Stolen Pixels #232: The History of Civilization, Part 3

[pacati]

Drivin me crazy. "De wanno wunga" is from Star Wars. I can hear the words spoken, but I can't place them. Who/what said those words in the movies? I know it was original trilogy.

 

[Shamus Young]

Drivin me crazy. "De wanno wunga" is from Star Wars. I can hear the words spoken, but I can't place them. Who/what said those words in the movies? I know it was original trilogy.

The advisor to Jabba. When Luke shows up to talk:

Da Wanna Wunga, Jabba no bah-gan.

Also: Nice one.

 

[USSR]

The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Uga..
Uga uga uga?..
Red October standing by!
UGA!

 

[Evilsanta]

I want Civ5 so bad...GAH! I NEED MONEY!!

OT: Great comic as always. But why collect famous people? Use them!

 

[Jared]

Gotta love how history does literally become your own =D

 

[Traigus]

"Unga bunga" being Captain Caveman speak... oh the indignity.

Civ has always had this weird combo of things that scale well and things that don't scale at all. There is no reason for the wooden fort of barbarians. 1 more graphic and the same flag for weapon upgrades.

"Dude your city is on fire again" made me spit out my Mellow Yellow.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

I laughed hard at The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. Happens every time in my games.

That made me LOL as well.

The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

Wow that actually makes total sense. I still have a problem with landing in the Americas and watching the barbarians go from having longbowman to grenadiers though. Seriously I just made contact with you guys.

And I also find it weird that whenever I talk to some of the ancient leaders in the industrial age they're still running around with their ancient clothes. Or conversly when I talk to Roosevelt in the bronze age. (I talking about Civ IV but it works with Civ V too)

 

[Blind Sight]

I guess you could define the 'barbarians' in the Modern Age as similar to the Somali pirates we deal with in reality, individuals from a failed nation just trying to get by. Modern day terrorists are pretty much our barbarians.

EDIT: Damn, ninja'd.

I love talking to Askia too, he always responds like he got caught with his pants down. Everytime I talk to him it seems like he's saying "Sup Dude, oh, the city in the background? Totally not one of yours, I promise."

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Ah, The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. A short, sharp encounter on the high seas. The stakes were high but in the end, the Booyeah won simply because it's cannons could fire seventeen times further than the pirate ship.

Nice one Shamus. I loved the Mozart and Elvis combo.

 

[Cowabungaa]

What irks me more about Emperor Askia is when I met the guy in the first game he told me that "We're a peaceful nation, but we're ready to defend ourselves if necessary." or something along those lines.

Yet there he stands, with a huge sword on his shoulder and a burning city behind him. Yeah, really peaceful.

 

[Aptspire]

so... another good band would be the Bach Turner Orchestra

 

[samsonguy920]

I laughed hard at The Battle of LOLOLOLOL. Happens every time in my games.

That made me LOL as well.

The gameworld spawns barbarians in unclaimed areas of the map. These guys roughly scale up in tech with everyone else. I understand why it does this from a gameplay perspective, but it looks ridiculous. Near the endgame you have these little wooden forts that churn out infantrymen with automatic weapons and modern battleships. The automatic weapons I can sort of understand, but I don't know how they're building 9,000 ton warships when they don't even have houses to live in. The rest of this game is a simulation of acquiring new technology and establishing the infrastructure required to build it. So it's really asinine that they sweep all of that aside and have "barbarians" pull advanced hardware out of their asses.

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

The names may change, but their position and motivations stay the same.

Shamus' portrayal is still funny.

 

[Ell Jay]

I appreciate that Montezuma is, apparently, Jabba's majordomo.

 

[Mysnomer]

I appreciate that Montezuma is, apparently, Jabba's majordomo.

The advisor to Jabba. When Luke shows up to talk:
Da Wanna Wunga, Jabba no bah-gan.
Also: Nice one.

And yet, no one knows Bib Fortuna's actual name. It's kind of sad they wasted such a cool name on a minor character. I guess I should move my Ubernerd badge to the top now that I've bothered to flaunt my Star Wars trivia.

 

[CitySquirrel]

"Du wunna wunga laser-guided munitions unga bunga" So much win.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

What irks me more about Emperor Askia is when I met the guy in the first game he told me that "We're a peaceful nation, but we're ready to defend ourselves if necessary." or something along those lines.

Yet there he stands, with a huge sword on his shoulder and a burning city behind him. Yeah, really peaceful.

How do you know you didn't just interrupt him in the middle of a very involved LARPing session?

 

[kurokotetsu]

Great comic. Just one thing (don't know if it is Civ V or not). The historical figure is called Moctezuma, not Montezuma. It feels wierd to read the other, Spanish-influenced name.

 

[Justin Carr]

Those barbarians are a nuisance. They don't scale up quite as fast as most civ's though, and on my archipello game they weren't actually trying to attack my HMS Kickass ships though

My favorite is watching the City-States scale up. Just finished a game where I was going for the Cultural Victory, so I was doing my best to take the isolationist view and not interferring with international politics. However, I was by far the most technologically advanced civilization on the map.

I'd learned in my first game that you don't piss off the City-States. Yes, they're small and isolated, but if you conquer enough of them, they ALL go to war with you, even the ones that haven't met you yet. Plus it sours relations with all of the other civs.

Apparently, Montezuma didn't get that memo. Of the nine cities he owned, FIVE of them were once City-States. He took his horde of Riflemen, Trebuchets and Cannons and conquered one after another. Finally, the other City-States had enough and all declared war on him. The alliance took their MECHANIZED INFANTRY and steamrolled through his empire. Kuala Lumpur alone captured two of his cities (including the capital) and pillaged a third. I don't even know where Kuala Lumpur is, but in my mind now, it's a nation made up of were-Koalas that you do not want to make angry.

 

[felixader]

Like Somalia, Cambodia, The Black Panthers, The Shining Path? If you replace the word "Barbarian" with "Terrorists", it suddenly becomes a lot more accurate, and a lot less funny.

Damn Ninjas.

yeah and they may not have houses but they have a pretty nifty black market...

With those Battleships they don't NEED Houses. ^.^