Singleness woes.

[renegade7]

I want to really start by saying that being single really doesn't bother me all that much. It's not necessarily that I impose high standards on myself, it's just that there is only a certain type of person I find myself able to be attracted to and I am completely ambivalent to anyone else. So not knowing such a person is really not something that bothers me all that much. Usually.

But on Valentine's Day, this most depressing of days, I find it to be wearing on my nerves a little. Not the singleness, but the fact that I just don't feel anything for anyone I know. I try to, I really try to expand my horizons, but I just don't find myself caring. I've gone on dates with new people just to try something new and it always feels like I have to force myself to stay interested in them, so it never works out. I've tried taking diverse classes, I've tried joining school clubs, nothing. This is college, where supposedly there is something for everyone, but there are only 5600 people here and it feels like it just can't be much longer until I've met everyone.

 

[Lilani]

This is going to sound terribly cliche, but sometimes love finds you when you least expect it. It doesn't sound like you're looking for just a fling or a one-night-stand, so finding someone is going to be much more challenging to you.

You might think about how well you actually know the girls you've met at these school clubs and classes. Have you talked with them? How much time have you spent with them? What makes you sure there is zero chance of them being a possibility? I hung out with my first boyfriend for months before I realized there was any sort of connection, and the guy I'm after now I've known for about two years and I only just became interested in November.

Also, out of curiosity, what are some of these standards? Mind you, it's not bad to have standards, and with how many people there are in the world even high ones aren't always terrible. But some things just aren't reasonable, like a certain level of organization, agreeing on all political opinions, liking the same food, having a certain amount of income. People will be messy sometimes, nobody agrees on everything, and if it's money you're after then that just kind of makes you like the girls who marry Hugh Hefner. And if you can't love someone at their messiest, most disagreeable, and poorest of times, then there probably wasn't a lot there to begin with. Again, that is if you're looking for something that long-term.

Some similarities and chemistry are needed for connection, but I don't think even you can quantify the balance necessary for a good relationship. And more than one combination of features can work. While I plan on finding a long-term monogamous relationship someday, I don't like this idea of finding "The One." First of all, I'm afraid if I do find "The One" I'll have to take him down to Mordor and throw him into the volcano. Secondly, there are too many people in the world for there to be just "one." Yes I will stick by the side of the "one" I find til whatever end we meet, but at the same time I know there are other fish who might have worked just as well. It seems inconceivable to me that if something were to happen to me or him, there couldn't be another to make us happy. And I'd want him to be happy if something happened to me. To want anything else would be selfish.

And yes, before you say it, I understand there is a difference between "temporary" messiness (smelling after a long run) and "permanent" messiness (that stench that sinks in after about four days of not showering). Though admittedly if it's females you're after you have fewer smelly ones to sort through than I do