Social Paranoia

[spartan1077]

So I might as well get right into it while I still am in the mood. So as some of you may know, I'm in Grade 10 of high school and have only ever had one relationship which ended badly. I have somewhat low self-esteem and it is relevant to this thread. So anyways, I'm paranoid about everyone. When I walk down the halls, I feel like people are staring at me and making fun of me as soon as I pass. I try to ignore these feelings but they never stop! Whenever I talk to someone, they may seem like they are laughing at my jokes but what I see is a fake laugh by someone who actual despises me and is too worried to tell me how they really feels. Another thing, is there is this girl I'm attracted to(isn't there always) and I'm afraid to ask her out because I think that if she says no, then she'll go around and tell everyone that I asked her out and everyone will laugh at me. I just can't shake the feeling that everyone hates me, and everyone is just waiting for an excuse to make fun of me. Another example would be there is this one "jock" who tries to talk to me but I usually only give half-assed answers. One day he approached me and said, "I heard you play WoW, so do I. I'm a level 80 undead...what's your realm" and me, being suspicious that he was trying to make fun of me, just walked away. Later in that month he said hi to me in the hall when he was sitting with his friends and I ignored him again. But I heard his friends saying how weird I am and he defended me..."He's not a bad guy" is what he said. Even knowing that he defended me in front of his friends, I still ignore him when he tries to talk to me...

So my question to you escapists, is how can I stop being so paranoid that everyone hates me? I know this may seem pointless but please only give advice and if you don't have any, don't come and post how this is such a useless post or anything please.

EDIT Thank you all for the advice. I'm going to try out the individual ones every day and see which one works the best. Like I said, I've been talking to the guy I was ignoring and I'm going to try and ask the girl out on Monday. Once again, Thank you all for the advice.

 

[Skorpyo]

This here be one of those posts that requires some XKCD.

As for "Jaque", just talk to the guy. Some people you would NEVER expect actually enjoy games. Besides, he seems cool.

 

[drisky]

So my question to you escapists, is how can I stop being so paranoid that everyone hates me? I know this may seem pointless but please only give advice and if you don't have any, don't come and post how this is such a useless post or anything please.

Well thats another good example of paranoia right there, people on the advice forum usually don't make fun of people's problems.

I'm highly introverted, I don't talk to a lot of people because I have this weird notion that I'm bothering them or something. This came form instances when people flat out hateing me in middle school and my first college. These instances crushed my self esteem and gave me a similar kind of paranoia that I still deal with. From experience the only way to get over it is to fight it. Your instincts will tell you to avoid conversation, but you have to make your self talk any way. Its difficult and will make you feel uncomfortable, but you have to just convince your self that nothing will go wrong. Push against your negative instincts and you'll slowly recover. Its all about willpower.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

This here be one of those posts that requires some XKCD.

As for "Jaque", just talk to the guy. Some people you would NEVER expect actually enjoy games. Besides, he seems cool.

It's only XKCD at the start of a sentence. At all other times it's xkcd. Now that I'm done being nitpicky time to answer the the question. Talk to them and see what happens.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

So my question to you escapists, is how can I stop being so paranoid that everyone hates me? I know this may seem pointless but please only give advice and if you don't have any, don't come and post how this is such a useless post or anything please.

You're probably not going to like the answer... it's Get Professional Help.

Take it from a diagnosed paranoid psychotic, Professional Help is your best bet... and yes, you don't have to explain how much bowel wrenching trust it takes for a paranoid to open up to a stranger face to face, because you're doing what feels like the psychological equivalent to dangling your junk in a pitbull's mouth. It still needs to be done, though.

 

[spartan1077]

As for the girl, try to befriend her first then ask her out...\e.

I've kind of befriended her...she's in two of my classes and I talk to her when I can. We also make little jokes together...but I'm still scared that if I ask her out she'll make fun of me or tell the rest of the school and they will too.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

When I walk down the halls, I feel like people are staring at me and making fun of me as soon as I pass. I try to ignore these feelings but they never stop!

