So people think I'm gay...

[Leemaster777]

I've had people ask if I was gay once or twice (Not counting that night I went to a bunch of gay bars. Long story.). Bugged the hell out of me when it happened, so I understand that feel.

Nowadays, I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality that it wouldn't bother me if they did.

But if this kind of thing is still bothering you, here's my fool-proof plan to stop it: If someone tells you that you're gay, have sex with their sister. And make sure they know about it. Boom, no more telling you that you're gay. Granted, they may beat your ass, but at least they're not calling you gay anymore, right?

(Disclaimer: Don't actually do this.)

 

[Worgen]

Somehow this seems appropriate for this topic Why yes, I can find ponies for anything, thanks for asking.

Isn't there pretty much speculation on ALL THE PONIES?

I don't watch the show, so I only really infer things from those interwebs thingies, but I think I've heard things about Pinkie Pie, Twilight, and the cowgirl at the very least. And that's a good chunk of the "mane" cast.

It's kind of to be expected from an all girl cast, I think the only reason Rarity escapes it for the most part, is that she has been shown to have an interest in guys.

 

[Lieju]

Unfortunately these kinds of steretypes of what a gay man or a straight man look and act like persist.

I have the problem that people assume I'm straight. My sexuality (a lesbian) is not a secret, but it's not really something that comes up in a conversation all that easily.

I've also been bullied for being in a straight relationship.
Since in high school my best friend was a guy and we always hanged out together, of course everyone assumed we were dating and having sex, and then I was bullied for all the imaginary sex-things and rumors...

I have also been told I'm not actually gay several times (or that I can be 'healed'), once by a nutter who was convinced that people who say they're gay just say that because they hate Jesus.

 

[LaoJim]

I was going to suggest that you start to make sure you drop hints as to your sexuality into the conversation. I'm not saying you should start to wolf-whistle at women in the street or make drunked passes at women in your office, but usually people will give off subtle hints. Things like if someone mentions how great their new girlfriend is just say something like "I wish I could find a girl like that". Once you start to get to know people, and have a feeling for what their reaction is likely to be, make a joke out of it, say "My old boss thought I was gay, can you believe that?"

But then I thought that it sounds like you are quite introverted and maybe not comfortable drawing attention to yourself in that way. You said that you spent a long time thinking about whether you were gay because you didn't want a relationship with women. It's funny that, while being gay is becoming more and more common, it's very difficult to come out and say "I'm asexual". Some people are just not that interested in sex, and that's ok too.

You say you are more interested in "romance". What do you mean by this? There are probably lots of girls who would like to meet someone without the constant pressure for sex. If you are hetrosexual and do eventually want to meet someone and fall in love, you are not helping yourself by appearing disinterested in women.

(Sorry quick edit to change "disinterested in sex" to "disinterested in women" which is closer to what I meant)

 

[bliebblob]

Oh yeah I've pretty much got the same problem. I just go "yeah um, buddy? I'm not gay..." and make an I-am-not-amused face. That usually clears things right up, and more often than not ends with whoever called me out apologizing.

However if he/she/they do(es) the thing where they claim to know your own sexuality better than you yourself (a.k.a. "Nuh-uh! I can totally tell!" or "You just haven't figured it out yourself yet!") a little sarcasm tends to do the trick. Something like this:

"Oh? Well, if you say so... Gosh I'd better be finding me a 'special' buddy then eh? How bout you/your boyfriend? No? Too forward you say? Sorry about that, I'm still pretty new at this whole gay thing you see... How bout you then? (Look at some other friend) Oh you're not gay? Drat. You sure though? 'Cause so was I until X over here enlightened me so maybe consult him/her first?"

You get the idea.

So basically:

1) If someone claims to know for a fact you're gay, and you call him/her out on it, he/she just emberassed the crap out of himself/herself in front of you, NOT the other way around. So act like it.

2) Claiming you still know better even after having been called out on the above blunder is downright arrogant. Respond to it as such.

That ofcourse still leaves the problem of some people assuming you're gay without ever actually talking about it. But does that even have any bad consequences? All I can think of is that homophobes will avoid you (ohnoes!) and woman won't make the first move on you, which they don't do anyway even with straight men they badly desire. (At least in my life that is.)

 

[rasputin0009]

My buddy gets this all the time so he overcompensates by having sex with every female that moves. Still doesn't help stop people from thinking he's gay. He dresses with more fashionable clothes, and says things like "I LOVE watching The Bachelorette!" and "Carly Rae Jepsen is my favorite!" (He says things with exclamation points because he's loud). And apparently his outgoing personality is what gets people to think he's gay, too.

