Social Anxiety, owning it, dealing with it, bitching about it, etc.

[Irridium]

I'm introverted, but I don't really get anxious all that much, and I'm not that socially awkward. I guess you could take me being quiet all the time as awkwardness, but I just don't talk unless I want to. I also just prefer to be alone. That's it, really. I can handle myself in social situations pretty well, and though I still get pretty anxious every now and then I've become better at dealing with it on my own terms. Could never take medication because I can't swallow pills, and the liquid stuff was so bad it caused me to throw up whenever I tried it. So yeah, had no choice but to figure out a way to deal with it in a way that works for me. Really glad I can.

 

[Thebazilly]

I expect a person to be able to order food in a social setting without struggling with crippling worry that the cashier or waiter who they're unlikely to ever meet again will think they're a bit strange.

I say this because we are an interdependent species who still require food to survive. If you need someone else to order your food for you then you're pretty much failing social interaction.

Um, but that's why social anxiety is a mental disorder. Because people who have social anxiety can't function on a social level like a normal person. Yes, it gets better with practice, but that doesn't work for everyone, and with a genuine mental disorder, you can't always overcome it on your own. I'm glad that you and your girlfriend have found a method that works for you, but unfortunately it's not as simple as just pushing through it for everyone.

The procedure isn't "simple" but the fact it requires the person who has it to actually make a genuine effort is the simple part.

When have I given the impression I expect such an issue to be resolved overnight?

Okay, I concede that wasn't the best choice of words on my part. I understand how difficult social anxiety is to overcome, I've been there. It's hard. I'm just trying to say that some people can't do it without getting extra help, and what works for you isn't going to work for everyone.

And I think that if you don't understand that the crippling fear of having a stranger maybe judge you, then you don't understand what social anxiety is. That is social anxiety. It's not being able to pick up the phone and call a doctor because you're too scared to talk to a receptionist. It's dragging your family members and friends everywhere you go with you for moral support because you feel weird alone in public and people are probably looking at you and judging you. It's being petrified by small talk in an elevator or a hallway, and then mentally berating yourself because you messed it up. Logically, you know that you'll never see or talk to these people again, but the fear is still there.

I find it absurd that you claim to understand social anxiety, but can't sympathize with someone who can't order food.

 

[Voulan]

And she is doing well, a lot - she claims - thanks to me and my attitude towards helping her.

You mean what she's done for herself, not purely through your methods - that sounded mildly narcissistic. I find myself doubtful because all you're doing is making me feel worse and worse the more I come into this thread. So I'll be leaving you alone now, because I have enough issues of my own, as you seem to find so inconceivable or pathetic or whatever it is you find abhorrent about my behaviour (since you seem to keep brining up my personal issue to insult constantly).

I mean this one quote here:

Just because it's a mental issue? I don't give a shit.

Speaks bounds of your character. So that's enough from me, continue insulting away.

 

[DarkSeraphim02]

And she is doing well, a lot - she claims - thanks to me and my attitude towards helping her.

You mean what she's done for herself, not purely through your methods - that sounded mildly narcissistic. I find myself doubtful because all you're doing is making me feel worse and worse the more I come into this thread. So I'll be leaving you alone now, because I have enough issues of my own, as you seem to find so inconceivable or pathetic or whatever it is you find abhorrent about my behaviour (since you seem to keep brining up my personal issue to insult constantly).

I mean this one quote here:

Just because it's a mental issue? I don't give a shit.

Speaks bounds of your character. So that's enough from me, continue insulting away.

I wouldn't pay to much mind to what he's saying, While he is acknowledging that it's not an easy process I don't think it's occured to him that there are people out there that, for one reason or another, don't have the strength of will, motivation, or personality type to confornt their problems, or hell in my case they just get told no no matter where they look for help.

 

[Last Hugh Alive]

Thanks for making this thread OP! Time to empty some crap out of my head.

I don't know what I have if anything but there's definitely something holding me back. In the few years that have passed since I finished high school I've pretty much lost contact with the group of friends I ended up with as I have less and less in common with them these days and never got too attached to any of them anyway.

I want to make new friends, meet people, get a lady friend and have a thing to work on. I want to start doing things. The reason I haven't, however, is that I simply don't know what.

I can't meet new people (sober) because I don't ever have anything to talk about, my mind always goes blank and I just stand there. I can't for the life of me think of something to say to move things along, or a funny way to say it. Even amongst the people I'm comfortable with, anything that manages to come out of my mouth to start of continue a conversation reeks of bullshit.

I think I'd actually be able to cope being alone for the most part, if only I knew what I even want or what I can do. Maybe it sounds like miserable self-pity but I've never found my niche, any talents or redeemable qualities. I want to make a living but I have no clue what path I should take and where my life will end up if I don't do it right, and whenever I give the topic serious consideration (probably daily, I worry a lot) it gives me headaches and I get real sour and angry. I'm currently trying to abandon the idea of a "dream" so I can find some job/skill to pay the bills, but again there's just nothing out there that sounds appealing whatsoever. The fact that my closest friends growing were all talented, handsome, always had stunning girlfriends and never had problems finding determination makes me feel like a fucking loser too, and there's too much time and space between us for me to discuss it with them.

TL;DR, I'm in that middle phase where I know I have a social/confidence problem and I want to takes steps to live the way I want to, except I have no goal in sight and don't know what I want from life. It's the basis of all my worries. I can't meet a person without the urge to spill out all my concerns and see if they know what to say, but whenever I get the chance I don't know where to begin. It's the only thing I think about whenever I put down the controller or turn off the computer and have to face reality for a while, it has for years, but I can't make any progress.