Well your feelings of paranoia are automatic responses, and can't be gotten over just by "getting over it," as some people will tell you.

Time for some Cognitive Behavioral Psychology!

The next time you walk down a hall and feel this way, I want you to actively tell yourself that first off, they most likely are just discussing something stupid that they did last night that they don't want you to hear out of embarassment. Secondly, if they are talking about you, tell yourself that there is an equally probable chance they're saying something positive. Maybe they like your shoes, but don't want to sound like creepers, so they whisper.

Again, in order to eliminate an automatic response, just repeat the following phrases in your head the next time you're in a situation like this:

a.) "That guy is propbably just embarassed that some one saw him crying in Toy Story 3"
b.) "She must think I'm damn sexy.

If you keep telling yourself things like this, the responses they bring about will be automatic, and your paranoia should get better.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

As for the girl, try to befriend her first then ask her out...\e.

I've kind of befriended her...she's in two of my classes and I talk to her when I can. We also make little jokes together...but I'm still scared that if I ask her out she'll make fun of me or tell the rest of the school and they will too.

I was in a similar position back when I was in grade 11. Befriended the girl but never asked her out.

...

I still regret it. Remember this from a guy who knows: It hurts more to wonder forever about what could have been than to feel the short sting of rejection.

As for the paranoia thing, I think its all in your head. Contrary to popular belief, other students are actually more interested in having fun and trying new things than standing around laughing about people (well, most anyway). If you are seriously thinking everyone is secretly mocking you as soon as you turn your back you should get some help. Some real, none internet help.

I hope you get out of this current funk you're in. Good luck!

[sub]I personally remember it was grade 8 where I had similar paranoid feelings but they passed quickly. If they persist you should serious get some professional help.[/sub]

[sub][sub]F*ck, now I'm missing her again...[/sub][/sub]

 

[Russian_Assassin]

When you are the type of person you described yourself to be, you NEVER turn down a potential friend. That friend could become your best and help you get over your problem, thus making you more sociable. It worked for me and it WILL work for you.

Oh and as another user said, you are not important enough for other people to constantly think and make fun of you. You are an NPC to them and not even an essential. You are one of those filler NPCs. Everyone's got tons of problems, making fun of you should be their last concern.

 

[ShadowDude112]

Why are you being mean to the guy? He plays WoW like you do. He's obviously being friendly and not being an ass. That girl, ask her out. But I feel bad for that guy. Don't ignore him. He's being nice to you and you're shunning him because you're a paranoid douchebag. If people talk shit to me then whatever. I don't give a shit. If someone's being nice to me then I'll be nice back. What you're doing is showing that you're not a very nice person to people.

 

[Paksenarrion]

You want to find a reason that you can believe as to why they're talking to you and are trying to befriend you. Understandable. When people say you just need to be more confident in regard to social situations, you view it not as a matter of confidence, but of trust, of paranoia, of fear. You are not shy. However, deep down, you want people to keep trying to reach you, to keep trying to talk to you and befriend you, because it feels...social. This is a long road.

Choose a topic that is of no consequence to you, and ask "Jacque" about...sports. Or his opinion on DDR, or Parkour. It does not necessarily have to be any of the topics I have listed, but it can be anything that does not reveal your interests. That is one thing to try.

 

[drisky]

Why are you being mean to the guy? He plays WoW like you do. He's obviously being friendly and not being an ass. That girl, ask her out. But I feel bad for that guy. Don't ignore him. He's being nice to you and you're shunning him because you're a paranoid douchebag. If people talk shit to me then whatever. I don't give a shit. If someone's being nice to me then I'll be nice back. What you're doing is showing that you're not a very nice person to people.

Yeah, really not helping. Although not talking makes you look bad, its not that simple. That guy is trying to help, he's not going to think of you as mean just shy. People know what there getting into when they talk shy people, and he seems willing to let go of the fact that he's been ignored if he can get you to open up. By the sounds of things his friends have a bad perception of you because you won't talk, but he only wants to help to make people stop thinking that way. Do not worry about him being angry at you or making fun of you, if you open up he'll be willing to be on your side, you just need to remind your self of that.

