The Amusing Anecdotes Thread

[The Diabolical Biz]

Feeling somewhat depressed by all the hate flying around these forums at the moment like overripe fruit in a food fight, I hope through this thread, which does exactly what it says on the tin, to create a bastion of jollity, where we can surround ourselves with a miasma of joy, and happiness. Although currently bereft of amusing stories right now by my fickle memory, and the necessity of time (I am practically writing this post against a deadline), I shall contribute when able. On the other hand I'm sure the rich and varied community residing here is privy to a plethora of pleasing, peculiar, or perplexing parables that can alleviate the sad spirits, and lift the bowed heads of this forum today. Let the anecdotal madness commence!

 

[Gentleman_Reptile]

I forget what an anecdote is. I'm sorry.

So have a haiku!

Haikus are easy,

But sometimes they make no sense.

Refrigerator.

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

I forget what an anecdote is. I'm sorry.

So have a haiku!

Haikus are easy,

But sometimes they make no sense.

Refrigerator.

But...I thought a Haiku had to make a reference to nature. EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I KNEW WAS A LIE.

Also an anecdote is a story..

 

[Tharwen]

Editing in a random thing that happened to me once... done!

-----

Anyway, I once shut down a London tube station for 20 minutes.

We got to the next stop, then realised that we had one less bag than we started with. A few seconds later, an announcement came on saying that all travel to the previous station had been postponed due to the discovery of 'a suspect package'. We went back, explained what happened, and went on our way, but t was still pretty inconvenient for everyone.

The suspect package in question? A warhammer case with a 2000-point Ultramarine force inside it. I would have been pretty annoyed if they'd destroyed it.

-----

I forget what an anecdote is. I'm sorry.

Basically a short story that happened (or possibly didn't) to someone. e.g. "Once I went down to the shops and the grocer was dressed as Batman. I took him home and we had hardcore kinky sex for the next 3 hours."

They're generally longer and less unusual than that though...

Nice haiku, by the way.

 

[Pearwood]

"Once I went down to the shops and the grocer was dressed as Batman. I took him home and we had hardcore kinky sex for the next 3 hours."

No, no, if I heard that as an anecdote I'd probably laugh and ask for more details and after all the whole point of an anecdote is to amuse people and start a conversation. You forgot that all anecdotes start with "This one time, right..." or, if the anecdote never actually happened, "A friend of mine once..." though, or maybe that's just an English thing.

 

[darthotaku]

I once tried to teach my friend how to ride a unicycle, he was pretty good, until he tried to take it off a ramp. I forgot to tell him to absorb the impact with his legs. because he didn't, when he landed the full force of the impact hit his nuts. he was on the ground for five minutes until he could stand up. after that he tried it once more with the same result. then he gave up unicycling.

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

I once tried to teach my friend how to ride a unicycle, he was pretty good, until he tried to take it off a ramp. I forgot to tell him to absorb the impact with his legs. because he didn't, when he landed the full force of the impact hit his nuts. he was on the ground for five minutes until he could stand up. after that he tried it once more with the same result. then he gave up unicycling.

Twice?! Ouch. That's got to be detrimental to future potential progenies. Why would he go off a ramp so short after that kind of accident??

 

[BabyRaptor]

How about an amusing "One time when I was stupid drunk" story? I've told this one before, so no throwing stuff at me if you've already heard it.

A couple weeks before I left for boot camp, a friend and I drove up to Ft. Worth to spend the weekend with her cousin drinking. We woke up Saturday morning still pretty drunk and walked down to Whataburger to get food.

While sitting in the booth waiting for our number to be called, I looked across the street and noticed a Panda Express sign. I proceeded to poke my friend and say "Kim, do those people really serve panda? I thought pandas were...What's that big E word that means almost deaded out?"

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

You know, I once punched someone while we were in a model shop. That was fun.

I used to be a regular at this model shop which sold a fair bit of Warhammer stuff as well as being where I got my Magic: The Gathering fix. A fairly relaxed and pleasant way to nerd up an afternoon. This place would be open on Saturdays and have demonstration games of Warhammer using the store-owned models which anyone could play with. Now occasionally you'd get some chavs (for you foreigners, think 'jocks' but without the physical prowess or sunny disposition) wandering in and hi-lariously trying to take the mickey by demonstrating mock interest. Apparently they didn't think through the idea.

Now a few such idiots wandered in one one Saturday and went through the whole routine, grating on our nerves. Eventually the lead nuisance had had his fill, and so prepared to saunter out. "Well," he said, "have fun with your little models then." He started to walk towards the door, and patted me patronisingly on the shoulder on the way... Yeah. I kind of over reacted at that point. Punched him straight in the face. So this kid ends up running out of the shop with whatever injury I'd given him, his cronies just looking bemused by this turn of events before scarpering after him. Dan, the shopkeeper, raised an eyebrow and slowly started to count down from three... at the end of which the chav reappeared at the doorway and shouted something like "Yeah, well at least I'm not a nerd playing with little models!" before running away.

I was praised by the rest of the people in the shop for the rest of the afternoon. It was nice.

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

You know, I once punched someone while we were in a model shop. That was fun.

