So many men are whipped these days

[Locust]

In my last relationship, I'd often drop whatever I was doing and spend time with my girlfriend whenever she asked. I'd usually talk to my friends sometimes during day when she wasn't there, and eventually I just simply neglected them as she wanted to do things.

I suppose though, the reasoning being in that she never spent time with me in the first place, so I'd jump at any opportunity I get. Being submissive to a girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean you're "whipped" or some kind of spineless wimp who's pushed around by a woman. It's simply the fact that if you truly love someone, you're going to put them ahead of your friends each time. If you honestly view her as just a friend who you're a little more intimate with, you should really consider if you truly love her. I know in relationships I tend to spend a lot of my money and care on the girlfriend, and I don't really want much back from her other than love. If you break up though, it's going to come back in bite you in the ass, so don't devote yourself to her till you're sure this isn't just a little mess-around.

That said, if your partner takes advantage of your generosity and clinginess and never returns it, don't continue being like that. They're simply going to walk all over you and break your heart, so act dominant. If she actually does want to spend time with you a lot though, don't turn her down for your buddies or for your personal time. Maybe once in a while, sure, but a relationship is a beautiful thing and you definitely shouldn't neglect it like that.

 

[Puppeteer Putin]

I don't see the problem.

I find it kind of insulting that anyone would treat their significant others' as just "one of the mates". You might as well find a girl to bang once in a while.
Besides, it's their choice. If they consider their girlfriend to be more important, then leave them be.

Now, if the woman is taking control over every single aspect of his life and the boyfriend is clearly not enjoying it, then there's a problem. Otherwise, stay out of his business. If he genuinely cares for his girlfriend and you pressure him to hang out with the mates instead, it'll look like you're whipping him instead.

Nailed it. A male can be as whipped as he likes, as long as he doesn't complain it's not an issue. My best friend is, what I considered to be, so whipped that it infuriates me. I've had chats to him about it, telling him my feelings, his simple reply "who's in the relationship? Have I ever complained? I don't mind it, I love her and I would spend as much time as possible with her". It depends on both members, if either has an issue they should talk, if one shouts at the other about not seeing each other at a whim.. they should reconsider their relationship.

 

[Markness]

It's unnecessary to drink water as your body is made up of 98% of the stuff, hmm , although it could provide lubrication, excuse I may need to do some experiments.

 

[CrazyMofo]

Now if this happened 75% of the time you guys hang out, it's a problem. Otherwise, you're just overreacting.

But if it happened 75% of the time, I doubt they are a compatible pair.

I only gave one example of many. Lets try another: ditching us because his missus wanted him to go to a friend of a friend of her's birthday (her direct friend's brithday I might understand). The problem is that it DOES happen 75% of the time. As someone alluded to above the problem is SEX. He says no he gets no sex.

the fact that if you truly love someone, you're going to put them ahead of your friends each time.

that is where i disagree with you because then you will have no mates because you will neglect them.

in relationships I tend to spend a lot of my money and care on the girlfriend, and I don't really want much back from her other than love.

But are you not then just buying her love? She may love you then for your material possessions. In my relationships I am probably the opposite of you. I will not buy my missus anything terribly expensive (not to say I won't spend a cent on her but not a lot either). That way she can decide whether she likes me for who I am or for the things I buy. She doesn't like it she can leave, no big loss, we wouldn't have been compatible either way. Later on in relationships I will spend more money on her, but its a tit for tat thing. We spend equal amounts of money on each other.

 

[orifice]

Never let poon come between you and your friends. Friends are for life, girlfriends are just a pain in the ass.

 

[Corpse XxX]

I agree to some point with what you have written.. More and more men become whipped..
This i think to some extent has do to with there beeing more equal rights between the sexes,
we no longer live in the ages of only men working and women beeing at home..
This has resulted in women becoming more and more like men and vice versa..

As a side effect of this, chivalry has almost dissapeared too..
So women, when you are angry because your man ain't romantic enough, you can only blame yourself..

