TECHNOlogically retarded. PLEASE HELP!

[soperg]

my windows XP, given to me as a gift 2 years ago, has been sitting in a box ever since. now im hooking it up to the internet at long last, the downside? i'm retarded. so the problem is as follows, i am the admin, as that privilege had been granted to me when the computer was gifted to me. i've hooked it to the ethernet cord, turned off the "work offline" option, and it should now connect. right? wrong! no matter what setting i fuck around with it won't give me ANYTHING! it's not even the sites, it just won't connect, so i came to the Escapist on a friend's computer to see if any of you geniuses know what's up. help me please!
PS: it was preowned by my parents and yes they are cheap for getting me this piece of shit.

You need to be more clear in your original post.

Did you just install XP on the machine?
Was the computer working when it was given to you?
Are you connecting it to a router, or a modem, and what kind?

We can't just magically know what is wrong without knowing what is going on first.

first two points were made ABUNDANTLY CLEAR! i had said an >>>>>XP<<<<< was given to me 2 years ago. obviously it was working or my parents wouldn't have given it to me. and yes, i should have been more clear on that. i have a router, it is fine physically, the computer also, i spent 2 hours poring over electrical blueprints for the bloody thing. i know the internet is working perfectly fine because i am on it RIGHT NOW. i am extremely poor, have devoted 3 hours to ACTUAL PROFESSIONALS for three hours on tech lines and got nothing all of which have munched a neat hole in my day that the FUCKING TRUCKASAURUS WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUND OF! so if i scream at you understand it has been a VERY LONG 8 hors of tech help.

 

[ayylamao]

you might need the drivers for internet, you can get off of the internet and install on a flash drive, or you might have a disc for all the drivers.

 

[FrostyChick]

*snip*

Is the Ethernet cable connected to the wall socket or a router?

 

[soperg]

*EMPHASIS* PRE OWNED BY PARENTS! THEY USED INTERNET ON THIS FUCKING THING BEFORE I WAS BORN!

 

[Lyri]

If you've just installed windows Xp then you're probably going to want the drivers for your network adapter so you can connect to the internet.
Hit the start button and search for Device Manager. It helps to know what you have in your computer too so you can search for drivers from the right company.

Do you not have a driver disk for your computer?

*Note: I'm on Windows 7, Network Adaptors is what it says in my device manager. May be different for you.

 

[smearyllama]

Maybe you could look on another forum? There are some out there that would be willing to help.
I, myself, have no idea what's going on, so you might want to check there.
Also, tech support threads are usually overlooked.

I do have a few ideas that might help.
A. Is your central modem on?
B. What color is your computer? Computers that aren't pink won't connect to the interwebs.
C. Google your plobrem, and you might find some better help than me.

 

[soperg]

*snip*

Is the Ethernet cable connected to the wall socket or a router?

valid question, router, and yes i checked the lights and connections, im using the same internet to talk to you so it's not the router or cables themselves, i emphasize, it is something in the settings, i checked all connections in the computer all wires are where they should be. i brought up the bloody blueprints for this model of computer which took 10 mins. of searching and 2 hours of work just to find ot my precious computer has nothing wrong electrically.

 

[soperg]

O M G read the damned post! it was XP 9 EFFING YEARS AGO! GOD! learn to read! srsly...

 

[Mikester1290]

On the desktop screen go to the start menu, then control panel, then click on the nearest thing you can find to network settings, when that window is open, look in the pane on the left hand side, and click on network setup wizard, go through the steps it takes you through. And see what happens.

Failing that, install Windows 7.

 

[soperg]

Maybe you could look on another forum? There are some out there that would be willing to help.
I, myself, have no idea what's going on, so you might want to check there.
Also, tech support threads are usually overlooked.

I do have a few ideas that might help.
A. Is your central modem on?
B. What color is your computer? Computers that aren't pink won't connect to the interwebs.
C. Google your plobrem, and you might find some better help than me.

ARE YOU SHITTING ME? i already googled the fucking problem! thats why i came to get HUMAN advice! because none of the techies i spent 3 hours talking to or the electrical blueprints i spent 2 hours poring over have anything useful!

 

[FrostyChick]

*snip*

So every-thing's fine physically, how about software?
The router might have come with a disc with device drivers have these been installed? (assuming you have them)

 

[buickgnx89]

Go to START, on the right side of the Start menu should be "connect to >". Hover over it, and hit "show all connections". When the window opens, look for the icon that says "Local area connection" and see if it says connected. If not, right click and see if there's an option that says "enable".

 

[Mikester1290]

Another helpfull tip for you is:

press the windows key, hold it down and then press the pause/break key, the system info window comes up, click on the hardware tab, then click on device manager, a new window will appear, if there is any devices listed that a yellow exclamation mark next to them then it is reporting a peice of hardware with a problem. I.e. no driver for example, however if you look you can find your network adapter, right click it, then click properties in the drop down box, and the new window will tell you if it operating properly or not.


EDIT: I HOPE this is helpfull

 

[MagicMouse]

You need to be more clear in your original post.

Did you just install XP on the machine?
Was the computer working when it was given to you?
Are you connecting it to a router, or a modem, and what kind?

We can't just magically know what is wrong without knowing what is going on first.

 

[soperg]

*snip*

So every-thing's fine physically, how about software?
The router might have come with a disc with device drivers have these been installed? (assuming you have them)

but i didn't need them to go on the mac. is PC really so retarded it can't just say " OMG INTERNETZ! *build masterpiece*

 

[FrostyChick]

*snip*

Give the software a try, from what I've gathered, you've already had a computer connected to this router. if the software fails, then the problem is with the computer and not the router. (if it's a old as you say it is there's no wonder you're getting errors)

 

[soperg]

You need to be more clear in your original post.

Did you just install XP on the machine?
Was the computer working when it was given to you?
Are you connecting it to a router, or a modem, and what kind?

We can't just magically know what is wrong without knowing what is going on first.

first two points were made ABUNDANTLY CLEAR! i had said an >>>>>XP<<<<< was given to me 2 years ago. obviously it was working or my parents wouldn't have given it to me. and yes, i should have been more clear on that. i have a router, it is fine physically, the computer also, i spent 2 hours poring over electrical blueprints for the bloody thing.

 

[Mikester1290]

From what I've read so far, it's a good job your trying this with a LAN cable, because XP and wireless can be a real slag.


Question: Have you installed service pack 2 or even 3 yet?

 

[Mikester1290]

Oh crap, do you mean your XP as a whole computer or as a shiny disc in a shiny box? I assumed you meant Windows XP i.e. a CD ROM?

 

[Hateren47]

but i didn't need them to go on the mac. is PC really so retarded it can't just say " OMG INTERNETZ! *build masterpiece*

Sure. Get Windows 7.

Did you check your network adaptor driver like others have asked? Tried setting your IP and DNS settings to obtain automatically?

Could you be more specific about what the computers brand and series is so I could look it up for you? All we know is "XP".