Angry_squirrel said:
I fear I am basically at the other end of this story, and that's exactly why I might be able to help more. Actually, I had to look at some details and information to make sure you weren't the internet profile of this one guy I know. You're not, thank the bloody heavens, or this would have been a far more awkward post. You could still be, I don't know, maybe your profile lies, but I don't think I care either way.
You see, for the last 5 years, I've had quite a strong affection for this one girl, to the point where it literally messes with other relationships. Every other potential person I could have a relationship with, I look and compare and I can't bring myself to go against that one person. By the way, this girl knows about my affections already - she shares it, and we've been close friends for those 5 years. Actually, she is quite literally my longest-lasting friend as well. The closest I've come to identifying our relationship is like an older-brother-little-sister kind of thing, though she's more than capable of looking out for herself. There's love in there, but more on my side than on hers.
That said, we tried having an official relationship once and it didn't work out. She had some personal shit to deal with, I respected that and gave some distance, and then I had personal shit a year after that that sent me reeling and unable to do anything for a long while. Both of us went to the same, really intense school, so both of us were focused on that. Oh, we certainly some interesting bits when there was time for that, but for the most part, the two of us remained separate.
Anyway, long story short, about a month ago, she hooks up with a guy that she had met and known for 10 days. I already knew the guy, he had just been dumped by his prior girlfriend two months prior (though when I asked the ex about it, she said it had nothing to do with him, and it was her own personal problem), and so though I was one of the many to think that their relationship would not last (a month was the average bet), I was one of the few to question their intentions. So I did what I would do for any of my close friends, I warned my affection about the folly of a long-distance relationship (they will be about 800 miles apart in a month and stay that way for 2-3 months) and I warned the guy she was with about honesty and compassion. And then I left it at that. I kept tabs on them from a distance for a while, just to sate my own curiosity, but I didn't even try manipulating them. They just naturally broke up on their own - technically, they're still in a relationship, but they haven't even physically seen each other for two weeks, they won't physically see each other for a long, looong time (she's busy up until the day she leaves for college, either with family or with work; I'm lucky to live close enough that I can see her for a bit after her work, something her new BF doesn't seem to want to do). They're dying. They started off on little and they never built up on it. I see her last week and she says she didn't exactly stop thinking about me, and that it was screwing with her mind and her relationship.
So I guess you are in the situation that her BF is in, or was in early on, which is that you haven't seen your long-distance partner for a bit, in a relationship which consisted of about 10 days of buildup. Only in this case, you are fearful that she may not be into the relationship as much as you are, they she may have someone else on her mind. Someone like me in my own story.
Well, what can I tell you? In my experience, true love takes about one year to manifest itself. What you're doing right now with her is what the poker business considers "gambling" - striking it early and hoping it works out for you. You two may or may not be a match. The odds are actually very good that the two of you have a month, month and a half long infatuation with each other that ends with the both of you single again. The odds that the two of you are life long lovers... well, less so, to put it lightly. Of course, you're hoping you can beat those odds. You might, I've seen it happen. You might not, I've also seen that happen. Leaning towards the latter, only because of the 10 day thing. For your long term relationship, you'll know in about a month whether your current one will last or not.
But that's not the point. The point is that you are feeling anxious about this one girl and her not being in contact with you. Well, let me give you a boost - there are very few people like me in the world. If there is someone like me in this situation, you'd already know who they are before the relationship even started. If there is someone like me, you'd have already been threatened with it's-worse-than-you-think if you tried anything on her. So there's not somebody like me in this situation.
You want somebody to hang onto, somebody to act as a crutch. That this girl has ceased contact with you for a bit is making you go crazy because you had a crutch and now you don't. There's nothing else for you to lean on, nothing to occupy your mind. She has her festival, what do you have?
I would suggest working on a little something for the next time you meet, or the time after that. Something sweet. Something to indicate to her that you are willing to be with her for quite a while, and something which the working on will help calm your mind, what most people would call a hobby. To that end, I'll throw my own suggestion, because I've already done it for a friend and I have a different, even more badass idea for my affection. Have you ever made a rabbit out of duct tape? It took me about 6 hours of work with a friend, a large roll of duct tape, some spare newspaper to fluff up the belly, reference pictures from the internet, and a good helping of creative thinking. And that bunny was worth every second of its creation. My friend loved it. So did my affection, actually, she kind of loved it more, but it was meant for a different person.
The point is that if you're scared that she'll run off on you, and abandon you so early like the way you think she will, then do everything in your power to make sure that won't happen, to prove to her that you are worth more than she thinks. The fact is, this first month is crucial for you, and I'm saying just you. If you do nothing and stay put, your fears will only be realized. You have to put in the effort on the relationship front as much as she does, more if you're the one who wants it more than her. Even I understand this concerning my own affection. When she needs something, even if she doesn't say it, I provide it for her. That's the kind of thing that keeps relationships going.
Gah, I've ranted on long enough. I should probably be going to sleep soon.
