tell me something...anything

[ace_of_something]

My wife and I live on a 2 1/4 acre plot of land. The soil and terrain make it unusable for crops that would grow in this part of the country given our weather patterns. So we kind of live in a 'neighborhood' with other people having similar sized plots though the houses are about 1/4 mile apart in a weird sort of cul-de-sac. My wife are also foster parents so we decided to get two horses about a month ago for kids to have something to do and a chore to help with.
For the last several months coyotes have been attacking the animals in the area they even killed my neighbors outdoor cats. At about 4 am I woke up because I could here their weird barking sound and I took my shotgun and went outside they were on the other side of one of my fences barking and snarling at the horses. I was able to get about 5 feet away and peg one from there and injuring another leaving flecks of blood for me to follow.
I had to track the other three for some time. I was in my [a href=http://www.crazyforbargains.com/mogotojapase.html?utm_source=mogotojapase&utm_medium=shopping%2Bengine&utm_campaign=froogle&Size=S&gclid=CL307ov9h7ECFQF6hwodvQm3kw]pajama pants[/a], a [a href=http://www.collegefootballstore.com/COLLEGE_Nebraska_Cornhuskers_T-Shirts/adidas_Nebraska_Cornhuskers_The_Balboa_Tri-Blend_T-Shirt_-_Scarlet]t-shirt[/a], a [a href=http://sunsetfeed.com/sfsstore/images/Stetson-Angus-Black-Cowboy-Hat.jpg]black cowboy hat[/a], and my workout [a href=http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/71GiPohhJNL._SL1500_.jpg]sneakers[/a]. My attire was an idiotic choice as sneakers are not for walking in rocky grasslands, pajama pants in 90 degree Fahrenheit weather are horrible. The t-shirt was okay except it was bright red in a sea of yellows, tans, and greens. (despite popular belief dogs and their kin CAN see color it's just very muted and bland)
At about 6:30 I was able to find their fucking den. I got close enough to hit one of them and get a shot off injuring another the one I injured was the SAME one that I injured before. I caught up with that one about 15 minutes later and it looked terrible I felt kind of guilty and was able to put it down. I listened at the den to make sure their were no pups there weren't. On close examination of the kills there sized indicated that they were possibly malnourished they definitely weren't malnourished since they'd eaten plenty of chickens and cats. I concluded they were adolescent the one I got by my horses was much larger and female.

So that is how I killed most of a coyote family leaving one alive to seek it's horrible vengeance on me years later. Whenever we hear that lonesome howl my wife says "I can hear Inigo."

Edit P.S: I'm a detective for a living and, knock on wood, I've been on a roll since then.

 

[Secret world leader (shhh)]

Ok, let's see...

I'm in 5th year of secondary school, back in first year me and my friends were basically the second lowest ranking social group in the whole school (the lowest were kept in the special needs area during lunchtimes with adult supervison.)

Now we all congregated in the courtyard, as did many other groups. One of those groups, mainly people who were chavvy enough to be chavs, but not quite chavvy enough to hang around the prince street doors, decided it would be fun to throw cans of Source (cheap piss in a can, the poor man's Red Bull) at us from the other side of the courtyard. Every day. For the whole year. Now we certainly told the Deputy Head Teachers/ Guidance teachers about it, repeatedly. Yet they did absolutely fuck all about it.

Now one day this guy who was in third year at the time threw a can of Diet Coke at me specifically, but it lands safely in front of me, he has the nerve to come and collect it for another go. I kick it at him and he picks it up and tries to throw the Coke at me but only a drop is left in there. So it's fine.He then comes back with a full can and drenches me with it. I usually have a very high tolerance for asshole-ry, but in this situation i had to do something. So I start attacking the guy.

A crowd immediately encircles us as the fight gets underway, the guy is two years older than me, bigger than me and MUCH stronger than me, he gets me in a headlock in which I have no hopes of escaping. At this point I literally think to myself "I'm bored now' and steal his retarded Dappy hat. I actually laugh my fucking ass off as he tries to reach for it, still having me in the headlock.

