Small Incerpt of My Writing. (Any Advice?)

[Starke]

Posting this for advice and fun, so go ahead and speak your minds.

First off it is bad. With no disrespect intended, you write like a 16 year old. Keep writing, and keep this excerpt around, in five to ten years you'll see all the things that are horribly wrong with it. In the mean time, just keep doing what you're doing, asking for how to make it better.

The biggest advice I can give you at this point is: don't try to write a badass. Try to ground your work in the aspects of the world that you have experienced.

Violence in life and in literature is a very tricky tool to use. It is horrific, seductive, and irrevocable. You cannot control it, all you can do is hope to survive it. Violence without (tangible) consequences (in writing) is a disservice, it is at best sensationalistic masturbation, and at worst either unintentionally hilarious or nauseating.

Don't write about sex until you've had it, don't write about violence until you really understand it.

This doesn't mean you can't eventually write about things you've never experienced personally, only that to do so, you need a strong base as a writer.

You don't perchance have any books out do you?

Nope, hobbyist. I have stories littering the Escapist, but I'm not a professional writer outside of a single freelance article. Hoping to be one day, though.

Shame, I think I would have liked to read one

Now it's a calling Newk, start writin' that novel right now.

 

[Starke]

I personally don't like stories written in the first person. It always makes me think that the author is writing out one of their personal fantasies, which tends to annoy me.

First person is usually best served in horror, psychological thrillers, and political novels (like White Tiger or Native Son).

It also has a place as homages to early 20th century detective novels and turn of the century style science fiction adventures.

It may also have a home in erotica, but I'm uncertain on that front. (Disclaimer: I'm a political scientist, not an English Lit victim.)

 

[Josh Kurber]

Excuse me? Why is he sleeping with the hooker? He should be fucking her brains out!!!
Please, if you're gonna swear through-out your story, you might as well have a sex scene...
Also - does he pay her - or just run off
Does anyone remember a whore's name anyway? You should make a joke out of it:
"Sorry Cindy, or Candy, or Sugar, I gotta get outta here." Blade yells from down the hall "It's Ruby" she replies, leaning out from the apartment door, wearing nothing more than a bed sheet; hair messed-up
"Whatever - there's cash in my wallet, take what you need" He instructs as he pushes the elevator button non-stop (as if it's going to make the lift go any faster) "Fuck it, I'll take the stairs/fire escape. In full view of the sniper, Blade decides to take this risk... (and then continue your story.)

Sorry to sound harsh, but you had me bored there. Perhaps a better start to the story maybe is he's just started his cigarette (Cliche, I know) and as he puts the butt out, the sniper purposefully shots the ash tray or something?

Maybe the sniper kills the whore by mistake?

This little abode of mine. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ah, sorry, I had to get that out... I think your setting should be in a rented apartment so that it makes sense that a sniper on level ten of a building can get a straight shot at someone on a similar floor in a near-by building

He wore a short sleeved black shirt over a long sleeved red one

Does Blade have X-Ray vision too?

Anyway, I would love to read what your new draft is like, could you quote/message me if you post it...

If Icontinue this one. I enjoy the story I set out for it, I really do, but I keep switching between many of my writings. And no, he doesn't have X-Ray vision. But when someone has a black T-shirt on, and then has sleeves of a whole 'nother shirt, you can tell it's a different shirt underneath.

If you would like I could e-mail a story I wrote for some contest that got cancelled. I got pretty good reviews on it. It involves a different guy named Blade, and is more medieval times. It is only 50,000 words.

 

[I Max95]

hell its miles ahead of my skills but i dont know if thats saying much
i try to write but nothing ever gets off the ground