Funny how you have to dress bad, not like any media that has anything to do with a woman (unless she's half-naked), and be very uncommunicative to be considered a heterosexual man.

I remember from high school how some guy always got upset whenever I wore a V-neck T-shirt. He got physically upset, as in, he would try and push me into lockers (he never succeeded because he was fat, and I was fast). Obviously, I would then tease him about his homophobia stemming from actual homosexuality. He didn't like hearing that because he was also very stupid. I also did Austin Powers impressions ("Do I make you horny, baby?") to make fun of him in front of everybody. And it's all because V-necks are the universal sign of homosexuality, right?

I guess I'd be considered gay, too if I didn't eye-fuck every girl ever (my bad, I know it's not polite, but I like girls because squishy). It was actually just a week ago when one of my friend's aunt exclaimed, "You're kinda femme-y, aren't you?". To which I replied with a smile, nod, and a "Juss a lilil bit" (I was drunk). And then I proceeded to hit on her.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Perhaps an impassioned speech to your work colleagues on the reasons why you love boobs, ending it by saying you're leaving early today to go to a strip club and slapping a female co-worker on the behind on your way out would work? I mean if they still think you're gay after that then I just don't know anymore what a stereotypical straight should do.

Or more seriously, clearly state that you are not gay and tell those that still insist on calling you gay to fuck off. And certainly I would certainly insist on an apology from your boss as what he did by 'outing' you is not cool for a number of reasons. You shouldn't have to change how you act or dress just to appease other people's expectations of you.

 

[___________________]

Listen to Motörhead as loud as you can and you'll grow a beard so manly that no one will ever question your sexuality again.

But seriously, just keep doing whatever you like to do and sod all those wankers.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

No I've never had that happen to me, but then I'm kind of a social recluse and don't go to bars or anything like that. In fact I don't really interact with people much other than work (pathetic, I know). However I do imagine that would be quite infuriating, esp. when your boss announces to the entire room that he's ok with gay people, indicating you, when you're not gay. That would piss me off.

 

[lacktheknack]

Someone asked me if I was gay, I said no and asked "Why do you ask?"

He answered "Your name is pretty much the gayest thing ever."

Well then. I gotta say, I have a feeling that getting a girlfriend nipped a whooooole lot of questions in the bud.

 

[Verlander]

It's all totally dependent on where you are really. Sounds to me like you're in small town America. If you were in big city America, or Europe, people would assume difficulty. The reason isn't always hateful though, it's simply that when these people only have exposure to a small sample of people, with sexual "minorities" being a rarity, then they will project onto the closest person that they think fits the stereotype. When it comes to gay men it's usually worse, because it's still a difficult concept for many to grasp - there is no logical reason, in their minds, for a man to want to be with a man, and so they treat homosexuals illogically.

The way I see it, they've identified you as well dressed (stereotype check!), who isn't big on the straight dating scene, and who likes pursuits that are stereotypically feminine (or rather, non masculine).

What you should take away from this is that while they are ignorant, and are identifying based on stereotype, some of which is negative, they aren't being overly hostile towards you for it. That's a huge improvement in the last few decades, when being gay could earn you a terminal beating. They're wrong, but at least they're working towards being accepting. That's gotta be a win

 

[EightGaugeHippo]

Next time some one tells you, you're gay.
Put on the gruffest man voice you have, punch them square in the mouth and then ride off on a motorcycle with a beautiful woman in one arm and an electric guitar in the other.

No one will question it again.

If that fails, or if you don't want to try that.
Just tell them you're not gay, if they don't believe you, why should you care? Haters gonna hate.

 

[Daverson]

You should ask yourself why other men seem to have a vested interest in you being gay.

Look, all I'm saying is, your boss may have been coming onto you, it's not often guys get a chance to fuck their way to the top, maybe you should take the opportunity?

 

[RickyChinese]

Pretty sure your sexual orientation is decided by who you want to have sex with rather than what you got called in high school.

Do you not date people you would like to have sex with? It's pretty fun and would from the sounds of things it would probably make your problem go away, so I guess that's a bonus.

 

[Guffe]

A guy that in real life has the "Chandler syndrome"

I can't really give any advice.
If someone asks, tell them no.
I hope people "judging" you won't be a problem and start you making feel insecure.
Just continue being yourself unless it's a problem for YOU I guess.

This has never happened to m, at least straight to my face, behind my back I don't know.
A friend of my moms thought I was a girl ones in my early teens when I had longer hair and still looked very child like but that was just an honest misconception.