*Almost counting on getting a shitstorm for uttering those last words, cause they probably wanna whip me for having my own opininons differing from theirs*

 

[Locust]

that is where i disagree with you because then you will have no mates because you will neglect them.

Possible, but you said it yourself, your mates should be understanding of that and not clingy to you. I got on fine with my friends mostly and I was so heavily involved with the girl that they couldn't really talk to me without making a reference to her or our relationship, whether it be in a joking manner or a concern. It was fine with me, but if you're a more independent person then it's understandable why you'd hate being treated like that.

But are you not then just buying her love? She may love you then for your material possessions. In my relationships I am probably the opposite of you. I will not buy my missus anything terribly expensive (not to say I won't spend a cent on her but not a lot either). That way she can decide whether she likes me for who I am or for the things I buy. She doesn't like it she can leave, no big loss, we wouldn't have been compatible either way. Later on in relationships I will spend more money on her, but its a tit for tat thing. We spend equal amounts of money on each other.

It's true that you can just be a cash cow for some girl and she'll play you for all your money's worth, but it's often easy to tell. If your girlfriend is constantly asking you to buy her things and takes you for granted, then yes, she's using you. In my experience though, they've always said they feel bad about me buying them so much stuff and they'll usually turn down my offers to give them things. For most, if it's true love they'll place their partner above other material things they could spend their money on. I know I'd rather see a smile on a girl's face than buying myself a pair of new shoes.

However though Crazy, there is no right or wrongs in how to make a relationship work. The attitude you exhibit would be unsuitable if your girlfriend was very clingy, attached to you and couldn't get away from you. From the way you make it sound though, you're both fairly independent people who understand eachother and don't mind treating eachother the way you do. If that's the case, then in all honesty no, your relationship is fine. After all, the entire point of being with someone is because they're similar to you and compatible, right?

Not everyone is independent though or self-confident enough that they want to be so seperated and free of their beloved. I'm single at the moment and it is driving me a bit nuts, I don't like being alone or having noone to look forward to anymore. I'm happy enough talking to my friends and playing games with them, but I do miss waking up and waiting to see her at a certain time of the day. I find it difficult to be classed as just myself as well, since I feel a lot more self-confident when I'm associated with a girlfriend by my friends. Your buddy is probably the same as me and trust me, he'll like you a lot better and want to spend time with you if you start accepting him for it and talk to him about her as much he needs to. He won't be too clingy to her forever, but for now you need to make steps to help him break the barrier a bit.

 

[Jinx_Dragon]

Seriously though everything comes down to sex and the simple reason he told you guys he wasn't coming was this: He was off getting some! That is what happens when you are romantic and willing to prove you are putting her over yourself, and of course the friends who your not sleeping with. You do that and volla, you get sex.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I'll have to keep things vague here, because I'd be talking about a best friend here, and I've introduced him to ZP, so...

Anyways, When I visit, he gets home before the wife, and we're both gamers, have been for well over 20 years, both of us, he's got a 360 , I haven't so we generally end up going thru his new stuff or me catching up on some of the older stuff, but when his wife comes home, we have to watch for xpm.

At xpm, everything goes off and the TV goes on for half an hour of completely female TV tedium. Every time.

Now, I wouldn't mind, and of course its their house, their rules.

But, firstly, they have 3 TVs in the house, secondly, they have a recorder, thirdly its repeated two hours later, and fourthly its 'on demand', and could be watched at any time.

Now, I'm not saying she can't come home from a long day at work and enjoy her favourite show, but a little give n take wouldn't hurt, like, perhaps let us save up and if it's past x, go into the menu and watch the 'on demand' one at x:30 when it's ready.

I guess its partly that if one of HER friends comes over, suddenly it's not so important any more, just a case of double standards, again, she can watch it, in front of me, I don't mind, really, but a little flexibility in time , occasionally would be nice, instead of it causing a row for being mentioned.

There again, being a geek, when I'm in a relationship and have a girl who loves me I'm so ridiculously grateful I'd saw my leg off if she was hungry and we weren't near a restaurant. Not an arm of course, I'm not quitting gaming for her. *Ahem* tmi, I think.

