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Handofpwn

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Aug 6, 2008
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Okay, fellow escapists, I am in dire need of your opinions. I am editing part of my final project/ final exam for one of my classes, this is a huge part of my grade. That being said, I need your honest opinions/ feed dback and any suggestions as to how this could be better.
i present my speech for the project:

Presentation notes



Topic: Who had a greater influence on modern rock, Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin? I chose this topic because of my love of 60?s rock music, especially artists jimi Hendrix and led zeppelin.
My thesis is that I believe Jimi Hendrix had a greater influence on modern rock music.
Essential question:
But first a bit of background: Led zeppelin was an English rock band formed in 1968 by Jimmy Page (guitar), Robert Plant (vocals), John Paul Jones (bass guitar, keyboards) and John Bonham (drums). The original line up was to have Keith moon on drums and John Entwhistle on keyboard, but that didn?t happen. The inspiration for their name came from the drummer of the band The Who, Keith moon. They said that a group with Keith, John, Jimmy Page and Jeff Beck would go over like a lead zeppelin, which was a phrase that the drummer, Keith Moon, used to describe a failed show. The ?a? in lead was later dropped from the name to prevent ?thick Americans? from pronouncing it ?Leed?.
Their first album, titled Led Zeppelin 1, was one of the pivotal records in the creation of heavy metal. Their second album, Led zeppelin 2, was even more successful than their first and reached the top of the UK and US charts. Their third album, Led Zeppelin 3, was rather different than the first two. It was more of an acoustic album, strongly influenced by celtic and folk music. It was not well received at the time of its creation. This album also had the famous ?Immigrant song? on it.
Their fourth album, known as the ?fourth album?, had no title or band name on it when it was released due to the media saying they were an overhyped band. This was done to prove that the record could sell itself without the band?s name on it. The fourth album also had their most famous song on it, stairway to heaven, which was voted as having the greatest rock guitar solo of all time.
The original band members stayed together until 1980, after John Bonhams death. They got back together in 2008 to do one concert in England with the new drummer.


In 1966, Jimi Hendrix formed the Jimi Hendrix Experience with bassist Noel Redding and drummer Mitch Mitchell. Their first album, ?Are you experienced?? was released in the UK on may 12, 1967 and would have reached the top of the UK charts were it not for the album ?Sgt. Peppers lonely hearts club? by the Beatles. On march 31, 1967, Jimi set his guitar on fire as a publicity stunt during the Walker Brothers farewell tour. Although he was internationally famous at this point, he still had not gotten the attention of the US. It was at the Monterey international pop festival, where he repeated his guitar burning stunt, that he became famous in the US.

His next album was Axis: Bold as Love, also released in 1967. This was the first album where he started to experiment with the stereo format. This was also the first album where he tuned his guitar down a half step to E-flat tuning. Another interesting thing about this album, almost half of the record was lost when Jimi lost the master tape of one side of the LP in a London taxi. The whole half was remixed in one night, luckily the one song that they couldn?t do again was saved because the bassist noel redding had a copy of it on tape.

Hendrix?s third recording, a double album, Electric Ladyland was different from his other albums. As the album's recording progressed, Chas Chandler became so frustrated with Hendrix's perfectionism and with various friends and hangers-on milling about the studio that he decided to sever his professional relationship with Hendrix. Hendrix began experimenting with different musicians and instruments, as well as modern electronic effects. Many of the songs were re-recorded at Jimi?s insistence until they were perfect, the song gypsey eyes was re-recorded over 43 times. Electric Ladyland includes a number of compositions and arrangements for which Hendrix is still remembered. These include "Voodoo Child (Slight Return)" as well as Hendrix's rendition of Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower". Hendrix's version was a complete departure from the original, and includes one of the most highly praised guitar arrangements in modern music.
On june 30, 1969, bassist noel redding quit the band, effectively breaking up the Jimi Hendrix Experience.
On august 18, 1969, jimi played the Woodstock music festival with his hired band, Gypsey Sun and Rainbows, along with his original drummer, mitch mitchell. The show ended with his highly-regarded rendition of the The Star-Spangled Banner, a solo improvisation which is now regarded as a special symbol of the 1960s era.
On January 26/27, noel redding and mitch Mitchell got back together with jimi. They went on their ?cry of love? tour, during the US leg of the tour, many of the shows were recorded and produced some of jimi?s most memorable performances.
Early on September 18, 1970, Jimi Hendrix died in London under circumstances which have never been fully explained. He had spent the later part of the evening before at a party and was picked up by girlfriend Monika Dannemann and driven to her flat at the Samarkand Hotel. According to the estimated time of death, he died shortly afterwards.
Once again, my thesis statement is that Jimi Hendrix had the greatest influence on modern rock.

