Socializing and finding friends

[DoctorObviously]

Hello, good evening. This year I'm turning 22, after more than a year of searching I finally have an above average job I would very much like to maintain, I have no real desire to take on grand studies (I'll always learn something, but nothing that would force me to combine half a decade of schooling with my job) right now.

The thing is, that, I have no girl, no friends. Sure, I have a lot of acquaintances and "friends" (imagine biggest quotation marks imaginable), but no buddy I can contact to come over and play video games Game Grumps-style. Or to go to and talk about a movie for two hours or simple issues and how to overcome them. People constantly tell me to 'socialize', like it's some kind of end-all solution to any problem, but Belgium's kind of a dead place for gamers, and it's even deader if you're trying to find somebody who doesn't exclusively play the Call of Duty or Fifa games, and has a broad taste in all sorts of video games, from Super Meat Boy to Deus Ex. I'm not saying those games are bad, just that gamers here are the stereotypical kind everybody knows: they don't challenge me or provide me with a good conversation. Oh yes, and asking anybody here if they know about Warhammer 40k WILL give you weird looks, I guarantee it. "Is... is that some kind of MMO?" was the latest response I've heard.

Going to conventions or LAN-parties have been on my mind. I've never been to a convention or LAN-party before, but from the pictures I've seen of the only convention in the entirety of Belgium it looks like it's being done in some school's basketball court, with people wearing the most plastic and ridiculous looking outfits imaginable. In America it looks like so much more fun, I think I'd have a whale of a time there. "Someday, you'll find somebody." is also something I'm getting tired of hearing, because it directly contradicts the "You need to socialize." excuse. I don't want to find somebody when I'm 40.

Any idea's, Escapist? The person or people I'm looking for probably exist, it's just that I don't know how to find them.

 

[Moth_Monk]

OP, I think you should have a look at meetup.com - That is all.

 

[Kasawd]

Go out looking for volunteer opportunities. Not only will you be helping out your community, but, you're going to meet a variety of individuals in a friendly setting and a common reason to talk.

 

[Barbas]

Yes, you'll meet all sorts of people doing volunteer work or in clubs or societies. Getting into forums or more relaxed social games will put you into contact with more people. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find ones you get along famously with.

 

[Eamar]

Are you looking for friends or just people to game with? Because if it's friends you're after, I think you're putting too much emphasis on the whole games side of things. Of course shared interests are important, but not all your friends need to share all of your interests, even the ones that define you in some way.

I am a gamer, but my best friend has never picked up a controller in his life. I'm a metalhead, but most of my close friends aren't into metal at all. Equally, each of my friends has at least one or two major hobbies and interests that I just don't get at all. You are more than your hobbies, so follow the advice in this thread and just get out and meet people. Look for people you just seem to click with, and try not to have a checklist of requirements for things like hobbies.

 

[Mr.Cynic88]

You could try to get to know your acquaintances better. That is, after all, how friendships are typically formed.

Just be forward about it. "Man, I've been working too hard, let's go to a bar or something." Join the acquaintance's friends for a round of drinks, and get to know those people.

 

[theboombody]

I joined a sports club I was interested in while I was in college to find friends. That kept me alright for four years or so. I met my wife on match.com, so I feel great about not ever having to ask anyone out on a date again. I can't stand the idea of networking or making small talk with anyone. I want to delve into deep philosophy upon first contact, and generally people frown upon doing that when you first meet someone. That's why I like forums and chat rooms so much. I can get away with a lot more there.

I've always been the type to only want two to ten really good friends rather than try to keep up with dozens or hundreds of people.

 

[SanguiniusMagnificum]

Ah, another Belgian on this site, how delightful!!!

All right, now down to the part where I give you some solid advice.
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Which is't going to happen because I'm in almost exactly the same predicament that you are. Nearly every person in my (recent) social circle plays only Fifa or Call of Duty and has no other interests besides getting wasted, "scoring chicks" or watching football.

I would honestly appreciate if I knew someone with whom I could discuss which Primarch is the most awesome (Sanguinius, obviously), wether everything Tzeentch does is really JUST AS PLANNED!!!, which Total War game has the least retarded AI or just have a good old console war , all over a good glass of Leffe and a steaming hot waffle. (The Leffe can be replaced by Palm, if necessary).

But alas, that's what the internet is for. Except for the waffles and beer part. You won't find that on the internet, real shame.

 

[Jenitals]

Do you know of anything that thoroughly entertains you or something that you took part in constantly as a child and haven't gone back to in a while? Take it up again. Perfect, you immediately have a circle of friends you can associate with to a certain degree. If it's a sport even better, the competitiveness of both team sports and individual sports can bring people together because it's something you can all be really passionate about. Have fun, make jokes, be a comedian but have serious moments because sharing is what ties people together and you don't want to be the annoying guy who makes everything a joke, remember alongside this to be yourself but don't come on too formal or serious or whatever. Have long chats between sessions until you become comfortable enough to ask a group or individual to go somewhere after said activity for a cool down/refreshment. Talk about your job, your acquaintances, anything.

Remember that friends don't have to be exactly the same as you, it's nice to enjoy something with them but it doesn't have to be gaming. I used to think I could never have fun with my friends because I was a nerd who liked to sit at my computer but I later found this wasn't true, I just never did the things I loved with them. We never went to festivals or concerts or out. They never went drinking and I was never really up for their little picnics in the park or shopping sprees. But I love my friends now because I can do all of that stuff with them at the drop of a hat.

If it doesn't work out then hey, you're doing something you enjoy and it doesn't really matter. Friends and relationships are nice but in the end, I find all I really need are my flatmates and the occasional shag is nice too.

 

[rutger5000]

Conventions are a good idea. Or get out of your comfort zone and into a bar. It's though but not impossible to make friends at a bar (lot easier if you're already with a group of people).