 

[Nerdygamer89]

I think this sort of thing happens to everyone at some point in their lives. The best way to get over it is to just start making friends. Having a good friend there to tell you you're worth while is a huge help to anybody. I have befriended very shy people in the past, and that sounds like what the "jock" guy is trying to do with you. Trust me when I say this guy knows you're not mean, just shy, and from the sound of things I seriously doubt he's going to go say bad things about you behind your back.

This may well seem like a monumental task of sorts, but the only way to get over being shy is to reach out and form relationships with people around you. Start by trusting someone, one person, and it will all flow from there.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

As for the paranoia thing, I think its all in your head.

Where else would paranoia be?

 

[archvile93]

Your problems sound much deeper than anything a simple internet pep talk can solve. I really think you should see a psychologist about this. It sounds pretty serious. I have to ask first though to find out if it's really that serious. How long has this been affecting you?

 

[ethaninja]

This here be one of those posts that requires some XKCD.

As for "Jaque", just talk to the guy. Some people you would NEVER expect actually enjoy games. Besides, he seems cool.

That is so awesome

 

[Jaded Scribe]

(1) Seek counseling. It helps.

(2) I felt the same way for a long time. It can also be tied to depression. What I found helped when forcing myself to talk to people (that jock guy sounds nice!) was reminding myself "If it blows up in my face, I'm only 2 years from going to college and starting over."

Once you start forcing yourself out of your shell though, it gets easier.

 

[spartan1077]

Your problems sound much deeper than anything a simple internet pep talk can solve. I really think you should see a psychologist about this. It sounds pretty serious. I have to ask first though to find out if it's really that serious. How long has this been affecting you?

It's been affecting me since...I think grade 8 :/ But I used to be able to push it out of my mind but now I can't...


Also- I talked to Zack(Not jacque or however the hell you spell that) and it was a meaningless talk, just passing words but I least I moved on right? Also I'm going to be taking one step further and ask the girl out...Thanks for the advice it helped me talk to one person and might help me ask out(and hopefully get a girlfriend) someone...but I still feel their eyes on me when I walk through the halls and think that they're making fun of everything...When a kid I knew shot himself and committed suicide I learned via text. I thought it was a practical joke so I went on facebook and saw that everyone was posting R.I.P to him and I still thought it was an elaborate prank on me...I still think it is too...I know they're just waiting for an excuse like that to call me out on something or make fun of me.

 

[Robert632]

Your problems sound much deeper than anything a simple internet pep talk can solve. I really think you should see a psychologist about this. It sounds pretty serious. I have to ask first though to find out if it's really that serious. How long has this been affecting you?

It's been affecting me since...I think grade 8 :/ But I used to be able to push it out of my mind but now I can't...


Also- I talked to Zack(Not jacque or however the hell you spell that) and it was a meaningless talk, just passing words but I least I moved on right? Also I'm going to be taking one step further and ask the girl out...Thanks for the advice it helped me talk to one person and might help me ask out(and hopefully get a girlfriend) someone...but I still feel their eyes on me when I walk through the halls and think that they're making fun of everything...When a kid I knew shot himself and committed suicide I learned via text. I thought it was a practical joke so I went on facebook and saw that everyone was posting R.I.P to him and I still thought it was an elaborate prank on me...I still think it is too...I know they're just waiting for an excuse like that to call me out on something or make fun of me.

Before I give you some advice, I just want to know, how much of that bolded bit is a joke?

 

[spartan1077]

.When a kid I knew shot himself and committed suicide I learned via text. I thought it was a practical joke so I went on facebook and saw that everyone was posting R.I.P to him and I still thought it was an elaborate prank on me...I still think it is too...I know they're just waiting for an excuse like that to call me out on something or make fun of me.

Before I give you some advice, I just want to know, how much of that bolded bit is a joke?[/quote]

I guess you could call it more denial than paranoia but none...I got the text and thought it was to see my reaction and denied that it happened and then checked FB and I still thought it was a prank and we had a mass at school...I still think, in my mind, that someone is trying to prank someone