 

[Knight Templar]

So they want to spend time together?

I don't get it, it's not like he didn't give you heads up.

 

[corporate_gamer]

Well hopefully you like your (long-term) girlfriend more than your friends. And given the choice of spending time with the boys or the girl, you would choose the girl.

Its not being whipped or submissive, he just had a better offer than your offer of xbox and movies. Maybe tennis was a euphamism. Maybe lonely and headache were too.

Now obviously there has to be balance. But it sounds like the OP is just a a bit jeolous of this plain fact.

 

[Vortigar]

Nice post there Locust.

Reading through this thread gave me the impression that CrazyMofo (OP) is going through something I've had with a couple of friends. They 'get' a girl and all but dissappear from your life.

It feels strange from your end. Especially as you have a much free-er relationship with your girlfriend. Its quite normal however, especially during the early days (which can go up to a year or longer depending on various factors discussed above). I've also had a friend leaving half-way through concerts and the like.

Your relationship has changed (dramatically) because of an extra (weighted) factor on his end. At a certain point your friend will find a certain balance to maintain both his friends and his girl (if not he's indeed in a destructive relationship but from your descriptions it doesn't seem that bad). Its going to be different from what you had, but that's just the way it goes. In the meantime just make sure you don't excise him from your life and keep inviting him for stuff.

 

[P1p3s]

I prefer the terms "supportive" and "empathetic."

Edit: ALso, this may be a bit of a shock to you, but being boyfriend and girlfriend, or boy/boy, or girl/girl, is a bit of a higher step than "buddies", and should be treated as such. If you treat your woman or man like you treat your buddies, then you may have a good friend, but probably not really any good the next step up.

Being a wife it's interesting to be on the other side of this. My husband, during our relationship, has never been the kind of guy to bow to my every whim, this makes me respect him and (strangely enough) find him more attractive. He has never been mean, disrespectful or unkind in this however.

When we were dating if I said 'you wanna do something on X day' if he had other plans then HE HAD OTHER PLANS. I wouldn't have dared phone him while he was hanging out with his bestest buddies (who he doesn't see that often coz they all live a little distance from each other) because he deserves that time to be a man with his men.
Having said that I would occasionally send him 'naughty' text messages to let him know he was on my mind if we weren't together.

I've never had a serious crisis in my life while I've been with him, things were a little bit rough at home for a while and he told me if I ever needed him he would just come get me and take me away, thankfully I never had to take him up on it but it was enough to know he *would* be there if I needed him to be, I didn't need to have him on the phone every five minutes.

One of his best friends is a really outgoing, life of the party kinda guy. His wife, who is adorable, not quiet but just not quite as extroverted understands that is who he is. Pressumably thats part of why she loves him. If she is tired at a party, or "has a headache" like the original post suggests, she'll let him know and take herself off - providing he has a way to get home. Sometimes some mates go with her, sometimes her husband will say "I'd rather be with you" but like some of you have already said its give and take, it's sometimes, not all the time.

I wouldn't want my other half to spend all of his time with me - what would we talk about if we didn't have part of our lives elsewhere. He'll come home and tell me all about his janut with the guys and I'll tell him what I've been up to wit my mates or whatever. Not only does it make for interesting conversation but it's great to kinda 'reconnect' after some time apart, whether it's a couple of hours or if one of us is away for a weekend. It's healthy to have some time apart - IMO. I don't think women really respect men that they can control all the time, women don't want to be dominated or patronised so why should we do it to guys?

Chaps, I say stand up for yourselves, if there are already plans and your woman wants some time with you it is OK to say sorry, not tomorrow night I'm out with the guys but how about X. That last part is important, you aren't just shutting her down, saying no. You are letting her know she is important and you want to make space for her in your life - without handing her the keys to your rear end!!

 

[electric discordian]

I tend to find those talking about being whipped tend not to be the ones getting in bed next to a hot woman every evening. Unless you and your friend have the kind of relationship your not admitting too Im pretty sure his Mrs can deliver services over and above playing on the 360. Speaking a a married man I guess I am pretty "whipped" but that comes with the territory and is mainly down to me being unemployed and her being a teacher.

