Technologically One Sided Relationships

[KungFuMaster]

I've tried to start this three different ways, but it always ended up as a meandering wall of text, so I'm going to get right to the point here. In this high-speed-low-drag-tech-savvy millennium we find ourselves living in, for all intents and purposes, my wife is a Luddite. Not that she'd go so far as to smash a printing press or anything, but I did have to format her MySpace page for her. The thing is, is that games and computers are a big part of my life, and she can't understand that, that's not the kind of house she was raised in, and I'm banging my head against the wall trying to find new ways to use the same words to get her to see that I don't expect her to, but at the same time to not judge me for staying up late on my day off to grind out one more level, or read one more thread.

I know I can't be the only one out there whose come up against this issue, so I ask you, my fellow Escapists, how have you handled this situation?

 

[Beefcakes]

Well, the only time I've ever run up with this issue is with my mom. How do I handle it? I don't. I just ignore her rants about how the internet is corrupting me and everything I touch.

Wow, I must be a monster. An utter, utter monster. I can't believe this even crossed my mind. Anyway, here we go, you have been warned:

Right now, I think I would enjoy myself if you dumped her, and then she killed herself, just so her parents could feel horrible.

Yes, I know. I can't believe it either, but I can't help myself.

About the topic, I wouldn't know, I've never been in that kind of relationship before.

And you think it hasn't?

 

[KungFuMaster]

It depends on the level of technophobia, really. If they have clearly made an attempt at using computers, I'll hold back on the jargon, because it's actually more interesting to speak to these people than people of a moderate technological understanding (although not as interesting as talking to those that actually know their stuff), as it gives them the impression that I'm a technological genius. If, however, they clearly haven't given the time to learning how to use a computer, I have to hold myself from saying, "Well, if I can install a computer operating system from the 1960s, the least you could do is have the bloody courtesy to learn something which is far bloody easier than that, you ignoramus!" by replying in the most diplomatic fashion possible.

No, no, it's nothing quite like that, she can use a computer, but the same way my sainted Irish grandmother does, to check email and play flash games...it's more to the point of an unwillingness to learn...I almost hate to say this, but she can't figure out the right combination of buttons and switches to make the DVD player work, i.e. switch the T.V. input from HDMI to Component, press the "DVD" selector switch on the router box, and make sure the DVD player is actually in DVD Mode (it's also our receiver). Three steps, simple, yet she refuses to learn how to do it.

 

[Hey Joe]

I like to use my technological leverage to my advantage

"Why did you forget our anniversary?"

"Shut up or I'll hack into your mainframe using a tunnel snake, opening a trojan BIOS jpg, re-routing to your email where I'll photoshop your pics until it goes viral, that's why I forgot"

 

[KungFuMaster]

I like to use my technological leverage to my advantage

"Why did you forget our anniversary?"

"Shut up or I'll hack into your mainframe using a tunnel snake, opening a trojan BIOS jpg, re-routing to your email where I'll photoshop your pics until it goes viral, that's why I forgot"

NOT HELPING.

 

[Hey Joe]

I like to use my technological leverage to my advantage

"Why did you forget our anniversary?"

"Shut up or I'll hack into your mainframe using a tunnel snake, opening a trojan BIOS jpg, re-routing to your email where I'll photoshop your pics until it goes viral, that's why I forgot"

NOT HELPING.

Okay, okay.

What you could do is try and share some of her interests with her. She knits doilies, show an interest. Once you've shown that you're attempting to share in her passions and life then she'll probably be more open to sharing in yours.

You can also try and show her how technology can help organise her life, making it easier to do things like paying bills and the like. Maybe then she'll be more able to accept the large role technology plays in your life.

 

[KungFuMaster]

Then, because she's actively resisting technology, I would still be very much inclined to call her an ignoramus. I'm no stranger to people needing technological assistance. My sister is certainly one of them. However, she at least shows a willingness to learn how to use computers, even if she does learn slowly.

Okay, 1., easy pal, that's my wife you're talking about and 2. her resistance to learning new things springs primarily from two sources, the fact that she's LD and insensitive fuckwads calling her names because of it.

