So I just realized I'm a terrible person...

VGStrife

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May 27, 2009
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The real question is are you just after the forbidden fruit? Would the 'awesome' teacher woman be just as awesome if you were single?

My advice, hurt the girl you are with now, and stay away from Miss Teacher. That way you may hurt the GF for your own gain, but you avoid being the jackass who will just fling something out for a better/younger model.

Also i bet you'd feel less like a jackass knowing you've given up what you had (and felt wrong) for very little benefit to yourself.
 

garfoldsomeoneelse

Charming, But Stupid
Mar 22, 2009
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zombiesinc said:
-Reciprocal snip-snip-snip-
Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. For the longest time, I'd help people worm their way out of guilty feelings for situations when they were clearly in the wrong, because I'm the king of rationalization and it was a time when I felt I had to be a yes-man for anybody to even remotely approve of me. But then when I got put on the other side of the situation, where I'd been wronged and the other person merrily skipped away without feeling a shred of remorse; it was definitely a wake-up call. Felt a lot like I was an arms dealer witnessing his guns being used to kill innocent people. So, I decided to switch sides.

...okay, um, I didn't intentionally draw any parallels between myself and Tony Stark. It just happened.
 

VanityGirl

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Apr 29, 2009
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You got back with the first girl not because you felt any feelings for her, but honestly, you were lonely. Whether you'll admit it or not, you becaming comfortable with the idea of being with the girl.

Now you've got yourself up poop creek without a paddle. If you at least respect the girl, break up with her face to face. Tell her you thought feelings were there, but in reality the feelings were not there.

And like someone else said, you want things you can not have. If you truly and I mean truly feel absolutely no romantic connection with the first girl, then leave her.
 

Lemon Of Life

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Jul 8, 2009
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Fake. Your. Own. Death.

Only way I see out of this, but I long for excessive drama, so you should probably disregard my advice.
 

zombiesinc

One day, we'll wake the zombies
Mar 29, 2010
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SODAssault said:
-Reciprocal snip-snip-snip-snip-(!)_
Hell, I've been that person myself. More because I like to make people feel good about themselves and sometimes I would make the mistake of saying what they want, because I know if I say what they need to hear, they'll feel like shit. Once I realized I was that person, I stopped. Sometimes I'll be polite or delicate about what they need to hear, but most of the time I'm blunt and honest. Once I point out exactly why they shouldn't have done/said something, or whatever the case may be, they generally realize and understand that, and learn from their mistakes. Possibly even stop looking for justifications, and learn to not do those things in the first place.

One person at a time... right?
 

zHellas

Quite Not Right
Feb 7, 2010
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Dump the ex-ex-girlfriend you're with now and then hook up with the English Teacher.
 

thethingthatlurks

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Feb 16, 2010
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SODAssault said:
Snipidysnip
I have to agree, people do seem to want to divert responsibility for their actions from themselves onto anything possible.
Sorry OP, this is your own damn fault. Want my advice? You're an idiot, suck it up, do whatever the hell you think is right.
 

Nihilism_Is_Bliss

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Oct 27, 2009
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wow dude. Surprisingly, I know this situation reeeeaaally well.
My advice: end it ASAP, as in RIGHT NOW.
Trust me.
RIGHT THIS SECOND.
and then never look back. No matter what.
 

AquaAscension

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Sep 29, 2009
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Well, it's all been said before it seems.

You seem to have messed up royally there.

Next time your jealousy flares up, remember that it leads to this and stop listening.

Also, good luck with the English teacher. Especially since you met her while in a relationship and came damn close to cheating it sounds like. Just good luck with getting into a relationship right after getting out of one. Although, sometimes the rebound is great.

I guess more so good luck convincing yourself that you're datable right now.
 

snide_cake

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Nov 29, 2009
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Yup, I reckon that sadly you need to hurt your current (ex-ex) girlfriend again.

It's clear to me that you are not entirely happy with her...If you were then any girl, no matter how great she is, wouldn't make you think of breaking up with your girl. It's one thing to appreciate a girl for her awesomeness, her good looks, her wit and intelligence and general level of cool. And think of her naked. But if your heart belonged to your girlfriend then that'd be where it'd end.

So maybe you'll break your girl's heart again and try it on with this new bird. And maybe it'll be awesome and the sex will be great and you'll have many sexy children together.

Or maybe you'll break your girl's heart again and try it on with this new bird and she'll turn you down and you'll have years of heartache as she dates other guys while you remain friends with her, and you'll think of her endlessly in all the naughty ways because of all the unresolved sexual tension you want to believe is still there.

And maybe you'll try it on with this new bird, and she'll turn you down and you'll both remain solid friends and find other lovers and you'll remain besties forever.

Point is you don't know how it's all going to turn out, so you gotta just go with what you know right now. Right now you know that you have feelings and don't have feelings for your girl because your heart (and other parts) are straying. You will make the right decision for you.
 

TheYellowCellPhone

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Sep 26, 2009
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You're screwed.

My personal choice would be to break up with the person you broke up with. (Dick move for doing that...)

But first, make sure you know you like this new woman and see if you have chances to meet her often.
 

BonsaiK

Music Industry Corporate Whore
Nov 14, 2007
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Shotgun_Ninja said:
Yeah, this is going to be a long one, so, right to it; I'm 24 I've been in a serious relationship with this girl(22) for the last three years. She's a great person and is wholeheartedly in love with me. As time progressed I realized I didn't reciprocate those feelings, and broke up her. She was heartbroken, and even though I felt like a bastard for hurting her, I took solace with the fact that at least I ended it properly, face-to-face and did my best to make her understand it wasn't her fault, that I just felt we weren't meant to be.

