I can't take it anymore. I know it's not real, it's in my head, but that doesn't change the facts- every time I listen Dashboard by Modest Mouse, I reach that point towards the last 30 or so seconds of the song I hear something I know can't be there. I don't really know what it's supposed to be, since my only knowledge is what I know can't exist. As best as I can guess, the song is supposed to have a point where you hear [sup]aaa[/sup]aaAAAH but every time I hear it it comes out as ste-FAN. This is my name. My name is in the song, but I know it isn't. I can't stop hearing it. Dashboard came on my Pandora station a few minutes ago, and I decided to sit and listen to it. "Surely if I know it's coming, I won't hear it. Certainly not. If just sit and think about not hearing it it won- GORRAMMIT HOW IS IT THERE?" I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing (something that can't possibly exist,) but it promotes a Pavlovian response in me. I have to turn my head to see who's calling my name.
To help you imagine what it's like, think of listening to Navi. Leave her on a loop [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duRO3noyAKU]. Now keep listening until here words don't mean anything anymore. Until they are no longer words, but simple noise. Now these simple noises form new noises, ones you know don't exist but persist regardless of reality. Now these sounds, in a semblance of coherence, begin to morph into something even more terrible: your name.
Do all of that in about half a second. Do often. Do it until you scream.
To help you imagine what it's like, think of listening to Navi. Leave her on a loop [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duRO3noyAKU]. Now keep listening until here words don't mean anything anymore. Until they are no longer words, but simple noise. Now these simple noises form new noises, ones you know don't exist but persist regardless of reality. Now these sounds, in a semblance of coherence, begin to morph into something even more terrible: your name.
Do all of that in about half a second. Do often. Do it until you scream.