Someone please help me understand my parents thought process

[The Lawn]

First off, here's my situation. I'm a college student and I'm in my last year for my bachelors degree and I'm still living at home because I couldn't afford to go to college anywhere further than a bus ride away.
I have been hunting for a job for about a year and finally was able to find a summer job back at the pool I used to work at last summer, with my first day being tomorrow.

And now, incoming wall of text.

So anyway, I wake up this morning and before I even get downstairs I'm already loaded with chores. The first being to walk my dogs.
So I get about doing that, walk them for a good 45 mins, and the second I return I get yelled at for taking too long and generally being a lazy worthless pile of shit and my mom demands I vacuum the house, which I do.
I then do the dishes, pick up the dog poop, clean the living room and then get started on the yard work I was asked to do the night before.

About half an hour into trimming the hedges my mom comes outside and starts yelling at how I never ever do anything right because I forgot to vacuum under one half of an arm chair. Again accusing me of being lazy and never doing anything to help ever.
I honestly wish I could have something to play back my whole day at this point.

So I go back inside to vacuum the 3 feet of floor I missed when I'm accosted by my dad for not finishing the hedges, but when I explain I'm just finishing this up because I missed it and that I will be back out to finish the hedges he just says "OK", being that he is about a thousand times more reasonable a person than my mother, and lets me get on with my chores.

So I go back outside and finish the yard work I was asked to do and start cleaning up the leaves and return the tools to the garage, and since it is now 1 in the afternoon at this point I get myself some lunch.
And then my mom comes into the kitchen, the first thing she says to me is "Why are you sitting down? You should be out there looking for a job."
I say that I got my old summer job back and that I start tomorrow.

So normally, if your parents have been bugging you to find a job for a while what would you say?
Would you say: "Well well done." or maybe even "About time."
But no, my mother wouldn't say anything like that because she just walked off in a huff saying "Well I guess that means you wont be able to do anything to help around the house at all this summer."
No, me getting a job is a way of me trying to get out of chores apparently.

So anyway, what can I do to counter this? Or even better prevent this from happening. Because no matter what I do my mother just sees the negative side or the tiny little detail that wasn't done to perfection.
It's becoming a serious problem and I can see why my sister left as soon as it was feasible for her too.

 

[Eri]

First off, here's my situation. I'm a college student and I'm in my last year for my bachelors degree and I'm still living at home because I couldn't afford to go to college anywhere further than a bus ride away.
I have been hunting for a job for about a year and finally was able to find a summer job back at the pool I used to work at last summer, with my first day being tomorrow.

And now, incoming wall of text.

So anyway, I wake up this morning and before I even get downstairs I'm already loaded with chores. The first being to walk my dogs.
So I get about doing that, walk them for a good 45 mins, and the second I return I get yelled at for taking too long and generally being a lazy worthless pile of shit and my mom demands I vacuum the house, which I do.
I then do the dishes, pick up the dog poop, clean the living room and then get started on the yard work I was asked to do the night before.

About half an hour into trimming the hedges my mom comes outside and starts yelling at how I never ever do anything right because I forgot to vacuum under one half of an arm chair. Again accusing me of being lazy and never doing anything to help ever.
I honestly wish I could have something to play back my whole day at this point.

So I go back inside to vacuum the 3 feet of floor I missed when I'm accosted by my dad for not finishing the hedges, but when I explain I'm just finishing this up because I missed it and that I will be back out to finish the hedges he just says "OK", being that he is about a thousand times more reasonable a person than my mother, and lets me get on with my chores.

So I go back outside and finish the yard work I was asked to do and start cleaning up the leaves and return the tools to the garage, and since it is now 1 in the afternoon at this point I get myself some lunch.
And then my mom comes into the kitchen, the first thing she says to me is "Why are you sitting down? You should be out there looking for a job."
I say that I got my old summer job back and that I start tomorrow.

So normally, if your parents have been bugging you to find a job for a while what would you say?
Would you say: "Well well done." or maybe even "About time."
But no, my mother wouldn't say anything like that because she just walked off in a huff saying "Well I guess that means you wont be able to do anything to help around the house at all this summer."
No, me getting a job is a way of me trying to get out of chores apparently.

So anyway, what can I do to counter this? Or even better prevent this from happening. Because no matter what I do my mother just sees the negative side or the tiny little detail that wasn't done to perfection.
It's becoming a serious problem and I can see why my sister left as soon as it was feasible for her too.

There's pretty much nothing you can do. Your mom sounds like mine. She'll blame you for being lazy no matter what you do, regardless of whether she's even helping out half as much as you are around the own house.

Once you move out, she'll see how much you actually did, and hopefully how much of a ***** she was being, and she'll probably regret not having you around anymore. Not that you should expect her to actually tell you that.

