Someone please help me understand my parents thought process

[Beliyal]

Have you tried talking to your mother? Everyone is screaming at you to get out of the house, but is that really going to solve the problem, or you'll end up fighting with your family every time you come back home? Usually, nice, good talk can solve many things. Pick a good time and ask your mother for a talk; tell her how you feel and what bothers you. Tell her that it seems to you that she doesn't notice your work and that it means nothing to her and that it bothers you and you'd like to know why is that. Also, you can suggest that your family creates a schedule for various house work and whenever you do something, you put a mark that you did your job around the house. Or something similar. Be careful not to make your parents ask you to do something more than once, too. It obviously bother them (her?) so, when she asks you something, do it immediately and do it right. After a while, she should stop paying so much attention to details. She maybe believes you are unable to do the job right so she inspects everything you do more than she would usually inspect it.

I don't think it's impossible to work it out, but if absolutely nothing helps, then I'm afraid you'll have to learn to live with it or move out, as most people said. But I think that would be a shame, to leave your home annoyed, with unfinished business with your family.

 

[Instinct Blues]

I say when your mom starts to yell at you yell right back at her and shut up her up. Tell her what you are doing to help out around the house and assert yourself as a human being who lives in the household and does things to help around the house. I mean you are about to be finishing college soon so its not like she can boss you around anymore I wouldn't stand for that shit from my parents.

 

[zarguhl]

Get her to confess what she did to you and she'll stop being so critical.

Failing that, make a list of people she is trying to harm in some way and make her fail at it. Then she'll get sick and so be out of your way.

Or just move out.

 

[Dirzzit]

Kill your parents and hide the bodies. You can buy a woodchipper at home depot.

Even better, get a job there and use the cooperate woodchipper!

[http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/17/imageqwl.jpg/]


Challenge Accepted.

 

[Xanthious]

Sounds like you just need to stand up for yourself. Once you do that a time or two things should get better. If they don't move out and cut off all contact with your mom until she can remove the stick from her ass.

I have an ex that had crazy ass parents. She moved out without giving them a forwarding address, phone number, note saying she was leaving, etc. She just up and left while they were at work and she was gone when they came home. When she got back in contact after three months of not knowing where the hell she was and zero contact they decided acting like civil human beings wasn't so hard after all.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Wow. Worst mum ever. Honestly, the best option right now is just to leave as soon as you're reasonable able. If you've got a friend you can live with, I'd do that though.

 

[Ryan Minns]

When I was at home it was a bit different, I would get credit for doing chores... if I was SEEN doing them but if I wasn't my mother would simply assume magical fairies came into the house when she wasn't around and mowed the lawn, did the dishes, vacuumed, washed and hung up the clothes and even sometimes had dinner cooked and ready

 

[Dexiro]

My parents absolutely pale in comparison to anything mentioned on this thread, but they still show similar traits strangely. Most of the time they'll never ask me to do chores and stuff, not because I wouldn't do them mind you, but damn when I actually do chores for her >.> fucking hell.

Now I can be a bit of a perfectionist and this definitely comes into play when I'm doing chores.
If I'm washing dishes for example I'll make damn sure there isn't one speck of dirt left on ANYTHING, which is a hell of a lot better than the rush job that my parents always do, but they'll still find something to criticise me for every time.

Like I said it's nothing compared to the other stories on this thread, just interesting how even relatively nice parents can become dicks when their kids are doing chores.

 

[Tdc2182]

Well... Depending on how well that job does for you, get out of the house.

Wait 40 years, and then put them in a Nursing home.

 

[Joccaren]

Move out ASAP. If your uni has a boarding option, take it.

Once you have moved out, ignore your mother as much as possible. After a couple of months, she will either:
a) Be even more stupid and eventually force your father out, in which case, wait another couple of months then...
b) Realise that she has been forcing the people that are important to her away, and become apologetic. Use this to keep in communication with your mother - Staying completely out of contact is a last resort: this is always preferable - but don't spend too much time around her, pretend that you are really busy. She will be apologetic, but it is unlikely that she will actually change for more than a couple of weeks. After that, she will revert back to normal, and complain that you do nothing, and the cycle will start over again.

