Stupid Stuff You've Done

[Xprimentyl]

Had a entertaining conversation with some friends yesterday about the dumb shit we've done during our stint on this spinning blue marble, and thought it might make for some fun here. Now, let's not anyone confess to murder or terrorism; keep it to teachable moments that didn't require prison time!

I've done plenty of dumb stuff, but the one that sticks out most entertainingly was when I worked in the warehouse of an electronics retailer. We were having a promotion that week, so the GM asked us warehouse lackeys to use a helium tank to blow up dozens of balloons to string up around the store. We obliged, but it wasn't long before the process devolved into us kids (early 20-somethings) sucking the helium out of the balloons trying to attain the highest voice for a laugh in front of customers and passersby.

Not to be outdone, I decided to breathe in directly from the the tank, a MASSIVE breath for maximum ridiculousness. I passed out and fell backwards behind the customer service desk. I awoke a few seconds later to my friends and several customers leaning over the desk with dire looks of concern on their faces. I assured them I was ok in a very high voice; the laughs came when I was able to stand up without falling over again and "wave to the crowd." My boss (fortunately) wasn't around to fire me for the liability my stupidity could easily have put him under, but he did hear second hand, and was a good sport about it.

TL;DR? Don't breathe helium.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

I was kind of a budding criminal as a kid. Primarily shoplifting/petty theft (can of soda, calendars out of a dumpster, little black book for all the hot girls I was gonna date) and vandalism (dumped a half-full Big Gulp into one of those blue mailboxes). Sometimes I think that all the crap I've had to put up with as an adult is karma for what a little asshole I was.

 

[thebobmaster]

One that pops to mind actually led to an incident report, so bored people at that school can laugh at my stupidity.

There was a wooden bench and I, on almost a whim, decided to do a step-up onto it. Now, to give myself just a little credit, I did test a couple of times to make sure I would actually clear the bench itself. I did not factor in the possibility of landing on a loose board. What resulted was Looney Tunes physics applied to real life. My end of the board goes down, momentum makes me fall forward, face meets the rising end of the board. Ended with a sprained jaw, a scraped cheek, and very little dignity remaining.

I should mention I was in my mid-20's when I did this.

 

[Chimpzy]

I mentioned this once before, so to quote myself

Back when I was a wee little chimplet there was this big jungle gym in a playground nearby. Was like 2.5-3m tall (8-10ft) and had this big, tall bushes right next to it. So obviously we all jumped off the jungle gym, into those bushes. Which worked cuz it was one of those plants with lots of leaves and strong but flexible branches, so it cushioned really well. Until a year later when they'd replaced it over wintertime with a different bush. One with inch long woody thorns. And, being stupid kids, we didn't think anything of the difference until jumping in.

Also, that one time we got shitfaced and accidentally burned down a house. But that one kind of goes beyond the purview of this thread.

 

[Drathnoxis]

I assure you I've never done anything stupid in my life. Either that or my life has been a sham and everything I've done has been stupid. Could go either way.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Also, that one time we got shitfaced and accidentally burned down a house. But that one kind of goes beyond the purview of this thread.

I want to ask a LOT of questions, but not sure what the equivalent of the 5th amendment and policies against self-incrimination are in Belgium...

I assure you I've never done anything stupid in my life. Either that or my life has been a sham and everything I've done has been stupid. Could go either way.

Both are unrealistic extremes. Everyone's done something stupid, including you; whether or not you're AWARE those things were stupid is another issue.

 

[Kyrian007]

A friend had in his backyard: A tree swing, a trampoline, and a swimming pool. We decided to position the trampoline in such a way as to combine the three elements. It worked out great... until it didn't. The outcome was at worst a broken bone, but it was fun while it lasted.

 

[Xprimentyl]

A friend had in his backyard: A tree swing, a trampoline, and a swimming pool. We decided to position the trampoline in such a way as to combine the three elements. It worked out great... until it didn't. The outcome was at worst a broken bone, but it was fun while it lasted.

I'd already saw where that was going within the first sentence. Sounds like dumb guy fun; I'd do it.

When we were kids, my cousins and I would have sleepovers, and one of our favorite late-night pastimes was making "traps" on the stairs leading into the basement. One person was elected to go to the top of the stairs and wait while the rest of us built an elaborate trap of pillows and blankets on the stairs. When we finished making the gauntlet, we turned the lights out, and the person at the top was tasked simply to walk down the stairs... my cousin's broken arm later (after probably a dozen incident-free runs, granted) and explaining how it happened to our parents, our band of terrorists was disbanded permanently; no more traps.

 

[bobdark]

When I first joined the Navy as we were pulling into Japan they told us repeatedly "don't cause an international incident" because of the Marines are always getting into trouble. Well I got pretty nicely drunk and started asking the locals "if they would like to have an international incident with me?" I asked this to a monk standing outside a temple and he proceeded to sweep my legs and put me on the ground, he then told me "no" and helped me up. My friends and I had a good laugh.

 

[Xprimentyl]

When I first joined the Navy as we were pulling into Japan they told us repeatedly "don't cause an international incident" because of the Marines are always getting into trouble. Well I got pretty nicely drunk and started asking the locals "if they would like to have an international incident with me?" I asked this to a monk standing outside a temple and he proceeded to sweep my legs and put me on the ground, he then told me "no" and helped me up. My friends and I had a good laugh.

You sound like someone I'd like to have a beer with. ONE beer. If you want several and start picking fights with monks, I'm out.

 

[Worgen]

I'm sure I've done more but the main one that comes to mind right now is not having my car in reverse and ramming a pillar outside of blockbuster video. Ended up having to use a hammer to rip off my bumper then put it in the back seat and drive home. I got lucky and despite my radiator being bent to hell, there were no leaks and it wasn't too hard to find a new but not the same color bumper. That probably helped my insurance company declare the car a total loss when someone rear ended me a few years later. I got more for it then I would have if I tried to sell it, so... win?