 

[shootthebandit]

TLDR

hey dude dont let people get to you. If you know you are straight they can think what they want. I have a friend who has a camp demeanor, fashion sense and voice and naturally we all call him gay (much like yourself) but unlike yourself he plays along with it and he says things like "im the gayest straight man ever".

the best advice i can give you is just give yourself a bit more authority, simple as that. You dont have to change how you dress or how you act but you need to be confident in who you are or people will assume you are hiding something (e.g homosexuality). Just stand up tall and first of all accept who you are and then learn to be more dominant and stand up for yourself (not in an aggressive manner though)

edit: theres the time honoured classic of "are you gay?"...."are you asking me out?" thats bound to shut them up

 

[KeyMaster45]

*snip*

Wow, that's an infuriatingly annoying situation you find yourself in. Sadly it mostly boils down to stereotypes that people hold; it could be that your voice is an octave too high, it could be your choice of clothing, or it could be your mannerisms, the list just goes on and on of stupid BS people identify as gay. I would say just shrug it off, but I can understand how annoying it must be for people to keep telling you that you're wrong about what end of the sexual spectrum you sit on. You could try to change things about yourself to dispel these notions, but it may end up just backfiring and cause everyone to think you're overcompensating to hide the truth.

You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

The best advice that can be given for how to deal with it is to just take it in stride and politely correct people. Be confident in the fact that you know yourself far better than the people around you.

 

[Playful Pony]

Do you happen to look, act or talk extremely... Well, gay? Seriously X3. Cause I can't imagine how this situation would even come about otherwise. People tend to ask me if I'm "emo" or if I cut myself, because of the way I dress. It was annoying in highschool, but I don't really care anymore... It's completely understandable that people wonder if I do, because that's the stereotype X3. I don't understand why even random people keep asking though, that seems pretty rude to me... I don't go up to people in boobtubes with orange skin and ask them if they are really slutty and give handjobs to random guys in bars... I just asume, quietly to myself, that they do...

 

[LadyLightning]

My experience is actually a bit different.

I'm an MtF transgender person, in my mid-twenties. I only recently discovered who I am, so I haven't started hormones yet, but I act, speak and dress like a woman. I dare say I'm rather average, for a fat chick.

The thing is, I never used to do these things. Throughout most of my life, I looked and acted as straight and male as everyone else. Only after I came out to my friends as being transgender did they almost universally tell me that, the whole time they knew me, they thought I was gay, so it didn't surprise them in the least that I'm actually a girl on the inside.

I suppose the only thing I can really say to you, OP, is that I understand how being called something you're not on a daily basis is frustrating and demoralizing ~ after all, I still get called a man on a daily basis, even after telling people flat-out that I'm transgender, and no matter what my body may look like at the moment, my brain is female.

But in the end, it doesn't change anything. No matter how many people call me by my old name, or by a male pronoun, or just flat-out call me a "god-hating tranny fag," (Yes, I've been called that. Try being LGBT of any persuasion and living within walking distance of three churches. The amount of bigotry you'll encounter is astounding.) that doesn't mean I'm somehow less of a woman.

 

[II2]

Hey everyone. How are you tonight? I'm pretty ok, except for one thing...

For the fifth time in my life, someone has told me that I'm gay. Not implied. Not asked. Told me that I'm gay.

And I'm officially tired of it.

[text]

So Escapist, help me out here. Have you guys ever had someone question your sexuality? Or perhaps insist you come out of the closet when you never hid there in the first place? How did you or would you deal with it? I really want to see all perspectives of this. I'm tired of feeling like I have no one to talk to about this unfortunate chronic case of misplaced assumptions.

OP, if you can forgive me some bluntness, your post here concerning this belies why you might be targetted / assumed / identified in the first place. What I'm saying is that you are perceived, in part, by how you react to things. If it upset you, good chance your boss or whoever else thinks they've struck oil - some truth or shame. Don't bleed in front of sharks.

Think on that going forward.

Now, regarding friends and coworkers. Your friends are your friends because they like you for who you are, regardless of what that is that they think, if not, they're not your friends, just overly familiar peers. Your co-workers probably don't give a shit about you and have little investment in your personal affairs or happiness beyond how it impacts them day to day. Do not make a scene, get litigious or blow things out of proportion. If it happens again, you should remain unphased, and if possible, offer a sarcastically flippant rebuttal, changing the focus to the speaker and making THEM the flustered party.

EG:

Boss: We're filling the diversity quota (points at you).

You:
1) "I dunno, I've seen your web history, I think you sorted that out awhile back"
2) "Pleased you think my jock is such a solid investment"
3) *kiss kiss* "Love you too, daddy"
4) "Mind teling my girlfriend / mom? Save me the trouble." *Produce cellphone and dial*

Etc...

Be confident in yourself and control the conversation.