The reasonS why Led zeppelin deserves the title of greatest influence is because they incorporated all kinds of styles into their music. They used genres like Latin, Arabic, Country, Reggae and many more genres. My rebuttal to this is that although led zeppelin had a wide range of styles, they never really experimented with the sounds a guitar could make. They are considered one of the main influences of heavy metal. Six of their albums have reached the number one spot in the us billboard and the rest have gotten in the top ten. Rolling Stone even described Led Zeppelin as ?the heaviest band of all time? and ?the biggest band of the 70?s?.

The reasons that I believe Jimi Hendrix deserves to be called the greatest influence is because he could get unique sounds out of his guitar that no one else could. He also pushed the limits of a guitar and an amp farther than anyone else. His playing style is still emulated today by thousands of guitar players. He was not only a guitar virtuoso, but he turned the guitar into much more than a mean sounding instrument.
It is for those reasons and more that I believe that jimi Hendrix has had the most influence on modern rock music.
 

xitel

Assume That I Hate You.
Aug 13, 2008
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Are you supposed to pick a side? If so, I can't really tell which side you picked. If you are arguing for one side, don't put in any arguments for the other side. And if you're trying to present an unbiased opinion, then there's a problem that you seem to spend much more time on Hendrix than Zeppelin. I'll give it another more in depth read through tomorrow when I've had some sleep, and I'll edit this or PM you then.
 

Handofpwn

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Aug 6, 2008
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xitel said:
Are you supposed to pick a side? If so, I can't really tell which side you picked. If you are arguing for one side, don't put in any arguments for the other side. And if you're trying to present an unbiased opinion, then there's a problem that you seem to spend much more time on Hendrix than Zeppelin. I'll give it another more in depth read through tomorrow when I've had some sleep, and I'll edit this or PM you then.
Well, it is meant to be a bit biased, and yes, I am supposed to pick a side. If you could just give me some general tips, like how to make it sound better (I have to give this as a speech) that would be very amazing. And yea, I am picking hendrix over zeppelin. dont worry about speeling or grammar or anything like that, I just want to make it sound better. It is being presented tommorow, so the latest I can check this site is at about five in the after noon (Ohio time, dont know the exact time zone I am in.).
 

xitel

Assume That I Hate You.
Aug 13, 2008
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handofpwn said:
xitel said:
Are you supposed to pick a side? If so, I can't really tell which side you picked. If you are arguing for one side, don't put in any arguments for the other side. And if you're trying to present an unbiased opinion, then there's a problem that you seem to spend much more time on Hendrix than Zeppelin. I'll give it another more in depth read through tomorrow when I've had some sleep, and I'll edit this or PM you then.
Well, it is meant to be a bit biased, and yes, I am supposed to pick a side. If you could just give me some general tips, like how to make it sound better (I have to give this as a speech) that would be very amazing. And yea, I am picking hendrix over zeppelin. dont worry about speeling or grammar or anything like that, I just want to make it sound better. It is being presented tommorow, so the latest I can check this site is at about five in the after noon (Ohio time, dont know the exact time zone I am in.).
Like I said, once I get some sleep and I'm thinking straight I'll give it a more in-depth look over, but yeah, I'd be glad to help. I enjoy editing these kinds of things. Also, try PMing [user]NewClassic[/user] and asking if he could take a look, he's good at this kind of thing.
 