 

[ShinyCharizard]

Going to agree with Abomination here. Zero sympathy to those who just use it as a crutch and an excuse not to improve.

 

[Abomination]

I mean this one quote here:

Just because it's a mental issue? I don't give a shit.

Speaks bounds of your character. So that's enough from me, continue insulting away.

Quote me in full, stop mining for reasons to be offended.

I elaborated what I meant by that for two lines of text directly above it.

If something is a problem and you have means of resolving it, just because it's a mental issue is not an excuse to not attempt to resolve it. Hence why "I don't give a shit" about that issue if someone has it when they won't try and resolve it.

And she is doing well, a lot - she claims - thanks to me and my attitude towards helping her.

You mean what she's done for herself, not purely through your methods - that sounded mildly narcissistic. I find myself doubtful because all you're doing is making me feel worse and worse the more I come into this thread. So I'll be leaving you alone now, because I have enough issues of my own, as you seem to find so inconceivable or pathetic or whatever it is you find abhorrent about my behaviour (since you seem to keep brining up my personal issue to insult constantly).

I haven't addressed you directly about a problem YOU are having. You aren't the only person with social anxiety. I have also specified in what situation is it annoying.

 

[scorptatious]

I don't know what it is with me. But for a while I've always had this thing where I'm afraid of saying or doing something stupid or revealing something about myself that would end up causing people to look down on me.

I think I've had this since I was in Middle School, where at that point, I was aware of the fact that I had autism, and that makes me different from most people.

I can talk to people at least somewhat decently. Although sometimes whenever I'm nervous my thoughts get all jumbled and I end up stuttering and having a hard time spitting out what I want to say.

A part of me REALLY wants to step out of my bubble and form meaningful friendships and possibly a romantic relationship. But I find myself too afraid to even talk to girls that I personally find attractive and I kinda shy away from talking to people or even the friends I do have.

I guess another reason why I feel and act this way is that I'm unemployed, still live with my folks, don't have a car, and I have no idea what I want to be. All of which make me feel... well... inferior and worthless to most people my age. Now, I am well aware that there are people who are in the same kind of living situation I am in and are still able to form friendships and relationships. So I don't really have an excuse.

It's a very complicated feeling that's hard to put into words.

 

[randomrob1968]

Going to agree with Abomination here. Zero sympathy to those who just use it as a crutch and an excuse not to improve.

Ok-

again- this line of reasoning implies that the person doesn't have a problem and is putting themselves and others on, which is like saying you can look into people's hearts and minds and know what they're thinking and feeling and have free reign to judge and say whatever. That could be a discussion thread in itself, and I welcome that thread being taken elsewhere. Because bringing it here to this thread now comes off as judgmental, baiting, and not actually engaging or having empathy for anybody who's saying anything to eachother.

Like posting how you hate pizza in a pizza-lovers thread. It just seems self-serving, and off putting to anyone having a dialog.

Just saying.

 

[randomrob1968]

The past few days I've found that taking off my glasses while I'm working keeps from seeing customers faces clearly, which means less focus on them and more on what I'm doing. It's been helping.

I often feel that I'm being watched and judged by others, and am also aware that it's a phantom feeling, and isn't real. I remind myself that people are actually very focused on themselves and rarely pay attention to others unless they have to.

I just feel sometimes it's a matter of having a more highly attuned nervous system. Like allergies are the result of an overactive immune system? I think anxiety is the result of an overactive sensory process.

That's a sensory integration issue. We have that documented in my family. Hyperacussis, over-sensitivity to certain sound frequencies, particularly mid-range.

Anyway- thanks for everyone who's sharing for sharing! Chat eachother up! it's good to talk about this stuff.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

I consider myself very closed off (and my friends would strongly agree).

If you've seen Yes Man, then that's pretty much me. I'll actively avoid going out and having "fun" because I'd much rather stay home, sit in my comfy chair, put my feet up and relax.

Not sure if it's real social anxiety or if I just can't be bothered with the whole talking to people thing. Maybe it's both but who knows. I do get a little uncomfortable when I'm at a club or bar and I tend to spend more time in the toilet there than anywhere else, so maybe my comfort zone is a little large compared to someone with social anxiety, but still smaller than most 'normal' people.

 

[triggrhappy94]

I used to be more socially-reserved. Now, I've kind of lost sympathy for other introverted people.
You don't have to wallow in it. Things are only ever awkward if you let them be.
If you want to change, then do it. You are the only thing standing in your way.

For those who say it isn't that easy: take it steps at a time. The Most Interesting Man in the World didn't become that in a day (there's a reason why he's like 50). Everyone does something weird now and then so don't let it get you down if you mess up.

Spoiler: On a more sciency angle

This may be entirely psychosomatic, but I like it and it seems to work.
There's been studies that show that posing in a way that makes yourself larger (or more confident looking) increases testosterone production by up to 8%. Testosterone, in turn, has been shown to increase a person's likeliness to take risks on random chance, and likeliness to believe that that change will be successful--despite it being completely random. Which is to say, testosterone is liquid confidence, and acting confident makes you confident.

So when I feel the anxiety coming on, I lift my chin, get a wide stance and keep my arms uncrossed. It's not easy, the opposite pose is the reflex for being uncomfortable, but you always have to power through.

Sorry if I came off strong, I've thought about this a lot.

 

[Angie7F]

right now I am the most popular person at work.
However I am totally socially anxious.

i guess I pretend to be nice because it is easier than being normal and being anxious whether people like me or not.

I overcame my shyness with age.
I also feel much more confident with my looks now than I was when I was younger.
When you are young, pretty people are pretty and you cant do anything about it.
But when you get older, even pretty people age, and suddenly you realise that you are not doing so bad yourself.

So I think it is something you can overcome with time.