So, What Is 'Flirting'?

[Trivun]

Basically, I don't have a problem talking to girls. I have plenty of female friends, I share a flat with two girls, and in general simply treat girls as regular people. Which is the way I should, right? However, I've never been that confident talking to girls as anything more than friends. When it comes to asking girls out, I tend to get really nervous and self-conscious.

Now, I work in a supermarket part-time, around my university timetable. I happen to share a shift with this one girl who I've come to regard as a friend in the few months I've known her. Now, our relationship is pretty much just friends and colleagues, and nothing more. That's perfectly fine, and I don't think she has feelings for me beyond friendship anyway. However, occasionally there've been times when we've been chatting and I've thought, at the back of my mind, "hold on, are we flirting?". Yesterday evening's shift, for example, was one such time, after we'd jointly dealt with a very annoying and pushy customer.

In the past, there have definitely been times when girls have flirted with me in some way, or otherwise shown an interest in me beyond friendship. And in all but one of those times, I've completely failed to notice until a while after, when someone else has pointed it out to me. I've lost plenty of chances with girls that way, with the result that I'm still single now, and not enjoying it. The one time I did notice a girl was interested in me was in a bar, and I did make a move then, however I didn't get much chance to talk with her or anything before the bar closed at the end of the night and we got separated. To be fair, she did show plenty of interest when we were talking, and on the dancefloor...

So really, the purpose of this thread is to see what members of the Escapist see as 'flirting'. How to recognise it, and how you tend to flirt with people, if indeed you do. I'm looking for input here from both guys and girls, especially girls, and if anyone has any stories they want to share then feel free to share them .

 

[BonsaiK]

I've discussed this so many times before in such comprehensive detail that it's ridiculous. If you want to test the power of The Escapist's search functions you could try to find my very, very lengthy flirting posts (by which I mean "posts about flirting", not "posts that are flirtatious").

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

There isn't really one answer to this, and there's no way you're going to get a list of things that mean someone is flirting with you. It's a combination of cues so subtle, that unless you're doing it wrong (read: blatantly and creepily), you can't really describe. Add to that the fact that one person's flirting is another person's being nice, and you'll see why I think whatever answers you get in this thread are going to be disappointing.

 

[Cowabungaa]

Flirting? Some innuendo here, a certain interested-in-more-than-friendship tone of voice there and presto, you've got about the basics covered. It's not a very complicated thing, just subtle and slow hinting that want more of that other person, see more in him/her. The details differ from person to person.

Now of course, it can also be used purely for fun. I play-flirted with a co-worker for quite some time, incidently one of the hottest girls I've ever known (not that I would want something real with her; smoking, partying with too much drinking, etc), to the point where other co-workers were getting convinced we had something together. Given, we were quite filthy. Good times, good times...

The only time I flirted for real was one phrase. After that we both had to go and the chance was lost. She blushed and giggled a bit though, so I suppose it was quite effective. I wonder how things would've went if I did have the guts to ask her out.

 

[Trivun]

There isn't really one answer to this, and there's no way you're going to get a list of things that mean someone is flirting with you. It's a combination of cues so subtle, that unless you're doing it wrong (read: blatantly and creepily), you can't really describe. Add to that the fact that one person's flirting is another person's being nice, and you'll see why I think whatever answers you get in this thread are going to be disappointing.

Thing is, that's part of the problem. When people are flirting, it's hard to pick up on, precisely because it's subtle. The trouble is, if it isn't subtle then the other person gets put off (or may do), whereas if you are subtle then there's a much higher chance that you're going to fail anyway. I just wish there was a happy medium, where it's fairly obvious yet appealing to the person being flirted with, so that person does develop the interest the subtle flirting is meant to achieve. If that makes sense, of course...