Some really big confusion here.

[Flamezdudes]

So i've been going out with my girlfriend for about 5 months now and its been going well.. but recently something changed. And when I say that I mean as a "feeling", I don't know what it is and I can't describe it, maybe i'm bored but I really don't know.

I can get quite stressed, more so recently as it has built up, over my girlfriends problems. It seems like she has a new problem every day, she's like the unluckiest person in the world. She has lots of family problems, self confidence problems, she worries alot about everything even though she is an A* student, she hates change, she has emotional issues (she gets stressed and upset quite easily and is very shy) and she has issues in how she feels in general. And much, much more.

But all of this is so hard to deal with especially since I can't really help out really at all. I'm now worried that i'm bored and i'm probably just being paranoid (as I am about a lot of things) but i'm worried i've only liked her out of lust and that I'm bored and don't like her anymore.

This however (if true) would cause massive problems for me. She says she relies on me a lot, she says she loves me (which I have said to her too), she explains that when even though she can be unhappy, she's happy that I still care about her and many other things, so I would be worried about completely breaking her heart and making her life an even bigger shit hole. And if this were to happen at all, i'd still have to see her at school (We are in Year 12 A levels at the moment) everyday and see her friends who would probably hate me then (some of which I am friends with).

I might just be needing to vent but i'd be very glad if somebody could even read all of this and even give me some advice, thank you.

 

[KaiserKnight]

I'm not very good at sugar coating words so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Your girlfriend has a lot of baggage, you could just finally be noticing them all and see that it is not worth it. You have dated 5 months (no idea how long you guys have known each other) and perhaps you were interested in her at first (physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, all of the above whatever) but as time went on you no longer 'want' her or to be with her.

Its common for people to get 'bored' or 'lose feelings' towards someone during the first 6 months to a year after being with someone if it isn't serious. I think you should take some time for yourself to fully think of everything about her as well as how you feeling from being away from her. If you are happier without and see that it is not worth it for you on many levels, then you do not love her and should let her know so not to lead her on.

 

[Lvl 64 Klutz]

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but I broke up with my girlfriend of three years simply because she refused to cheer up. For a while, it was great, because I felt like as a sounding board, I was helping simply by being there. But the more I listened, the more I offered solutions to her problems - solutions she refused to try.

After a while, I just got sick of feeling like I wasn't doing her any good, and that it was obvious she didn't want any help, and was content just being upset all the time.

Everything you say about this girl sounds exactly like that relationship. Do as KaiserKnight has suggested, and if you are happier without her, don't feel like your abandoning her, because you can't make everyone happy all the time.

 

[Flamezdudes]

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but I broke up with my girlfriend of three years simply because she refused to cheer up. For a while, it was great, because I felt like as a sounding board, I was helping simply by being there. But the more I listened, the more I offered solutions to her problems - solutions she refused to try.

After a while, I just got sick of feeling like I wasn't doing her any good, and that it was obvious she didn't want any help, and was content just being upset all the time.

Everything you say about this girl sounds exactly like that relationship. Do as KaiserKnight has suggested, and if you are happier without her, don't feel like your abandoning her, because you can't make everyone happy all the time.

Even if I go ahead with this and I do turn out to be better off without her, i'm afraid its really going to hurt it. It seems sometimes that i'm the only good thing she has and right now i'm pretty much her only friend. Plus, i'm probably going to be seen like a dick to all of her other friends (she said today she doesn't really hang out with them or talk with them as much anymore) and i'l still have to see her everyday at school which would be extremely awkward and i'd probably feel really guilty.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I suggest you really, really make a massive effort, and if you don't feel like things are better tell her how you feel. Really, I don't understand why people refuse to tell eachother that sort of thing in relationships. If you care about her, then it will turn out much better for the two of you. You could both work on improving the situation, and if it still isn't better, at least you didn't just drop it on her like a bomb.

 

[Rin Little]

She really can't expect you to handle all of her baggage after only 5 months of dating dude, its unrealistic and frankly, very unfair to you. I have depression but I handle it on my own and don't expect anyone else's help out of it, whether it be a friend or boyfriend. I was dating a guy who's dad died a lil after our 1 year anniversary and things turned bad because he kept wanting me to help him get through it, but it was beyond my means to help him and he refused to go see a therapist. It sounds like your girl is kind of doing the same thing, expecting you to solve all her problems when they're way beyond your capability to help.

 

[Flamezdudes]

I had known her for awhile before we started dating anyway and had spoken to her and tried to help her before so I guess I knew what I was getting into but maybe I was just blind.

 

[Flamezdudes]

Frustrations with starting A levels recently also makes me feel even more stressed. She also wants to the take things slowly... (for example she doesn't really like kissing) Hell, i'm worried she may even have psychological problems, she says she isn't even sure what is real anymore and if this life is real... -_-

Thanks for the advice so far everyone.

 

[Acier]

I would honestly let her down easy, but still make it abundantly clear you are still there for her as a friend, and you still care for her etc etc.

Because if you want to leave, but you're only staying because you're worried about how the other person will take it, it's going to crash and burn spectacularly one day. Maybe not soon, but the foundations of your relationship have turned to mud, and the house of your romance is going to topple eventually.

Also, about all her "serious issues", she doesn't sound like she's ready for a steady, serious relationship yet, with anyone(I can't tell how old you are by your grade though, sorry :<) Having baggage is fine, we all have it. But when you can't carry it with confidence and it spills out onto your partner is when it become a problem. Besides, what's to say she can't rely on you/feel better when you're around/ etc etc when you aren't an item?

Not to mention, 5 months, in the grand scheme of things, is nothing. Though you have exchanged "I love yous", you haven't really dived in so deep that leaving is a super sticky matter. It may hurt,but it's better in the long run

 

[Flamezdudes]

I would honestly let her down easy, but still make it abundantly clear you are still there for her as a friend, and you still care for her etc etc.

Because if you want to leave, but you're only staying because you're worried about how the other person will take it, it's going to crash and burn spectacularly one day. Maybe not soon, but the foundations of your relationship have turned to mud, and the house of your romance is going to topple eventually.

Also, about all her "serious issues", she doesn't sound like she's ready for a steady, serious relationship yet, with anyone(I can't tell how old you are by your grade though, sorry :<) Having baggage is fine, we all have it. But when you can't carry it with confidence and it spills out onto your partner is when it become a problem. Besides, what's to say she can't rely on you/feel better when you're around/ etc etc when you aren't an item?

Not to mention, 5 months, in the grand scheme of things, is nothing. Though you have exchanged "I love yous", you haven't really dived in so deep that leaving is a super sticky matter. It may hurt,but it's better in the long run

Oh well, we are both 16. I'm 17 in december. My emotions are in flux at the moment since one moment I like her still the next moment I get paranoid. Thank you and the rest for your help