Handofpwn

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Aug 6, 2008
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xitel said:
handofpwn said:
xitel said:
Are you supposed to pick a side? If so, I can't really tell which side you picked. If you are arguing for one side, don't put in any arguments for the other side. And if you're trying to present an unbiased opinion, then there's a problem that you seem to spend much more time on Hendrix than Zeppelin. I'll give it another more in depth read through tomorrow when I've had some sleep, and I'll edit this or PM you then.
Well, it is meant to be a bit biased, and yes, I am supposed to pick a side. If you could just give me some general tips, like how to make it sound better (I have to give this as a speech) that would be very amazing. And yea, I am picking hendrix over zeppelin. dont worry about speeling or grammar or anything like that, I just want to make it sound better. It is being presented tommorow, so the latest I can check this site is at about five in the after noon (Ohio time, dont know the exact time zone I am in.).
Like I said, once I get some sleep and I'm thinking straight I'll give it a more in-depth look over, but yeah, I'd be glad to help. I enjoy editing these kinds of things.
Thank you so much, mein mother was not much help, she doesnt like it when I do not take her suggestions.
 

NewClassic_v1legacy

Bringer of Words
Jul 30, 2008
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handofpwn said:
Who had a greater influence on modern rock, Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin? I chose this topic because of my love of 60?s rock music, especially (the) artists jimi Hendrix and led zeppelin.
My thesis is that (Try to avoid statements like these. Your points should flow self-explainitorally) I believe Jimi Hendrix had a greater influence on modern rock music.

(Footnote: This reads like a stiff presentation, which I'm not sure is the right setup, especially when talking about Hendrix and Zeppelin. Relax your diction a little bit, try not to sound so stiff.

Suggestion:
"Who had a greater influence, Hendrix or Zappelin? Love of the rock music of the 60's, especially Hendrix and Zeppelin, has influenced why I love modern rock. Between the two of them, I would say Jimi Hendrix had a greater influence on rock music." )


Essential question:
But first a bit of background: Led zeppelin was an English rock band formed in 1968 by Jimmy Page (guitar), Robert Plant (vocals), John Paul Jones (bass guitar, keyboards) and John Bonham (drums). The original line up was to have Keith moon on drums and John Entwhistle on keyboard, but that didn?t happen. The inspiration for their name came from the drummer of the band The Who, Keith moon. They said that a group with Keith, John, Jimmy Page and Jeff Beck would go over like a lead zeppelin, which was a phrase that the drummer, Keith Moon, used to describe a failed show. The ?a? in lead was later dropped from the name to prevent ?thick Americans? from pronouncing it ?Leed?.

(Still a little stiff, but it reads fairly naturally. Consider your sentence flow a little more as you're writing. Remember, this is a spoken piece.)

Their first album, titled Led Zeppelin 1, was one of the pivotal records in the creation of heavy metal. Their second album, Led zeppelin 2, was even more successful than their first and reached the top of the UK and US charts. Their third album, Led Zeppelin 3, was rather different than the first two. It was more of an acoustic album, strongly influenced by celtic and folk music. It was not well received at the time of its creation. This album also had the famous ?Immigrant song? on it.

(This reads quite choppily. "... was one of the pivotal records in the creation of heavy metal. Stop. Their second album ... top of the UK and US charts. Stop." Instead of that, go for a more flow-centric writing style.

Suggestion:
"Their first album, titled Led Zeppelin 1, was one of the more pivotal records in the creation of heavy metal music. Their second album was even more successful, and reached the top of the charts in the US and UK. The third album was rather different..."

The more you full stop the language, the more rigid the reading. Ease it out.)


Their fourth album, known as the ?fourth album?, had no title or band name on it when it was released due to the media saying they were an overhyped band. This was done to prove that the record could sell itself without the band?s name on it. The fourth album also had their most famous song on it, stairway to heaven, which was voted as having the greatest rock guitar solo of all time.