 

[lacktheknack]

Suffer.

It's your best option for right now, but the instant you've got your degree, GET OUTTA THERE.

 

[LHZA]

My mom was hyper critical too. It sounds like it's not feasible for you at this point to move out, but as soon as it is, you need to. I guess I don't need to tell you that. You can try defending yourself without getting angry. Not that it's unwarranted that you'd be angry but I used to find with my mom when she got in her bully mood, telling her calmly I'm doing what she asked and it would go a lot faster if she wasn't standing over me yelling seemed to remind her she's supposed to be the adult in the relationship. Basically she expected me to either sit back and take it or yell back, which just gave her excuse to yell more, but if I did neither, it threw her for a loop. I actually have a pretty good relationship with my mom now but for the most part that's probably because I don't live with her anymore.
Hopes this helps. Oh and also you're mother wouldn't happened to be South American would she. My mom is and I discovered recently they just really like to yell at their children. Other cultures do this too and if you weren't brought up in the same culture as your parent, some of their behaviour can be confusing sometimes.

 

[vxicepickxv]

Suffer.

It's your best option for right now, but the instant you've got your degree, GET OUTTA THERE.

It's going to be a bit longer than that. First and last month's rent, utilities and other things not included in the apartment, furniture, and an emergency fund.

Just a hint though, save as much money as you can while working this year, just in case. Make yourself an emergency fund.

 

[staika]

It seems like you got a bad case of douche bag parent(s), my cure would be to just endure it for now and move away as soon as you can and if possible move pretty far away to avoid contact with them. My aunt is like that and she luckily lives pretty far away so we don't have to interact with her that often but when we do by god is it a struggle to do anything.

 

[Liudeius]

The problem is that parents are just us with 10-20 more years (or us in many cases) so, without any requirements other than "I want kids", there is too much variation to say without knowing them and you better.
They could be annoyed that you are still living at home, that they still financially support you (at least partially), or any number of other issues which depend highly on their and your current situation.
To say what they are thinking is not possible without knowing them much better than us on the forums do.

 

[dvd_72]

Make a list of every chore you've done on a given day, possibally with time put into it, and wave it into her face, then ask her what more you could have done? I'm not for just hunching your shoulders and enduring it because that wont solve anything.

I know it's not easy standing up to parents like that but this is something that would drive me to one big yellfest. Sometimes people like her need to be (metaphorically) beaten around the head with facts before they can see it.

Or you can do what your sister did and GTFO as soon as possable. See if you can't move in with a friend and share rent or something. Like Eri said, she may apreciate all you do once you're gone.

 

[Ishadus]

I moved out when I was 17 and was the happier for it, although my relationship with my family is straight up indifference and neglect rather than outright antagonism.

Move out whenever it's financially wise for you to do so. You may get along much better with your mother then. There's always the chance she's just taking out other frustrations on you as you're a convenient near target.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Your mother sounds like my aunt, in the sense that she needs some (legal) drugs in her system to act normal. She treated my cousins like this, and when they moved out, the house became a mess. Now I bet she wishes she could take some of what was said and done back

My advice? She is mad over something else and taking it out on you. You have my sympathy.
And again, you don't have to have anything to do with her when you get older. Keeping that in mind may help you push through.

 

[hazabaza1]

I think you may need to smack a *****. Possibly twice, if necessary.

 

[vrbtny]

You pay attention? Seriously, my Mom can be like that. Just ignore her, or if she rabbits on, go for a walk or something.

Grow a backbone man! And stop being pushed around.

 

[Akytalusia]

pretty much the same as everyone else is saying. start saving, working towards moving out. they obviously don't want you there any more than you want to be there. the best option is to put some distance between you. after that, minimilize contact. you won't have any obligation to put up with thier shit anymore, and you'll need to make damn sure they understand that first before you allow them the privilige of associating with you again.

 

[utopaline]

it's better than paying rent, it sucks, but rent sucks WAY MORE

good luck M8 and move out when you can

uto

 

[Rathcoole]

First off, here's my situation. I'm a college student and I'm in my last year for my bachelors degree and I'm still living at home because I couldn't afford to go to college anywhere further than a bus ride away.
I have been hunting for a job for about a year and finally was able to find a summer job back at the pool I used to work at last summer, with my first day being tomorrow.

And now, incoming wall of text.

So anyway, I wake up this morning and before I even get downstairs I'm already loaded with chores. The first being to walk my dogs.
So I get about doing that, walk them for a good 45 mins, and the second I return I get yelled at for taking too long and generally being a lazy worthless pile of shit and my mom demands I vacuum the house, which I do.
I then do the dishes, pick up the dog poop, clean the living room and then get started on the yard work I was asked to do the night before.

