So there's this gayguy...

[Brutal Peanut]

You could ask how the 'dating' is going. How serious it is. If it is actually a real romantic relationship/partnership. Subtlety, of course.

I mean, it's not unreasonable to think that a friend would ask about your current relationship. If he says that the relationship is going great and it's pretty serious, then you'll know to ease off and just remain friends. If he starts coming on to you after saying this, then you'd better ask him how his 'boyfriend' feels about it. Some people are 'polygamous', or have 'open' relationships. The last thing you want is to feel as if you were used if you are not okay with being apart of a 'open' relationship or end up with his crazy bf. on your doorstep.

If he's just 'dating' this other person, doesn't consider it a romantic relationship, and isn't even sure about continuing it anymore - then I suppose you could express an interest in going on a few dates and allow him to make the overall decision to carry your friendship over into a romantic relationship.

Just don't jump the gun and try to dry hump someone whose relationship status you aren't even sure about, is what I am trying to get at in a long-winded way. Have some patience.

 

[Timmehexas]

No it's not wrong , why? Because it's only been two months , It hasn't passed the cap of it being a serious relationship . Worst case e'll turn you down . Best case he'll leave his other boyfriend and continue seeing you . Middle case he'll cheat on his bf with you . I say go for it . The best thing to do is the right thing , the second best thing to do is the wrong thing , but the worst thing to do is nothing .

The boyfriend might consider it serious. There's no set point at which a relationship officially becomes 'serious'. Some couples are already married at the two-month mark. Whether or not any of us agree with whether that's sensible or not, it's ultimately their decision.

You make a lot of good points. At any rate, I'll see what he does. I'll just be charming and nice. Since I want to stay friends with this person I think it's for the better that nothing happens, because he's almost the only sensible gayguy I've ever talked to. About 90% of them act overly flamboyant, which is not really my kind of people.

Haha you sound exactly like me when I was actively looking for a relationship, finding someone who isn't overly flamboyant feels like a miracle

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

have fun. Though I'l say this. i thoguht the same way. four months later I found out that the guy she "rejected" had been filling her slot for 3.5 months. She was very good at acting I suppose.

Naturally of course I handled it like a gentleman by saying we were done.

...

then stopped being a gentleman and burned slutty **** in her yard with gas and left it at that.

so I suppose the message to take away is they can say no, but that doesnt necessarily mean no.

So basically one girl lied to you and cheated on you and now you're all bitter about it, is that right? Pretty pathetic of you if you ask me.

What you should've been doing instead of developing bitterness is consider the facts surrounding that situation. (if i understood the situation correctly that is)

You trusted her. She abused your trust. Who's really the "lesser person" in that scenario?

The one who CHOSE to trust someone completely, and who actually shows an incredible amount of bravery doing that considering how many ways that trust COULD become betrayed.

OR

The person who got that amount of trust, but willfully and maliciously betrayed it, as well as trying to decieve their way out of taking responsibility for their actions?

I don't know about you but I think that situation says a hell of a lot more negative stuff about the latter person and pretty much nothing negative at all about the former. The first one is a good person, the latter is pretty much the scum of the earth.

WHY the HELL didn't you focus on THAT particular fact after the fallout, instead of wallowing in self-pity and developing bitterness that will eventually haunt pretty much all relationships you ever manage to develop with other women?

Yeah, I know it hurts to get betrayed. But you know what? Just suck it up. It's just pain. It's not going to kill you, and it's certainly not a valid reason to grow that bitter over. Finding out her true colours was a GOOD thing, just imagine how much MORE time you might've wasted on her if you didn't find out as soon as you did?

That said, it's no reason to punish all other women for the evil fuck-ups of one. And if you cling to that untrusting, suspicious and jealous attitude towards other girls you meet, you actually INCREASE the chance of your bitter prejudice becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So do yourself a favour and just let it go, and start focusing on the details regarding that situations that truly matter...

 

[emeraldrafael]

presumptuous snip

This relationship with 2 years ago and Ive had probably three or four serious ones since then. I've always floated in and out of relationships since my first gf died.

the way I posted just seemed a lot nicer then saying what I wanted to and risking a warning (cause I want to get my health bar down).

The point of it being that the world isnt always rainbows and sunshine, and its better not to create the rift and doubt that humans feel by bothering a relationship and creating stress on it.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

This relationship with 2 years ago and Ive had probably three or four serious ones since then. I've always floated in and out of relationships since my first gf died.

the way I posted just seemed a lot nicer then saying what I wanted to and risking a warning (cause I want to get my health bar down).