Like I said OP, I'm trying to get her to understand that staying up till midnight playing games isn't a bad thing.

EDIT: Big ups to HeyJoe...I honestly hadn't thought about it like that.

 

[Fire Daemon]

You're annoyed with your girl friend because she is bad at using modern technology?

What a fucking stupid thing to be annoyed with her about.

So she has problems using a DVD player? Teach her! She doesn't learn the first time tell her again and maybe the next time you do it, explain how to do it with going alpha-nerd on her arse and speaking down to her like so many other tech nerds do. I've seen the way most tech-savy people try to explain technology to other people and it's really fucking annoying. You act like anything you can do is the easiest in the world and when someone can't do it you teach them in a mocking way. ie: You tell them how to do it in a way that they could never possibly understand just so that you can act like your better than them.

While of course this may not be you in a nutshell, I've seen this happen so many times I assume that whenever someone complains about others not being skilled with technology they are really themselves are not bothering to help the person and a re in fact an ass-hat.

And even if she doesn't understand technology, what the fuck does it matter? Does her lack of understanding of technology seriously stop you from loving her?

 

[Hey Joe]

You're annoyed with your girl friend because she is bad at using modern technology?

What a fucking stupid thing to be annoyed with her about.

(words and shit)

And even if she doesn't understand technology, what the fuck does it matter? Does her lack of understanding of technology seriously stop you from loving her?

People in love can still be annoyed with each other. Couples who argue can be some of the most loving. He's not saying that it's an issue that's going to disintegrate their relationship but it's causing a flashpoint.

Love on rough seas is still love.

I do agree that if he gets down to trying to explain technology to her, he should try to avoid condescending tones and calling her stupid for not getting it.

 

[Fire Daemon]

People in love can still be annoyed with each other. Couples who argue can be some of the most loving. He's not saying that it's an issue that's going to disintegrate their relationship but it's causing a flashpoint.

Ehhh I had the perception that this was a serious problem that is ruining the OP's relationship and that he came here for advice and an understanding shoulder. I suppose there is a chance I was wrong in assuming the worst.

If it isn't a serious problem for the OP (I would assume it's a serious problem if you have to make a post about but whatever) then I retract the above statement.

 

[McClaud]

Unfortunately, I got lucky and my wife is just as big a gamer as I am. She loves playing co-op games with me (like Rock Band 2, GoW, Fable 2, City of Heroes, etc).

But with a past relationship, I found that learning her interests and then showing her how she can expand her interests with the use of a computer is one of the best ways to get her hooked. My last gf was into writing music. Introduced her to a few Studio programs and the Internet community that is so into writing and making music and presto! She was on with me late at night.

Once she's hooked, you can start trying to get her to play something co-op that's simple and fun for two. Like Rock Band, for instance. My Luddite sister would have never touched a console machine ever in her life. Until I tempted her into trying Rock Band 2 with us. Now she owns a XBox 360.

Sometimes you just have to be clever at how you introduce the technology to them by appealing to their interests.

 

[Nerdfury]

If she resists technology and Hey Joe's ideas don't help (taking an interest in HER interests and showing how tech can aid her, personally) then leave it as is. Trying to convince someone to love or understand what you like is impossible if they don't understand.

It's like trying to convince the trash at work that maybe they should try reading a book, or that me sitting at my work desk during breaks with volume six of The Sandman doesn't make me a freak. Or that Adam Sandler really is a shitty actor.

Or, perhaps, try talking to her. Ask her why she's not into it. If it's a spark of arguments, or if you explain why you stay up to grind in WoW or whatever it is you do and she says it's stupid or whatever, ask her why she thinks that. More ammo from her means more you can work on to explain it.

 

[Gooble]

My Mum's fairly hopeless with technology, but by no means the worst. Anyway, she keeps trying to get me to sort out like her phone software, or mp3 software, expecting me to know what to do...I bloody don't!!! I've never used the software before!

So now I get revenge for all the times she's told me "You need to learn how to do these things yourself"