Three months go by, I'm fine. She's fine. We even still talked occasionally on the phone, as friends. Then suddenly, after months of being perfectly content and dating around and not being in a dedicated relationship, I see her out with someone else. My inner jealous douchebag takes over and I decide I need to get her back.

After a week of calling, texting and damn near begging (pathetic, I know) we get back together and all is right with the world... until I remember why I broke up with her in the first place (that is to say, inherent incompatibility issues i.e. she tends to get on my nerves all the damn time).

Cut to a couple of weeks ago when some friends and I go out to a club to see a local band. I meet this girl, we start talking and hitting it off. She's 25, beautiful, Intelligent and extremely well-read (she's actually an 11th grade english teacher!) with a great sense of humor and taste in music and movies. Oh, and she loves football. It's like she was created in a lab to be awesome. We exchange numbers. We hang out a few days later at a friend's house and are up to 4:00am drinking and talking about music. Now I can't stop thinking about her, but I'm in a relationship with a girl who loves me to death, and whom I've already hurt once.

Basically, I'm a child who doesn't know what he wants.

Thoughts?
Answered in the Relationship Problem thread, at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=38#6765557
 

Vanguard_Ex

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Mar 19, 2008
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SODAssault said:
OP perfectly represents a good portion of what I hate about growing up in this generation: people are so goddamn wrapped up in what they want, and feel so entitled to it that they'll unthinkingly stomp all over others in their quest to find what makes them personally happy.

Then, when they finally stop to reflect on what they've done, they shrug and say "Well, I guess that should make me a shitty person, but I don't feel like one. Say, give me five minutes to rationalize my way out of any and all feelings of guilt, and then I'll be back to doing this before you know it." Or, just as commonly, "yep, I'm a shitty person, and so I'll pretend to be ashamed of it like it's a problem I have no control over even though the most basic level of self-control could have prevented this, or maybe I'll even act like I'm proud of this fact, because both options easier than changing in any way."

Such narcissism. You have no idea how sick I am of people trying to justify doing shitty things just because "it's who I am, and you should accept me for it". I blame the whole "self-esteem movement" that went on the entire time I was in school. Y'know, how kids were taught to accept each other, and everybody's different in their own way but we should be okay with that. It succeeded in removing the sense of shame from pretty much everyone and made everyone comfortable with who they are, but that turned out to be bad because shame is what primarily governs our sense of morality and decency. We watch "reality TV" where the backstabbers and total cocksuckers are the ones that make it to the top; we hear about the grossly decadent and amoral lives that the rich and successful lead, and as a result, being a piece of shit is marketed to us in the same way that beer commercials convince us that drinking is the only way to party.

I'm not some conservative Christian watchdog that shakes his head and mutters about "kids these days", I'm just sick of being around these same fuckstains that grew up being taught that the world owes them something, and if it isn't provided to them by some random happenstance, then they should take it from somebody else. It's not ambition, it's a sense of over-entitlement, and frankly, I'm done tolerating that kind of bullshit from people. Compassion is on the ropes and we're all winding up to deal the final blow by idolizing the asswipes that live so obscenely that the Romans would vomit involuntarily.

By the way, OP, regarding your situation: I have nothing but contempt for you.
Oh dear God, SOAD, I love you.

As for the OP, I would have to implore you to search your heart, and don't kid yourself as hard as it may be. And I don't just mean for your current girl, I mean this other woman. Does she have a genuine interest in you, and are you just infatuated with her? Actually that's a good point...
Why did you get so far into the relationship before realising you don't share her feelings? Are you sure things just haven't calmed down?
 

ClunkiestTurtle

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Feb 19, 2010
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I'm in a similar situation minus the leaving her, getting back together and finding someone new while you're with her again part....

To be honest if this new girl seems to be like the love of your life then i'd just go for it and be honest with the girl you are with, at the end of the day its not fair on her to think things are fine in the relationship and its unfair on you to be in a relationship that makes you unhappy.

Its a bit of a dick move but you've got you gotta break up with her soon again for both your sakes.
 

runnernda

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Feb 8, 2010
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This is basically what everyone else has said, but you have to break up with the girl you're with. I've been in the same situation with a guy. We're cool now, but he cold HATED me for a few months after I broke up with him the second time. It's going to be hard, and you have to be prepared for your girlfriend to just cut you off completely. But the longer you drag it out, the worse it'll be. And what's Hot Teacher going to say if she finds out you have a girlfriend already?

This is a sucky situation that you have here, but you know how to fix it. I think you knew how to fix it all along, but you just wanted confirmation. Regardless, you have my sympathies.
 

SilverUchiha

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Dec 25, 2008
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Honestly, you just need to be honest with the girl your with. I'm with someone now and I think the reason it works so well (compare to previous relationships) is because we've both been honest and straightforward with each other since the start (as far as I can tell anyway). Sure, you've hurt her once before, but is she loves you she'll understand and let you do what needs to be done (or help you work out the issue). That's all I can say, then again, I'm not really an expert on these kinds of things.
 

FallenJellyDoughnut

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Jun 28, 2009
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My father and his first wife were married with a child, had a house together and never fought and one day she went on vacation to Brazil, came back and just said "I've found someone else, I'm taking our daughter, heres the divorce form"

My dad was baffled, he just sat there open-mouthed, waiting for the punchline but she was serious, she just left and took pretty much everything that mattered to him. He re-married and had 2 children, one being me and the other my sister, and they had been together for 19 years until both of them agreed neither one was happy with eachother anymore. Love is bloody strange.

I know its not related really but, you know, its interesting.
 

tobi the good boy

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Dec 16, 2007
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when choosing between two evils i like to try the one ive never done before~oscar wilde

in other words bang the english teacher