The point of it being that the world isnt always rainbows and sunshine, and its better not to create the rift and doubt that humans feel by bothering a relationship and creating stress on it.

Trust me, im not the one who thinks that the world is all rainbows and sunshine. Im a misanthrope after all.

The fact still remains that if an outside party to a relationship is able to cause any kind of rift and doubt in a relationship simply by coming on to one of the members in that relationship, then chances are more likely that there's something wrong with that relationship to begin with.

A stable one based on trust would never have it's integrity threatened by outside romantic advances.

You can't just go through a relationship hoping that it's all going to be "good times", while shutting your eyes and ears going "LALALALALALA!" in regards to the troubling issues that a relationship might suffer from.

Meaing that it's not reasonable to hope for or even advocate that other people should just "stay away" from your partner and never show any kind of romantic interest just because you think that your partner might become "tempted" to cheat on you or run off with another person, because the very fact that you suspect that outcome just proves that there's something wrong with your relationship or your ability to trust your partner in the first place. And you should be working on those issues rather than trying to chase away other people from making any advances (within reason of course, I mean some people just can't take "no" for an answer and continue to plague the person of their affection with advances, and if your partner is unlucky enough to attract one of those I think it's fair to help out in chasing that obsessive person away from your partner).

 

[chaosyoshimage]

Another gay guy looking for someone who isn't overly flamboyant? I wish the real world (Specifically mine...) was like the internet sometimes...

 

[StarsintheBlood]

I'm going to share a personal story- I'm aesexual (yes, it's a legitimate orientation, dammit), and my friend has hit on me quite a few times. It's INSANELY uncomfortable, and awkward, and I feel bad because I can't return the affection.

Now I understand that this is different, but what I'm trying to say is think about it from this guy's perspective. He's been in a relationship for a while, and it's not right for you to put moves on him, especially when you're just going to meet him for the first time. It's not cool, it puts the friendship in jeopardy, and it's a bit too soon. Be a little bit more considerate and respectful, of both your friend and his partner.

 

[Bluntman1138]

Morally speaking, yes, it's wrong.

Since morals are subjective, I take slight offense at that statement. Is it "morally wrong" to pursue something or someone you want? Others would say that the whole idea of the OP is morally wrong, being gay and all.

It is NOT morally wrong to pursue someone you want (up to the point of stalking that is). If any issue of morality was to come up, then it would not be an issue with the OP, but with the person he is pursuing that is in a relationship. But as it sounds to me, it is a dating situation anyways, so no "immorality" is really at issue. Now if they were in a committed relationship, then why is this other person seeking other people (presumably).

My advice to the OP: To what makes you feel good. (to a point) Flirt with him, if he flirts back, then take it at that. If it progesses, then simply bring up the issue you have at hand.

You only get one life to live, so live it, and be as happy as you can.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

On the record: It's wrong to break two people who for all you know might be a great match because of your own selfish desires.

Off the record: So he has a boyfriend. Football had a goalie but that doesn't mean you can't score.

 

[Woodsey]

If someone is in a relationship, you have no right to break them apart for your own selfish desires.

On the record: It's wrong to break two people who for all you know might be a great match because of your own selfish desires.

Did you both go to the same Catholic school?

Although:

Off the record: So he has a boyfriend. Football had a goalie but that doesn't mean you can't score.

I chuckled.

OT: Ignore all the people saying its hideously wrong, they're idiots. If you think he's giving you the A-OK then go nuts. If he makes it clear he's not interested then that's it.

It is not selfish to act on how you(r penis) feel(s); he's the one with the other guy after all, not you. If he cares that much then he won't go anywhere with you.

 

[DementedSheep]

I don?t think you need to make a secret of the fact you?re interested and not test the waters. You can ask and see how it goes but don?t push too hard or keep pushing if he tells you no or actively try and break them up.

 

[Ris]

Morally speaking, yes, it's wrong.

Since morals are subjective, I take slight offense at that statement. Is it "morally wrong" to pursue something or someone you want? Others would say that the whole idea of the OP is morally wrong, being gay and all.

It is NOT morally wrong to pursue someone you want (up to the point of stalking that is). If any issue of morality was to come up, then it would not be an issue with the OP, but with the person he is pursuing that is in a relationship. But as it sounds to me, it is a dating situation anyways, so no "immorality" is really at issue. Now if they were in a committed relationship, then why is this other person seeking other people (presumably).