The original band members stayed together until 1980, after John Bonhams death. They got back together in 2008 to do one concert in England with the new drummer.

(You need some form of segue here.)

In 1966, Jimi Hendrix formed the Jimi Hendrix Experience with bassist Noel Redding and drummer Mitch Mitchell. Their first album, ?Are you experienced?? was released in the UK on may 12, 1967 and would have reached the top of the UK charts were it not for the album ?Sgt. Peppers lonely hearts club? by the Beatles. On march 31, 1967, Jimi set his guitar on fire as a publicity stunt during the Walker Brothers farewell tour. Although he was internationally famous at this point, he still had not gotten the attention of the US. It was at the Monterey international pop festival, where he repeated his guitar burning stunt, that he became famous in the US.

His next album was Axis: Bold as Love, also released in 1967. This was the first album where he started to experiment with the stereo format. This was also the first album where he tuned his guitar down a half step to E-flat tuning. (While an interesting aside, it's still an aside. Consider how this is important. If it is not important, trim it.) Another interesting thing about this album, almost half of the record was lost when Jimi lost the master tape of one side of the LP in a London taxi. The whole half was remixed in one night, luckily the one song that they couldn?t do again was saved because the bassist noel redding had a copy of it on tape. (Once again, neat, but is it really needed? Why not as much history on the band itself?)

Hendrix?s third recording, a double album, Electric Ladyland was different from his other albums. As the album's recording progressed, Chas Chandler became so frustrated with Hendrix's perfectionism and with various friends and hangers-on milling about the studio that he decided to sever his professional relationship with Hendrix. Hendrix began experimenting with different musicians and instruments, as well as modern electronic effects. Many of the songs were re-recorded at Jimi?s insistence until they were perfect, the song gypsey eyes was re-recorded over 43 times. Electric Ladyland includes a number of compositions and arrangements for which Hendrix is still remembered. These include "Voodoo Child (Slight Return)" as well as Hendrix's rendition of Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower". Hendrix's version was a complete departure from the original, and includes one of the most highly praised guitar arrangements in modern music.

On june 30, 1969, bassist noel redding quit the band, effectively breaking up the Jimi Hendrix Experience. (This is all related, but still rather "fatty," for lack of a better term. Try trimming this down, too.)

On august 18, 1969, jimi played the Woodstock music festival with his hired band, Gypsey Sun and Rainbows, along with his original drummer, mitch mitchell. The show ended with his highly-regarded rendition of the The Star-Spangled Banner, a solo improvisation which is now regarded as a special symbol of the 1960s era.

(Need to segue.)

On January 26/27, noel redding and mitch Mitchell got back together with jimi. They went on their ?cry of love? tour, during the US leg of the tour, many of the shows were recorded and produced some of jimi?s most memorable performances.

Early on September 18, 1970, Jimi Hendrix died in London under circumstances which have never been fully explained. He had spent the later part of the evening before at a party and was picked up by girlfriend Monika Dannemann and driven to her flat at the Samarkand Hotel. According to the estimated time of death, he died shortly afterwards.
Once again, my thesis statement is that Jimi Hendrix had the greatest influence on modern rock.

The reasonS why Led zeppelin deserves the title of greatest influence is because they incorporated all kinds of styles into their music. They used genres like Latin, Arabic, Country, Reggae and many more genres. My rebuttal to this is that although led zeppelin had a wide range of styles, they never really experimented with the sounds a guitar could make. (Don't preface every statement with what it is. Ease through your points, otherwise you read very stiffly.) They are considered one of the main influences of heavy metal. Six of their albums have reached the number one spot in the us billboard and the rest have gotten in the top ten. Rolling Stone even described Led Zeppelin as ?the heaviest band of all time? and ?the biggest band of the 70?s?.