That said in the UK we have a stereotype for every other country in the world and the OP has nailed it to the letter, I can just imagine him with his can of lager and his hat with corks on typing this!

Im hoping that that is not regarded as offensive as Im sitting here in my string vest with a knotted hanky on me ead with terrible teeth drinking beer at warm temperature and eating brain and eel pie. I think that covers it, unless I have gone too far and a my fellow countrymen complain!

 

[Legion]

I think it is quite sad that so many men are whipped to such an extent that they could pretty much be their girlfriend's pets. Only last night I invited my friend over for a night of Xbox and movies which he was quite happy to attend. He was bringing the games because he has quite a few multiplayer ones. 20 minutes later we get a call from him saying 'Oh my missus just called, she wants to come to mine to watch the tennis. Sorry guys I'm not coming.' WTF!!???!?!?!!

I have another friend [this is a rather extreme case too] who will waste a concert ticket or a ticket to the footy (its the Aussie version of NFL if you will) by leaving half way through because his missus has a headache or she feels lonely. Not only the waste of money, but ditching one's mates for your missus having a headache or feeling lonely is pure BS. Tell your missus to take a panadol, eat some concrete, drink some water and harden the fuck up.

1st Para: That could be defined as being "whipped" because of a last minute change of plans to suit the partner; although this could mean either:

a) He is submissive and didn't tell her that he already had plans.
b) He did tell her and she wasn't having it and so he gave into her demands.
c) He decided that he would prefer to watch the Tennis with his girlfriend as opposed to playing computer games with his friends.

Although it seems that he is being controlled from your perspective, option c is just as likely.

2nd Para: Maybe he decided his girlfriends well-being is more important than watching a bunch of guys kick a ball around? Anyone telling their partner to "take a panadol, eat some concrete, drink some water and harden the fuck up." should perhaps let them find someone better.

But if it happened 75% of the time, I doubt they are a compatible pair.

A lot of couples are incompatible but don't like being single/alone. I know some people who jump from relationship to relationship with people they are unsuited to because they hate being alone.

There is such a thing as a naturally submissive male. There is such a thing as a naturally dominant female. Relationships between the two can often lead to what you're calling a "Whipped" man.

However, I don't see the major problem. It is his choice whether he spends time with his girlfriend or with you. If you find such a flaw in it, talk to him about that. Ask yourself this first though. Would his girlfriend do the same to her friends if he asked that of her? It's an important question.

Now to the actual point.

As I said above, it's the people in the relationship's choice. No-one elses. If either particularly wants to submit to the other, that's up to them. It can work quite well both in the bedroom and out. Is it an epidemic? Nah, it's just a thing which happens in some relationships, just as you have others in which the woman is totally at the beck and call of her partner.

Indeed, I agree with all that is said there. However I feel I should add that sometimes the submissive role can be unhealthy when the person is giving into the needs of their partner but not getting anything in return (no I am not referring to sex here). That can become a problem, not an epidemic of course, but something the friends might feel they should bring up.

 

[090907]

I hate to say this, but, If you're my "mate/buddy/pal/friend" don't for a second think that you come before my wife. If you need me, I'll try to be there for you. But if she needs me, I WILL be there for her. At the expense of anything, my buddies, my family, my work, Anything. She knows this, and I am 100% sure that she feels the same way, so I know she wouldn't "abuse" this. I cannot imagine having a committed relationship any other way.

Does this make me "whipped"????? I don't give a rats arse

 

[Zer_]

I prefer the terms "supportive" and "empathetic."

Edit: ALso, this may be a bit of a shock to you, but being boyfriend and girlfriend, or boy/boy, or girl/girl, is a bit of a higher step than "buddies", and should be treated as such. If you treat your woman or man like you treat your buddies, then you may have a good friend, but probably not really any good the next step up.

Being a wife it's interesting to be on the other side of this. My husband, during our relationship, has never been the kind of guy to bow to my every whim, this makes me respect him and (strangely enough) find him more attractive. He has never been mean, disrespectful or unkind in this however.