I used to be a regular at this model shop which sold a fair bit of Warhammer stuff as well as being where I got my Magic: The Gathering fix. A fairly relaxed and pleasant way to nerd up an afternoon. This place would be open on Saturdays and have demonstration games of Warhammer using the store-owned models which anyone could play with. Now occasionally you'd get some chavs (for you foreigners, think 'jocks' but without the physical prowess or sunny disposition) wandering in and hi-lariously trying to take the mickey by demonstrating mock interest. Apparently they didn't think through the idea.

Now a few such idiots wandered in one one Saturday and went through the whole routine, grating on our nerves. Eventually the lead nuisance had had his fill, and so prepared to saunter out. "Well," he said, "have fun with your little models then." He started to walk towards the door, and patted me patronisingly on the shoulder on the way... Yeah. I kind of over reacted at that point. Punched him straight in the face. So this kid ends up running out of the shop with whatever injury I'd given him, his cronies just looking bemused by this turn of events before scarpering after him. Dan, the shopkeeper, raised an eyebrow and slowly started to count down from three... at the end of which the chav reappeared at the doorway and shouted something like "Yeah, well at least I'm not a nerd playing with little models!" before running away.

I was praised by the rest of the people in the shop for the rest of the afternoon. It was nice.

This story reminds me of when some friends and I were playing a roleplaying game based on us in real life and we were in a similar kind of establishment, and it there was some apocalyptic end-is-nigh stuff going on, everyone had like an angel that appeared behind them for this rapture type stuff, and it was essentially a big save the world puzzle. Anyway, we were in this shop and a figure appeared behind everyone, and the first reaction someone had was to grab a modelling knife and stab it in the eye.

Things went downhill from there.

 

[necromanzer52]

.....I got nothing.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

So I was sitting in the airport, flying home from my university for our winter holiday break. I was stuck with one of those agonizingly long 5+ hour layovers that tend to happen that time of year when flights start getting delayed/canceled, so I decided to pass the time by watching some cheesy action movies on my laptop.

My plane finally lands and they start to refuel it and all that jazz. The lady at the gate gets on the intercom and informs us that the plane isn't going to have enough overhead space for everyone's luggage and asks for people to volunteer to check their bags. I travel fairly light. I had just my carry-on bag and a small rolling suitcase that I normally put in the overhead storage.

I decided to be nice that day and volunteer... that and I was in the very last boarding zone, so chances are there would be no space left by the time I got on the plane anyway. The main reason I don't normally like checking my bags is admittedly because I'm terrified of the airline losing my stuff, so with that in mind, I decided to take my laptop's power cable out of my suitcase and put it into my carry-on bag. I head up to the desk and volunteer, then go back to my seat.

Not even two minutes later I had a airport security guards shouting at me and threatening me if I moved. A few minutes after that a very embarrassed guard apologizes to me and they all scamper. An old woman, easily in her 80's, walks up to me and apologizes too. Apparently she saw that I was wearing military-issue woodland camo BDU pants and thought that my laptop power cable that I put into my carry-on bag was a component to a bomb, so she reported me.

And that, folks, is the story of how I (for a few months, anyway) wound up on the No-Fly List.

 

[corsair47]

one time i went to the mall and bought a t-shirt from hot topic. There was a guy there who had gauges that were so big he could stick his hand through them. I thought it was really nasty.
Yes, i know a moving story.

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

Snip

Ouch! Could you not like explain that it was a simple misunderstanding?!

 

[Chatato]

I was in a shopping centre one time with my brother, at the time we were waiting for some body on the third level, we were leaning against the railing and I looked down to see about 50 people dressed in superhero costumes seeing as I was still a youngn' that had just read "The OK team" I had my suspicions about what was going on.

I might add something more to this later.

 

[Queen Michael]

I was spending a week at my aunt's in Holland. Her kid, who was four years old at the time, managed to find my pills (normal medicine, nothing else. I promise.) and was about to eat one.
"No, stop!" I said. "You can't eat that, you'll die if you do!" He wouldn't, but there's nothing wrong with teaching a kid not to put weird pills in his mouth.
"I can become dead?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
He was quiet for a couple of seconds. Then he said "I dare!"

 

[Krantos]

I worked for two years as a manager in a fast food restaurant with a 24 hr lobby, right next to a university campus.

I have a ton.

My favorite was when I had to wake up a guy who passed out. In the bathroom. On the crapper. With his pants around his ankles. And the stall door locked.

I ended up jabbing his foot with a broom handle until he woke up.

There were perks to the job, though. One word: Cleavage. 90% of the girls that walk around at 2am don't understand the concept of a neckline.

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

I was spending a week at my aunt's in Holland. Her kid, who was four years old at the time, managed to find my pills (normal medicine, nothing else. I promise.) and was about to eat one.
"No, stop!" I said. "You can't eat that, you'll die if you do!" He wouldn't, but there's nothing wrong with teaching a kid not to put weird pills in his mouth.
"I can become dead?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
He was quiet for a couple of seconds. Then he said "I dare!"

Haha, that's quite a funny one.

Wait, so you introduced this kid to the concept of mortality?!

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

Ouch! Could you not like explain that it was a simple misunderstanding?!

I tried to the whole time, but trust me on this, airport security won't listen. They assume the very worst from the get-go, and if the very worst is a terrorist, why should they listen? As for the No-Fly list... hell if I know what that was about. I've been operating under the assumption that one of the guards was just abusing his power to get some revenge for the embarrassment. /sigh.