The reasons that I believe Jimi Hendrix deserves to be called the greatest influence is because he could get unique sounds out of his guitar that no one else could. He also pushed the limits of a guitar and an amp farther than anyone else. His playing style is still emulated today by thousands of guitar players. He was not only a guitar virtuoso, but he turned the guitar into much more than a mean sounding instrument. (Once again, so stiff.)

It is for those reasons and more that I believe that jimi Hendrix has had the most influence on modern rock music. (Ad nauseum. Stiff.)
This whole thing reads fairly simply. "This is a cat. I can tell it is a cat because it has ears, and fur, and meows." Ease into your points more, "This is the sort of cat I like, which is the kind that purrs like a cat." The flow of language is important, especially when dealing with speech-writing and presenting. You wouldn't talk this stiffly when you're discussing with friends, so why so much when giving a presentation?

My best suggestion would be to practice is aloud. Which parts make you stumble or pause, and if so, is it awkward? Could you think of a way to fix it?

Outside of that, speak naturally, and consider active versus passive voice. Active is always more concise, and makes for stronger oratory presentations.

Otherwise, it's informative, and has good backing for it, just needs more oomph in the writing. I hope that's helped, good luck.
 

implodingMan

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Apr 9, 2008
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First of all, how old are you? Not to be insulting, but it would help to know what level you are writing for.

I don't really understand what you are trying to say here. Your thesis is that Hendrix had a larger influence on rock and roll, which is largely unprovable in my opinion, but whatever. Here it looks like you are just copying a wikipedia article about the band's history.

This is a massive no-no is argumentative writing. Simply throwing out facts isn't going to convince anyone anything. Look at each of your statements and ask yourself "why is this important?".

"His next album was Axis: Bold as Love, also released in 1967. This was the first album where he started to experiment with the stereo format. This was also the first album where he tuned his guitar down a half step to E-flat tuning. Another interesting thing about this album, almost half of the record was lost when Jimi lost the master tape of one side of the LP in a London taxi. The whole half was remixed in one night, luckily the one song that they couldn't do again was saved because the bassist noel redding had a copy of it on tape."

Here is a good example. The first few sentences are decent, as they show how Jimi was experimenting with new techniques, but the second half is useless. Who gives a damn that he lost half the record in a taxi? Does that have anything to do with influencing rock and roll? Its just pointless trivia.

Your last two paragraphs are the only ones that seem important, the rest could be massively cut down.

If this sounds harsh its because this isn't good writing. Sorry, but it really isn't. I don't think you even understand how to create an argument.
 

Handofpwn

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Aug 6, 2008
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I am 17 and a senior in high school. I will admit that quite a bit of that piece is filler as I tend to do poorly in public speaking situations. I figured that if I were to talk too fast, I would make sure to have something to say, after all, I have to talk for 10 minutes. The good bit of my presentation is that I am going to play clips of songs from both of them.
Thank you all for actually reading through my block o' text!


Edit: I should tell you that this is more or less an outline, I am going to stick to it fairly well but I'm not going to read it verbatim.
 

Handofpwn

New member
Aug 6, 2008
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Well everyone, I did as I said and used my speech paper as an outline, it made the speech much less stiff, I even played some videos. It went very well. Thank you all for your help!!!
 

Labyrinth

Escapist Points: 9001
Oct 14, 2007
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NewClassic said:
handofpwn said:
Who had a greater influence on modern rock, Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin? I chose this topic because of my love of 60?s rock music, especially (the) artists jimi Hendrix and led zeppelin.
My thesis is that (Try to avoid statements like these. Your points should flow self-explainitorally) As it's a speech, not only should you avoid these, but the option of referencing your audience is open to you. I believe Jimi Hendrix had a greater influence on modern rock music.

(Footnote: This reads like a stiff presentation, which I'm not sure is the right setup, especially when talking about Hendrix and Zeppelin. Relax your diction a little bit, try not to sound so stiff. This is also an important part of a speech, no matter the audience. Confidence, a degree of colloquialism and empathy with your audience will get you marks.

