Surreal Quotes

[Lilani]

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

--Bilbo Baggins

It's probably not the MOST surreal thing I've heard, but it's definitely a mind twister the first time you hear it. The most surreal thing I've heard is probably a line from any given Nightwish song to date. Such as this snippet from the middle of the song:

Spoiler: It's in here

"I?m afraid. I'm so afraid.
Being raped again and again and again.
I know I will die alone.
But loved.

"You live long enough to hear the sound of guns
Long enough to find yourself screaming every night
long enough to see your friends betray you.

"For years have I been strapped unto this altar
Now I only have three minutes and counting
I just wish the tide would catch me first
And give me a death
I always longed for"

Second robber to the right of Christ
Cut in half - infanticide
The world will rejoice today
As the crows feast on the rotting poet

Everyone must bury their own
No pack to bury the heart of stone
Now he's home in Hell, serves him well
Slain by the bell, tolling for his farewell

The morning dawned upon this altar
Remains of the dark passion play
Performed by his friends without shame
Spitting on his grave as they came

 

[TeeBs]

"I just got Rainbow'd"

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

Friend 1: "WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL YELLING?!"

Friend 2: "THIS IS THE SOUND OF MY VOICE! I LIKE YELLING!!"

Me: "WELL I FUCKIN LOVE CAPSLOCK!!"

no joke, this actually happened. O.O

 

[binvjoh]

"You're an asshole"

"Well there's horse-shit in the middle of the road"

-Me and my friend

 

[Yokai]

At a local craft fair, uttered by a guy selling handmade dishware:
"And my god, I have never seen anyone masturbate so much in my entire life."

The brick wall across the street suddenly became very intriguing.

 

[SeriousSquirrel]

"We are still living under the reign of logic: this, of course, is what I have been driving at. But in this day and age logical methods are applicable only to solving problems of secondary interest"

A quote from the first Surrealist Manifesto, the most surreal one can get.

 

[Spinozaad]

"Pregnant women who smoke are not sexy."
"I don't know man, they used to be sexy, or else they wouldn't be pregnant?"
"But, would you fuck a pregnant woman, who smokes?"
"Hell no."
"That proves my point."
"Wait, what if people don't fuck preggy women who smoke, because they're pregnant?"
"Well, would you?"
"Eeeeehhh... Only if they're a little bit pregnant?"


Imagine being the outsider listening in.

 

[tomtom94]

They took my FACE, JUSTINNNNNNNN!

Then again that whole video is just strange...

Or singing Hitler Was A Sensitive Man in public.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

"Look, the queen of spades."

"What does that do?"


"You lose!"

 

[Valkyrie101]

...And out come the intestines! I skip rope with them.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

"You need Jesus"

Said by a woman getting off the bus where my friend and I were having a conversation about buying our souls back on a timeshare basis

That isn't surreal. It is kinda the sort of thing a well intentioned religious passer-by would say. Now, if they made a reasonable offer on your soul, then it might be surreal.

 

[El Poncho]

''Do you want to see the story I wrote about a magical mexican tree with golden taco leaves and chille con carne roots?''

My friend is epic.(the story was also good!)

 

[crunchieman]

"No I didn't want to bite your nipple, I just did!"
Srs bsnz

 

[Enemy Of The State]

"That monkey's nose looks like a muffin!"

Uttered by my friend... Kyle, you so crazy =D

 

[RobCoxxy]

Walking past two girls with my friend, we overheard two words from their conversation:

"...banana substitute."

Or singing Hitler Was A Sensitive Man in public.

Ah, Anal ****. Classy.

 

[Sephychu]

"No probalo, Brethany."

 

[Megacobb]

After a fight with my friend while he was on he ground he screamed.
"MY SOUL IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" while he was rolling around on the ground.