Some preface: this won't be a whiny rant of desperation, I promise. Due to some recent turbulence, I'm feeling a little lost and what follows is probably predictable. I ask here because the Escapist community is usually more helpful than hateful, and I believe that there might be something to settle my spirit from this. Here goes...
Some backstory: About nine months ago, I confessed my feelings to a girl. It took her about a month to be able to tell me that I'd been rejected in favour of a guy who had left her once before (I didn't know this at that point, and was relatively convinced of his decency). I was determined not to make things awkward from that point on, and far from deteriorating, our friendship became stronger. It had grown strong to the point where she was willing to tell me most of what was going on in her life, even though my friends refused to keep secret that I still had feelings for her. It was a few months longer before she confessed that she actually had been developing feelings for me, so we resolved to be completely frank with one another, and our friendship didn't at all suffer until her boyfriend got bored and began to neglect her. She, after much prodding from all sides, eventually got up the strength to send him an ultimatum, which he gladly accepted.
Needless to say, she was destroyed. She'd grown to be so infatuated with him, when it is incredibly difficult for her to develop any feelings for anyone at all. She tried very hard to rebound, and due to a past promise, I tried equally hard to stop her. We both agree that it was the right thing to do for me to repeatedly reject her advances, but then we're led to the issue at hand.
As she got over her boyfriend, she became widely pursued. Smothered, even. There was just one guy who seemed to have no feelings for her whatsoever (or never stated such, because I'm fairly certain that he does feel something). This singular trait led her to desire him, which I am relatively fine with. What does bother me is that another reason that she is pursuing him is that whatever was between us has completely died. I know exactly why and how, and it frustrates me that part of that reason is because she no longer wants a rebound. I want to get that back, but I really don't want to be a scumbag about it. I can't really think of how deliberately winning her over without being manipulative isn't oxymoronic, so I am a bit confused as to where to go from here.
EDIT: I realize this sounds a little hateful and also a little like the same question that's been asked many times over, so I want to clarify this a little...
I may add that he's definitely not an asshole. He is a perfectly reasonable guy, I just object to the fact that he doesn't want her being such a huge part of her decision (again, her words, not mine).
I asked because a question that would match up to mine doesn't seem to have appeared anywhere else, though it is becoming clearer what course of action I should take. Thanks everyone for humouring me.
Some backstory: About nine months ago, I confessed my feelings to a girl. It took her about a month to be able to tell me that I'd been rejected in favour of a guy who had left her once before (I didn't know this at that point, and was relatively convinced of his decency). I was determined not to make things awkward from that point on, and far from deteriorating, our friendship became stronger. It had grown strong to the point where she was willing to tell me most of what was going on in her life, even though my friends refused to keep secret that I still had feelings for her. It was a few months longer before she confessed that she actually had been developing feelings for me, so we resolved to be completely frank with one another, and our friendship didn't at all suffer until her boyfriend got bored and began to neglect her. She, after much prodding from all sides, eventually got up the strength to send him an ultimatum, which he gladly accepted.
Needless to say, she was destroyed. She'd grown to be so infatuated with him, when it is incredibly difficult for her to develop any feelings for anyone at all. She tried very hard to rebound, and due to a past promise, I tried equally hard to stop her. We both agree that it was the right thing to do for me to repeatedly reject her advances, but then we're led to the issue at hand.
As she got over her boyfriend, she became widely pursued. Smothered, even. There was just one guy who seemed to have no feelings for her whatsoever (or never stated such, because I'm fairly certain that he does feel something). This singular trait led her to desire him, which I am relatively fine with. What does bother me is that another reason that she is pursuing him is that whatever was between us has completely died. I know exactly why and how, and it frustrates me that part of that reason is because she no longer wants a rebound. I want to get that back, but I really don't want to be a scumbag about it. I can't really think of how deliberately winning her over without being manipulative isn't oxymoronic, so I am a bit confused as to where to go from here.
EDIT: I realize this sounds a little hateful and also a little like the same question that's been asked many times over, so I want to clarify this a little...
That was her actual explanation. I would not say it if it wasn't. I'd honestly rather believe something else.Colour-Scientist said:
I may add that he's definitely not an asshole. He is a perfectly reasonable guy, I just object to the fact that he doesn't want her being such a huge part of her decision (again, her words, not mine).
I think I probably didn't explain this adequately. We are friends, and that comes first. I have expressed affections in the past, as has she, but those seem to have been left at the wayside just as she got over her ex. No, she is not interested in me any longer, and I'm feeling a bit insulted as every position that I filled in the past seems to have been moved to others.Forlong said:
I asked because a question that would match up to mine doesn't seem to have appeared anywhere else, though it is becoming clearer what course of action I should take. Thanks everyone for humouring me.
Anyhow, no point dwelling too much, yeah it's easier said than done and it is a cliché but there's plenty more out there. The searching, flirting and discovering possible new relationships can be very fun, enjoy it whilst you can!
