Speed-dating hilarity

[Daveman]

So I went speed dating for charity the other day... not because I'm desperate, don't be ridiculous. Anyway, it was pretty fun. I was thinking about going again but I'm trying to think of some funny lies I can tell people if I get bored. Any ideas?

 

[Frankydee]

tell them about your 11th toe.

 

[orangebandguy]

Just don't be hopeless as these rejects. Seriously funny bunch of people.

 

[ma55ter_fett]

tell her you were one of the people who helped "fake" the moon landing

 

[Jaqen Hghar]

Try to weave in slight hints that you are a serial killer to everyone you talk to. But different things to all of them. So that if a few of them talks together, and start talking about you, the pieces should slide in place!

...

No, I got nothing.

 

[Trivun]

Say you're a mass murderer who's just got out of prison for good behaviour. Girls will either be scared off, whereupon you get a good laugh out of it, or they'll find it funny, in which case you're right in there with a great icebreaker .

 

[FallenRainbows]

Ooh this seems fun. Due to my hatred of the spawn who try and rush love. Hows this?

"I'm Dr. Liechtenstein I hail from the hills of Eastern Russia,my hobbies include gardening and farming, I was retired from my position as a doctor during a civil conflict. I am looking for someone who shares my interests and is capable of dealing with the day to day complications of being with a schizophrenic who's visions include a past war where my entire family dies again and again"

 

[BlindMessiah94]

Just ask them if they would like to learn about Jebus.

 

[Biek]

Just say you live with your mother. And whenever your date proposes anything, say that youll have to ask her for permission. And laugh nervously all the time.

 

[rokkolpo]

Just don't be hopeless as these rejects. Seriously funny bunch of people.

oh my.....that's just awful.

''sometimes i wake up at night and watch you sleep'' MY GOD!

 

[orangebandguy]

oh my.....that's just awful.

''sometimes i wake up at night and watch you sleep'' MY GOD!

I do sometimes wonder if these people have found this video, hopefully 'Barbecue Lou' did.

 

[Captain Pancake]

I like that scene in 40 year old virgin, when it shows a whole bunch of crazy ladies, (yes, including nipple girl).

 

[jamesworkshop]

make outragous claims like that you invented the question mark or that you know what willis was talkin about

 

[Amnestic]

That you're related to the Queen.
That you're related to God.
That you enjoy masturbating in public, then make arm jerking movements under the table.
That some days you wish you could just kill everyone.