Eventually he gets it, and lets me go, kicking me in the stomach for good measure. The feeling of nausea quickly goes away as I saunter over to my friends, let out an exasperated sigh and say "anyway..."

One of the audience members is baffled by this making the astute observation "he like just got battered and he's saying "anyway"!"

The ***** came back and apologised about a minute later. Tired of this shit, i just shook his hand while disragrding his dumbass mouth noises. Many congratulations were recieved and the incident passed down into legend among my friends...

Spoiler

- John Boss

EDIT: Also, you should totally put this book in a time capsule or something once you've filled it.

 

[Karelwolfpup]

A story? hmmm...

Well, a few years ago I was having a strange dream. In the dream I was a reporter in 1920s Paris (don't ask me why, the wizards will imprison me inside a newt again)
anyhoo, I was a reporter and I was investigating a series of strange disappearances that were occurring late at night. I had just interviewed the family of one of the disappeared people (conversation was weird as hell and pretty nonsensical even for the setting of the dream) when I spotted someone being dragged into the shadows of an alleyway by strange, loping and filthy figures. I follow them into the sewers and discover a strange cult of sewer dwelling hobos who were brainwashing people for some unknown purpose. So I run off to find the Gendarmes, meet a pair on patrol and tell them everything. They're scepitcal but follow me and spot another person being abducted.
So, the Gendarmes convinced, we head back to police headquarters and go back, full force into the sewers. After some very confusing events when we burst upon the central gathering of sewer hobos, I get separated from everyone and find myself in an oddly dark part of the sewer. I hear a strange rumbling sound and this black ooze starts bubbling up from the floor not ten feet away from me, building up into an amorphous shape.
I don;t know why, but I get the distinct feeling that its looking at me and I freeze, unable to move. The thing advances on me, the rumbling getting louder and louder and I'm scared out of my wits.
I then wake up, heart pounding, soaked to the bone with cold sweat and the rumbling's still there. I damn near piss myself.
After a while I realise I'm awake and that nothing's going to get me, but the rumbling still persists. I look out my bedroom window and see the bin men wheeling the bins away. The acoustics of the alley just made it sound more ominous than it really was.

Obviously I was in that state where I was just on the verge of waking up and my dream was picking up on the sounds outside. but it scared the crap out of me.
Now everytime I hear the bins being taken away I laugh at myself for that.

 

[Lovely Mixture]

Imagine a knight traveling through the darkness, be it a cave or forest or castle. After hours and hours of travel he sits down at a bonfire waiting for him. He lights it, and after a moments rest, he moves on. Because that is his role, to keep the fire lit and keep moving forward.

 

[Dominus Nox]

A year or two ago at a warhammer 40k tournament.
We all descended from miles around (It was actually a few hundred kilometers, but it doesn't sound as good.) on the hosting country town on the Friday night to drink and frolic with fellow gamers before the tournament.
After much celebration and hungover wake up calls on the Saturday we began to game, yet no more than an hour after the first game began, some local law enforcement officers strolled in and arrested one of the out of town participants.
It had turned out that after leaving our Friday night drinking circle he had decided to break into our hotel managers room and threatened him with a smashed bottle. He was given until midnight that night to find a way to travel nearly 400kms back home or he would be considered in breach of his bail conditions.

 

[Supercereal]

Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away.


When i was 4 years old i was on my front porch with my two older brothers and we were jumping off onto the grass. The key to this is that we were jumping over a brick planter box onto the grass, After several successful jumps onto the grass i got brave and was daring my brothers to throw me from the porch onto the grass stupid i know but i thought it would be fun until i landed with the back of my head on the bricks spliting it open and leaving me with 7 stiches in the back of my head and this story is why i can no longer sleep on my back.

 

[Esotera]

There are four bases in DNA - A & T, and C & G. You'd expect the percentage of each base to be roughly 50% A/T, 50% G/C, but actually the smaller a genome is, the more A/T there is in it.

Anyway, there's a parasitic lifeform that lives inside insects, and it has a GC content of something like 70%, and no-one really has a clue why this is.