About half an hour into trimming the hedges my mom comes outside and starts yelling at how I never ever do anything right because I forgot to vacuum under one half of an arm chair. Again accusing me of being lazy and never doing anything to help ever.
I honestly wish I could have something to play back my whole day at this point.

So I go back inside to vacuum the 3 feet of floor I missed when I'm accosted by my dad for not finishing the hedges, but when I explain I'm just finishing this up because I missed it and that I will be back out to finish the hedges he just says "OK", being that he is about a thousand times more reasonable a person than my mother, and lets me get on with my chores.

So I go back outside and finish the yard work I was asked to do and start cleaning up the leaves and return the tools to the garage, and since it is now 1 in the afternoon at this point I get myself some lunch.
And then my mom comes into the kitchen, the first thing she says to me is "Why are you sitting down? You should be out there looking for a job."
I say that I got my old summer job back and that I start tomorrow.

So normally, if your parents have been bugging you to find a job for a while what would you say?
Would you say: "Well well done." or maybe even "About time."
But no, my mother wouldn't say anything like that because she just walked off in a huff saying "Well I guess that means you wont be able to do anything to help around the house at all this summer."
No, me getting a job is a way of me trying to get out of chores apparently.

So anyway, what can I do to counter this? Or even better prevent this from happening. Because no matter what I do my mother just sees the negative side or the tiny little detail that wasn't done to perfection.
It's becoming a serious problem and I can see why my sister left as soon as it was feasible for her too.

Sound's familar, When I finally got my first job as a counter salesman at a plumbcenter branch I was earning about £700 a month after tax I was paying my mother £600 of it and she still bitched that I did nothing to help around the house. After I got fired for getting in a fight with the manager over him treating me like a dick (everybody hated him I was just the only one to ever confront him about his dick'ish attitude), I gave my mother ever penny of my last pay cheque and she still complained. So I manage to convince a plumber to take me on as an apprentice as well as pay for my exams dispite having nothing going for me. Seriously I did not even finish highschool I got expelled half way through. She still complain's no matter how much I give her or what I do for her. Seriously to hell with the lot of them.

 

[jpblade666]

Kill your parents and hide the bodies. You can buy a woodchipper at home depot.

 

[Jonluw]

Sounds to me like your mom had expected you to move out by the time you started college, and is pissy and sore because she still has to house you.

 

[Goldenkitten01]

Some parents d-bag it up SPECIFICALLY to get you out of the house. They're under some impression that riding you like a horse is the best way to get you to move along quickly (you know, pretty much counterintutive to every study on human efficiency EVER). Though I can't say that's the case with yours and they might well just be jerks you need to get away from as quick as possible I do know its a common problem and I figure it's worth offering another idea.

It happened to me, it happened to my friends, it's happened to people I've met online.

Rage
Rage
Rage
Anger
Anger
Anger
Yell
Yell
Yell
*Gets sick of it moves out*
Everything is happy-slappy fun-cakes from here on.

Me: *Looks as mother acts all super cheerful and bakes me a pie* "...wtf?"

 

[Inkidu]

Sop away whatever you can into a house payment or rent and deposit then get your degree and get out.

 

[funguy2121]

snip

Follow your sister's lead. My mom was the same way, and still is when I spend too much time around her. I visited her today with the intention of getting her out of the house to look at cars. During her last marriage, her spouse was quite well off, so she got used to driving luxury vehicles-in other words, stupid rich people toys. She can't afford to keep this up now that she's single again and has a mortgage, so she's been foolishly leasing the same luxury money traps. This particular vehicle can only be serviced at the dealer (which is a shit-ton of $) and has different sized tires so that she can't rotate them. After all of her kids told her that she's going to be driving a "normal" car when this lease is up, she finally acquiesced. Today she and I went to look at some cars. We went in to fill out some paperwork before she could test drive some. This is what happened.

She told the salesman that she'd like to pay $300-350 a month, with no down payment, on a loan that pays off in 3 years, on a $30,000 model with added luxury features. He suggested that she go a step down to the vehicles in the $20,000 or less range to meet those needs, and she grabbed her keys and stormed out. She wouldn't hear another word. The head manager ran out and tried to find out what he could do to make things better, but she just drove off. Then she said she would be calling the manager. I said, "Mom, he just tried to talk to you."

She later chastised me regarding my work situation and living situation (don't get me started on that), and since we were at a store and I knew she'd leave me there stranded at least for a few minutes, I just took it. Next time, I'll drive or I won't offer to go in the first place.

My advice: get out now, because it sounds like this isn't a situation where you can be honest with her and tell her she's acting the damned fool, at least not so long as she holds this power over you. See if you can get a grant or a job that runs past Summer and GTFO of her house before she excoriates/emasculates you further.

I'm sure you love her. Do you want to spend a significant time hating her? Then you know what to do. Sorry you're in this situation. I know it sucks ass.