Suggestion:
"Who had a greater influence, Hendrix or Zappelin? A love of the rock music of from the 60's, especially Hendrix and Zeppelin, has influenced why I love adore modern rock. Between the two of them, I would say that Jimi (Colloquial.) Hendrix had a greater influence on rock music." )


Essential question:
But It's essential to avoid a patronising tone here. Audiences are offput when talked down to unless it's in comedy. First a bit of background: Led zeppelin was an English rock band formed in 1968 by Jimmy Page (guitarist), Robert Plant (vocals), John Paul Jones (bass guitar, keyboards) and John Bonham (as the drummer). The original line up was to have Keith Moon on drums and John Entwhistle on keyboard, but that didn?t happen. The Zeppelin's inspiration for their name came from the drummer of the band The Who, Keith moon. They said that a group with Keith, John, Jimmy Page and Jeff Beck would go over like a lead zeppelin, which was a phrase that the drummer, Keith Moon, used to describe a failed show. The ?a? in lead was later dropped from the name to prevent ?thick Americans? from pronouncing it ?Leed?.

(Still a little stiff, but it reads fairly naturally. Consider your sentence flow a little more as you're writing. Remember, this is a spoken piece.) Read it aloud after every edit.

Their first album, titled Led Zeppelin 1, was one of the pivotal records in the creation of heavy metal. Their second album, Led zeppelin 2, was even more successful than their first and reached the top of the UK and US charts. Their third album, Led Zeppelin 3, was rather different than the first two. It was more of an acoustic album, strongly influenced by celtic and folk music. It was not well received at the time of its creation. This album also had the famous ?Immigrant song? on it.

(This reads quite choppily. "... was one of the pivotal records in the creation of heavy metal. Stop. Their second album ... top of the UK and US charts. Stop." Instead of that, go for a more flow-centric writing style.

Suggestion:
"Their first album, titled Led Zeppelin 1, was one of the more pivotal records in the creation of heavy metal music. Their second album Led Zeppelin 2 was even more successful No pause! and reached the top of the charts in the US and UK. The third album was rather different..." Bah to repeated sentence beginnings and structure. Bad habit of yours too, Nuke.

The more you full stop the language, the more rigid the reading. Ease it out.)


Their fourth album, known as the ?fourth album?, had no title or band name on it when it was released due to the media saying they were an overhyped band. This was done to prove that the record could sell itself without the band?s name on it. The fourth album also had their most famous song on it. This is another structure gripe. Vary it a bit more. Stairway to Heaven which was voted as having the greatest rock guitar solo of all time.

The original band members stayed together until 1980, after John Bonhams death. They got back together in 2008 to do one concert in England with the new drummer.

(You need some form of segue here.) I'd suggest interjecting something along the lines of "In part due to their in-store success Led Zeppelin's career was solid gold up until 1980..."

Segue: "By comparison.." In 1966, Jimi Hendrix formed the Jimi Hendrix Experience with bassist Noel Redding and drummer Mitch Mitchell. Their first album, ?Are you experienced?? was released in the UK on may 12, 1967 and would have reached the top of the UK charts were it not for the album ?Sgt. Peppers lonely hearts club? by the Beatles. On march 31, 1967, Jimi set his guitar on fire as a publicity stunt during the Walker Brothers farewell tour. Although he was internationally famous at this point, he still had not gotten the attention of the US. It was at the Monterey international pop festival No pause! where he repeated his guitar burning stunt Pause baaaaad. that he became famous in the US.

His Hendrix's next album was Axis: Bold as Love, also released in 1967. This was the first album where he started to experiment with the stereo format. This was also the first album where he tuned his guitar down a half step to E-flat tuning. (While an interesting aside, it's still an aside. Consider how this is important. If it is not important, trim it.) Another interesting thing about this album, Unnecessary intro clause. almost half of the record was lost when Jimi lost the master tape of one side of the LP in a London taxi. The whole half was remixed in one night, luckily the one song that they couldn?t do again was saved because the bassist noel redding had a copy of it on tape. (Once again, neat, but is it really needed? Why not as much history on the band itself?)

