" actually... Are generally douchebags, and point out others in successful relationships as assholes or opportunists.

 

[Grand_Arcana]

What happened to chivalry? During my whole childhood my dad taught me to be respectful to women. I would open doors for them, I wouldn't cuss in front of them, I would help them when they needed it. Hell the only fight I ever got into was beacuse I saw some dude hit a girl.

Yet after everything I do, I'm still left for the douchebag whose only goal is to get in her pants? I see it all the time. It is always some thug or some hippie/emo whatever who thinks he cool. I mean it seems that you have to spend over 20 minutes each day on your hair in order to get noticed anymore.

I wish I was born at least 2 generations ago.


EDIT:

Just to be clear, I don't assume every girl in the world should love me. All I am asking is why does it seem like girls like a-holes instead of decent people.

Chill, you'll find a dignified girl that honestly respects you.

EDIT: Granted, I don't actually know you, but I'll take your word for it.

 

[Lucifer_Airlines]

Instead of whining about how chivalry gets you nowhere and that assholes get to have all the fun, why not be an asshole and have some fun yourself? By being such a "nice guy" all the time, you tend to get pegged as spineless. Grow a pair, stop being so passive, and go ask a girl out.

 

[Bobbovski]

1. Chivalry is sexist. (unless it's directed towards everyone, not just women)

2. Don't take it so personal if you're rejected. That just reeks insecurity and insecurity is not sexy or attractive. Being clingy and needy is also considered unattractive.

3. Love and know yourself. Don't be a self-centered asshole, but don't hate yourself or feel bad about yourself. If you do feel bad, take a break from dating and figure out why you feel bad (then fix it). How can you love someone else if you don't love yourself?

4. Be clear with what you want, but don't make a big deal out if it. Ask her out for some coffee or something. It should be clear that you will appreciate her company, but that it's not the end of the world if she doesn't feel the same way.

 

[GrinningManiac]

I find it's best to ignore women like that.

Mabye it's because, underneath this friendly-if-obnoxious membrane I'm actually the most easily riled and indignant, pompous bastard on the planet, but women (and men) like that disgust me beyond words

I'm a very begrudging guy

 

[Insideout Ink Demon]

I completely understand where you're coming from, I too have been chivalrous throughout the majority of my life and received nothing for my efforts.

What make you think people should be rewarded for having good manners?
For me being polite isn't about being given a pat on the head, it's just about being who I am.

You're reading it a bit out of context, I didn't say anything like "I get nothing for it, what's the deal?" or "I at least deserve a thank you!" I went on to write that I was raised that way, I don't expect anything for being good mannered, sure it's nice when people appreciate it but it doesn't happen often in today's society.

I gotta ask, was the rest of my post even read in regards to this?
Because you're response was pretty much the short-hand of what I wrote anyway.

I quoted you after reading that line, then read it all, but the "nothing for my efforts" for me strongly contradicted the rest of your post, so I felt the urge to carry on with what I was gonna write.

Sorry if you felt like I was calling you out, the desired effect was to clarify your stance.
If I came off as a bit of a git it wasn't intential