My advice to the OP: To what makes you feel good. (to a point) Flirt with him, if he flirts back, then take it at that. If it progesses, then simply bring up the issue you have at hand.

You only get one life to live, so live it, and be as happy as you can.

I'm not sure why you're quibbling with me since we've essentially given the same advice. We even agreed that any moral responsibility laid more with the other guy and that life was too short/for living. As you've said, morals are subjective, so why not just appreciate that and not get so offended over my opinion?

 

[Malgan]

I'm just going to reply to you all here (I'm a bit drunk, so excuse typos) We hung out, had fun. Had a few beers and a few cigarettes. It became clear to me that this is not my type, allthough he was masculine enough-ish he had a weird affection for theater and musicals. We had some fun, we flirted a bit (Friendly, of course) and then we parted ways. There's good potential for a friendship, as we shared some fun quirks like pretending to know sign-language and playing retarded to make other people uncomfortable. All in all, I had a good nights fun, and I never got into the situation where I had to make the decision of wether it was morally wrong or not.

Thanks for all your helpful inputs!

 

[00slash00]

yeah, its wrong. im not passing judgement on you and i know how you feel. but ask yourself how you would feel if you were successful. i know i wouldnt want to be with someone, knowing that my happiness came at the expense of someone else's

 

[SillyBear]

No it's not wrong , why? Because it's only been two months , It hasn't passed the cap of it being a serious relationship . Worst case e'll turn you down . Best case he'll leave his other boyfriend and continue seeing you . Middle case he'll cheat on his bf with you . I say go for it . The best thing to do is the right thing , the second best thing to do is the wrong thing , but the worst thing to do is nothing .

Awful advice. You have no right to judge the feelings of two people through the amount of time they have known each other. Just because they have been together for only two months doesn't mean one person isn't heavily invested in the other.

To put things in perspective, an acquaintance of mine from school killed himself last year after a girl broke up with him. They were only together for two months.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

It is not selfish to act on how you(r penis) feel(s); he's the one with the other guy after all, not you.

Actually, in a way it kind of is. But it largely depend on your subjective moral beliefs.

I'll summarize:

If you yourself consider yourself deserving of a partner who doesn't cheat on you, then you can't really justify helping someone else cheat on their partner by sleeping with them.

It would be contradictory to promote other people cheating on their partners just because that behaviour might benefit you at the moment, but once you get a partner of your own suddenly feel that cheating on you would be somehow wrong. All that would make you is a self-serving hypocrite.

If you truly think that it's wrong to cheat on your partner or your partner cheating on you, then you can't justify promoting that behaviour in others.

That said, if you don't give a flying fuck about who your partner sleeps with behind your back then it wouldn't be hypocritical at all to help others cheat on their partners by sleeping with them.

So it's all about your subjective views and personal morals regarding unfaithfulness and relationships. But I find it rather unlikely that people who don't give a flying fuck about being cheated on by their partners are in any sort of majority.

So the lesson here is: if you think cheating is wrong and don't want your partner (potential or actual) to cheat on you, then don't promote others to cheat on their partners. Because doing so would make you a hypocrite.

That said: You're not necessarily "promoting" people to cheat on their partner just by displaying and being honest a romantic/sexual interest in them.

I have no problem with telling a girl that I like her, regardless if she currently has a boyfriend or not. But I'd never make out with her or fuck her if I knew she had a boyfriend. If she does have a boyfriend, then I'd tell her what I think and feel and see if she feels the same way, and if she does then I'd ask, nay, DEMAND that she breaks up with the other guy first before we engage in anything sexual. And if she refuse to and wants to "play it safe" or something like that, then there is no way in hell that she'll know the delights of having some alone time with me in the bedroom.

 

[Robert Ewing]

Perhaps it will still pan out for you a new friendship is always good!

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

Did you both go to the same Catholic school?

OT: Ignore all the people saying its hideously wrong, they're idiots.

No. Me, personally, I just know about empathy and I keep that in mind when such situations call for it. If I was in a relationship with someone I cared about, I wouldn't want some stranger get in between me and my partner because they believe that they should be with one of us.

There's also nothing wrong with acknowledging your own instincts, but we all have this little thing called 'intellect' that allows us to make more rational decisions and keep our instincts in check. There are many ways for someone to get to know if what they feel for someone is truly romantic feelings, lust, or simply admiration. By acting on 'instincts,' you run the risk of hurting others, including yourself, over something that you may not even be sure of.