Hendrix?s Vary it. The third recording, a double album, Electric Ladyland was different from his other albums. As the album's recording progressed Chas Chandler became so frustrated with Hendrix's perfectionism and with various friends and hangers-on milling about the studio that he decided to sever his professional relationship with Hendrix. Hendrix Repetitive sentence beginnings are bad! He began experimenting with different musicians and instruments, as well as modern electronic effects. Many of the songs were re-recorded at Jimi?s insistence until they were perfect, the song gypsey eyes was re-recorded over 43 times. Electric Ladyland includes a number of compositions and arrangements for which Hendrix is still remembered. These include "Voodoo Child (Slight Return)" as well as Hendrix's rendition of Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower". Hendrix's version was a complete departure from the original, and includes one of the most highly praised guitar arrangements in modern music.

On june 30, 1969, bassist noel redding quit the band, effectively breaking up the Jimi Hendrix Experience. (This is all related, but still rather "fatty," for lack of a better term. Try trimming this down, too.) I get the feeling your scrambling for time. Try looking for comparative arguments rather than band facts, as they're more interesting.

On august 18, 1969, jimi played the Woodstock music festival with his hired band, Gypsey Sun and Rainbows, along with his original drummer, mitch mitchell. The show ended with his highly-regarded rendition of the The Star-Spangled Banner, a solo improvisation which is now regarded I can't over-stress the irritation this kind of repeated work (non-catchphrase) brings. considered a special symbol of the 1960s era.

(Need to segue.) Try working with "Later in their musical career.."

On January 26/27, noel redding and mitch Mitchell got back together with jimi. They went on their ?cry of love? tour, during the US leg of the tour, many of the shows were recorded and produced some of jimi?s most memorable performances.

Early on September 18, 1970, Jimi Hendrix died in London under circumstances which have never been fully explained. He had spent the later part of the evening before at a party and was picked up by girlfriend Monika Dannemann and driven to her flat at the Samarkand Hotel. According to the estimated time of death, he died shortly afterwards.

There is something missing here, called a segue.

Once again, my thesis statement As already established: bah to this in a speech. In an essay, perhaps, but not in front of an audience. is that Jimi Hendrix had the greatest influence on modern rock.

The reasons why Led zeppelin deserve the title of greatest influence is because they incorporated all kinds of styles into their music. They used genres like Latin, Arabic, Country, Reggae and many more genres. I think this could use reading aloud. My rebuttal Bad! to this is that although led zeppelin had a wide range of styles, they never really experimented with the sounds a guitar could make. (Don't preface every statement with what it is. Ease through your points, otherwise you read very stiffly.) ..and you may as well hand out an essay for annotation. It's uncomfortable to listen to. They are considered one of the main influences of heavy metal. Six of their albums have reached the number one spot in the us billboard and the rest have gotten in the top ten. Rolling Stone even described Led Zeppelin as ?the heaviest band of all time? and ?the biggest band of the 70?s?.

The reasons that By comparison I believe that Jimi Hendrix deserves to be called the greatest influence because he could get unique sounds out of his guitar that no one else could. He also pushed the limits of a guitar and an amp farther than anyone else. His playing style is still emulated today by thousands of guitar players. He Repetitive. Hendrix was not only a guitar virtuoso, but he turned the guitar into much more than a mean sounding instrument. (Once again, so stiff.)

It is for those reasons and more that I believe that jimi Hendrix has had the most influence on modern rock music. (Ad nauseum. Stiff.) What other reasons? Actually point them out rather than just saying "oh, they're tucked away somewhere, but you don't need to see them." It helps make up for getting rid of earlier parts which were scrambling for time and actually solidifies your argument which, at the point, isn't particularly concrete.
As Nuke said, you need to work on flow, structure and audience empathy. This needs sandpaper for those rough edges, and more nails in the coffin.