Sonic Unleashed

[SirSchmoopy]

I have not yelled at a TV screen in a long time but I'm going to come out and say FUCK THIS STUPID GAME.

Sonic Unleashed, is a good game that some asshole decided to make not fun. In Sonic Unleashed you are teased with some fun starting levels of going really fast, like really fast. You can't even tell whats going on but some how you are able to control the speedy little hedgehog and man is it fun and then you are introduced to something that looks okay at first but boy is it going to just be completely fucking lame.

Welcome to Sonic the Werehog. He's a total asshat and you will hate every stage you have to play as him. At first you might be like "Well, I liked running around as Sonic but I guess I can deal with this for more sonic speed levels" but no it's not what you think. You will not have fun with this part of the game. It is not fun. Whoever made it is a fucking idiot.

As Sonic the Werehog you get to run around and kill shit at first it's kinda neat and you got this little RPG system so you might be somewhat amused until you get to the next couple fucking levels where instead of killing shit your doing a balancing act in a fucking ice level and you are wondering why the fuck in a game with Sonic the fastest thing alive you are SLOWLY moving over fucking ice shit but suck it up, who cares if it takes you 40 fucking minutes to figure out how to properly jump from those poles sonic can't seem to jump correctly from and finish the level, at least you get some more sonic speed levels.

Except... not.

If for some miracle you are in fact on the Sonic Team, let me fucking explain something you do not fucking understand. FALLING TO YOUR DEATH.... IS NOT FUN. Why the fuck, does falling kill me? Why isn't this like fucking mario kart and I lose some rings or points and shit and you put me back on the god damn path. Do you fucking understand I want to do these levels holding down the turbo button going as fast as I can? Then why the hell did you make it so every ten seconds I die because I'm going so fast I didn't see the cliff in front of me that in fact looked like the way I wanted to go anyway.


FRUSTRATION does not equal DIFFICULT. You can make something DIFFICULT without making it a random death of a cliff so here let me make your next fucking sonic game for you.

It's called SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG.

Random new character: SONIC HELP! Dr Eggman is raping everyone and I need you to run there two dozen epic cool stages as fast as you can. If you can do it without falling off cliffs and shit i'll give you extra points but don't worry I'm not going to constantly make you repeat the same level over and over until you memorize exactly just to beat it.
Sonic: SONICS THE NAME SPEEDS MY GAME WHOOOSH.

Then the game starts and you give me 20 or so epic levels of running as fast as I can. If I wanna get some sweet achievements make it so I gotta do the levels all flawless and shit but let me get through your god damn game before you make me memorize the EXACT pattern the levels go.


I tried SO HARD to enjoy this game but I'm so angry at Sonic the god damn Werehog and those stupid WITCHES WHO ARE ON FIRE SO SONIC CAN'T PUNCH THEM TILL HE THROWS A BARREL OF ICE AT THEM. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. HOW DO YOU KEEP BARRELS OF ICE FROM NOT MELTING? AND WHY ARE THESE BARRELS OF ICE IN THE DESERT LEVEL.



If you like Sonic games then go out and buy this one because I need the god damn Sonic Team to have another chance before they give up on the Hedgehog but if your not really a big fan skip this one, don't even rent it that way when they do it properly you can be well entertained without the stains of this game haunting your dreams.

 

[CoverYourHead]

Really can't say I'm shocked that this game sucked, saw it coming before the game developers thought of creating a new one.

 

[SargentToughie]

Talk about anger issues...

I suppose that Sonic unleashed was'nt the saving throw that Sonic team needed after all, Shame

 

[InvisibleMilk]

2nd comment wooh!
the series, for me, died as soon as it was ported to ps2 and gamecube.

 

[Grand_Poohbah]

I think sonic died when it left the comfort of the 2-D world.

 

[NewClassic_v1legacy]

I have not yelled at a TV screen in a long time, but I'm going to come out and say FUCK THIS STUPID GAME. (Generally speaking, you shouldn't use all caps. Things like bold or italics serve to better emphasize than all caps.)

Sonic Unleashed, is a good game that some asshole decided to make not fun. (Elaborate?) In Sonic Unleashed you are teased with some fun. Starting levels off going really fast, like really fast. You can't even tell whats going on, but some how you are able to control the speedy little hedgehog, and man is it fun. and Then you are introduced to something that looks okay at first, but boy is it going to just be completely fucking lame.

Welcome to Sonic the Werehog. He's a total asshat and you will hate every stage you have to play as him. At first you might be like "Well, I liked running around as Sonic but I guess I can deal with this while I wait for more sonic speed levels," but no it's not what you think. You will not have fun with this part of the game. It is not fun. Whoever made it is a fucking idiot. (This seems like a conclusive statement, but you continue below. I'd recommend revision.)

