Social lives in college/uni

[Brendan Stepladder]

Oi vey, I need a good vent and possibly some good advice to go with it. Pull up a metaphorical chair (you're already using a real one) and try to give me what help you can. I typically don't make these kinds of threads, purely becuse it's difficult to assess one's problems unless you know them.

Anyway, it's halfway through my first semester freshman year of college. I have no firends. Well, not exactly, there's a few people I talk to on my floor, but none of us are very close nor do I forsee us ever being so. Lately I've been hooking up with a girl on a semi-regular basis. We text and sometimes eat meals together. In fact, the only people who really express interest in me are girls looking to get some. Admittedly, there's no too many of them, but they are nonetheless plural that's something.

Point is, I have no group of friends hat I make plans and hang out with. I go to clubs (I've gone to ~8), leave my door open, and say hi to people I know. I think my big problem is that I can be clingy. I text people and they almost never respond. It's annoying. I only really came out of my shell senior year of high school so making friends is hard for me, right now particularly bridging the gap between acquantance and real friend. Any advice/sympathy/whatever is nice, and you are cool for doing it.

 

[Realitycrash]

Keep going to clubs. Keep talking to people. Keep going to the (rather awkward) social-events on campus. Ask people in your class what they are doing for the weekend, etc.
I am really not that interested in all the people at my campus. Why would I be? I have a laptop, a desk-top, video-games and schoolbooks. If I want to meet people, I just go to the clubs.

 

[Elfgore]

Guy above me got it. Clubs are your best friend for making friends. I am in the same boat as you as I have three guys I talk to in class, but nowhere else. But unlike you, it doesn't bother me. I made enough friends in high school and a girlfriend would only take my already limited free time so I don't want one.

 

[TWRule]

Talking with people before and after class is the main way to meet people that I've used. You already know that you have at least some overlap of interest with them, you have lived experience in common with them, you have reasons to cooperate with one another and reasons to spend time thinking/talking about the same issues - you can even start up a conversation with them about something that was said in class, by them perhaps.

From there you get study groups, invites to go hang out in groups, you have a basis for saying more than 'hi' to more and more people you pass around campus, etc.

Patience is important - people who have been at the school for some time may not really notice you for your first year, but they'll start to as they see you are a fixture of the campus/program - your best bet for early friends is speaking with people who started the program at the same time you did, etc.

 

[mitchell271]

Keep talking to anyone and everyone. The way I met my social group is I was playing guitar in the common room and a girl (who was with a few other people) came up to me and said, "You have really nice legs". That girl is now one of my best friends partly because she just doesn't care about how awkward people think she is. It doesn't matter how you meet people, just as long as you have something stupid or insightful to say to break the ice. Good luck!

 

[Anachronism]

Are there student societies at your college? If so, go to those. That's how I met pretty much all my friends at university. If there's, for example, a video games society, a roleplaying society or a comic book society - whatever you're interested in - you can guarantee the other people there will be into the same stuff as you, so you'll have things in common.

My first week at university, I went to a meeting of the comic book society and got chatting to a girl there about D&D. She mentioned that a friend of hers was planning to run a game and asked if I wanted to join in. So I went to a meeting of the roleplaying society, created a character, and the next week met up with the group they'd got together. Three years later, and the people I met from playing that game are still my best friends.

Personally, I don't like clubs. The music is terrible, it's too loud, and it's very hard to have an actual conversation. I don't think they're a great way to make friends, but maybe that's just me.

 

[krazykidd]

Keep talking to anyone and everyone. The way I met my social group is I was playing guitar in the common room and a girl (who was with a few other people) came up to me and said, "You have really nice legs". That girl is now one of my best friends partly because she just doesn't care about how awkward people think she is. It doesn't matter how you meet people, just as long as you have something stupid or insightful to say to break the ice. Good luck!

"You have really nice legs"? Really that was her opening line? Shit , i couldn't get away with that . Out of curiosity, what was you response and what was you first impresion?

OT: Do you want friends? That's the question. Are you really looking to meet people or is it some social pressure about meeting people in college that makes you feel like you need friend? My suggestion is to talk to everyone , and never say no when invited somewhere .

 

[mitchell271]

"You have really nice legs"? Really that was her opening line? Shit , i couldn't get away with that . Out of curiosity, what was you response and what was you first impresion?

It was something along the lines of, "Uhhhh... thanks?" and I thought she was high or really weird. The later was a little more accurate but she just likes meeting people in awkward ways.

 

[FURY_007]

Eh yeah I found/find myself with more and more friends each year just talking to people before, during, and after class, just cause we start talking, then we find out about common interests and what not and eventually start hanging out. I hate clubs and I dont see how they're a good way to find friends, but to each their own.

My best friends I met because I started talking to this one guy in class, and we had some good discussions, and so we went to lunch together and we sat buy his group of friends, and it turns out that they played Warhammer 40k on a regular basis, and that they're all into nerdy/geeky shit like me, and so 3 years from that day I still hang out with them regularly, they're some of my best friends, and it's how I met my current gf indirectly tbh, because she was rooming with 2 of them in a 4 person apt. and I was hanging out there a lot and so things happened and we've been dating or over a year now.

SO as people keep saying, just talk to whoever will talk to ya, you never know what could happen, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, if people don't wanna talk to you/hang out, then you don't need to be hanging out with them, so move on and find someone who will.

 

[MysticSlayer]

Student organizations are your best bet for finding friends. There will already be the common interest that brought you there, and you'll likely find other interests as you talk more with people there. For instance, I lamented the lack of any TCG club at my college (disbanded the year before I transferred), but I've managed to make plenty of friends to play Magic with through a religious organization I joined (obviously, no apparent connection until you get to knowing people in that group). I even found out that many of them are into Catan. Try seeing if there is a video game club or some other club with similar interests to your own. Also, don't overload yourself. One student organization can be enough to take up much of your free time. I'm still trying to find free time for the video game club.

Also, look for people who share common classes with you. This will be a little harder the first couple of years as you are taking more general education classes, but this will be easier once you take more major specific classes. As a result, if any class relates closely to your major these first couple of years, really seek to meet people there. Also, don't shun group projects, as I've made quite a few friends that way.

 

[windlenot]

I'm a big exception to the experience, as I had a friend attend a year above me and just joined his group, but I did make some others. As people have said, and as you've done, get out there. In addition to clubs, join in on activities you may enjoy. I know most of my friend's friends are directly from Frisbee team.

And as others have stated, try and talk to people in your classes, maybe the person sitting next to you if you think you may have something in common. I made a friend with a dude in my French class as we both played video games, and eventually he invited me over to his place enough which conveniently got a me a bid for the fraternity he was in. Now, I'm not saying you have to join a fraternity, but I am saying that these interactions can branch out into larger things.

Best of luck, and one final tip: try not to say no to things out of shyness. If it makes you uncomfortable, by all means, but be open.

 

[Vegosiux]

Be a social drinker. If anyone says they'll have a drink, say "Social I!"

But yeah basically just talk to people. My first new friends I made of college was after I waved a deck of cards around and asked if anyone's up for a few games.