So, I have a self-esteem problem.

[The Scythian]

My problem is only getting worse, too. You see, I have trouble talking to people. I can't look them in the face, and can barely talk loud enough to be heard. This really came to a head for me when I went to a job interview (nothing serious, thankfully), and it was just a disaster.

I don't know how to solve this. Can any of you provide some tips for me? This problem is making my life very difficult. Thanks in advance.

 

[The Breadcrab]

I can really understand where you're coming from. I'm no expert, but I think it has to do with a lack of confidence or self-image. Maybe you're just afraid of what others think of you, so you end up being unfortunately shy.

Let's hope some more people with hopefully better advice come to this thread. Best of luck to you, man. You have my sympathy.

 

[gazumped]

I'm pretty shy too, and the way I get over this in situations where I really can't be shy is:
Act.

In an interview? With a person who's never met you before? Well, they don't know you're shy, so pretend you're not.
Imagine you're in the shoes of a confident person with a voice that can be heard. Perhaps think of a character from a show or something who's got a calm but self-assured vibe, and act as if you're them.
Rehearse your 'lines' beforehand (which you should be doing for an interview ANYWAY), and once you know what you're talking about, even if the conversation takes an unexpected path you'll be able to improvise.

It may seem like it's not being 'true to yourself' but if there's a part of you that you have to change, that's a sacrifice you have to make. Once you act confident enough and enough people start seeing you as confident, you'll start to realise that you're not as socially rubbish as you thought and that confidence in yourself will become real.

I've recently been recommended the Alexander Technique to improve my body language and help me come across as less awkward or tense in social situations. I've not tried it yet but have a look if you're interested. http://www.alexandertechnique.com/

 

[endnuen]

I was extremely shy no more than 4 years back.
I decided that it was no good for me being shy and with little self-confidence, so what I did was I started practising.
Go out with your friends, at every possible turn, and meet new people while with your friends. It makes it easier in the beginning because with your friends you are in a more comfortable environment.
Don't put anything into whomever you meet, just use them as practise dolls. Gradually you will get better at talking to people and less nervous around new folk.
Also, read this site www.askmen.com

 

[drisky]

I'm pretty shy too, and the way I get over this in situations where I really can't be shy is:
Act.

In an interview? With a person who's never met you before? Well, they don't know you're shy, so pretend you're not.
Imagine you're in the shoes of a confident person with a voice that can be heard. Perhaps think of a character from a show or something who's got a calm but self-assured vibe, and act as if you're them.
Rehearse your 'lines' beforehand (which you should be doing for an interview ANYWAY), and once you know what you're talking about, even if the conversation takes an unexpected path you'll be able to improvise.

It may seem like it's not being 'true to yourself' but if there's a part of you that you have to change, that's a sacrifice you have to make. Once you act confident enough and enough people start seeing you as confident, you'll start to realise that you're not as socially rubbish as you thought and that confidence in yourself will become real.

I've recently been recommended the Alexander Technique to improve my body language and help me come across as less awkward or tense in social situations. I've not tried it yet but have a look if you're interested. http://www.alexandertechnique.com/

This is what I would recommend for the interview, pretending your social anxieties don't exist works in short bursts. If you have a bad self image, then don't think of yourself as yourself when its really important for you to be confident that should at least do it for the interview.

I was extremely shy no more than 4 years back.
I decided that it was no good for me being shy and with little self-confidence, so what I did was I started practising.
Go out with your friends, at every possible turn, and meet new people while with your friends. It makes it easier in the beginning because with your friends you are in a more comfortable environment.
Don't put anything into whomever you meet, just use them as practise dolls. Gradually you will get better at talking to people and less nervous around new folk.

And I agree with this one for how to generally socialize. If someone invites you to do something, if your not busy, do it, even if its something you don't want to do. Just yesterday I went and played basketball even though I didn't want to play, I just felt it would be a good chance to socialize, and it was, and I'll be playing again later in the week.

Its a lot to do with willpower and pushing though discomfort. Its not necessarily a quick fix though. You need encouraging people around you that will talk about you positively, so that the you realize that the flaws you see in yourself isn't necessarily what others see. Also keep any negativity to your self unless its really a problem. Negative people end up in what called the cycle of depression. They are depressed so they so they complain about how they have no friends, this pushes people away because they don't want to be around negativity, which makes you more negative, which drives more friends away. Keeping negativity to yourself is really important.

 

[TonyVonTonyus]

Well the way I overcame that problem myself was just not to care what others thought of me. If there's no one to judge me than I don't need more confidence at any time so it just becomes a regular part of your character.