So I'm secretly hated

[bluemistake2]

Hi there, some of you may remember me I've posted a fair bit in this forum because its pretty much the only thing that I can turn to so I may aswell tell my story.
There's this girl, she's one of my best friends or atleast, used to be, recently I started hanging around her more pretty much everyday, now as the days progressed I started to notice more and more hints of her not wanting me around.
I decided to talk to her about it, I asked her if she was getting sick of me, if she didn't want me around and she told me everything was OK, I ignorantly believed her.
About 4 days later, I found out (From another friend) that she was getting sick of me and was talking behind my back behind about it, now it just feels like she doesn't care about me, like she doesn't want me around at all (which is probably true) and that she doesn't care wheter the 2 of us are even friends.
So I'm not sure what to do, I'm at my wits end, she's hurt me in the past and I think it may be time just to let go.

 

[Hashime]

Well I would go for overtly hated, that always clears thing up for me.
I will also note if she does not want you around don't be.

 

[BonsaiK]

Hi there, some of you may remember me I've posted a fair bit in this forum because its pretty much the only thing that I can turn to so I may aswell tell my story.
There's this girl, she's one of my best friends or atleast, used to be, recently I started hanging around her more pretty much everyday, now as the days progressed I started to notice more and more hints of her not wanting me around.
I decided to talk to her about it, I asked her if she was getting sick of me, if she didn't want me around and she told me everything was OK, I ignorantly believed her.
About 4 days later, I found out (From another friend) that she was getting sick of me and was talking behind my back behind about it, now it just feels like she doesn't care about me, like she doesn't want me around at all (which is probably true) and that she doesn't care wheter the 2 of us are even friends.
So I'm not sure what to do, I'm at my wits end, she's hurt me in the past and I think it may be time just to let go.

You can't do anything, just let it go and don't worry about it. It doesn't matter what you do in life, some people will like you and some will not, and that's just how it is. Plenty of people secretly hate me and I really couldn't care. It's the ones that openly hate me that could potentially cause me problems and I don't even care about those people so I damned if I'm going to give a second thought to someone harbouring some secret grudge. I've got other shit to worry about.

 

[bluemistake2]

Hi there, some of you may remember me I've posted a fair bit in this forum because its pretty much the only thing that I can turn to so I may aswell tell my story.
There's this girl, she's one of my best friends or atleast, used to be, recently I started hanging around her more pretty much everyday, now as the days progressed I started to notice more and more hints of her not wanting me around.
I decided to talk to her about it, I asked her if she was getting sick of me, if she didn't want me around and she told me everything was OK, I ignorantly believed her.
About 4 days later, I found out (From another friend) that she was getting sick of me and was talking behind my back behind about it, now it just feels like she doesn't care about me, like she doesn't want me around at all (which is probably true) and that she doesn't care wheter the 2 of us are even friends.
So I'm not sure what to do, I'm at my wits end, she's hurt me in the past and I think it may be time just to let go.

You can't do anything, just let it go and don't worry about it. It doesn't matter what you do in life, some people will like you and some will not, and that's just how it is. Plenty of people secretly hate me and I really couldn't care. It's the ones that openly hate me that could potentially cause me problems and I don't even care about those people so I damned if I'm going to give a second thought to someone harbouring some secret grudge. I've got other shit to worry about.

It's hard to let go, I really don't want to, her and I had one of the thickest bonds imaginable then all of a sudden its gone.
The past just makes it hard to make a decision, is there truly nothing to do about it?

 

[ultrachicken]

Just give her some space, spend a little less time with her. Allow her to breathe, and her opinions might become more favorable.