With you moved out, she will also hopefully realise how much you actually did, and how much SHE now has to do, or yell at your father to do.

I suppose I should mention outcome c, as it is a possibility. You'd be best to make the judgement of if this is likely or not, you know your mother best, and you also know what you want to have happen to the relationship.

c) Either your father agrees with her, and she uses this to blame you and cut of all contact, or your father doesn't agree, but her friends do, and this causes her to cut contact with both you and your father.

Either way, its up to you. You know the risks of what will happen, probably better than I do as it is your life, and you know a few possible outcomes. Good Luck with whatever you do.

 

[Clive Howlitzer]

If you don't pay rent, there is nothing you can do. They have 100% final say on everything until you move out and get your own place.

 

[JustJuust]

WOW you are a very patient man. If it were me, I'd probably end up crying like a little girl and sob all day cause my parents are mean to me :/
I tip my hat to you sir for still standing after what you went through

 

[Alucard44]

OK, I see three options:

1: Aggro

Wait for her to start railing on you again. explode. If you can get angry enough, you can probably scare her bitchiness out. High risk though, so this is the final choice.

2: Evasion

Try to separate yourself from her and the family in general as much as possible, act like she dosen't exist, and pretty much stop caring about her. Cold and heartless, but effective

3: Endure.

First option.

 

[Sikachu]

Make a list of every chore you've done on a given day, possibally with time put into it, and wave it into her face, then ask her what more you could have done? I'm not for just hunching your shoulders and enduring it because that wont solve anything.

I know it's not easy standing up to parents like that but this is something that would drive me to one big yellfest. Sometimes people like her need to be (metaphorically) beaten around the head with facts before they can see it.

Or you can do what your sister did and GTFO as soon as possable. See if you can't move in with a friend and share rent or something. Like Eri said, she may apreciate all you do once you're gone.

Hysterical over-reaction much? Parent is unreasonable on one day about chores, as told by adolescent doing said chores, with little in the way of wider context. MOVE OUT OF HOUSE AND IN WITH FRIEND!!!11

 

[charlest92]

Well to sum it up your mom is a for lack of a better word complete *****. Your own options are numerous the simplist being move out, alternatively you could get a small recording device record your mom's nagging for a few days then get both your parents in a room and tell your mom that you are fed up with her shit when she askes what the hell you are talking about bust out the recording of her bitching at you right as she says anything tell her to "shut up" make your peace, then move out before she kicks you out for popping her "Every thing anyone other than me does is wrong" bubble.

 

[JRPGfantatic]

I had a similar problem in High School, and I found that the best way to help yourself before you can get out is to find someone to talk to. For me, it was my step-dad, seeing as he understood what I was going through. Try finding an older family member that you have a good relationship with to talk about this with. It helps greatly with the stress. Also, simply proving that, no, she doesn't have complete control over your life can go a long way. Personally, I simply got an earring, but every situation is different. If there's something you want that your parent/s are completely against, give them some time to reason, but don't back down. Every little victory can sometimes prove your independence.

Hope it helped.

 

[Alrocsmash]

Move in with a friend.

You have a job. Thats rent.

Get student loans.

 

[Treaos Serrare]

NapoleonWilson: seriously? stfu dude

OT: stand up for yourself and tell them to do their own damn chores once in a while, you've got more important shit to be doing

 

[Jewrean]

If this ISN'T exaggerated then you have a retarded Mother. You mad bro?

 

[kannibus]

Sorry dude, nothing that can be done, your mom's a bit off her rocker and the only thing you can do is move your ass out of there at the earliest opportunity. I recommend finding a job on the other side of the country.

Serious, that's pretty much it for what you can do.