As Sonic the Werehog, you get to run around and kill shit. (Just noting, the sentence starts here.) At first it's kinda neat, and you get this little RPG system so you might be somewhat amused until you get to the next couple fucking levels where instead of killing shit your doing a balancing act in a fucking ice level and you are wondering why the fuck in a game with Sonic the fastest thing alive you are SLOWLY moving over fucking ice shit but suck it up, who cares if it takes you 40 fucking minutes to figure out how to properly jump from those poles sonic can't seem to jump correctly from and finish the level, at least you get some more sonic speed levels. (And ends here. I couldn't revise this sentence without some serious changes, so I'm going to mark this entire paragraph [and therefore sentence] down for revision.)

Except... not. (Note, this is becoming a pattern. Using similar or same phrases or written devices can become monotonous for the reader.)

If for by some miracle you are in fact on the Sonic Team, let me fucking explain something you do not fucking understand. FALLING TO YOUR DEATH.... IS NOT FUN. Why the fuck, does falling kill me? Why isn't this like fucking Mario Kart and I lose some rings or points and shit and you put me back on the god damn path. (Oddly enough, this would serve to alienate a lot of fans of the series. The first few games did this to you as well.) Do you fucking understand? I want to do these levels holding down the turbo button going as fast as I can? Then why the hell did you make it so every ten seconds I die because I'm going so fast I didn't see the cliff in front of me that in fact looked like the way I wanted to go anyway. (Valid complaint. Just making a point to say this was good, and you should work more things like this into your review.)

FRUSTRATION does not equal DIFFICULT. You can make something DIFFICULT without making it a random death of a cliff so here let me make your next fucking Sonic game for you.

It's called SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG.

Random new character: SONIC HELP! Dr Eggman is raping everyone and I need you to run there through two dozen epic cool stages as fast as you can. If you can do it without falling off cliffs and shit I'll give you extra points, but don't worry I'm not going to constantly make you repeat the same level over and over until you memorize exactly just to beat it.
Sonic: SONIC'S THE NAME, SPEEDS MY GAME WHOOOSH. (Note, this aside is very random and disorienting.)

Then the game starts and you give me 20 or so epic levels of running as fast as I can. If I wanna get some sweet achievements make it so I gotta do the levels all flawless and shit but let me get through your god damn game before you make me memorize the EXACT pattern of the levels go.


I tried SO HARD to enjoy this game, but I'm so angry at Sonic the god-damn Werehog and those stupid WITCHES WHO ARE ON FIRE SO SONIC CAN'T PUNCH THEM TILL HE THROWS A BARREL OF ICE AT THEM. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. HOW DO YOU KEEP BARRELS OF ICE FROM NOT MELTING? AND WHY ARE THESE BARRELS OF ICE IN THE DESERT LEVEL?

If you like Sonic games then go out and buy this one, because I need the god damn Sonic Team to have another chance before they give up on the Hedgehog. but Although, if you're not really a big fan, skip this one. Don't even rent it. That way when they do it properly, you can be well-entertained without the stains of this game haunting your dreams.

Ultimately a good review, content-wise, but the writing could perhaps see a little tweaking. I'm going to disagree with the above mentions of rant simply because it still covers the gameplay aspect and questions fairly adequately. Although, mention of sound, graphics, and story are notably lacking.

In short, it's the strange hybrid of a review and a rant, but more toward the review. Not bad, by any stretch, and you could very easily become a cleaner review by simply editing some simple-but-frequent mistakes and remembering to cover more of the game's elements.

Don't forget to space are your sentences and phrases. Reading has a rhythm, and the rhythm as to breathe. Lacking periods and stretching out sentences like what you've done will make reading more taxing.

Otherwise, good work for what of it is there, if not a little tiresome at times. You've got the chops, and your humor flows very naturally. All it needs is a little refinement, and it has the panache to get much better very quickly.

Good luck, and happy hunting.

 

[sheic99]

If I knew sir schmoopy in real life, this would be a I told you so moment. The last Sonic game I played was Shadow, and that was a last straw for me.

 

[Random Argument Man]

If I knew sir schmoopy in real life, this would be a I told you so moment. The last Sonic game I played was Shadow, and that was a last straw for me.

Well, with all the hate on Sonic. Its still fit into the category.

 

[Pigeon_Grenade]

ya.. i guessed

 

[sheic99]

If I knew sir schmoopy in real life, this would be a I told you so moment. The last Sonic game I played was Shadow, and that was a last straw for me.

Well, with all the hate on Sonic. Its still fit into the category.

With the first few levels only, then you go into werehog crap and the gameplay slows immently.

 

[Dommyboy]

Your review was like getting talked to by a teacher and then yelled at. Still you make good points that the game itself falls over and fails in the fun department.

 

[Aptspire]

I should have known
last decent game: Sonic Adventure 2
last playable game: Sonic Heroes
it died out when they did Sonic 2006