 

[BonsaiK]

Hi there, some of you may remember me I've posted a fair bit in this forum because its pretty much the only thing that I can turn to so I may aswell tell my story.
There's this girl, she's one of my best friends or atleast, used to be, recently I started hanging around her more pretty much everyday, now as the days progressed I started to notice more and more hints of her not wanting me around.
I decided to talk to her about it, I asked her if she was getting sick of me, if she didn't want me around and she told me everything was OK, I ignorantly believed her.
About 4 days later, I found out (From another friend) that she was getting sick of me and was talking behind my back behind about it, now it just feels like she doesn't care about me, like she doesn't want me around at all (which is probably true) and that she doesn't care wheter the 2 of us are even friends.
So I'm not sure what to do, I'm at my wits end, she's hurt me in the past and I think it may be time just to let go.

You can't do anything, just let it go and don't worry about it. It doesn't matter what you do in life, some people will like you and some will not, and that's just how it is. Plenty of people secretly hate me and I really couldn't care. It's the ones that openly hate me that could potentially cause me problems and I don't even care about those people so I damned if I'm going to give a second thought to someone harbouring some secret grudge. I've got other shit to worry about.

It's hard to let go, I really don't want to, her and I had one of the thickest bonds imaginable then all of a sudden its gone.
The past just makes it hard to make a decision, is there truly nothing to do about it?

Well if you stop hanging around her every damn day she might start to warm to you a bit again. People don't like being smothered, she's probably feeling a bit claustrophobic. Either way, backing off is the right thing to do.

 

[gazumped]

I had something like this once. Guy I used to think was one of my best friends, he kept 'forgetting' to invite me when he was asking people to come to his house out of town.

He finally told me he didn't want me around when I turned up to his birthday party (after my friend had said to me 'Don't be silly, of course he wants you to be there, he just forgot to invite you because he's forgetful like that.') And then I found out from my ex that when we'd split up half a year ago, this 'friend' had been all 'THANK GOD YOU BROKE UP WITH HER SHE WAS GETTING ON MY NERVES SO MUCH, SHE'S SO SPINELESS.'

Anyway, this was all a couple of years ago, and it didn't take me long to realise... what a douchebag. Not only did he dislike me for (as far as I can gather) just being a bit of a wuss, but he also took AT LEAST SIX MONTHS to admit that he didn't want me around. Which was pretty spineless of him, somewhat ironically...

So, the moral is, if this person can't even respect you enough to be honest with you, screw her. If she's going to be that stupid she probably doesn't even have a good reason for disliking you.

 

[SiskoBlue]

Couple of things. She hasn't said she hates you or that's she's getting sick of you TO YOUR KNOWLEDGE. Someone else told you. It's called hearsay and isn't admissable in court for a reason. You don't know why she might have told this friend she's getting sick of you. You don't know for sure exactly WHAT she said to this other friend. The friend might tell you verbatim what she said and it still doesn't matter because she said it in the context of another conversation. You don't know what her tone was either.

She might have said this to this friend because they said "Are you too dating or something? You're hanging out together everyday" and in defense she said "Yeah, I'm getting sick of him".

But now you have this doubt that she doesn't like you as much as you thought. So what. People are amazing and they're also jerks. You can't make everyone like you and it's not healthy desparately trying to be somebody everyone likes. Or even being someone you're not, just to get one particular person to like you.

Some questions though. If she doesn't like you, how are you spending each day together? Doesn't she have the tact and sense to make excuses to not see you? Are you forced into each other's company? Do you insist on seeing her and give her no choice? Are you in love with her and just pretending to be her friend? There's a lot of issues only you can answer.

And lastly, why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't like hanging around you?

I'm going to make the assumption you're young. Teens or not long out of them. As much as people will go on and on and on about it. Friends are not as big a deal as people think they are. How many friends do you have since you were 12? Not many I'm guessing. Like most people. We all grow, change, move on.

The problem is people base so much of their self-image on "what their friends think", or more to the point "what they think their friends think". Think about that for a moment. Are you really concerned about this friend, or are you more worried "people" may not like you and your ego is bruised.

The best thing I ever did with my friendships was drop every single time-waster, people user, ego-centric, attention-seeking, spoiled brat I knew. Look for people who are sincere when they talk to you (mean what they say) and avoid people that seem to get annoyed at you when you're being yourself.