 

[Elvis Starburst]

Snuck out of my parent's house at 3AM and walked across town and back. Probably not the smartest idea... No idea what could've happened. Pretty sure they didn't find out, though.
Seeing Worgen's post as I typed this out, I'm reminded that about 8 years ago I reversed into a tall steel-bumper Dodge RAM and caved in my entire trunk in to the point it had a > angle. He, however, had the tiniest scratch on the bumper, not even a dent. I was too embarrassed and didn't want anyone at home to know, so I told him it's fine, I'll deal with it, don't worry about having to call anyone. Told my parents it was a hit-and-run while I was at work and got it replaced to the tune of $700. Gonna take that story with me to the grave

 

[XsjadoBlayde]

Too much. Diluting the depressing and the cringe, the hedonistic self-destructive fringe, let's go back to primary school: a farmer friend gave me some live bullets once. During break I thought it would be a good idea to crush one of them between two rocks. An almighty bang similar to I spose a gunshot then occured which sent the entire busy playground into a distinctly memorable baffled silence. (It was a quiet small village primary school btw) Teachers were looking around for the source, some cheeky git pointed at me, the snitching kunt! So me and friend had a nice little chat with the headteacher to explain my shenanigans. All fun and games.

That situation would most definitely have played out differently in this modern world, especially in the US.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Snuck out of my parent's house at 3AM and walked across town and back. Probably not the smartest idea... No idea what could've happened. Pretty sure they didn't find out, though.
Seeing Worgen's post as I typed this out, I'm reminded that about 8 years ago I reversed into a tall steel-bumper Dodge RAM and caved in my entire trunk in to the point it had a > angle. He, however, had the tiniest scratch on the bumper, not even a dent. I was too embarrassed and didn't want anyone at home to know, so I told him it's fine, I'll deal with it, don't worry about having to call anyone. Told my parents it was a hit-and-run while I was at work and got it replaced to the tune of $700. Gonna take that story with me to the grave

Back home in Ohio years ago, I was at a red light. This was prior to the advent of smart phone distractions, so I don't recall what was distracting me (probably the CD player,) but I'd let my foot off the brake to allow it to idle forward. A couple seconds later, BOINK, I bumped into the car in front of me. I was mortified and started processing insurance implications and whatnot. Fortunately for me, the driver of the car ahead was in a beat-up, older car, and without even getting out, he waived me off through his rear-window, like "no worries; my car's already a piece of shit." I got away with just a small dent in my front bumper. His car probably died a few miles later.

 

[Chimpzy]

I want to ask a LOT of questions, but not sure what the equivalent of the 5th amendment and policies against self-incrimination are in Belgium...

We fine. Over a decade past our equivalent of the statute of limitations for that particular bout of tomfoolery. I've posted that event on here, actually. A bit further down in the same thread that I quoted myself from in my earlier post, if you're inquisitive enough to go look. No one got hurt, and you know, the club house was old and shitty, and those scouts eventually got a new one out of it, so I see it as a win overall.

Like, I'm not exaggerating when I say my friends and I were huge shits, especially when we got drunk which was real easy at the time, and a fair number of mysterious yet destructive shenanigans that attained local legend status, but which no one ever figured who did it, were totally us. Some not so accidental. There may or may not still be a motorcycle at the bottom of the Meuse river in the Ardennes, as a recompense for a certain dickbag getting a little too handsy with one of our girl friends. And we may or may not have some knowledge of how that stupid statue, which everyone hated cuz they tore down the favorite hangout for the local youth to place it, ended up decapitated (and emasculated).

 

[Drathnoxis]

Both are unrealistic extremes.

You say that but:

Everyone's done something stupid, including you; whether or not you're AWARE those things were stupid is another issue.

Then I must be too stupid to realize I've done something stupid, thus leading to my second proposal. Check and mate.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Then I must be too stupid to realize I've done something stupid, thus leading to my second proposal. Check and mate.

That's a non sequitur; ignorance does not equal stupidity. If you drink spoiled milk and get food poisoning because you are ignorant of the fact it has expired, you are not stupid. If you knowingly drink spoiled milk for the lols and YouTube views, you are stupid.

 

[Drathnoxis]

That's a non sequitur; ignorance does not equal stupidity. If you drink spoiled milk and get food poisoning because you are ignorant of the fact it has expired, you are not stupid. If you knowingly drink spoiled milk for the lols and YouTube views, you are stupid.

So i need to know it's stupid and have done it anyway for it to be stupid. Therefore I can say I've never done anything stupid in my life.

 

[Xprimentyl]

So i need to know it's stupid and have done it anyway for it to be stupid. Therefore I can say I've never done anything stupid in my life.

So you posted in a thread titled "stupid stuff you've done" to say you've never done anything stupid? Welcome to the thread.

Reminds of the time in grade school when our teacher asked the class to volunteer who our favorite author was, and on reflex, I raised my hand only to say I didn't have a favorite author. She asked "then why did you raise your hand?" I was as surprised as she was, responding with a clueless "...I don't know."

 

[Drathnoxis]

So you posted in a thread titled "stupid stuff you've done" to say you've never done anything stupid? Welcome to the thread.

Reminds of the time in grade school when our teacher asked the class to volunteer who our favorite author was, and on reflex, I raised my hand only to say I didn't have a favorite author. She asked "then why did you raise your hand?" I was as surprised as she was, responding with a clueless "...I don't know."

Yes? If you don't have anything to say, say it anyway. It works for politicians.