When we were dating if I said 'you wanna do something on X day' if he had other plans then HE HAD OTHER PLANS. I wouldn't have dared phone him while he was hanging out with his bestest buddies (who he doesn't see that often coz they all live a little distance from each other) because he deserves that time to be a man with his men.
Having said that I would occasionally send him 'naughty' text messages to let him know he was on my mind if we weren't together.

I've never had a serious crisis in my life while I've been with him, things were a little bit rough at home for a while and he told me if I ever needed him he would just come get me and take me away, thankfully I never had to take him up on it but it was enough to know he *would* be there if I needed him to be, I didn't need to have him on the phone every five minutes.

One of his best friends is a really outgoing, life of the party kinda guy. His wife, who is adorable, not quiet but just not quite as extroverted understands that is who he is. Pressumably thats part of why she loves him. If she is tired at a party, or "has a headache" like the original post suggests, she'll let him know and take herself off - providing he has a way to get home. Sometimes some mates go with her, sometimes her husband will say "I'd rather be with you" but like some of you have already said its give and take, it's sometimes, not all the time.

I wouldn't want my other half to spend all of his time with me - what would we talk about if we didn't have part of our lives elsewhere. He'll come home and tell me all about his janut with the guys and I'll tell him what I've been up to wit my mates or whatever. Not only does it make for interesting conversation but it's great to kinda 'reconnect' after some time apart, whether it's a couple of hours or if one of us is away for a weekend. It's healthy to have some time apart - IMO. I don't think women really respect men that they can control all the time, women don't want to be dominated or patronised so why should we do it to guys?

Chaps, I say stand up for yourselves, if there are already plans and your woman wants some time with you it is OK to say sorry, not tomorrow night I'm out with the guys but how about X. That last part is important, you aren't just shutting her down, saying no. You are letting her know she is important and you want to make space for her in your life - without handing her the keys to your rear end!!

This!

Women who can control their men don't respect them, they take advantage of them. Want to know why? Because they can. Their panting dog of a boyfriend will suck it all up for the all mighty vagina.

I hate to say this, but, If you're my "mate/buddy/pal/friend" don't for a second think that you come before my wife. If you need me, I'll try to be there for you. But if she needs me, I WILL be there for her. At the expense of anything, my buddies, my family, my work, Anything. She knows this, and I am 100% sure that she feels the same way, so I know she wouldn't "abuse" this. I cannot imagine having a committed relationship any other way.

Does this make me "whipped"????? I don't give a rats arse

There's a big difference between your wife needing you and your wife just wanting you at home with her. I mean let's face it, especially if you live with her then she really can't say that she's lonely when you're gone for one or two nights in the week. Imagine you have one night set aside for your friends, and most of the time your Wife/Significant Other wants you at her side instead, fuck that. Yes if she's having some problems, or if she really does need you then it's your obligation to be there for her when she NEEDS it.

If your significant other doesn't like the fact that you do things with some friends from time to time then she's not worth your time. It's so much worse if he or she refuses to let you spend time with some friends yet goes out with her own friends on a regular basis.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Probably been said 100 times before but if the guy wants to spend all his time with her, then its hardly being 'whipped'. It called love (Awww, how sweet). If it lasts your friendship is DOOOOMED! Dooomed I say (not really ).
On the other hand, if he doesn't and there is some bad feeling about being held back from not being able to see his friends, it will probably all build up and explode into a no holds barred fight to the death, in which case you'll get your mate back if he survives. Or they might just work out a compromise, or he might carry on being 'whipped'.
So there you have it, the final answer, courtesy of me.

 

[zen5887]

Being nice to ones significant other does not mean whipped.

 

[Legion]

Being nice to ones significant other does not mean whipped.

Nobody in this post has tried claiming otherwise. Please can you read all the posts in this topic.

We are merely saying that when a significant other makes you feel like you should be spending all your time with them because they want you to as opposed to you wanting to, at the cost of you seeing friends/doing your own thing, then it is not healthy for a relationship.